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Are people aware
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By (user no longer on site) OP 49 weeks ago
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Are people genuinely aware of the damage of the written word?
Especially when something you may have meant as fun is taken in another way. You can’t hear the emotion or tone it is said with so if you’re feeling negative you may take it any a negative way
Now you could say that if you’re in that current state of mind that here or anywhere is not suitable for you, but, maybe this is the only place people have and being in forums etc hopefully gives them a chance of interaction.
Now we don’t know someone else’s situation unless they wish to share it but are you mindful of your words, or will you say it?
I know there are times for me when I’m not in a great head place I avoid forums so I don’t get a ban for saying something. That said there are some things I read when someone has expressed a point of view where I think was the reply really necessary |
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As was said, forums are for everyone and on the whole find them a good way to pass the time and even informative and supportive. My rule is be respectful of others and don't cross lines. If they do, I just ignore them rather than engage in further discusion and I will not even visit that thread again to read their replies as there will always be one - they like to have the last word. Some people like to dig deep for trouble but are only realy very few and can easily be ignored. Lots of great people on here. It is certainly not worth takong anything personal here no matter how much some might try to make things petsonal and some definately do. I would hate to feel there are people that need to interact in tbe forum but are not feeling comfortable to do si because of the behaviour of others. Usually 'bad bevaviour' gets tackled quickly and odten by other foremites or mods. Respect for one another above all  |
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The vast majority here will be respectful and nice initially. It's only when you get to know people better you can take the piss and it's usually other people who take offense then on other people's behalf.
There's a few malicious, rude, entitled people though and you just have to ignore them. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"Are people genuinely aware of the damage of the written word?
Especially when something you may have meant as fun is taken in another way. You can’t hear the emotion or tone it is said with so if you’re feeling negative you may take it any a negative way
Now you could say that if you’re in that current state of mind that here or anywhere is not suitable for you, but, maybe this is the only place people have and being in forums etc hopefully gives them a chance of interaction.
Now we don’t know someone else’s situation unless they wish to share it but are you mindful of your words, or will you say it?
I know there are times for me when I’m not in a great head place I avoid forums so I don’t get a ban for saying something. That said there are some things I read when someone has expressed a point of view where I think was the reply really necessary "
Some people are vicious and couldn’t give a rats arse how someone feels. If I read empathy from someone just once, I can accept sometimes they may be having a bad day when they reply with short blunt posts.
Op, you’ve got to have a very thick skin in here, especially as a guy. Everyone is shitting on you from above.
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I think if u can't say something nice then keep quiet! If it's to someone personally! If it's a difference of opinion then fine as long as we are not rude no personal attacks! Just bite my tongue x |
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Tend to keep my opinions
And my gob shut on certain issues
Will not personally berate or call someone out
At work I’m totally different I open my trap first tend to say what I think not good had two warnings so far one verbal one written all gone now  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 49 weeks ago
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I don’t think it’s about having to have thick skin here, or “banter” amongst people who know each other on here.
It’s about would you really say what you say to someone to their actual face?
As humans we are not meant to all get on to be “nasty” for the sake of it or to try and win some perceived favours of others, for me, is sad. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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We aren’t professional writers, and I doubt many of us would want to write in such a way as to deliberately manipulate the reactions of others anyway. I do see people who seem to either forget (or don’t care) that there is a person on the other end of a comment with life happening around them. It’s a minority, and I’ve learned to spot them - and see how quickly sone threads disintegrate often due to someone trolling to keep feeling what is often a feeling of alienation or of not being in the ‘fab mainstream’.
It’s ironic given the site is full of explicit photos and sexual openness that any personal and felt contributions become a target. Get naked physically, but not emotionally. Which would be a wasted forum in my view. Nothing more than text porn.
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I think some know exactly what they're saying and how it will impact others. I agree I see some responses and wonder why the heck they've felt the need to comment.
There's some lovely supportive people in the forums and some who can't wait to jump on others and give their two pennies worth, even if its not nice or necessary.
With many threads you can tell how they're going to go in the first few posts,so they can be avoided. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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Words are taken differently by people. You can't hear the tone or fully know the intention behind them but anyone who is being directly hurtful, I think its clear to see. Most people on here wouldn't purposely want to harm anyone or be directly hurtful with their words. It also depends on a person's mindset, if you're having a bad day you might receive something in the wrong way that normally you would take with a pinch of salt. Words can be a weird thing to read but it's important not to let anything said by strangers on the Internet have a massive impact on your life. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"I don’t think it’s about having to have thick skin here, or “banter” amongst people who know each other on here.
