FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I need to stop inserting household products where they don’t belong.

I need to stop inserting household products where they don’t belong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I’ve had a rather large haemorrhoid for some months now. Any tips to help get rid?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Visit your GP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Go to GP IMMEDIATELY

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Miriam Margolyes recommends Anusol. The suppositories will help according to my dear, departed aunt

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Go to GP IMMEDIATELY "

Genuine? You put capitals, is it realy that bad?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Also try to resist inserting anything larger than a butternut squash

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

Find a bigger object to shove it back up

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Find a bigger object to shove it back up

Like a butternut squash?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Also try to resist inserting anything larger than a butternut squash

I should have read this first.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Give it a name. It won't seem so scary then.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Find a bigger object to shove it back up

Like a butternut squash?"

Maybe just upgrade to a medium marrow for now

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did you put up there?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Give it a name. It won't seem so scary then.

I’ll call it my bosses name. He’s a pain in the arse!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Also try to resist inserting anything larger than a butternut squash

I should have read this first.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Find a bigger object to shove it back up

Like a butternut squash?

Maybe just upgrade to a medium marrow for now

If I slice it first…. I think that would be easier.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Find a bigger object to shove it back up

Like a butternut squash?

Maybe just upgrade to a medium marrow for now

If I slice it first…. I think that would be easier. "

2 birds one stone.. vegi bake for after??

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"What did you put up there?! "

Washing up liquid?

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By *inacolada3Couple over a year ago

kettering

Go to the fridge and play the will it fit game

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By *hunky ChefMan over a year ago

Norwich

"Also try to resist inserting anything larger than a butternut squash

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman over a year ago

Markfield

Lube. It won’t get rid of your piles but if feels nice when they squelch. Apparently.

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By *hunky ChefMan over a year ago

Norwich

Recurent Plus, if you are serious.

If you're joking, then go fuck yourself.

Then come back here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What did you put up there?! "

A Yankee candle. Fresh linen.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"Go to the fridge and play the will it fit game

If it fits, he sits.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Lube. It won’t get rid of your piles but if feels nice when they squelch. Apparently. "

But will other people hear it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Recurent Plus, if you are serious.

If you're joking, then go fuck yourself.

Then come back here.

That’s what’s got me in this trouble …

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By *obilebottomMan over a year ago

All over

"Recurent Plus, if you are serious.

If you're joking, then go fuck yourself.

Then come back here.

That’s what’s got me in this trouble …

I had no idea

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

Fill a condom with water, freeze it and slip it in your butthole.

Bit of lube wouldn't hurt.

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By *hunky ChefMan over a year ago

Norwich

"Recurent Plus, if you are serious.

If you're joking, then go fuck yourself.

Then come back here.

That’s what’s got me in this trouble …

***

Recurent Plus then.

It will sting for a few minutes, because it's minty.

Better than anusol.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

Sit on an ice cube

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I reckon you should take a knobbed mace and ass blast those haemorrhoids out your colon. Maybe put the knobbly bit on the end of a power drill so it acts like an electric toothbrush for your ass

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sit on an ice cube

I tried that. But the cube seemed to disappear after a few minutes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tie them off with kitchen twine, spray some BBQ lighter spray and set them ablaze. They will literally fall off your back end.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I reckon you should take a knobbed mace and ass blast those haemorrhoids out your colon. Maybe put the knobbly bit on the end of a power drill so it acts like an electric toothbrush for your ass

I’ve got a 36v battery!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Tie them off with kitchen twine, spray some BBQ lighter spray and set them ablaze. They will literally fall off your back end. "

How the hell am I supposed to see what I’m doing???

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I reckon you should take a knobbed mace and ass blast those haemorrhoids out your colon. Maybe put the knobbly bit on the end of a power drill so it acts like an electric toothbrush for your ass

I’ve got a 36v battery!!!!

Nah plug that drill into the mains for a full power cleanse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What did you put up there?!

A Yankee candle. Fresh linen.

Oh woody

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tie them off with kitchen twine, spray some BBQ lighter spray and set them ablaze. They will literally fall off your back end.

How the hell am I supposed to see what I’m doing???

You’re not meant to. It’s what keeps you going not being totally certain what is happening. Give it a go now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What did you put up there?!

A Yankee candle. Fresh linen.

Oh woody

Kind of. …It felt like it was giving me splinters.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

"Sit on an ice cube

I tried that. But the cube seemed to disappear after a few minutes. "

Always said you had a hot ass

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sit on an ice cube

I tried that. But the cube seemed to disappear after a few minutes.

Always said you had a hot ass

Smooth. ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I’d like to thank everyone for such a laugh last night In this thread. I always said I didn’t need anyone’s help to commit Fabicide, apparently Willy and Fluffy Chicken thought I did.

Good fun

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By *amesBeelzebubMan over a year ago

norwich

Tell me about it.

I put the Bottle opener in the wrong drawer and the mrs nearly killed me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’d like to thank everyone for such a laugh last night In this thread. I always said I didn’t need anyone’s help to commit Fabicide, apparently Willy and Fluffy Chicken thought I did.

Good fun

Very well played

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By *TG3Man over a year ago

Dorchester

"I’ve had a rather large haemorrhoid for some months now. Any tips to help get rid?

"
scissors

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By *illy IdolMan over a year ago

Midlands

Hope you're feeling better today woody

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hope you're feeling better today woody"

Time will tell

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By *illy IdolMan over a year ago

Midlands

"Hope you're feeling better today woody

Time will tell

This place never fails to amaze me

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By *ab FunstersCouple over a year ago

Midlands

Snooker cue..lol..get a mate to tap it back in..

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By *exyCarla181Couple over a year ago

Leamington Spa

Been watching Gavin and Stacy... And Smithy had a toilet brush up there... You aren't smithy are you

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Celery is a natural anti inflammatory insert one stick and see how it goes work up to a whole bunch, dipping the celery in hummus before will act as a lubricant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

*facepalm. …. I hate who resurrected this thread right now.

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By *ornucopiaMan over a year ago

Bexley

"Sit on an ice cube

Pronounced 'Arse cube' in Jersey and South Africa. Not sure about Australia as well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sit on an ice cube

Pronounced 'Arse cube' in Jersey and South Africa. Not sure about Australia as well."