FabSwingers.com
 

FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Offensive presents

Offensive presents

Jump to: Newest in thread

 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman 48 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Apparently the reason to give someone an oil diffuser is because you think they stink!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aitonelMan 48 weeks ago

Travelling

True story

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *olly_chromaticTV/TS 48 weeks ago

Stockport

Or that they have a stinky house.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *illy IdolMan 48 weeks ago

Midlands

Hang on, I got deodorant this year. What are you/they saying?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *inacolada3Couple 48 weeks ago

kettering

I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman 48 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family "

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *ulieAndBeefCouple 48 weeks ago

Manchester-ish


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family "

Talking vibrator? Those are two words no one needs together!

J

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *inacolada3Couple 48 weeks ago

kettering


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please "

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *olly_chromaticTV/TS 48 weeks ago

Stockport


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour."

What does it say?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman 48 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?"

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *hippy57Man 48 weeks ago

Chelmsford

Totally true ,not Xmas present ,but in November a birthday ,my first wife had a daughter after we divorced ,she about 28 now,her dad is not with ex wife now ,not been for many years ,but his dad her grandad is 90 ,I couldn’t believe it when ex wife told me what he got for her birthday ,a dildo and porn dvd lol bless him

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago

I got a hamper from my kids...put together by my ex in places. Only the items he added are items he knows I cannot eat and would have me in agony and make my illnesses worse.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *ddie1966Man 48 weeks ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

Slippers.

Every bloody year.

I DONT WEAR SLIPPERS !!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago

Socks and hand cream.

I'm not a man.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *obilebottomMan 48 weeks ago

All over


"Hang on, I got deodorant this year. What are you/they saying?"

Lol, maybe just like to smell different things on you when close and personal

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *a LunaWoman 48 weeks ago

South Wales


"Slippers.

Every bloody year.

I DONT WEAR SLIPPERS !!!"

Oooo I feel this!! I’m the same with hand cream. Every god damn birthday!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family "

Hahaha.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *a LunaWoman 48 weeks ago

South Wales


"Apparently the reason to give someone an oil diffuser is because you think they stink!"

Or, to put a positive spin on it, they care about you and want you to chill out, relax and really enjoy that relaxing mix of Eucalyptus and Heady but not overpowering at all (cough) Jasmine oil.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago


"Slippers.

Every bloody year.

I DONT WEAR SLIPPERS !!!"

I have unused slippers from two years ago. Made it clear that I did not need slippers every year, so this year got Waterstones vouchers. Very happy.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting."

I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *a LunaWoman 48 weeks ago

South Wales


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.

I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?" "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *esafinadOHolyNightMan 48 weeks ago

Belfast


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.

I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?"

"

"didn't you get any other toys for Christmas?"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *mf123Man 48 weeks ago

with one foot out the door


"Socks and hand cream.

I'm not a man. "

but this is fab so who really knows muhahahaha

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.

I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?" "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago


"Socks and hand cream.

I'm not a man. but this is fab so who really knows muhahahaha "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *mf123Man 48 weeks ago

with one foot out the door


"Socks and hand cream.

I'm not a man. but this is fab so who really knows muhahahaha

"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *ophieslutTV/TS 48 weeks ago

Central

I think this talking dildo needs a slot being filmed.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *ickshawedCouple 48 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

Not offensive so much as inappropriate, but I got my parents socks. My dad's says hot stuff, and my mum's says ho ho ho. *I* thought it was funny

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago

I keep reading the title of this thread as "Offensive Parents".

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *inaTitzTV/TS 48 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Not offensive, but annoying - someone ignored my list of approved presents and went maverick, getting me something pretty naff.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *onguiliciousMan 48 weeks ago

Northallerton

An ex work colleague realising he hadn’t bought his wife anything…….and he had just stumbled out of a works Crimbo bash……..got her what he thought was an ideal gift from one of the few retailers still open.

On Christmas morning his wife was excited to find a large gift wrapped parcel beneath the tree. She ripped off the paper to find…..a hedge trimmer!

Her husband didn’t know what the fuss was about as she was a keen gardener. I’m assuming it wasn’t to use in her ‘lady garden’!

They are no longer married!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *icecouple561Couple 48 weeks ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"An ex work colleague realising he hadn’t bought his wife anything…….and he had just stumbled out of a works Crimbo bash……..got her what he thought was an ideal gift from one of the few retailers still open.

On Christmas morning his wife was excited to find a large gift wrapped parcel beneath the tree. She ripped off the paper to find…..a hedge trimmer!

Her husband didn’t know what the fuss was about as she was a keen gardener. I’m assuming it wasn’t to use in her ‘lady garden’!

They are no longer married!"

In a similar vein a colleague of mine kept mentioning that her husband had forbidden her to go into the garage as he'd hidden her Christmas present in there as it was too big to hide indoors. She was very excited and looking for to opening it.

