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Punching above your weight
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Could just be a symptom of my low self confidence but looking back at all of my partners I felt that I was “ punching above my weight “ with almost all of them. The few I shared that with told me I was being daft but the thought never went away even when relationships were good and stable.
Anyone else have or have had similar feelings either with current or past partners? Did you overcome it? If so how?
Are we predisposed to underestimating our own attractiveness or worth? |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"Could just be a symptom of my low self confidence but looking back at all of my partners I felt that I was “ punching above my weight “ with almost all of them. The few I shared that with told me I was being daft but the thought never went away even when relationships were good and stable.
Anyone else have or have had similar feelings either with current or past partners? Did you overcome it? If so how?
Are we predisposed to underestimating our own attractiveness or worth?"
I've been told this twice with Aurelia. Once on a cruise and then in the taxi to the airport after the cruise lol |
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Quite a few times, even to the point where my “friends” were saying I was punching above my weight.
Nowadays I can’t get into a relationship because my self-esteem was shot to shreds over the last 20 odd years. |
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Based upon societies standards, yes. I always have been.
I don't buy in to that shit though - yes the majority of people have the same universal generic attraction traits, there are "standards of beauty" that attract across the board.
Now and again though, you find that weirdo that finds the outliers attractive. The person most people ignore or dismiss as average or below.
Sometimes that weirdo is somebody that is considered universally attractive yet finds me attractive themselves. I'm not going to argue with that.
So yes, sometimes by those standards I am punching above. But I don't dwell on that. I think they are hot they think I am hot. The rest doesn't matter. |
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By *ezandCCouple 48 weeks ago
Telford |
I’m punching above my weight with kez, but we have been together for over 20 years.
A few things, none of which may help.
It keeps me on my toes, I put effort in for her.
Good communication, we talk a lot, so no secrets.
She never makes me feel that way even if other do. |
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"Based upon societies standards, yes. I always have been.
I don't buy in to that shit though - yes the majority of people have the same universal generic attraction traits, there are "standards of beauty" that attract across the board.
Now and again though, you find that weirdo that finds the outliers attractive. The person most people ignore or dismiss as average or below.
Sometimes that weirdo is somebody that is considered universally attractive yet finds me attractive themselves. I'm not going to argue with that.
So yes, sometimes by those standards I am punching above. But I don't dwell on that. I think they are hot they think I am hot. The rest doesn't matter. "
Thanks for this, I think you’ve hit the nail right on the head with this response. |
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I think it’s healthy to feel you’re punching above your weight. But to remember that your partner feels exactly the same way about you.
You both think the other person is amazing. That’s why you fancy them. |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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Umm I think I’ve always felt lucky to be with my partners and find them really attractive. But I think at some point you have to believe in yourself and also listen to your partners when they tell you how attractive you are.
Besides it doesn’t really matter. If they’re a 10 and I’m a 3, there’s more to me clearly because we’re together. And all that matters is we’re together |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"I think it’s healthy to feel you’re punching above your weight. But to remember that your partner feels exactly the same way about you.
You both think the other person is amazing. That’s why you fancy them."
Think this is well said. I go through spells where I don't understand why she isn't chasing other guys and remember that she loves all of me x |
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"I think it’s healthy to feel you’re punching above your weight. But to remember that your partner feels exactly the same way about you.
You both think the other person is amazing. That’s why you fancy them.
Think this is well said. I go through spells where I don't understand why she isn't chasing other guys and remember that she loves all of me x"
Perhaps she is |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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There’s a great tik tok page of two Aussie guys that you can send pics in to and they’ll tell you who is punching. Try sending done pics in and find out for sure? |
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Does 'punching above your weight' mean that you think someone is better than you because of how they look of because they're a better person?
Isn't it a bit insulting to your partner if you think you're not worthy of them and insulting to you if other people think it? |
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Honestly, no. I've always felt I've been a good physical match with my partners. Whether others thought the same I've no idea.
It should be irrelevant, though, and you need to remember they wouldn't be with you if they didn't fancy you!
