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"Real" connections...
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By *eli OP Woman 41 weeks ago
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Do you think it's possible on Fab to find real connections? It doesn't necessarily have to be sex based, it can also be platonic friendships.
Is that something you're interested in or do you actively seek to keep things on a Fab level? |
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It's possible, the majority of them are not "real" though. It's kind of how lust or infatuation is mistaken for love.
Yeah there is some sort of mutual connection, but for the most part it is entirely based around the physical attraction of nakedness. Very few actually reach the point of truly connecting and just getting on regardless of "the sex" need. |
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"It's possible, the majority of them are not "real" though. It's kind of how lust or infatuation is mistaken for love.
Yeah there is some sort of mutual connection, but for the most part it is entirely based around the physical attraction of nakedness. Very few actually reach the point of truly connecting and just getting on regardless of "the sex" need. "
Addition to the above.
How many "connections", not just the odd one, actually involve none sex stuff and in fact rarely have any kind of  flirting. It all comes back to the sex |
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Some of my best friends are people I've met through fab and have never had sex with.
A few of them are no longer on the site but we are in regular touch and meet up socially.
My best male friend is one of those.
My fwb is my best female friend and there is equally as much emphasis on our friendship as there is on the benefits. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Do you think it's possible on Fab to find real connections? It doesn't necessarily have to be sex based, it can also be platonic friendships.
Is that something you're interested in or do you actively seek to keep things on a Fab level?"
Possible, just much much much much harder
I’ve fostered every type of connection possible, from relationship, fwb, ons and long term friendships, all from a “hey how’s your night” down the pub
That type of message very rarely seeing a reply here |
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"You can find a 'real' connection anywhere. Its a rare thing though and I think a lot of people mistakenly believe they've found it after very brief interaction "
Exactly! It's very easy to mistake - more often than not it's one sided too. |
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By *eli OP Woman 41 weeks ago
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"Absolutely it is "
See, I think this is true. I don't think things are lessened because of where they're founded. I do think that they're sometimes incorrectly labelled as such, we all know someone who quickly believes something is a Big Thing.
Maybe it's about coupling realism with optimism? This is very much a stream of consciousness.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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I can honestly say i have found someone on here that i feel a real connection with. Its a connection i didnt know was humanely possible. Not going into details but its true. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Do you think it's possible on Fab to find real connections? It doesn't necessarily have to be sex based, it can also be platonic friendships.
Is that something you're interested in or do you actively seek to keep things on a Fab level?"
So looking for this |
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One of the things our children will find most quaint about our generation is that we distinguish the digital from the real.
I’m paraphrasing William Gibson there, but it sums up how I feel pretty well. Online relationships *are* real relationships. This place, you people, *are* real. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Yes it can be found on Fab and when you do it puts fun on a whole different level. Admittedly finding people with that real connection can be few and far between, but we'll worth the wait IMHO |
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By *ave05Man 41 weeks ago
Chelmsford Essex |
I think finding some platonic friendships on here must be a great rewarding connection without the sex and should be valued with common link of using the site. I would like to find new friends this way. |
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As far as online connections that lead to friendships go... I think merely by being here, there's a level of honesty about one's self that is less apparent than other forms of social media.
And I like that. That's the kinda people I like.
So short story, yes. Can't waffle today pal, I have the real-lifeys to do. Sad emoji!
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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I guess we can never know if someone intentions are purely good when you meet people this way but sometimes relationships become more real. People start to drop their guard, open up a little more of their lives and have a friendship with someone.. when this happens, there's no doubting if it's real. |
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For me personally just on fab no, I don't believe online friendships to be real people online & in real life can differ hugely.
However if I go on to meet these people in person then yes I can form a great connection but not by just online only.
Mrs |
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"One of the things our children will find most quaint about our generation is that we distinguish the digital from the real.
I’m paraphrasing William Gibson there, but it sums up how I feel pretty well. Online relationships *are* real relationships. This place, you people, *are* real."
I think that's where the danger lies. People forget they're interacting with a person with feelings and will claim a deep connection when there really isn't one on their side, because they can see sex at the end if it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Many people who are in online connections will tell you they are reall. Real emotions. Real heartbreak. Real support.
We forget though that online isn’t new so to speak. As someone who served for 23 years whilst away we had “blueys” then “e-bluesy” and letter writing.
So the ability to connect and stay connected is very much real.
The main issue though is trust. Trust what they are telling you in the truth and not their version to win favour of you.
