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Mending friendships how do you do it?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Had a family problem when my cousin was dumped by my best mate. My aunt gave me the gen on how he had cruelly ditched my cousin and just used her so I ended up fighting with my mate.
Now I am finding out as I should have known there are always 2 sides to a story. It turns out she had been a real psycho and cut up his clothes, texting him messages from her friends phone seeing if he would bite and see if he would cheat and even stabbed him with a pair of scissors at one point leaving him with stitches. So he finished it and she continued plaguing him with calls, messages and threatening to kill herself at times if he didn’t come back.
Now I have lost my best friend as he won’t speak to me and I am gutted maybe I should have talked to him but I went with the family and now wishing I didn’t.
What is the best route to get through to him I was wrong listening and what can I say that may get him speaking to me again?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd doubt there would be a way of goin back to what it was m8! After everything your cousin did to him, and then another member of her family attacking him, (who just happened to be a friend) then he may think he is better off without all the hassle. |
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By *ickndomCouple
over a year ago
Wimborne |
Think its a tough one, all you can really do is let him know that as time has gone on you realise you got it wrong, that your sorry for fighting with him and that you still respect your friendship
suggest a pint and see what he says
after all you can't make a horse drink |
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Jeremy Kyle's number is 0**** ******
Seriously though, give it time to settle down. If he is a proper mate then he will apologise.
You can pick your mates but not your relatives.
My "best mate" of over 20 yrs disowned me when I told him I was bisexual  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The bit you got wrong was the fighting bit.
There would be no coming back from that in my book.
That said, I think you need to speak to him frankly, openly and from the heart, you need to apologise for your behaviour and you need to leave the door open for him to contact you again should he wish to.
If he doesn't, then I would respect his position and leave it alone for the time being.
Sometimes it takes something else than just a talk to make people see just how much care they have for each other, but if you are true friends, he will be there for you (and you for him) irregardless of how much water has passed under the bridge.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The bit you got wrong was the fighting bit.
There would be no coming back from that in my book.
That said, I think you need to speak to him frankly, openly and from the heart, you need to apologise for your behaviour and you need to leave the door open for him to contact you again should he wish to.
If he doesn't, then I would respect his position and leave it alone for the time being.
Sometimes it takes something else than just a talk to make people see just how much care they have for each other, but if you are true friends, he will be there for you (and you for him) irregardless of how much water has passed under the bridge.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Life is far too short. Explain to your Bessie exactly what's happened. How you were mislead by people you trusted. Say sorry even, although you believed at that moment in time you were doing what was moraly right. You get few friends in this shitty world. If they truly are a friend they will hear what you say and respect your honesty. Hope you sort it, best mates should be for life not just for crimbo!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had a family problem when my cousin was dumped by my best mate. My aunt gave me the gen on how he had cruelly ditched my cousin and just used her so I ended up fighting with my mate.
Now I am finding out as I should have known there are always 2 sides to a story. It turns out she had been a real psycho and cut up his clothes, texting him messages from her friends phone seeing if he would bite and see if he would cheat and even stabbed him with a pair of scissors at one point leaving him with stitches. So he finished it and she continued plaguing him with calls, messages and threatening to kill herself at times if he didn’t come back.
Now I have lost my best friend as he won’t speak to me and I am gutted maybe I should have talked to him but I went with the family and now wishing I didn’t.
What is the best route to get through to him I was wrong listening and what can I say that may get him speaking to me again?
"
This is what happens with a action before investigation response. There are always two sides to a story and as he was your friend you could have given him the courtesy of listening to him.
I would apologise, tell him you were driven by family and didn't think things through. Tell Him you were hoodwinked by her like he was and tell him you are gutted and embarrassed by your actions.
He may not accept your apology but at least its been made. If he won't talk to you in person take the trouble to hand write it and finish it letting him know you are gutted to loose his friendship as it meant a lot to you. Then you need to hope he accepts it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bite the bullet so to speak. Don't text or phone, go an see him. It may be awkward and tense but it has to be done and be prepared to take what ever comes your way. |
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"Bite the bullet so to speak. Don't text or phone, go an see him. It may be awkward and tense but it has to be done and be prepared to take what ever comes your way. "
He has got it right...grow a pair and go see him...apologise profusely and tell him you would be devastated to lose his friendship...If he turns his back on you at least you know you did everything you could...
We are all human and all make mistakes... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bite the bullet so to speak. Don't text or phone, go an see him. It may be awkward and tense but it has to be done and be prepared to take what ever comes your way. "
That makes a lot of sense. I hope you can salvage the friendship.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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id go with the suggestion of meeting for a chat, i'd maybe leave out the beer incase things get a little heated between you both, be honest and frank with each other but be prepared for things to take a while before getting back to how things were
Bloods thicker than water but water is just as important
hope it goes well for you xx |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
She sounds like one of my cousins, who did something similar to two friends.
Get help for your cousin.
As others have said, apologise to your friend and let him respond in his own way. All relationships need work and nurturing but sometimes they just need a break and re-set to get back on track.
Good luck. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"She sounds like one of my cousins, who did something similar to two friends.
Get help for your cousin.
As others have said, apologise to your friend and let him respond in his own way. All relationships need work and nurturing but sometimes they just need a break and re-set to get back on track.
Good luck."
Could not have said that better myself  |
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only kidding btw