But I agree that we are nearly always our own worst critics and judge ourselves more harshly than others do... |
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"Umm I think I’ve always felt lucky to be with my partners and find them really attractive. But I think at some point you have to believe in yourself and also listen to your partners when they tell you how attractive you are.
Besides it doesn’t really matter. If they’re a 10 and I’m a 3, there’s more to me clearly because we’re together. And all that matters is we’re together "
10+3 = 13, and that's a lucky number  |
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We're encouraged to underestimate our own attractiveness and worth rather than being predisposed I'd say. Be humble, be modest, be self deprecating etc. The times I've heard people say that the most beautiful people are the ones who don't know they are.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"Does 'punching above your weight' mean that you think someone is better than you because of how they look of because they're a better person?
Isn't it a bit insulting to your partner if you think you're not worthy of them and insulting to you if other people think it?"
I dunno. What I do know is, when I look at who I’ve been with, I think, ‘you could have anyone, why me?’, and then I also think, we’ll maybe they see something the way I see something in them.
But that’s when it’s not just a hook up.
I think you can pull anyone (by that I mean get lucky) if the timing is right. People get horny, it’s a fact. |
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I (Mr) definitely am now and I've told Mrs that I feel that I am but she tells me what she loves about me,honestly it's just low self confidence and residual self loathing from previous shit relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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I can’t relate to this, at all. I think I’m too shallow to ponder that deeply on it.
I can feel proud of my partner or friends but it doesn’t lessen how I feel about myself with them because of it.
Is it a comparison issue? I don’t tend to compare in that way and it doesn’t bother me what the differences are, hence my not seeing what would be deemed as my shortcomings, perhaps.
M |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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To think one is punching above is actually to insult who you’re with; you’re really saying they can’t do better. In reality they probably feel the same, and people value different things in partners. |
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"To think one is punching above is actually to insult who you’re with; you’re really saying they can’t do better. In reality they probably feel the same, and people value different things in partners. "
100%
the idea of punching is, in my opinion an insult to bith parties involved.
I wrote about this on a kink site as i have been accused of it many times. Though the woman i am with at those times, strongly disagrees.
I know a lot of people put a lot of value in looks, but ultimately a person who is aesthetically a 10 with a personality of 0 is in by my reckoning a 0.
Just my opinion.
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As Bruce Lee said “ Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells, that's why it's called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself, and you can change your life”
I think the reason we are so in love and happy is that we both think we are punching  x |
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"Could just be a symptom of my low self confidence but looking back at all of my partners I felt that I was “ punching above my weight “ with almost all of them. The few I shared that with told me I was being daft but the thought never went away even when relationships were good and stable.
Anyone else have or have had similar feelings either with current or past partners? Did you overcome it? If so how?
Are we predisposed to underestimating our own attractiveness or worth?"
You should take being told you're being daft as a compliment. They should take being told you think you're punching as a compliment. It's a term many Men use (generally in a light hearted way), but some people take it too seriously. |
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My daughter thinks that my partners have Shallow Hal syndrome.
Her partner said I must be filthy in bed to get the men I do, and keep them.
I'd like to think I'm slightly more attractive than they think |
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I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction? |
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"My daughter thinks that my partners have Shallow Hal syndrome.
Her partner said I must be filthy in bed to get the men I do, and keep them.
I'd like to think I'm slightly more attractive than they think "
Blimey! They're don't mince their words 
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"Blokes who would love to fuck my wife tell her I’m punching all the time, oh how the jealousy makes me chuckle.
The mr she's fairly smoking in fairness "
How do you know ?
She could have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp and smell like the backend of a bin lorry. Not so smoking then.
The mr |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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Never. I’d say most of them have been punching above their weight by dating me
I’m not gonna date someone that’s too far above me. That’s pointless. That’s like taking out finance you know you can’t afford |
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I don’t think it is healthy to put people on pedestals. Leagues/punching above your weight/whatever tends to be very superficially based (ie physical attraction) and that’s a weird thing (IMHO) to compare your self worth against. |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?"