Much harder to “suss” out via texting
So feelings can be made and found. For sure they can. |
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"For me personally just on fab no, I don't believe online friendships to be real people online & in real life can differ hugely.
However if I go on to meet these people in person then yes I can form a great connection but not by just online only.
Mrs "
What makes a friendship real? |
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"One of the things our children will find most quaint about our generation is that we distinguish the digital from the real.
I’m paraphrasing William Gibson there, but it sums up how I feel pretty well. Online relationships *are* real relationships. This place, you people, *are* real.
I think that's where the danger lies. People forget they're interacting with a person with feelings and will claim a deep connection when there really isn't one on their side, because they can see sex at the end if it. "
Not sure we can blame the medium for introduction, it's just as unlikely to find a real connection by hitting the cattle market bars in town face to face. Sure, you may still get a snog and back to someone's place for a shag, but the hit rate for a real connection is pitifully low.
For me, getting sex out of the way opens up the pathway to communication and future friendship or relationship. |
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"For me personally just on fab no, I don't believe online friendships to be real people online & in real life can differ hugely.
However if I go on to meet these people in person then yes I can form a great connection but not by just online only.
Mrs
What makes a friendship real?"
Knowing the real person & not just the online persona, having the real in life connection not the online one, feeling comfortable with that person knowing you can chat when needed and vice versa.
Mrs |
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By *eli OP Woman 41 weeks ago
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"It's possible, the majority of them are not "real" though. It's kind of how lust or infatuation is mistaken for love.
Yeah there is some sort of mutual connection, but for the most part it is entirely based around the physical attraction of nakedness. Very few actually reach the point of truly connecting and just getting on regardless of "the sex" need. "
I'm not sure how true that is - well the majority part. I agree with it to a certain extent; people do confuse excitement/feelings and get swept away with the idea of something rather than what it really is.
I think on a site like this it's to be expected that a lot of interactions are sex based. At first at least. I do think that more than "very few" reach that point.
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"It's possible, the majority of them are not "real" though. It's kind of how lust or infatuation is mistaken for love.
Yeah there is some sort of mutual connection, but for the most part it is entirely based around the physical attraction of nakedness. Very few actually reach the point of truly connecting and just getting on regardless of "the sex" need.
Addition to the above.
How many "connections", not just the odd one, actually involve none sex stuff and in fact rarely have any kind of flirting. It all comes back to the sex"
That’s not how I use this site at all. All my connections have been very real and there’s no flirting. You know your friends best, only when you need them most and what they are prepared to do and it makes no difference how and where you met them. |
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Yes it is possible. I've found several from here with whom I meet for socials, luncheons, dinner, art and Åfternoon Teå.
Fab is the last place from which I expected this but I've embraced it. I quite like it.
Those who are platonic and non-platonic do not overlap the venn diagram...but one or two are creeping towards it! |
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"It's possible, the majority of them are not "real" though. It's kind of how lust or infatuation is mistaken for love.
Yeah there is some sort of mutual connection, but for the most part it is entirely based around the physical attraction of nakedness. Very few actually reach the point of truly connecting and just getting on regardless of "the sex" need.
Addition to the above.
How many "connections", not just the odd one, actually involve none sex stuff and in fact rarely have any kind of flirting. It all comes back to the sex
That’s not how I use this site at all. All my connections have been very real and there’s no flirting. You know your friends best, only when you need them most and what they are prepared to do and it makes no difference how and where you met them."
That's not what I'm saying. I have more "friends" from online interactions (none fab) from all over the world than most people have actual in person friends, so I know the reality and importance of those regardless of where it originated.
However when it comes to fab, the overwhelming majority of people (not all) will most certainly be mistaken by how deep or strong that connection is.
Connections from here are real, yes. Very few will truly be based upon actual friendship first at both ends. One end will be stronger than the other. It's a selfish place at its core. |
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"… or do you actively seek to keep things on a Fab level?"
I think I actually have an issue with this part of Meli’s OP.
What does it mean to ‘keep things on a Fab level’? Is it just way of saying that you’d consciously put up barriers to really getting close to people? Why would you do that? Isn’t it just fear? |
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I’ve not used this place for anything sexual in several years. But I have kept in touch with a few people and still see them whether I’m here or not. I’m seeing 2 this week as I’m stuck at home recovering and that’s really lovely. In some ways the folks that come round for a brew and a chat are more important than the reasons I originally joined.
