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The trouble with swinging
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
is that whatever we do.. it always carries a degree of planning. It has to! But that takes the spontaneity away and therefore is less exciting than say a cahnce meeting in the vanilla world. A real dilemma at times? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Totally. The thought of having to perform at a certain time and place scares the life out of me"
I totally get that from a man's perspective. But there is also the thought that it is kind of predictable? We know why we are meeting the other person, we know we may have sex with them ... whereas meeting outside the scene we do not thus leaving more scope for possible outcomes?
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"Totally. The thought of having to perform at a certain time and place scares the life out of meI totally get that from a man's perspective. But there is also the thought that it is kind of predictable? We know why we are meeting the other person, we know we may have sex with them ... whereas meeting outside the scene we do not thus leaving more scope for possible outcomes? "
interesting, but if you want to meet with the option for alternative outcomes then maybe this is not the right site?
Going somewhere and meeting people outside of the scene and finding something sexy develops is a far more exciting thought, but is that likely to happen?
Tricky to find the right balance I suppose |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Totally. The thought of having to perform at a certain time and place scares the life out of meI totally get that from a man's perspective. But there is also the thought that it is kind of predictable? We know why we are meeting the other person, we know we may have sex with them ... whereas meeting outside the scene we do not thus leaving more scope for possible outcomes?
interesting, but if you want to meet with the option for alternative outcomes then maybe this is not the right site?
Going somewhere and meeting people outside of the scene and finding something sexy develops is a far more exciting thought, but is that likely to happen?
Tricky to find the right balance I suppose"
Absolutely, you are spot on with that. I am just sometimes musing whether it is what I want sometime. Not the social side, that is always great.... I mean the meeting for sex. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Sometimes you meet for a social and get a little carried away. Sometimes someone you haven't seen for a while is available and agrees to meet. Even with planning there can be some spontaneity. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
All above posters lol.. I totally get that and I know I am contradicting myself at some level. Maybe it comes with being in the scene for a while. Maybe it is about having the wrong kind of expectations. Or maybe I am just having a "negative" night...
Now where is that dark chocolate....?  |
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"All above posters lol.. I totally get that and I know I am contradicting myself at some level. Maybe it comes with being in the scene for a while. Maybe it is about having the wrong kind of expectations. Or maybe I am just having a "negative" night...
Now where is that dark chocolate....? "
I like the logic of arranging a meet but not with the expectation of sex. like arranging a meet simply to eat chocolate, then anything else that happens is a bonus! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Aphrodite, d ou te vient toute cette aspiration ce soir. T as mange du lion? Tu es pleine de bonnes idees pour ainsi parler hahaha
Keep them coming xx"
Lol.. mes aspirations sont complettement folles... seulement des idees - et non, je n'ai pas mange du lion..  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"All above posters lol.. I totally get that and I know I am contradicting myself at some level. Maybe it comes with being in the scene for a while. Maybe it is about having the wrong kind of expectations. Or maybe I am just having a "negative" night...
Now where is that dark chocolate....?
I like the logic of arranging a meet but not with the expectation of sex. like arranging a meet simply to eat chocolate, then anything else that happens is a bonus!"
Now THAT does sound appealing as it involves some chocolate... |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"Aphrodite, d ou te vient toute cette aspiration ce soir. T as mange du lion? Tu es pleine de bonnes idees pour ainsi parler hahaha
Keep them coming xxLol.. mes aspirations sont complettement folles... seulement des idees - et non, je n'ai pas mange du lion.. "
....mmmmmmmmm. Life around you and with you will never be a boring one
Ca fair un bail. Mais meme dans mon silence je pensais a toi... |
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"Aphrodite, d ou te vient toute cette aspiration ce soir. T as mange du lion? Tu es pleine de bonnes idees pour ainsi parler hahaha
Keep them coming xxLol.. mes aspirations sont complettement folles... seulement des idees - et non, je n'ai pas mange du lion.. "
Whatever! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?"
The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
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"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side..."
I think sex is 80% mind and 20% body |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side..."
It is for me too but maybe the spontaneity you seek might be in taking your mind away from it and just coming across the purely physical. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
I think sex is 80% mind and 20% body"
I may not be everybody's cuppa but it certainly is for me. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
It is for me too but maybe the spontaneity you seek might be in taking your mind away from it and just coming across the purely physical. "
Perhaps you are right. |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side..."
Boo! Taz is outside your window wearing a leatherface mask - surprising, exciting and novel enough for you???
Step away from the chocolate! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get this too as I'd love to be able to be spontaneous but it's not something that happens often for me.
