FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > A dim view of socials….
A dim view of socials….
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By (user no longer on site) OP 42 weeks ago
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I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person…. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Clubs you don’t need to go there for sex
If I am at a club I am not necessarily looking for sex just out to socials in a safe environment and be myself if sex comes to me it’s a bonus if not then it’s all good I had a grate time talking to people |
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person…."
I think photos and messages covers it. I'm pretty sure some users here now know I am indeed a sexy 33 year old man and not a 57 year old called Barry.
But other than that a video call is proof no?
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Clubs you don’t need to go there for sex
If I am at a club I am not necessarily looking for sex just out to socials in a safe environment and be myself if sex comes to me it’s a bonus if not then it’s all good I had a grate time talking to people "
True. I've been to more parties/clubs and not played then those I've played at. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Clubs you don’t need to go there for sex
If I am at a club I am not necessarily looking for sex just out to socials in a safe environment and be myself if sex comes to me it’s a bonus if not then it’s all good I had a grate time talking to people
True. I've been to more parties/clubs and not played then those I've played at."
It is definitely the best way to look at them |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Whatever floats your boat. I like one to one, no obligation, socials. It gives both parties the opportunity to change their mind if things aren’t what they thought.
I’d also meet some people in person just because they interest me. Not everything’s about sex. |
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"I think photos and messages covers it. I'm pretty sure some users here now know I am indeed a sexy 33 year old man and not a 57 year old called Barry.
But other than that a video call is proof no?
"
I suppose it's not just proof you are who you say you are, but also checking whether you click personality wise to decide whether you actually want sex with them as some may come across differently in real life compared to over messages as well |
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By *oxy jWoman 42 weeks ago
somerset |
socials are a individual choice i know plenty who dont do socials who have been swinging for years i think its also depends ie if your a couple your much safer than say a single woman ... if i was single and on this scene i would demand a non sexual social ie 100% no play will happen as trust would be a massive issue ... there enought psychotic men in normal life its more concentrated on this scene so single women 100% safety first |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person….
I think photos and messages covers it. I'm pretty sure some users here now know I am indeed a sexy 33 year old man and not a 57 year old called Barry.
But other than that a video call is proof no?
"
You massive fibber Baz |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I only meet in clubs now due to the amount of men not wanting socials.
I feel safer meeting in clubs.
And socials were, in my opinion, a good way to build the required trust for a play meet |
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By *oxy jWoman 42 weeks ago
somerset |
"We don't do socials as our free time to play is limited.
In the past this has never been a problem, but we have noticed that more and more want socials. "
us too we gave up on socials 20 years ago they just did nothing for us and rather than be a horny evening it often turnned ot to be boring as the guy pours out his entire life ... as couples its really not needed our selection process is strict and we only meet if 100% sure but if a rare case and it all goes wrong then with hubbies back up easy to stop and walk away ... i work hard long hours socials just eat up my play time and as a swinger im here for fun |
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"Do you mean one to one social engagements or Fab organised group socials (held in a bar etc...) ?
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One to one socials "
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I've only twice played with someone after messaging for months, video calls (which I loathe) and frequent but sexually-charged phone calls — all of which took weeks or months of building up the frisson, tension and chemistry.
However, a social for me is a prerequisite: call it courtship, dating , woo'ing or a gin fuelled flirtfest. Ordinarily I won't play without a social first. I don't care what this site is: for me it's a dating site. |
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"We don't do socials as our free time to play is limited.
In the past this has never been a problem, but we have noticed that more and more want socials.
us too we gave up on socials 20 years ago they just did nothing for us and rather than be a horny evening it often turnned ot to be boring as the guy pours out his entire life ... as couples its really not needed our selection process is strict and we only meet if 100% sure but if a rare case and it all goes wrong then with hubbies back up easy to stop and walk away ... i work hard long hours socials just eat up my play time and as a swinger im here for fun"
We are the same. We are swingers. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"socials are a individual choice i know plenty who dont do socials who have been swinging for years i think its also depends ie if your a couple your much safer than say a single woman ... if i was single and on this scene i would demand a non sexual social ie 100% no play will happen as trust would be a massive issue ... there enought psychotic men in normal life its more concentrated on this scene so single women 100% safety first "
I’m a straight single guy And I do insist on meeting any lady at a club meet (preferably) or public cafe first. At Clubs you are verified.
