FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Offensive presents
Offensive presents
Jump to: Newest in thread
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family  "
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please "
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour."
What does it say? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?"
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Totally true ,not Xmas present ,but in November a birthday ,my first wife had a daughter after we divorced ,she about 28 now,her dad is not with ex wife now ,not been for many years ,but his dad her grandad is 90 ,I couldn’t believe it when ex wife told me what he got for her birthday ,a dildo and porn dvd lol bless him |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
I got a hamper from my kids...put together by my ex in places. Only the items he added are items he knows I cannot eat and would have me in agony and make my illnesses worse.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *a LunaWoman 46 weeks ago
South Wales |
"Apparently the reason to give someone an oil diffuser is because you think they stink!"
Or, to put a positive spin on it, they care about you and want you to chill out, relax and really enjoy that relaxing mix of Eucalyptus and Heady but not overpowering at all (cough) Jasmine oil. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
"Slippers.
Every bloody year.
I DONT WEAR SLIPPERS !!!"
I have unused slippers from two years ago. Made it clear that I did not need slippers every year, so this year got Waterstones vouchers. Very happy.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting."
I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?"  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *a LunaWoman 46 weeks ago
South Wales |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.
I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?" "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.
I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?"
"
"didn't you get any other toys for Christmas?" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.
I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?" "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
An ex work colleague realising he hadn’t bought his wife anything…….and he had just stumbled out of a works Crimbo bash……..got her what he thought was an ideal gift from one of the few retailers still open.
On Christmas morning his wife was excited to find a large gift wrapped parcel beneath the tree. She ripped off the paper to find…..a hedge trimmer!
Her husband didn’t know what the fuss was about as she was a keen gardener. I’m assuming it wasn’t to use in her ‘lady garden’!
They are no longer married! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"An ex work colleague realising he hadn’t bought his wife anything…….and he had just stumbled out of a works Crimbo bash……..got her what he thought was an ideal gift from one of the few retailers still open.
On Christmas morning his wife was excited to find a large gift wrapped parcel beneath the tree. She ripped off the paper to find…..a hedge trimmer!
Her husband didn’t know what the fuss was about as she was a keen gardener. I’m assuming it wasn’t to use in her ‘lady garden’!
They are no longer married!"
In a similar vein a colleague of mine kept mentioning that her husband had forbidden her to go into the garage as he'd hidden her Christmas present in there as it was too big to hide indoors. She was very excited and looking for to opening it.
It was a tumble dryer  .
This was in the late 70s, they didn't stay married long either |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
It'd be but different if they had rotting blood disorders & wore adult diapers
Filled with medicines 24-7
I'd be popping bubble bath in there and checking the heating requirements
Gas appliances... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would get you body lotion, Swing x
The last body lotion I came across, I had a legit allergic reaction to. I hate it  "
The gift of an all over skin rash, move over acid peel, this one will really clear the pores! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would get you body lotion, Swing x
The last body lotion I came across, I had a legit allergic reaction to. I hate it
The gift of an all over skin rash, move over acid peel, this one will really clear the pores!"
That's terrifying |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
"Apparently the reason to give someone an oil diffuser is because you think they stink!"
Growing up in an Indian household, this present would be a godsend |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.
I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?" "
"Your mum was better" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *addad99Man 46 weeks ago
Rotherham /newquay |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family "
does it wobble side to side like those annoying Christmas trees and shout she's going to blow. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Give the gift of soap.
I like gag gifts, personally. Not just for Christmas, but for birthdays as well.
One year I bought my then partner a whoopie cushion and some fake dog poo.
I kept finding both on my chair for the next year.
I would put the fake dog poo in Tupperware and leave it in the fridge for him sometimes.
I also got him a little box that made 10 really irritating cartoon noises, my favourite was the “boiiiiiiiiing” because of course it was. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.
I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?"
"Your mum was better""
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would get you body lotion, Swing x
The last body lotion I came across, I had a legit allergic reaction to. I hate it
Yeah, most of that stuff is awful."
As I get older and my skin is getting drier, I find I need it more often, but I don't like it and sometimes bad shit happens because... I'm a delicate flower.
I did get a refund though, and I scrubbed it off before the reaction turned too bad. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"An ex work colleague realising he hadn’t bought his wife anything…….and he had just stumbled out of a works Crimbo bash……..got her what he thought was an ideal gift from one of the few retailers still open.
On Christmas morning his wife was excited to find a large gift wrapped parcel beneath the tree. She ripped off the paper to find…..a hedge trimmer!
Her husband didn’t know what the fuss was about as she was a keen gardener. I’m assuming it wasn’t to use in her ‘lady garden’!
They are no longer married!
In a similar vein a colleague of mine kept mentioning that her husband had forbidden her to go into the garage as he'd hidden her Christmas present in there as it was too big to hide indoors. She was very excited and looking for to opening it.
It was a tumble dryer .
This was in the late 70s, they didn't stay married long either"
That’s some sitcom shit right there |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.
I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?" "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?
Given everything I'm hearing about how wrong it is, I want it to say something really fucking off-putting.
I am imagining it saying things like "Give it a rest, the batteries are running out", or " Please, not in there again, I'm scared of the dark", or "Why can't you get a real boyfriend?"
"Your mum was better""
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?"
I would like to know this too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please "
1000 x this |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I gave someone an offensive gift, I’m still waiting for the backlash
Waiting for the punch line - is it that they are pregnant? "
No punchline.
I have a history of giving offensive/ inappropriate gifts |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I got a talking vibrator from a female friend, that was unexpected and a bit uncomfortable when i opened it in front of the family
A talking vibrator?
Good god, if I'm using a vibrator, it's because I want less talking, please
Yes, everything was so wrong about it, and its a strange cream/brown colour.
What does it say?"
No not like that, do it slower.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
