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The other cost of living
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
"
Answering stupid posts like this  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
Answering stupid posts like this "
Bless your heart! 
Tones |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
Answering stupid posts like this "
On a serious note.
I don't care for your validation Karl, but please do not diminish or invalidate feelings of the people who have decided to use this public outlet to share something raw; who posted before you and will after you.
Peace be with you.
T. |
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"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
Answering stupid posts like this "
Don't answer them then, simples |
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Death of wife or losing someone close to us been fourteen years since I lost my wife as all can imagine 21 December Christmas didn’t exist for good few years later for me anyway grandkids and family helped me through the dark days which were many  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Death of wife or losing someone close to us been fourteen years since I lost my wife as all can imagine 21 December Christmas didn’t exist for good few years later for me anyway grandkids and family helped me through the dark days which were many "
I'm pleased you seem to have found your light.
T |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Having an abusive father and a non maternal mother. Cost me most of my 20- early 30's. But get there in the end and I've broken the cycle. So it's been worth it. "
I knew someone who used metaphor of a spiderweb or being tangled in a ball of yarn.. breaking the cycle is harder than one can imagine - the universal answer to those asking: 'Why didn't she just leave the first time?'
Kudos to you. |
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Do I say this? This is difficult.
I made the mistake of building a friendship and a working relationship with someone who proved to be immensely destructive. Some people are so wicked, they have no compunction about weaponising the loss of a child, and wilfully driving another person to the edge of suicide, for no better reason than revenge for a bruised ego.
I made another mistake when I confided in two people I thought I could trust, who then turned on me for no apparent reason, showed zero empathy for how vulnerable I was, and even went so far as to spread their negativity about me to others. One was so callous, she did this knowing it was the anniversary of my child's funeral.
What is the cost? I am fundamentally changed. I view almost everyone as a potential threat, and despite being surrounded by people, I am isolated and alone. I no longer have trust or faith in anyone except Ailsa. |
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"Having an abusive father and a non maternal mother. Cost me most of my 20- early 30's. But get there in the end and I've broken the cycle. So it's been worth it.
I knew someone who used metaphor of a spiderweb or being tangled in a ball of yarn.. breaking the cycle is harder than one can imagine - the universal answer to those asking: 'Why didn't she just leave the first time?'
Kudos to you. "
That's kind of the point though, when you're brought up in a highly dysfunctional family. Even dysfunctional looks better. It takes a lot to realise that just because it wasn't as bad as my childhood, doesn't mean it's right either. That's a hard thing to realise and acknowledge. Luckily having kids made me assess what exactly I wanted for them. And that was a loving happy childhood |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I read something today which popped as meme on Pinterest, but here is the quote.. :
'Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked and understood. It doesn’t matter. The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. You’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. Instead of being liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of being understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.'
Thank you all for sharing.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I read something today which popped as meme on Pinterest, but here is the quote.. :
'Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked and understood. It doesn’t matter. The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. You’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. Instead of being liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of being understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.'
Thank you all for sharing.
T"
I love this. This is so apt right now.
I'm in a phase of... the people getting upset about me setting boundaries because they don't benefit anymore.
What cost me the most, I darent post exactly, I don't share my story much and found it very painful to in counselling recently, something I really don't want to do again any time soon but I will have to.
But it cost me my childhood, my natural development in more ways than one, things that I will never ever have, never experience, and for the rest of my life will not be able to escape the voids it leaves and the after effects. Right down to the point where I can't even have normal conversations where most people can, the hardest thing I ever did was to learn everything from scratch where others wouldn't even think about it when I left with absolutely no one to help me or guide me or support me. And not financially either.
Maybe this will help some understand the choice of ananke as a username. If you think about it enough and don't focus on the goddess part. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do I say this? This is difficult.
I made the mistake of building a friendship and a working relationship with someone who proved to be immensely destructive. Some people are so wicked, they have no compunction about weaponising the loss of a child, and wilfully driving another person to the edge of suicide, for no better reason than revenge for a bruised ego.
I made another mistake when I confided in two people I thought I could trust, who then turned on me for no apparent reason, showed zero empathy for how vulnerable I was, and even went so far as to spread their negativity about me to others. One was so callous, she did this knowing it was the anniversary of my child's funeral.