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality |
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality "
Even in a long term relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Even in a long term relationship? "
Yeah, purely because usually people looking in aren’t taking into account the length of the relationship, because it’s not something you can see |
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I’ve never met anyone who I felt was too good for me. Perhaps because looks aren’t the first thing that attracts me and these kinds of questions are usually focused on the physical. However, I have been treated as if I were worthless and easily replaceable, and that does have a negative impact one’s self esteem. |
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Even in a long term relationship?
Yeah, purely because usually people looking in aren’t taking into account the length of the relationship, because it’s not something you can see "
I agree with you there.
How about the people within the relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Even in a long term relationship?
Yeah, purely because usually people looking in aren’t taking into account the length of the relationship, because it’s not something you can see
I agree with you there.
How about the people within the relationship? "
I think it’s still the same, but they understand why they’re together
The whole “who is punching” thing is a really shallow observation. It’s not meant to factor in many of the emotional things that bring 2 people together |
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"Could just be a symptom of my low self confidence but looking back at all of my partners I felt that I was “ punching above my weight “ with almost all of them. The few I shared that with told me I was being daft but the thought never went away even when relationships were good and stable.
Anyone else have or have had similar feelings either with current or past partners? Did you overcome it? If so how?
Are we predisposed to underestimating our own attractiveness or worth?"
Him- I wouldn’t explain it as punching above my weight as we have been together for 30 years in total so I guess she’s aged better than me lol.
But what I do get is a massive sense of pride when I walk round clubs holding hands kissing and having this extremely sexy attractive lady knowing she’s mine and loves me unconditionally. I do feel some guys look at her and think what is she doing with him..
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Nope to hell with that - I hate that ‘looks’ are deemed the most important thing about humans by society, almost the be all and end all of a person.
We have way more to offer than that, we should be more focused on people who are genuine, funny, intelligent, respectful etc these qualities will last looks will fade.
As for my worth I don’t need someone to validate that, I’ll have days I feel flatter than others but it will mainly be down to how my hormones are on that given day. People who think they are superior because of how they look ain’t my kind of people
X |
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Even in a long term relationship?
Yeah, purely because usually people looking in aren’t taking into account the length of the relationship, because it’s not something you can see
I agree with you there.
How about the people within the relationship?
I think it’s still the same, but they understand why they’re together
The whole “who is punching” thing is a really shallow observation. It’s not meant to factor in many of the emotional things that bring 2 people together "
I think you're right.
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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In one of my past relationships outside of fab my partner was said to be punching. I've never liked that expression at all. And I personally don't really get it. Is it just based on looks? If so how does someone actually judge that? Because what one person finds attractive another doesn't, so one will say punching while the other says no they aren't punching.
I've been made to feel lesser based on the other earning higher than me and having a higher level of education. And that they were too good for me. Is that punching? Or is it nothing to do with status?
And I've had a conversation with a former partner where one partner being hotter than the other was apparently a thing, but I'm not sure if he felt he was or not as he didn't say. I think he might have been referring to himself though.
But either way, unless someone outside of the relationship actually comes out with that sentence would you even think about it? I haven't. And now being on the spot to answer it I can't.
I can honestly say that outside of fab and on fab I've had men that I didn't think would be interested in me at all. So if that's punching then yes. But like you say is it a self confidence issue where you think your punching but actually you might not be? Who knows????
And also if a woman with a super nice figure then has kids and loses it completely, does the who's punching in the relationship then change???
And a muscly 30 something ends up with a dad bod or beer belly in his 40"s??? |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"Nope to hell with that - I hate that ‘looks’ are deemed the most important thing about humans by society, almost the be all and end all of a person.
We have way more to offer than that, we should be more focused on people who are genuine, funny, intelligent, respectful etc these qualities will last looks will fade.
As for my worth I don’t need someone to validate that, I’ll have days I feel flatter than others but it will mainly be down to how my hormones are on that given day. People who think they are superior because of how they look ain’t my kind of people
X"
Do you think society has deemed that? Or do you think people have actual physical preferences?
I hate that some people try to pretend any preference for looks is not only inherently bad, but not “real” - as if it’s made up by society
People like pretty people. That’s not changed recently, that’s historically been how most animals operate I don’t think it’s a bad thing either |
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By *a LunaWoman 48 weeks ago
South Wales |
I was once told by a super hot buff bloke never to judge a book by its cover.