It’s about would you really say what you say to someone to their actual face?
….."
You’d be amazed at what some people from the forum would say to your face … in the middle of a bar at a group social …. #they know who
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"I'm not a fan of deliberately softening everything I say "
Me neither. I’m never nasty but I can’t do the false nicey nicey thing. But I stay away from all the compliment/what do you like about someone threads. They’re just not my thing. I don’t sugarcoat either. |
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By *ild_oatsMan 49 weeks ago
the land of saints & sinners |
"Are people genuinely aware of the damage of the written word?
Especially when something you may have meant as fun is taken in another way. You can’t hear the emotion or tone it is said with so if you’re feeling negative you may take it any a negative way
Now you could say that if you’re in that current state of mind that here or anywhere is not suitable for you, but, maybe this is the only place people have and being in forums etc hopefully gives them a chance of interaction.
Now we don’t know someone else’s situation unless they wish to share it but are you mindful of your words, or will you say it?
I know there are times for me when I’m not in a great head place I avoid forums so I don’t get a ban for saying something. That said there are some things I read when someone has expressed a point of view where I think was the reply really necessary "
It’s called projection…..
You project your neuroses, negative thoughts, emotions onto perceived tone often when there is none…
Also others use of the written English language is different to that of the reader. So tone and feeling can be imagined in a different way than was originally intended.
Take any post on any social media including here with a neutral stance. That way you won’t be offended by something you read by projecting your emotions on to it….
Always read something thrice and think about it twice before replying….
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By (user no longer on site) OP 49 weeks ago
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"I'm not a fan of deliberately softening everything I say
Me neither. I’m never nasty but I can’t do the false nicey nicey thing. But I stay away from all the compliment/what do you like about someone threads. They’re just not my thing. I don’t sugarcoat either. "
It’s not about sugarcoating or complimenting or softening, it’s more about what seem like personal attacks on people that then make people feel they have no place here when all they are trying to do is interact.
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"I wonder sometimes (when Die Hard isn’t on tv obvs) if people are in person the way they present their personality online. "
This is why I send a stunt double for socials. |
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"I don’t think it’s about having to have thick skin here, or “banter” amongst people who know each other on here.
It’s about would you really say what you say to someone to their actual face?
As humans we are not meant to all get on to be “nasty” for the sake of it or to try and win some perceived favours of others, for me, is sad. "
Don't think I've said anything on here that I wouldn't say to anyones face.
I have had to walk away when I have wanted to say more than is suitable for a forum when would have said a lot if actually face to face.
MrsAbz |
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"I'm not a fan of deliberately softening everything I say
Me neither. I’m never nasty but I can’t do the false nicey nicey thing. But I stay away from all the compliment/what do you like about someone threads. They’re just not my thing. I don’t sugarcoat either.
It’s not about sugarcoating or complimenting or softening, it’s more about what seem like personal attacks on people that then make people feel they have no place here when all they are trying to do is interact.
"
It's pack mentality a lot of the time.
Sometimes it's necessary to read between the lines and see the anguish behind what's often clumsily expressed. However if one or two start with criticism usually the rest of the contributors follow. |
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"I don’t think it’s about having to have thick skin here, or “banter” amongst people who know each other on here.
It’s about would you really say what you say to someone to their actual face?
As humans we are not meant to all get on to be “nasty” for the sake of it or to try and win some perceived favours of others, for me, is sad. "
It is that but you need to ignore them. People like that don't change. They are inherently that way. Very sad and sycophantic people indeed but not worth giving them a second thought. Interact with all the other nice people on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"I'm not a fan of deliberately softening everything I say "
This.
I'd rather people just say what they actually think than just be "nice" for the sake of it.
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"Are people genuinely aware of the damage of the written word?
Especially when something you may have meant as fun is taken in another way. You can’t hear the emotion or tone it is said with so if you’re feeling negative you may take it any a negative way
Now you could say that if you’re in that current state of mind that here or anywhere is not suitable for you, but, maybe this is the only place people have and being in forums etc hopefully gives them a chance of interaction.
Now we don’t know someone else’s situation unless they wish to share it but are you mindful of your words, or will you say it?