However, as Kai said, there are people who pretend to be friends whilst you’re useful to them. Not friends on the level I’m used to. That’s shit. But it’s just about spitting those who actually give a shit and respect you as a human being.  |
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I will also add, yes I've connected with a couple of people. Varying degrees of connection, and in different ways. But most of them have been on a single thing or subject we have in common. I enjoy chatting to them, but it's limited.
Only two of them have been actual strong connections that has either of us interested in how the other is doing. Checking in. Talking about very random things that other people wouldn't get. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"It's perhaps because of my age, but any online connection is only ever going to be at a purely surface level for me.
Anything else would only develop based on time spent in the real world "
This  |
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By *eli OP Woman 41 weeks ago
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"Some of my best friends are people I've met through fab and have never had sex with.
A few of them are no longer on the site but we are in regular touch and meet up socially.
My best male friend is one of those.
My fwb is my best female friend and there is equally as much emphasis on our friendship as there is on the benefits. "
Yes, that's the sort of thing I was thinking of. I used to say that certain friendships transcended Fab but I think that in some ways, it's doing Fab a disservice. What I really mean is that I've got strong platonic friendships that remain whether or not we're on the site. We spend time together doing non related Fab things - I'm currently looking at a spa break with a couple of them.  |
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"… or do you actively seek to keep things on a Fab level?
I think I actually have an issue with this part of Meli’s OP.
What does it mean to ‘keep things on a Fab level’? Is it just way of saying that you’d consciously put up barriers to really getting close to people? Why would you do that? Isn’t it just fear?"
Fear of it all being an online fantasy? I think that's just prudent |
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By *eli OP Woman 41 weeks ago
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"Possible, just much much much much harder
I’ve fostered every type of connection possible, from relationship, fwb, ons and long term friendships, all from a “hey how’s your night” down the pub
That type of message very rarely seeing a reply here "
Yes, that easy casual communication often gets short shrift but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. On here I think there's an expectation of almost side stepping the small talk when first talking to someone in a way that's not expected face to face.
I do agree with it being far harder. Not always but in terms opening a conversation with another successfully? Yes. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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I've made some good connections and have stayed friends with people I have met through fab who I meet socially and conversation is easier as you can discuss about the lifestyle and seek opinions |
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Yes. Yes I do.
And that's coming from a cynical old mare who doesn't like many people at all, and who takes an age to upgrade anyone from acquaintance to friend.
There's the odd diamond to be found in this sea of vacuity. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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It is most definitely possible. I'm quite realistic about the fact that, until meeting in person, we all may be prone to unwittingly "filling in the gaps" of their personalities with our imagination, attributing qualities to them that aren't really there. I have been guilty of that in the past with online connections.
However, a lesson was learned and I'm very grateful to have made 3 very dear friends through fab who I care about deeply. I know they care about me in return as the communication and interest in my wellbeing continues whether or not I'm active on here. |
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Absolutely. At least for me it is completely possible.
Someone i’ve known for 5 years and have actively made a part of my life *dared* to say that I was only part of an alternative world/life. To say that he’s off the Christmas list is a huge understatement….
I am usually a good judge of character but here I clearly failed. Wow. 5 years!  |
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Yes.
It's something I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of myself into over the years. Sometimes it's endured, sometimes not. Sometimes I've read the situation wrongly. Sometimes I've wanted something to be more than it is. Other times it has been very easy, a delight to make connections in unexpected ways.
I don't subscribe to the idea that fab isn't real life. It just has different rules of engagement at times. Sometimes my expectations haven't aligned with others. I think I've got better at navigating that, though.
Mrs TMN x |
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By *ittleMissCaliWoman 41 weeks ago
trouble most likely, or creating it :) |
"Do you think it's possible on Fab to find real connections? It doesn't necessarily have to be sex based, it can also be platonic friendships.
Is that something you're interested in or do you actively seek to keep things on a Fab level?"
yes 100% ... I have some amazing friends that are more like family... and also met someone that I've totally connected with friendship wise, romantically and sexually xx |
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We’ve made some amazing friends on here that aren’t all about sex, we’ve always said we’d prefer to make good friends then just have a fuck and go haha connection is so important and with some people you just click |
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By *oxesMan 41 weeks ago
Southend, Essex |
"Do you think it's possible on Fab to find real connections? It doesn't necessarily have to be sex based, it can also be platonic friendships.
Is that something you're interested in or do you actively seek to keep things on a Fab level?"