In other words to stop assuming, by someone’s looks, what type they’d go for.
Truth is, we all like what we like. No rhyme or reason for it. So if someone you like chooses you, just go with it and enjoy it. Don’t let insecurity spoil it.
|
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"Nope to hell with that - I hate that ‘looks’ are deemed the most important thing about humans by society, almost the be all and end all of a person.
We have way more to offer than that, we should be more focused on people who are genuine, funny, intelligent, respectful etc these qualities will last looks will fade.
As for my worth I don’t need someone to validate that, I’ll have days I feel flatter than others but it will mainly be down to how my hormones are on that given day. People who think they are superior because of how they look ain’t my kind of people
X
Do you think society has deemed that? Or do you think people have actual physical preferences?
I hate that some people try to pretend any preference for looks is not only inherently bad, but not “real” - as if it’s made up by society
People like pretty people. That’s not changed recently, that’s historically been how most animals operate I don’t think it’s a bad thing either "
Society is spoon fed pretty in a stereotypical and idealistic way. - look at social media/advertising/marketing we are almost programmed
Preferences are one thing, arrogance and superiority gifted to yourself for being pretty is quite different
X |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"Nope to hell with that - I hate that ‘looks’ are deemed the most important thing about humans by society, almost the be all and end all of a person.
We have way more to offer than that, we should be more focused on people who are genuine, funny, intelligent, respectful etc these qualities will last looks will fade.
As for my worth I don’t need someone to validate that, I’ll have days I feel flatter than others but it will mainly be down to how my hormones are on that given day. People who think they are superior because of how they look ain’t my kind of people
X
Do you think society has deemed that? Or do you think people have actual physical preferences?
I hate that some people try to pretend any preference for looks is not only inherently bad, but not “real” - as if it’s made up by society
People like pretty people. That’s not changed recently, that’s historically been how most animals operate I don’t think it’s a bad thing either
Society is spoon fed pretty in a stereotypical and idealistic way. - look at social media/advertising/marketing we are almost programmed
Preferences are one thing, arrogance and superiority gifted to yourself for being pretty is quite different
X"
Ah right gotcha, completely different topic  |
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"Nope to hell with that - I hate that ‘looks’ are deemed the most important thing about humans by society, almost the be all and end all of a person.
We have way more to offer than that, we should be more focused on people who are genuine, funny, intelligent, respectful etc these qualities will last looks will fade.
As for my worth I don’t need someone to validate that, I’ll have days I feel flatter than others but it will mainly be down to how my hormones are on that given day. People who think they are superior because of how they look ain’t my kind of people
X"
this single post makes you more attractive than all your photos ever could ?? |
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"Blokes who would love to fuck my wife tell her I’m punching all the time, oh how the jealousy makes me chuckle.
The mr "
You both look seem like a real fun, interesting couple, great content. They are probably jealous they dont have the confidence to be like you. |
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"I was once told by a super hot buff bloke never to judge a book by its cover.
In other words to stop assuming, by someone’s looks, what type they’d go for.
Truth is, we all like what we like. No rhyme or reason for it. So if someone you like chooses you, just go with it and enjoy it. Don’t let insecurity spoil it.
"
Exactly this.
There are no leagues, no one is ‘punching’, we’re all just people and we should believe others when they tell us that they find us attractive. |
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"My daughter thinks that my partners have Shallow Hal syndrome.
Her partner said I must be filthy in bed to get the men I do, and keep them.
I'd like to think I'm slightly more attractive than they think
Blimey! They're don't mince their words
"
It was all said in a joking way, but I do think they're flabbergasted as to why some men find me attractive.
She's quite naive and innocent, my youngest daughter. |
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"My daughter thinks that my partners have Shallow Hal syndrome.
Her partner said I must be filthy in bed to get the men I do, and keep them.
I'd like to think I'm slightly more attractive than they think
Blimey! They're don't mince their words
It was all said in a joking way, but I do think they're flabbergasted as to why some men find me attractive.