There again I do love having something set up in advance and really enjoy as bit of teasing and flirting on the run up |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
Boo! Taz is outside your window wearing a leatherface mask - surprising, exciting and novel enough for you???
Step away from the chocolate! "
Now I am hiding under the sheets.... |
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"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
Boo! Taz is outside your window wearing a leatherface mask - surprising, exciting and novel enough for you???
Step away from the chocolate!
Now I am hiding under the sheets...."
It isn't hiding if you tell us where you are. Good hiding place though.... I have a great image in my mind |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
Boo! Taz is outside your window wearing a leatherface mask - surprising, exciting and novel enough for you???
Step away from the chocolate!
Now I am hiding under the sheets...."
Perhaps the crutches detract somewhat from the overall menace though  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
Boo! Taz is outside your window wearing a leatherface mask - surprising, exciting and novel enough for you???
Step away from the chocolate!
Now I am hiding under the sheets....
Perhaps the crutches detract somewhat from the overall menace though "
Believe me, lady - I am in awe of you... crutches or no crutches xx (in a non bi way- as always ) |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
Boo! Taz is outside your window wearing a leatherface mask - surprising, exciting and novel enough for you???
Step away from the chocolate!
Now I am hiding under the sheets....
It isn't hiding if you tell us where you are. Good hiding place though.... I have a great image in my mind "
Dont wake Caz... she can be right scary... |
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"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
Boo! Taz is outside your window wearing a leatherface mask - surprising, exciting and novel enough for you???
Step away from the chocolate!
Now I am hiding under the sheets....
It isn't hiding if you tell us where you are. Good hiding place though.... I have a great image in my mind Dont wake Caz... she can be right scary..."
What could you possibly be thinking I could do to wake anyone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side...
Boo! Taz is outside your window wearing a leatherface mask - surprising, exciting and novel enough for you???
Step away from the chocolate!
Now I am hiding under the sheets....
Perhaps the crutches detract somewhat from the overall menace though "
It's the middle crotch we are after |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For one to one meets I like to get to know the other person and have some sort of connection so by its nature it won't necessarily be spontaneous but will be planned. You can make what you do spontaneous and unexpected though.
One of the reasons I enjoy clubs so much is that they will always be random or spontaneous connections on the night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" is that whatever we do.. it always carries a degree of planning. It has to! But that takes the spontaneity away and therefore is less exciting than say a cahnce meeting in the vanilla world. A real dilemma at times? "
This is one of the reason why I'm on a break.
When you realise the time and effort taken to actually get a meet is inversely proportional to the pleasure you get out of it, is no longer a fun pastime.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" is that whatever we do.. it always carries a degree of planning. It has to! But that takes the spontaneity away and therefore is less exciting than say a cahnce meeting in the vanilla world. A real dilemma at times? "
The joy of the chase....
There is something inherently exciting about fancying, approaching, engaging, and being impulsive with a new sexual partner when sex isn't a 'given' right up to the moment of penetration. It's an excitement that can definitely become sanitised by the 'sex to order' some online liasons are based on.
I guess it comes down to how much you let Fab take over. As much as I have enjoyed Fab it has never become my main route to finding new sexual partners, I am too impulsive, and I suppose I just enjoy chatting women up too much to miss out on that part of my overall sex life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've had some good spontaneous meets on here. A 'meet today' posted on a weekend evening usually gets a quick response"
You already know you're gonna have sex once you agree to meet though, I'm not suggesting this is a bad thing but it can dampen the moment if the sex is always preplaned or guaranteed, even if the meeting has an element of spontaneity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not keen on the arranging part, my OH does it anyway, I know if I like guys by the type of messages they send, my OH tends to do a lot of the chatting etc. Ill chat on the night rather than constant messaging on here and I never get involved in texting. This way it doesn't feel as if I'm over familiar with them so meeting and chatting on the night feels more exciting for me.
I'm a club type person anyway and those nights aren't really planned way in advance because of the OHs business, so a lot of our swinging is actually fairly spontameous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've had some good spontaneous meets on here. A 'meet today' posted on a weekend evening usually gets a quick response
You already know you're gonna have sex once you agree to meet though, I'm not suggesting this is a bad thing but it can dampen the moment if the sex is always preplaned or guaranteed, even if the meeting has an element of spontaneity. "
Haven't experienced that problem. The spontaneity is in the 30 mins or so to see if anyone is up for it, and then how long it takes them to arrive.
We tend to avoid meets that involve a pre-meet social/interview to avoid that stale, planned aspect - we use clubs instead with no guarantee or expectations. |
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"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side..."