It was a tumble dryer .

This was in the late 70s, they didn't stay married long either

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago

I would get you body lotion, Swing x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago

It'd be but different if they had rotting blood disorders & wore adult diapers

Filled with medicines 24-7

I'd be popping bubble bath in there and checking the heating requirements

Gas appliances...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *BWLOVER1965Man 48 weeks ago

My Own Little World

Two Lfc Match tickets for Liverpool v Man City in March ! Well my daughters said there getting them two bottles of jd 70cl one litre bottle as well

Track experience day in Lamborghini

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman 48 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I would get you body lotion, Swing x"

The last body lotion I came across, I had a legit allergic reaction to. I hate it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *olly_chromaticTV/TS 48 weeks ago

Stockport


"I would get you body lotion, Swing x

The last body lotion I came across, I had a legit allergic reaction to. I hate it "

The gift of an all over skin rash, move over acid peel, this one will really clear the pores!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman 48 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I would get you body lotion, Swing x

The last body lotion I came across, I had a legit allergic reaction to. I hate it

The gift of an all over skin rash, move over acid peel, this one will really clear the pores!"

That's terrifying

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago


"Apparently the reason to give someone an oil diffuser is because you think they stink!"

Growing up in an Indian household, this present would be a godsend

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *UGGYBEAR2015Man 48 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

I gave someone an offensive gift, I’m still waiting for the backlash

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman 48 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.

I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?" "

"Your mum was better"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *addad99Man 48 weeks ago

Rotherham /newquay


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family "
does it wobble side to side like those annoying Christmas trees and shout she's going to blow.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 48 weeks ago

Somewhere else

Give the gift of soap.

I like gag gifts, personally. Not just for Christmas, but for birthdays as well.

One year I bought my then partner a whoopie cushion and some fake dog poo.

I kept finding both on my chair for the next year.

I would put the fake dog poo in Tupperware and leave it in the fridge for him sometimes.

I also got him a little box that made 10 really irritating cartoon noises, my favourite was the “boiiiiiiiiing” because of course it was.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 48 weeks ago

Somewhere else


"I would get you body lotion, Swing x

The last body lotion I came across, I had a legit allergic reaction to. I hate it "

Yeah, most of that stuff is awful.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.

I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?"

"Your mum was better""

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago


"I gave someone an offensive gift, I’m still waiting for the backlash "

Waiting for the punch line - is it that they are pregnant?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *ackformore100Man 48 weeks ago

Tin town


"Apparently the reason to give someone an oil diffuser is because you think they stink!"

Well durr..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *naswingdress OP   Woman 48 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I would get you body lotion, Swing x

The last body lotion I came across, I had a legit allergic reaction to. I hate it

Yeah, most of that stuff is awful."

As I get older and my skin is getting drier, I find I need it more often, but I don't like it and sometimes bad shit happens because... I'm a delicate flower.

I did get a refund though, and I scrubbed it off before the reaction turned too bad.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 48 weeks ago

Somewhere else


"An ex work colleague realising he hadn’t bought his wife anything…….and he had just stumbled out of a works Crimbo bash……..got her what he thought was an ideal gift from one of the few retailers still open.

On Christmas morning his wife was excited to find a large gift wrapped parcel beneath the tree. She ripped off the paper to find…..a hedge trimmer!

Her husband didn’t know what the fuss was about as she was a keen gardener. I’m assuming it wasn’t to use in her ‘lady garden’!

They are no longer married!

In a similar vein a colleague of mine kept mentioning that her husband had forbidden her to go into the garage as he'd hidden her Christmas present in there as it was too big to hide indoors. She was very excited and looking for to opening it.

It was a tumble dryer .

This was in the late 70s, they didn't stay married long either"

That’s some sitcom shit right there

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 48 weeks ago

Somewhere else


"Not offensive so much as inappropriate, but I got my parents socks. My dad's says hot stuff, and my mum's says ho ho ho. *I* thought it was funny "

It is

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 48 weeks ago

Somewhere else


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.

I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?" "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 48 weeks ago

Somewhere else


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?

Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.

I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?"

"Your mum was better""

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 48 weeks ago

Somewhere else


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?"

I would like to know this too.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *aith SkynbyrdWoman 48 weeks ago

Somewhere else


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please "

1000 x this

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

 

By *UGGYBEAR2015Man 48 weeks ago

BRIDPORT


"I gave someone an offensive gift, I’m still waiting for the backlash

Waiting for the punch line - is it that they are pregnant? "

No punchline.

I have a history of giving offensive/ inappropriate gifts

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

  

By *ackformore100Man 48 weeks ago

Tin town


"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family

A talking vibrator?

Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please

Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.

What does it say?"

No not like that, do it slower..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic

0.0781

0