She's quite naive and innocent, my youngest daughter. "
Also kids often don't imagine their parents are sexual in any way too |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"My daughter thinks that my partners have Shallow Hal syndrome.
Her partner said I must be filthy in bed to get the men I do, and keep them.
I'd like to think I'm slightly more attractive than they think
Blimey! They're don't mince their words
It was all said in a joking way, but I do think they're flabbergasted as to why some men find me attractive.
She's quite naive and innocent, my youngest daughter. "
Nanna!   |
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"My daughter thinks that my partners have Shallow Hal syndrome.
Her partner said I must be filthy in bed to get the men I do, and keep them.
I'd like to think I'm slightly more attractive than they think
Blimey! They're don't mince their words
It was all said in a joking way, but I do think they're flabbergasted as to why some men find me attractive.
She's quite naive and innocent, my youngest daughter.
"
One of the best 'come on' lines I was ever fed was from a woman who told me "My daughter says I shouldn't let men know that I am so easy". |
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality "
Eh?
Honestly, I read guff like this, that reinforce gender stereotypes, and praise all ye gods for the fact I found a man who doesn't understand social "norms". I earn more than him, always have. What we earn as individuals has absolutely bugger all to do with anything. It's irrelevant to my social standing. It's irrelevant to his. All our money goes into one account and we spend it as we see fit.
What I look like (or what he looks like) has nothing to do with my or his social standing. It's just how we look.
We are not in a relationship because of what we earn or do for work. We've been together since sixth form, neither of us had a profession and both had shitty weekend jobs, paying tuppence ha'penny. Everything we have, we've built together, as a team.
I bloody well wish all this gender stereotyping BS would do one!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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I definitely feel I'm punching above with my husband. He's an awesome man, and I don't know what I've done to deserve him to be honest. I'm an incredibly lucky lady to have him by my side and I thoroughly appreciate the fact he's with me, every, single, day. |
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Eh?
Honestly, I read guff like this, that reinforce gender stereotypes, and praise all ye gods for the fact I found a man who doesn't understand social "norms". I earn more than him, always have. What we earn as individuals has absolutely bugger all to do with anything. It's irrelevant to my social standing. It's irrelevant to his. All our money goes into one account and we spend it as we see fit.
What I look like (or what he looks like) has nothing to do with my or his social standing. It's just how we look.
We are not in a relationship because of what we earn or do for work. We've been together since sixth form, neither of us had a profession and both had shitty weekend jobs, paying tuppence ha'penny. Everything we have, we've built together, as a team.
I bloody well wish all this gender stereotyping BS would do one!!!!! "
Everyone understood Caroline Aherne's joke comment to Debbie McGee. |
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Eh?
Honestly, I read guff like this, that reinforce gender stereotypes, and praise all ye gods for the fact I found a man who doesn't understand social "norms". I earn more than him, always have. What we earn as individuals has absolutely bugger all to do with anything. It's irrelevant to my social standing. It's irrelevant to his. All our money goes into one account and we spend it as we see fit.
What I look like (or what he looks like) has nothing to do with my or his social standing. It's just how we look.
We are not in a relationship because of what we earn or do for work. We've been together since sixth form, neither of us had a profession and both had shitty weekend jobs, paying tuppence ha'penny. Everything we have, we've built together, as a team.
I bloody well wish all this gender stereotyping BS would do one!!!!!
Everyone understood Caroline Aherne's joke comment to Debbie McGee. "
Honestly? Not convinced Mr KC would have understood it, had it been in his cultural frame of reference! |
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Eh?
Honestly, I read guff like this, that reinforce gender stereotypes, and praise all ye gods for the fact I found a man who doesn't understand social "norms". I earn more than him, always have. What we earn as individuals has absolutely bugger all to do with anything. It's irrelevant to my social standing. It's irrelevant to his. All our money goes into one account and we spend it as we see fit.
What I look like (or what he looks like) has nothing to do with my or his social standing. It's just how we look.
We are not in a relationship because of what we earn or do for work. We've been together since sixth form, neither of us had a profession and both had shitty weekend jobs, paying tuppence ha'penny. Everything we have, we've built together, as a team.