Safety first and always. |
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I meet in a hotel, so it can be a social only for a drink or progress to sexual.
Perhaps profiles could have options for socials being essential first, so that we could search and filter more easily |
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We're not anti socials however it's not really something we've done much of. BTW way we're assuming your talking about private one on one socials.
For us the scene is actually often far more social than sexual for us (we can be a bit choosy and fickle when it comes to who we jump into bed with). So really we're not against the social side. However we don't have a lot of free time and we like to maximise our chances of having a great time socially and sexually. So when you arrange a meet with an individual or couple online you really don't know how you're going to take to them in person till you meet. Then if it doesn't go well you're a night down (that probably was nice but not maximised) and potentially in a pressured and/or awkward situation. So this is why we like clubs, parties, organised socials and nights out in the vanilla world. Because we have in one night selection and the freedom to move around meeting people and taking them as we find them. No pressure, no expectations, just being social (and maybe sexual) butterflies meeting lost of people.
Likewise we would not like the expectations of sex with people we've only interacted with online first time either. So if we were to it would be with the aim of being social. However when it comes to clubs, parties etc it's nice to have the option to take it to a room if things work out that way. And to be fair although we would want a one on one meet with any expectations or plans of sex it'd be nice for us to maybe have a hotel room or something booked should things unexpectedly heat up. We totally get why people don't want to use their free time social only. We no some people really do fuck so easily and that is the main focus. But thats not for us as any expectations or pressure would be off-putting, however always nice to have that unspoken option should things go really well.
I suppose for us it's not so much we're social only or not. It's we're not so much for expectations or being in a limited situation with an individual or couple who we don't really know if we'll vibe with. Plus we often like a good orgy of which is not so much an option one on one  |
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Not sure how you can just turn up and fuck someone without meeting them first, messages don't ever tell the whole story and pictures can be easily edited.
We've had socials with people who give great message but in person very very different.
Much better to waste time with a social, proof if proof needed we've never had a bad play meet ever.
I believe it's due to having a social before ensuring compatibility. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I wouldn’t go to a social event,
I would be worried that everyone else would know each other and I would be feeling left out. I’m not very good at meeting new people anyway. |
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By *red333Man 42 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person…."
A date maybe  |
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Socials 1st always, if people don't want a social then they aren't my people it's as simple as that.
We've been catfished twice, one was a good 10+ years than her profile stated.
I've chatted to people on here that's gone amazing but in person zero chemistry and the opposite too met people at socials that have been amazing but wouldn't have looked twice at their profile on here.
The larger organised socials maybe a good idea OP?
Mrs |
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I may not be meeting currently but it's written in my profile that I insist on a social. Anyone getting in touch will know that from the start.
Those who think that rule doesn't apply to them will be sorely disappointed and we don't be compatible anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Clubs are the only way around it, you can socialise and then take it further if needs be. The biggest problem is that we all have different communication styles. Some people can come across as bone dry online but be a good time in person and vice versa. It's different meeting privately for a woman and I'm not gonna compromise my safety because they can't be arsed to meet socially beforehand. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Clubs you don’t need to go there for sex
If I am at a club I am not necessarily looking for sex just out to socials in a safe environment and be myself if sex comes to me it’s a bonus if not then it’s all good I had a grate time talking to people "
This is how I do it too. Clubs I find it much easier. |
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If people don't want a social beforehand then it's ok, but they wont be for me. I don't want to be getting naked with someone and realise there isn't anything that makes me feel horny or vice versa.
As others have said, clubs are ideal to meet people, fantastic social side. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Clubs you don’t need to go there for sex
If I am at a club I am not necessarily looking for sex just out to socials in a safe environment and be myself if sex comes to me it’s a bonus if not then it’s all good I had a grate time talking to people
This is how I do it too. Clubs I find it much easier. "
I’ve still not done a club. But you need to feel their energy face to face 1st before anything else happens.