Totally Fab is X Luke the outsider world. Howeverlike the outside works people adapt as people you might be close friends with a couple one year and then have totally lost contact another. |
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It's possible to find real connections anywhere.
I've met people on here I care for deeply.
There are people on here where the sexual chemistry simply isn't there but I enjoy their company.
There are people from here who are just good sex and very little conversation.
Generally, I just talk to the people that seem right for me and see where it leads without worrying too much about adhering to a particular protocol. |
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By *eli OP Woman 41 weeks ago
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"One of the things our children will find most quaint about our generation is that we distinguish the digital from the real.
I’m paraphrasing William Gibson there, but it sums up how I feel pretty well. Online relationships *are* real relationships. This place, you people, *are* real."
Yes, I'd agree with this, wholeheartedly. We seem to forget there are real people behind messages, posts. Or we don't care when it suits us.
I also think you're right in calling out the usage of keeping things on a "Fab level". They weren't my words.
The OP is based on something I actually vehemently disagree with; this notion that Fab is just for sex, should just be kept that way because the connections you form on here are somehow not "real". Utter bollocks in my mind to put it bluntly. |
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"It's perhaps because of my age, but any online connection is only ever going to be at a purely surface level for me.
Anything else would only develop based on time spent in the real world "
I think it's like a souped up version of penpals. Very few penpals forged in person connections although some did. Most (but not all) relationships need in person contact to thrive. Catfishing is too easy |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Yes.
….
I don't subscribe to the idea that fab isn't real life. It just has different rules of engagement at times. …..
Mrs TMN x"
It has real people who I talk to and find myself enjoying to get to know. Who I the probably or hopefully meet face to face. What’s not real about that? |
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"It's perhaps because of my age, but any online connection is only ever going to be at a purely surface level for me.
Anything else would only develop based on time spent in the real world
I think it's like a souped up version of penpals. Very few penpals forged in person connections although some did. Most (but not all) relationships need in person contact to thrive. Catfishing is too easy"
Catfishing is only particularly relevant if the aesthetics are a big deal.
Though if you're extending it to the persona people put across, I've thought I've known people in person for years before their masks started to slip and the real person was revealed.
Though I do agree in so much as I'm a person who does need in person contact now and again to maintain a connection. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"….
Catfishing is only particularly relevant if the aesthetics are a big deal…..
Though I do agree in so much as I'm a person who does need in person contact now and again to maintain a connection."
This is all true to me as how I’ve found fab or any other platforms where I’ve spoken to people over time. And you can easily form a connection with somebody’s personality. It’s when you get to meet that connection can become so much deeper, as if all pieces fall into place. |
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"It's perhaps because of my age, but any online connection is only ever going to be at a purely surface level for me.
Anything else would only develop based on time spent in the real world
I think it's like a souped up version of penpals. Very few penpals forged in person connections although some did. Most (but not all) relationships need in person contact to thrive. Catfishing is too easy
Catfishing is only particularly relevant if the aesthetics are a big deal.
Though if you're extending it to the persona people put across, I've thought I've known people in person for years before their masks started to slip and the real person was revealed.
Though I do agree in so much as I'm a person who does need in person contact now and again to maintain a connection."
I was including persona as well as the physical.
In my opinion it's much easier to display faux empathetic traits on line, the small tells such as body language and facial expression aren't present.
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By *ornycougaWoman 41 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"One of the things our children will find most quaint about our generation is that we distinguish the digital from the real.
I’m paraphrasing William Gibson there, but it sums up how I feel pretty well. Online relationships *are* real relationships. This place, you people, *are* real."
Hmmm. I disagree. I could never form a deep connection with someone I only interact with online. I just lose interest and will dip in and out. But I have made some fantastic friends on here - some come with the sexual benefits, some don't. |
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Good question. We both differ on this. One of us believes you can play with someone and be friends or even not play and be “pants on” friends. The other is only open (for now) to “play and done” scenarios. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Do you think it's possible on Fab to find real connections? It doesn't necessarily have to be sex based, it can also be platonic friendships.
Is that something you're interested in or do you actively seek to keep things on a Fab level?"
Well said but you R VERY VERY SEXY OH AND YOUR VOICE wow gives me HARD |
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Yes, we have proper friendships here, where we've met up in real life and done non-fab things - dinner at our house, dinner out, Christmas markets, even singing. Some of those friendships have sexy times involved and some don't.
J |
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