What is the cost? I am fundamentally changed. I view almost everyone as a potential threat, and despite being surrounded by people, I am isolated and alone. I no longer have trust or faith in anyone except Ailsa."
You have Ailsa.  |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
Answering stupid posts like this
On a serious note.
I don't care for your validation Karl, but please do not diminish or invalidate feelings of the people who have decided to use this public outlet to share something raw; who posted before you and will after you.
Peace be with you.
T. "
If i understood any of that i would reply sincerely  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
What is the cost? I am fundamentally changed. I view almost everyone as a potential threat, and despite being surrounded by people, I am isolated and alone. I no longer have trust or faith in anyone except Ailsa."
I think the right people will be always there, waiting for that moment when it feels safe to come out of your shell. It goes both ways doesn't it - it is hard to trust someone who pushes you away too.
And you are so fortunate to have that bond |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
Answering stupid posts like this
On a serious note.
I don't care for your validation Karl, but please do not diminish or invalidate feelings of the people who have decided to use this public outlet to share something raw; who posted before you and will after you.
Peace be with you.
T.
If i understood any of that i would reply sincerely "
Well I am sorry if I misunderstood you. I felt protective because I wanted to be a keeper of a small safe space, just for this moment. Take care
T |
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"I read something today which popped as meme on Pinterest, but here is the quote.. :
'Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked and understood. It doesn’t matter. The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. You’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. Instead of being liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of being understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.'
Thank you all for sharing.
T
I love this. This is so apt right now.
I'm in a phase of... the people getting upset about me setting boundaries because they don't benefit anymore.
What cost me the most, I darent post exactly, I don't share my story much and found it very painful to in counselling recently, something I really don't want to do again any time soon but I will have to.
But it cost me my childhood, my natural development in more ways than one, things that I will never ever have, never experience, and for the rest of my life will not be able to escape the voids it leaves and the after effects. Right down to the point where I can't even have normal conversations where most people can, the hardest thing I ever did was to learn everything from scratch where others wouldn't even think about it when I left with absolutely no one to help me or guide me or support me. And not financially either.
Maybe this will help some understand the choice of ananke as a username. If you think about it enough and don't focus on the goddess part."
|
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"Do I say this? This is difficult.
I made the mistake of building a friendship and a working relationship with someone who proved to be immensely destructive. Some people are so wicked, they have no compunction about weaponising the loss of a child, and wilfully driving another person to the edge of suicide, for no better reason than revenge for a bruised ego.
I made another mistake when I confided in two people I thought I could trust, who then turned on me for no apparent reason, showed zero empathy for how vulnerable I was, and even went so far as to spread their negativity about me to others. One was so callous, she did this knowing it was the anniversary of my child's funeral.
What is the cost? I am fundamentally changed. I view almost everyone as a potential threat, and despite being surrounded by people, I am isolated and alone. I no longer have trust or faith in anyone except Ailsa.
You have Ailsa. "
In a very real sense, she saved my life. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for her. She is extraordinary |
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"
What is the cost? I am fundamentally changed. I view almost everyone as a potential threat, and despite being surrounded by people, I am isolated and alone. I no longer have trust or faith in anyone except Ailsa.
I think the right people will be always there, waiting for that moment when it feels safe to come out of your shell. It goes both ways doesn't it - it is hard to trust someone who pushes you away too.
"
This is very true. It does go both ways. It requires a leap of faith, and I don't have it in me to make that leap, and so I don't expect someone else to do it first. But it's okay. I'm at peace. And secure and stable and safe. I don't ask for anything else Xx
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Being a people pleaser... I have learnt to say no, amazing what happens when you start doing that!"
I also wonder what happens when you start saying Yes to new things.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
"
Cost me lots of lost years as a child. Not having a father around. Keeping secrets from family. Caring for the family who did wrong.
I cut them off. Best decision ever. |
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"Being a people pleaser... I have learnt to say no, amazing what happens when you start doing that!
I also wonder what happens when you start saying Yes to new things.
"
I've done that too! Definitely made new friends. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
Answering stupid posts like this
On a serious note.
I don't care for your validation Karl, but please do not diminish or invalidate feelings of the people who have decided to use this public outlet to share something raw; who posted before you and will after you.
Peace be with you.
T.