Hi I look like INSERT MOVIE STAR WHO YOU FANCY HERE. Please meet me. Now you are excited because you might shag the spitting image of a man you have lusted over. The surprise is I look nothing like him. Novelty value? I'll wear a chocolate thong...... LoL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As I have got older, I have struggled more and more with the concept of planned sex.
Even sex in bed with a regular partner started to bore me. I would much sooner have a cuddle on the sofa or a cheeky bum pinch in the kitchen turn into a steamy session than waiting til bedtime.
To that degree, I guess I will always have something of a 'problem' vis-a-vis swinging and why most of the meets here have been with men and have tended to be last minute, because I don't have to pre-think them and be ready at a certain time or in a certain place or expected to do certain things with that person.
The last minute nature of it is what largely excites me and the fact that I don't know them or wish to see them again once the door shut behind them.
Obviously. that is not the chosen path for many and I can fully understand why people would think that was both unsafe and unfulfilling.
Club / saunas are kind of the mid ground because there is expectancy and planning (and often hope ) to be considered when attending.
They do however come with that element of the 'unknown' of who lies beyond them doors and whether any attraction you may have towards them is reciprocated. So to that degree, they still offer the 'thrill' of meeting without over-thinking.
I wouldn't say by any means that I was a 'swinger' because of those reasons and for me it is more about finding what I like and what I want out of the situation than adopting it as a lifestyle.
That sounds awfully selfish, but if we are honest whilst we give something back as a sexual partner, it is often (although not always) our desire to take that spurs us on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Take a break from it all and then see if you get the urge again?The bizarre thing is... I do enjoy meeting people. I just like there to be an element of surprise, novelty, excitement. I guess for me sex is much more about the mind than the physical side..."
as I have always said....it start in the mind  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" is that whatever we do.. it always carries a degree of planning. It has to! But that takes the spontaneity away and therefore is less exciting than say a cahnce meeting in the vanilla world. A real dilemma at times? "
At times? That's always been the 'nature of the beast'...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i sometimes like late spontaneous meets at my place (rare but can happen) as it makes me tidy my flat in like 15 mins lol its great lol
I can feel a day working near Chichester coming on x "
lol nice and sunny this way today but things to do alas boooo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As I have got older, I have struggled more and more with the concept of planned sex.
Even sex in bed with a regular partner started to bore me. I would much sooner have a cuddle on the sofa or a cheeky bum pinch in the kitchen turn into a steamy session than waiting til bedtime.
To that degree, I guess I will always have something of a 'problem' vis-a-vis swinging and why most of the meets here have been with men and have tended to be last minute, because I don't have to pre-think them and be ready at a certain time or in a certain place or expected to do certain things with that person.
The last minute nature of it is what largely excites me and the fact that I don't know them or wish to see them again once the door shut behind them.
Obviously. that is not the chosen path for many and I can fully understand why people would think that was both unsafe and unfulfilling.
Club / saunas are kind of the mid ground because there is expectancy and planning (and often hope ) to be considered when attending.
They do however come with that element of the 'unknown' of who lies beyond them doors and whether any attraction you may have towards them is reciprocated. So to that degree, they still offer the 'thrill' of meeting without over-thinking.
I wouldn't say by any means that I was a 'swinger' because of those reasons and for me it is more about finding what I like and what I want out of the situation than adopting it as a lifestyle.
That sounds awfully selfish, but if we are honest whilst we give something back as a sexual partner, it is often (although not always) our desire to take that spurs us on."
planned sex at bedtime??? no chance, if i want it i want it there and then lol hehe |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"We've had some good spontaneous meets on here. A 'meet today' posted on a weekend evening usually gets a quick response
You already know you're gonna have sex once you agree to meet though, I'm not suggesting this is a bad thing but it can dampen the moment if the sex is always preplaned or guaranteed, even if the meeting has an element of spontaneity. "
That s where I was coming from last night. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"We've had some good spontaneous meets on here. A 'meet today' posted on a weekend evening usually gets a quick response
You already know you're gonna have sex once you agree to meet though, I'm not suggesting this is a bad thing but it can dampen the moment if the sex is always preplaned or guaranteed, even if the meeting has an element of spontaneity.
Haven't experienced that problem. The spontaneity is in the 30 mins or so to see if anyone is up for it, and then how long it takes them to arrive.
We tend to avoid meets that involve a pre-meet social/interview to avoid that stale, planned aspect - we use clubs instead with no guarantee or expectations."
That is a very good point - and maybe my insisting on an initial social is actually preventing me from having that spontaneity. Will think about this a bit more. |
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j'ai tout compris 