I know there are times for me when I’m not in a great head place I avoid forums so I don’t get a ban for saying something. That said there are some things I read when someone has expressed a point of view where I think was the reply really necessary "
You have to be very careful about how you write things on a public forum, if there is a decent chance that something you write in a jokey way could be misinterpreted, then either change how you write it or be prepared for it to be misinterpreted. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"Are people genuinely aware of the damage of the written word?
Especially when something you may have meant as fun is taken in another way. You can’t hear the emotion or tone it is said with so if you’re feeling negative you may take it any a negative way
Now you could say that if you’re in that current state of mind that here or anywhere is not suitable for you, but, maybe this is the only place people have and being in forums etc hopefully gives them a chance of interaction.
Now we don’t know someone else’s situation unless they wish to share it but are you mindful of your words, or will you say it?
I know there are times for me when I’m not in a great head place I avoid forums so I don’t get a ban for saying something. That said there are some things I read when someone has expressed a point of view where I think was the reply really necessary
You have to be very careful about how you write things on a public forum, if there is a decent chance that something you write in a jokey way could be misinterpreted, then either change how you write it or be prepared for it to be misinterpreted."
Or just write it and move on?
I think people just need to not take it so seriously |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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I’ve realised over time that people on the forums don’t get me, they don’t get my humour or my references, they’re generally don’t like that I make reference to things, they don’t like xyz about me or how I comment on here. And I’ve realised there have been times I’ve probably come across as not the nicest person because I’ve made comments in jest that people haven’t taken well. So I try and be more mindful these days about what I say on here. But do I believe most posters are mindful? Absolutely not. But that’s just my opinion. |
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It's as well to temper what you say and write with awareness of how it might affect other people. None of us can be responsible all the time for other people's feelings but nobody has the right to barge about saying anything they want and blaming the fall out on everyone else. All of us will offend or upset people at some point intentionally or not. If you don't care about that fair enough. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 49 weeks ago
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"Are people genuinely aware of the damage of the written word?
Especially when something you may have meant as fun is taken in another way. You can’t hear the emotion or tone it is said with so if you’re feeling negative you may take it any a negative way
Now you could say that if you’re in that current state of mind that here or anywhere is not suitable for you, but, maybe this is the only place people have and being in forums etc hopefully gives them a chance of interaction.
Now we don’t know someone else’s situation unless they wish to share it but are you mindful of your words, or will you say it?
I know there are times for me when I’m not in a great head place I avoid forums so I don’t get a ban for saying something. That said there are some things I read when someone has expressed a point of view where I think was the reply really necessary
You have to be very careful about how you write things on a public forum, if there is a decent chance that something you write in a jokey way could be misinterpreted, then either change how you write it or be prepared for it to be misinterpreted.
Or just write it and move on?
I think people just need to not take it so seriously "
And this is fine in principle
As I say when someone writes something y they have to own those words. They’ve written them and will be there forever to see
Deliberately belittling people or going after them for no reason other than what seems to win favour, uphold the persona they want to create in here, is in my opinion wrong.
I’m not talking of softening words or feelings I am talking where it’s just nastiness for nastiness sake
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Most people with decency and common sense, should be able to know right and wrong when they become personal or attacking anyone else or making them feel uncomfortanle and they should stop. Some just don't but thankfully is only a few and one or two of their sycophantic mates. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"Are people genuinely aware of the damage of the written word?
Especially when something you may have meant as fun is taken in another way. You can’t hear the emotion or tone it is said with so if you’re feeling negative you may take it any a negative way
Now you could say that if you’re in that current state of mind that here or anywhere is not suitable for you, but, maybe this is the only place people have and being in forums etc hopefully gives them a chance of interaction.
Now we don’t know someone else’s situation unless they wish to share it but are you mindful of your words, or will you say it?
I know there are times for me when I’m not in a great head place I avoid forums so I don’t get a ban for saying something. That said there are some things I read when someone has expressed a point of view where I think was the reply really necessary
You have to be very careful about how you write things on a public forum, if there is a decent chance that something you write in a jokey way could be misinterpreted, then either change how you write it or be prepared for it to be misinterpreted.
Or just write it and move on?
I think people just need to not take it so seriously
And this is fine in principle
As I say when someone writes something y they have to own those words. They’ve written them and will be there forever to see
Deliberately belittling people or going after them for no reason other than what seems to win favour, uphold the persona they want to create in here, is in my opinion wrong.