I bloody well wish all this gender stereotyping BS would do one!!!!!
Everyone understood Caroline Aherne's joke comment to Debbie McGee.
Honestly? Not convinced Mr KC would have understood it, had it been in his cultural frame of reference! "
Ok, almost everyone. My dad wouldn't have to be fair. The thing is *most* people knew and understood that society assumes however unfairly, that men go for a woman's looks and women go for men that have money and/or power. I know and you know that isn't true in many cases but still the belief persists.
There have been times when I've been the highest earner and times when Mr N has (more frequently actually). Times when I've worked and he's stayed home and vice versa.
I think that the old stereotypes are on the way out but it's going to be a long time before they do. I see our kids not conforming to them so there's hope |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Eh?
Honestly, I read guff like this, that reinforce gender stereotypes, and praise all ye gods for the fact I found a man who doesn't understand social "norms". I earn more than him, always have. What we earn as individuals has absolutely bugger all to do with anything. It's irrelevant to my social standing. It's irrelevant to his. All our money goes into one account and we spend it as we see fit.
What I look like (or what he looks like) has nothing to do with my or his social standing. It's just how we look.
We are not in a relationship because of what we earn or do for work. We've been together since sixth form, neither of us had a profession and both had shitty weekend jobs, paying tuppence ha'penny. Everything we have, we've built together, as a team.
I bloody well wish all this gender stereotyping BS would do one!!!!!
Everyone understood Caroline Aherne's joke comment to Debbie McGee.
Honestly? Not convinced Mr KC would have understood it, had it been in his cultural frame of reference!
Ok, almost everyone. My dad wouldn't have to be fair. The thing is *most* people knew and understood that society assumes however unfairly, that men go for a woman's looks and women go for men that have money and/or power. I know and you know that isn't true in many cases but still the belief persists.
There have been times when I've been the highest earner and times when Mr N has (more frequently actually). Times when I've worked and he's stayed home and vice versa.
I think that the old stereotypes are on the way out but it's going to be a long time before they do. I see our kids not conforming to them so there's hope "
They’ll go away once they stop being true
“Not always true” isn’t enough to make the stereotype go away
And is it even a stereotype if it’s true? |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Eh?
Honestly, I read guff like this, that reinforce gender stereotypes, and praise all ye gods for the fact I found a man who doesn't understand social "norms". I earn more than him, always have. What we earn as individuals has absolutely bugger all to do with anything. It's irrelevant to my social standing. It's irrelevant to his. All our money goes into one account and we spend it as we see fit.
What I look like (or what he looks like) has nothing to do with my or his social standing. It's just how we look.
We are not in a relationship because of what we earn or do for work. We've been together since sixth form, neither of us had a profession and both had shitty weekend jobs, paying tuppence ha'penny. Everything we have, we've built together, as a team.
I bloody well wish all this gender stereotyping BS would do one!!!!! "
I think your naive |
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Eh?
Honestly, I read guff like this, that reinforce gender stereotypes, and praise all ye gods for the fact I found a man who doesn't understand social "norms". I earn more than him, always have. What we earn as individuals has absolutely bugger all to do with anything. It's irrelevant to my social standing. It's irrelevant to his. All our money goes into one account and we spend it as we see fit.
What I look like (or what he looks like) has nothing to do with my or his social standing. It's just how we look.
We are not in a relationship because of what we earn or do for work. We've been together since sixth form, neither of us had a profession and both had shitty weekend jobs, paying tuppence ha'penny. Everything we have, we've built together, as a team.
I bloody well wish all this gender stereotyping BS would do one!!!!!
Everyone understood Caroline Aherne's joke comment to Debbie McGee.
Honestly? Not convinced Mr KC would have understood it, had it been in his cultural frame of reference!
Ok, almost everyone. My dad wouldn't have to be fair. The thing is *most* people knew and understood that society assumes however unfairly, that men go for a woman's looks and women go for men that have money and/or power. I know and you know that isn't true in many cases but still the belief persists.
There have been times when I've been the highest earner and times when Mr N has (more frequently actually). Times when I've worked and he's stayed home and vice versa.