Just my opinion.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Clubs you don’t need to go there for sex
If I am at a club I am not necessarily looking for sex just out to socials in a safe environment and be myself if sex comes to me it’s a bonus if not then it’s all good I had a grate time talking to people
This is how I do it too. Clubs I find it much easier.
I’ve still not done a club. But you need to feel their energy face to face 1st before anything else happens.
Just my opinion. "
If the energy isn't there over messages/phone calls, it isn't gonna be there face to face.
Anyone I meet I'm already 95% sure it's gonna be more.
If I'm less tham that, I won't meet them.
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Clubs you don’t need to go there for sex
If I am at a club I am not necessarily looking for sex just out to socials in a safe environment and be myself if sex comes to me it’s a bonus if not then it’s all good I had a grate time talking to people
This is how I do it too. Clubs I find it much easier.
I’ve still not done a club. But you need to feel their energy face to face 1st before anything else happens.
Just my opinion.
If the energy isn't there over messages/phone calls, it isn't gonna be there face to face.
Anyone I meet I'm already 95% sure it's gonna be more.
If I'm less tham that, I won't meet them.
"
That’s kinda the thing though, I wouldn’t ask for a social if I didn’t think I was alread getting along with them anyway.
Anyone I’ve asked for a social, I’m 95 percent sure I wanted to rip their clothes off.
I hold a lot back on messages/phone calls, because I’ve found most of it doesn’t lead anywhere. |
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person….
I think photos and messages covers it. I'm pretty sure some users here now know I am indeed a sexy 33 year old man and not a 57 year old called Barry.
But other than that a video call is proof no?
"
I need to meet people in person to decide. I don’t need proof., I’m not daft enough to start chatting to a fake. But I wanna know what the person is really like. |
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person…."
Clubs are a great option, you can arrange to meet someone at a club to "chat & see how things go". If you get on, then you can progress to play otherwise you can tell them you're not interested and leave them too it.
Cal |
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By *eliWoman 42 weeks ago
. |
Is it really on the increase? I've not noticed that to be honest. I won't have sex without a date/social. People might say it's jumping through a hoop, I really don't care. If it's important to you OP, why are you compromising?
I know there are people who can happily meet someone and then go straight to all holes drilling all night but that's not me. |
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Yeah, it's always been like that in the four years I've been on here. Hands up, I used it as dial a fuck, In my sweetshop days. Eventually I shut down my filters and went searching for them myself and that works for me |
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We prefer socials and have played on first date, our rules are simple
If the profile is well verified, or a friend of a friend and we have established good rapport then quick social with intention to play is fine with us as it saves everyone time.
If it is someone new or we are getting that oh not so sure kind of feeling, then first meet is strictly social.
We try not to commit to play before first meets though as it puts unecessary pressure on everyone plus our prep for a social vs play meet is very different. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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Being a single woman I want a social first for a feeling of safety and trust. People can use outdated or fake photos and messages can be tailored to be what you want to hear. Messages can be thought out and worded well but in person having to answer on the spot can be quite telling.
Videos, video calls, voice notes all help. But in person is better.
I've had it where I've been able to have great conversations over the phone or messages with someone but as soon as I laid eyes on them in person it was 'nope that's not happening'.
I like to be able to leave a social and when I'm back home tell them if want to meet them again.
I've broken this more than once in certain instances and that's sometimes been down to distance.
It does feel like less people are ok with a social first on fab these days. It's been a major stumbling block. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"Is it really on the increase? I've not noticed that to be honest. I won't have sex without a date/social. People might say it's jumping through a hoop, I really don't care. If it's important to you OP, why are you compromising?
I know there are people who can happily meet someone and then go straight to all holes drilling all night but that's not me."
I won't compromise. Social first always, nothing sexual. If they don't like that we don't meet.
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I'm a principled swinger. If you're insisting on a social you're violating the very sacred fabric of swinging. I can't break those values, I can't compromise my beliefs for someone like that.
That and I'm Hella ugly irl, awkward, can't hold a conversation, thick as ever, and hung like a baby mosquito.  |
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person…."