I’m not talking of softening words or feelings I am talking where it’s just nastiness for nastiness sake
"
Oh, maybe I've missed those posts. |
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"Are people genuinely aware of the damage of the written word?
Especially when something you may have meant as fun is taken in another way. You can’t hear the emotion or tone it is said with so if you’re feeling negative you may take it any a negative way
Now you could say that if you’re in that current state of mind that here or anywhere is not suitable for you, but, maybe this is the only place people have and being in forums etc hopefully gives them a chance of interaction.
Now we don’t know someone else’s situation unless they wish to share it but are you mindful of your words, or will you say it?
I know there are times for me when I’m not in a great head place I avoid forums so I don’t get a ban for saying something. That said there are some things I read when someone has expressed a point of view where I think was the reply really necessary
You have to be very careful about how you write things on a public forum, if there is a decent chance that something you write in a jokey way could be misinterpreted, then either change how you write it or be prepared for it to be misinterpreted.
Or just write it and move on?
I think people just need to not take it so seriously "
That’s what I’m saying, if it bothers you that people take offence then rewrite it, don’t get all bothered about it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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There’s lots of nastiness on here. I think most posters would say they’ve had nasty comments/ digs aimed at them at some point or had groups of friends come along and dig them out. The forum will never change tbh. What I do think though is that lots of people think they’re innocent when they’re not. That’s why I had to reflect and accept I’ve definitely not been nice to people on occasions on here. I bet most people read this thread and think they’ve never upset or offended anyone. It’s just probably untrue. Nobody in the forums are saints let’s be serious. |
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"I don’t think it’s about having to have thick skin here, or “banter” amongst people who know each other on here.
It’s about would you really say what you say to someone to their actual face?
As humans we are not meant to all get on to be “nasty” for the sake of it or to try and win some perceived favours of others, for me, is sad. "
I heard something recently - albeit in the context of intellectual debates.
Side 1 said that talking in person is better because you're not likely to be mean
Side 2 said talking in person is constraining because you're more likely to be polite rather than tell someone that their argument is illogical.
All forms of communication have plus sides and downsides. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"There’s lots of nastiness on here. I think most posters would say they’ve had nasty comments/ digs aimed at them at some point or had groups of friends come along and dig them out. The forum will never change tbh. What I do think though is that lots of people think they’re innocent when they’re not. That’s why I had to reflect and accept I’ve definitely not been nice to people on occasions on here. I bet most people read this thread and think they’ve never upset or offended anyone. It’s just probably untrue. Nobody in the forums are saints let’s be serious. "
You know what Steve. Your right, I’ve deleted many posts I’m about to hit send on, and I’ve posted about the same amount that are sarcastic/snappy or short, and I hide behind the reason I’m moody. But I should know better.  |
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Are people not aware people are people and say mean and horrible things?
Sure as shit there are #bekind people out there that are far from innocent of saying things that could cause upset in form of another.
I won't intentionally want to cause harm to somebody else through what I say or go that extra mile to add in that extra dig, but fuck that shit when it comes to walking about on eggshells incase somebody else is too sensitive.
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"There’s lots of nastiness on here. I think most posters would say they’ve had nasty comments/ digs aimed at them at some point or had groups of friends come along and dig them out. The forum will never change tbh. What I do think though is that lots of people think they’re innocent when they’re not. That’s why I had to reflect and accept I’ve definitely not been nice to people on occasions on here. I bet most people read this thread and think they’ve never upset or offended anyone. It’s just probably untrue. Nobody in the forums are saints let’s be serious. "
I'm definitely no saint. I do try (try is the operative word) to argue against the argument, not the person. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"There’s lots of nastiness on here. I think most posters would say they’ve had nasty comments/ digs aimed at them at some point or had groups of friends come along and dig them out. The forum will never change tbh. What I do think though is that lots of people think they’re innocent when they’re not. That’s why I had to reflect and accept I’ve definitely not been nice to people on occasions on here. I bet most people read this thread and think they’ve never upset or offended anyone. It’s just probably untrue. Nobody in the forums are saints let’s be serious. "
I know I can be a bitch.
But then you get the be kind brigade and those moaning about how hard it is for them etc etc and they are the worst on here.