I think that the old stereotypes are on the way out but it's going to be a long time before they do. I see our kids not conforming to them so there's hope
They’ll go away once they stop being true
“Not always true” isn’t enough to make the stereotype go away
And is it even a stereotype if it’s true? "
I think it's oversimplified and *sometimes* true, which is basically what I understand a stereotype to be. I don't believe (I don't think you do either) that you can successfully navigate life on anything but a superficial level if you go through it thinking every relationship conforms to a particular set of rules |
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"
They’ll go away once they stop being true
“Not always true” isn’t enough to make the stereotype go away
And is it even a stereotype if it’s true? "
It's not true in the 21st century though. I can't think of any of my friends who think like this. It's outdated nonsense. |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"Could just be a symptom of my low self confidence but looking back at all of my partners I felt that I was “ punching above my weight “ with almost all of them. The few I shared that with told me I was being daft but the thought never went away even when relationships were good and stable.
Anyone else have or have had similar feelings either with current or past partners? Did you overcome it? If so how?
Are we predisposed to underestimating our own attractiveness or worth?"
Meh, we all bleed.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"I'm still trying to understand this. Is it a looks based thing? Are people valuing each other, including long term partners, based on how they look? Do people look at a couple and judge their relationship on whether one of them is better looking than the other? Is all this stuff people say on here about looks not mattering and personslity being more important a convenient fiction?
Depends which way you look
If your looking at the female part of the couple, your comparing how attractive she is physically
If it’s the male part, it’s a combination of a physical and social standing/wealth/success etc
It’s very rarely about personality
Eh?
Honestly, I read guff like this, that reinforce gender stereotypes, and praise all ye gods for the fact I found a man who doesn't understand social "norms". I earn more than him, always have. What we earn as individuals has absolutely bugger all to do with anything. It's irrelevant to my social standing. It's irrelevant to his. All our money goes into one account and we spend it as we see fit.
What I look like (or what he looks like) has nothing to do with my or his social standing. It's just how we look.
We are not in a relationship because of what we earn or do for work. We've been together since sixth form, neither of us had a profession and both had shitty weekend jobs, paying tuppence ha'penny. Everything we have, we've built together, as a team.
I bloody well wish all this gender stereotyping BS would do one!!!!!
Everyone understood Caroline Aherne's joke comment to Debbie McGee.
Honestly? Not convinced Mr KC would have understood it, had it been in his cultural frame of reference!
Ok, almost everyone. My dad wouldn't have to be fair. The thing is *most* people knew and understood that society assumes however unfairly, that men go for a woman's looks and women go for men that have money and/or power. I know and you know that isn't true in many cases but still the belief persists.
There have been times when I've been the highest earner and times when Mr N has (more frequently actually). Times when I've worked and he's stayed home and vice versa.
I think that the old stereotypes are on the way out but it's going to be a long time before they do. I see our kids not conforming to them so there's hope
They’ll go away once they stop being true
“Not always true” isn’t enough to make the stereotype go away
And is it even a stereotype if it’s true?
I think it's oversimplified and *sometimes* true, which is basically what I understand a stereotype to be. I don't believe (I don't think you do either) that you can successfully navigate life on anything but a superficial level if you go through it thinking every relationship conforms to a particular set of rules"
I don’t think the discussion around a somewhat commonly used joke/phase “they’re punching” means that anyone thinks every relationship forms under those conditions
I do think that men go for looks and women for status/power/money is extremely true though and that although lots of exceptions exist, the exceptions don’t exist because the rule is wrong, they exist because most people don’t get what they want in life and are willing to settle for a little less than what they really want
I think denying that is just a coping mechanism for people that still believe Disney love exists and is the norm |
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I think it's one of those toxic things we're told to make ourselves feel shit. If someone likes me they like me. End of story. If I start adding my damn insecurity into the picture it'll fuck it all up. |
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By (user no longer on site) 48 weeks ago
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"Does 'punching above your weight' mean that you think someone is better than you because of how they look of because they're a better person?
Isn't it a bit insulting to your partner if you think you're not worthy of them and insulting to you if other people think it?"
Well said you look AWESOME |
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