A happy medium, sounds like mystic Meg on Prozac |
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I like a social first before any playing occurs.
I like to check the chemistry and attraction, see how we get on etc. If someone doesn't want a social with me first there aren't for me and that's ok.
I think everyone should be comfortable and have their needs met. I think it works quite well as the ones that don't want a social can engage with the numerous profiles on here with the same viewpoint.
I haven't visited a club yet so haven't suggested there as a meeting place but it's a good option I'll bare in mind for the future. |
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I think there's nothing like a face to face social to see if there's mutual attraction and you hit it off.
Ive spoken to people, seen pics and thought we'd hit it off, we didn't click in person. I've had the opposite too, resisted meeting someone as I didn't think he'd be for me. We had a social, got on like a house on fire and we met for a couple of years.
When I was single I had men say well it's not a dating site etc & I just stopped engaging. I'll want a social first, with someone I might get naked with. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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I like a social for a first meet. I get people so wrong from getting to know them online sometimes. If there is some mutual connection as well I love that wild lust feeling that stays until you next meet.
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person…."
A platonic video call. |
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person….
A platonic video call. "
I agree - I’ve done a video call with a few people before going on to play and it gives a much better feel for the person than over text, but an in-person is always the best |
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person…."
Socials are good to see if there’s a connection. If there is then back to theirs/ yours or arrange a date. If not enjoy the drink/ chat/ coffee and move on.
Be nowt worse than arranging a meet blind then hating it. Happened once for us and wasn’t pleasant at all. R |
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It would depend what you expect to get from a social. If you’re they sort of people that needs to build some form of connection prior to sex, then there’s no real alternative to a social. Other than arranging a meet and leaving if you decide it’s not for you.
We don’t do socials because we’re not interested in making a connection, but then we’re not swingers in the traditional sense so maybe not a good example |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I’ve noticed more people seem to be unkeen on socials. Reasons include, ‘its a sex site’, ‘its not a dating site’, ‘I/we don't have time’, ‘I/we don't like them’, ‘they’re a waste of time’.
One thought might be, well don't engage with people who dislike socials. Thats one idea but what else can one do to find a happy medium?
What other methods are there that aren’t a social, but are more than photos and messages, that can put your mind at rest you're dealing with a real genuine person…."
I love socials both here and on dating sites. No pressure from me, ever. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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As a couple, we only went to clubs and had a couple of hotel meets. Now, I have had two very nice social meets with a lovely lady with a third next week. It's been better than the nights as a couple as I've been made to feel more relaxed and less uptight. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"I can't say I've noticed this, but isn't it just another form of filter?
If you like a social and they don't, is it just a way of knowing it won't go any further?"
This |
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By *ornycougaWoman 42 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
I like to meet for a drink first and - if the chemistry is there - go and bang. I make it clear that sex isn't a dead cert. I would say that 95 of single guys are fine with this (admittedly that might change when I say I'm not DTF). It's couples that approach me that seem to want a cast iron guarantee of a shag so it's interesting to read the couples responses on here in particular. |
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I find socials really quite important, on the occasions I've met with no social, almost all of them have been disappointing in some way.
Not all would have been changed by a social but most would.
Because of this, it's usually something I insist on |
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By *r_PinkMan 42 weeks ago
london stratford |
For single men, unless you are hung like a donkey, have a six pack and are 6ft and over, you NEED to go to socials, to actually meet people and let them see what you are like.
OBVIOUSLY, for me, someone with no personality, no style or charm, who is short fat and ugly, even socials do not matter as no one wants to shag me anyways. But at least I get to go out and talk to people.
which is something I suppose |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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I see it that if both people are genuine and serious about meeting up, they'll both find time to do it. People these days are very self interested and aren't willing to be a little selfless to make things work. If a person is only in it for themselves and don't think about the other people involved at all, it's not really going to work very well. Either the interaction flops or someone is taken advantage of and then may very well become colder and more selfish themselves. |
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Definitely a social first and then decide from that. It might take me a couple of socials with that person before I decide.
I'm not in a rush to just jump into bed with someone I'm not sure about... |
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