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"
You know what Steve. Your right, I’ve deleted many posts I’m about to hit send on, and I’ve posted about the same amount that are sarcastic/snappy or short, and I hide behind the reason I’m moody. But I should know better. "
I thought you were just woody. Are you actually moody woody  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 49 weeks ago
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"There’s lots of nastiness on here. I think most posters would say they’ve had nasty comments/ digs aimed at them at some point or had groups of friends come along and dig them out. The forum will never change tbh. What I do think though is that lots of people think they’re innocent when they’re not. That’s why I had to reflect and accept I’ve definitely not been nice to people on occasions on here. I bet most people read this thread and think they’ve never upset or offended anyone. It’s just probably untrue. Nobody in the forums are saints let’s be serious.
I know I can be a bitch.
But then you get the be kind brigade and those moaning about how hard it is for them etc etc and they are the worst on here.
"
I do agree that there are certain posts or comments that can receive a more “curt” answer especially along with the “green arrow”as a point of reference.
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"Are people not aware people are people and say mean and horrible things?
Sure as shit there are #bekind people out there that are far from innocent of saying things that could cause upset in form of another.
I won't intentionally want to cause harm to somebody else through what I say or go that extra mile to add in that extra dig, but fuck that shit when it comes to walking about on eggshells incase somebody else is too sensitive.
"
I agree with all of this. Also people may make a comment to someone and then someone else gets offended by it even though it’s a joke comment. I know who I can joke with and who I can’t. What is a laugh and a joke may look like something else to someone else. People love being offended on behalf of others who actually don’t give a toss. |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"Are people not aware people are people and say mean and horrible things?
Sure as shit there are #bekind people out there that are far from innocent of saying things that could cause upset in form of another.
I won't intentionally want to cause harm to somebody else through what I say or go that extra mile to add in that extra dig, but fuck that shit when it comes to walking about on eggshells incase somebody else is too sensitive.
I agree with all of this. Also people may make a comment to someone and then someone else gets offended by it even though it’s a joke comment. I know who I can joke with and who I can’t. What is a laugh and a joke may look like something else to someone else. People love being offended on behalf of others who actually don’t give a toss. "
That’s because you’re a nob.  |
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"Are people not aware people are people and say mean and horrible things?
Sure as shit there are #bekind people out there that are far from innocent of saying things that could cause upset in form of another.
I won't intentionally want to cause harm to somebody else through what I say or go that extra mile to add in that extra dig, but fuck that shit when it comes to walking about on eggshells incase somebody else is too sensitive.
I agree with all of this. Also people may make a comment to someone and then someone else gets offended by it even though it’s a joke comment. I know who I can joke with and who I can’t. What is a laugh and a joke may look like something else to someone else. People love being offended on behalf of others who actually don’t give a toss.
That’s because you’re a nob. "
Somebody better bloody call you out on that!  . They do it for everyone else! |
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By (user no longer on site) 49 weeks ago
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"Are people not aware people are people and say mean and horrible things?
Sure as shit there are #bekind people out there that are far from innocent of saying things that could cause upset in form of another.
I won't intentionally want to cause harm to somebody else through what I say or go that extra mile to add in that extra dig, but fuck that shit when it comes to walking about on eggshells incase somebody else is too sensitive.
I agree with all of this. Also people may make a comment to someone and then someone else gets offended by it even though it’s a joke comment. I know who I can joke with and who I can’t. What is a laugh and a joke may look like something else to someone else. People love being offended on behalf of others who actually don’t give a toss.
That’s because you’re a nob.
Somebody better bloody call you out on that! . They do it for everyone else! "
It’s not true about everyone else x |
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"Are people not aware people are people and say mean and horrible things?
Sure as shit there are #bekind people out there that are far from innocent of saying things that could cause upset in form of another.
I won't intentionally want to cause harm to somebody else through what I say or go that extra mile to add in that extra dig, but fuck that shit when it comes to walking about on eggshells incase somebody else is too sensitive.
I agree with all of this. Also people may make a comment to someone and then someone else gets offended by it even though it’s a joke comment. I know who I can joke with and who I can’t. What is a laugh and a joke may look like something else to someone else. People love being offended on behalf of others who actually don’t give a toss.
That’s because you’re a nob.
Somebody better bloody call you out on that! . They do it for everyone else!
It’s not true about everyone else x"
Haha. Fair point |
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