If i understood any of that i would reply sincerely
Well I am sorry if I misunderstood you. I felt protective because I wanted to be a keeper of a small safe space, just for this moment. Take care
T"
You to.. Be happy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Answering stupid posts like this
Why do people have to be like this
Cant ask a ? Now?
I give up... If you cant ask questions how do you learn? "
Ask away  |
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Staying in a toxic relationship for longer than I should because I thought it was the right thing to do to keep my family together, it destroyed my mental health and its been a long road to get me back to a place of happiness
Tinder |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"Staying in a toxic relationship for longer than I should because I thought it was the right thing to do to keep my family together, it destroyed my mental health and its been a long road to get me back to a place of happiness
Tinder "
Sadly been there to ... But there will be light at the end of the tunnel
Just stay on the right path for you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Staying in a toxic relationship for longer than I should because I thought it was the right thing to do to keep my family together, it destroyed my mental health and its been a long road to get me back to a place of happiness
Tinder
Sadly been there to ... But there will be light at the end of the tunnel
Just stay on the right path for you x"
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What cost you the most in life?
In non monetary way?
This might be tough for some, so please try and take comfort in hope that this pain hopefully helped you grow as a human. Or find others who went through the same, divide the old and new sadness in smaller pieces. Take some weight off. Easier to handle.
Tones
Cost me lots of lost years as a child. Not having a father around. Keeping secrets from family. Caring for the family who did wrong.
I cut them off. Best decision ever. "
If you can't feel safe around some people, you shouldnt feel obliged to keep them close because of the blood bond. I'm glad you got out.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Staying in a toxic relationship for longer than I should because I thought it was the right thing to do to keep my family together, it destroyed my mental health and its been a long road to get me back to a place of happiness
Tinder
Sadly been there to ... But there will be light at the end of the tunnel
Just stay on the right path for you x"
Well said mate! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I knew my brother was depressed and I didn't do enough. I offered love and support but I know I could have done more and I should have done more. I won't ever forgive myself, and as most of you know, he's dead now. I'll always wonder if I could have saved him. But I hope I won't make that same mistake again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I knew my brother was depressed and I didn't do enough. I offered love and support but I know I could have done more and I should have done more. I won't ever forgive myself, and as most of you know, he's dead now. I'll always wonder if I could have saved him. But I hope I won't make that same mistake again. "
Lemon!
That is horrible!
You did not fall short!!!
You did all you thought you could do at the time and re visiting recunniing what ifs will do you no good at all!
Please please talk to someone
I really hope you do
Jack
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
And soon the end is near
When I face that final curtain
My friend I'll make it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
Of mistakes and bad decisions i'll say
But hey, what the hell
I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a lot
But then again too many to mention
I did what I wanted to do
And fucked it up without exception
I drifted along in life
and took a wrong turn on every highway
But hey, what the fuck
I did it my way
Yes, there were times I'm sure I knew
I shouldn't do what i was about to do
but I went ahead, and did it anyway
So I paid the price
But I did it my way
For what is life if you don't live
The way you think you should live
Not to do the things you wish
And bend the knee to others bids
Let the record show I took all the blows and did it my way |
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All that time I wasted thinking that other peoples opinions of me was important. Greatest weight I ever lifted off my shoulders was when I realised other people are only worrying about themselves. They don’t have the time or self awareness to even start to think about me so why do I worry about what they think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All that time I wasted thinking that other peoples opinions of me was important. Greatest weight I ever lifted off my shoulders was when I realised other people are only worrying about themselves. They don’t have the time or self awareness to even start to think about me so why do I worry about what they think?"
Get this as well but not learnt the lesson fully yet |
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Letting the words and opinions of others mold my own view of myself.
Letting people use and hurt me.
Allowing them power over me and to destroy me.
It took a lot of time for my walls to come down to Mr and he doesn't mind just sitting with me in the dark times when they hit, which is more than you can ask for sometimes.
MrsAbz
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
It took a lot of time for my walls to come down to Mr and he doesn't mind just sitting with me in the dark times when they hit, which is more than you can ask for sometimes.
MrsAbz
"
That's true
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Letting the words and opinions of others mold my own view of myself.
Letting people use and hurt me.
Allowing them power over me and to destroy me.
It took a lot of time for my walls to come down to Mr and he doesn't mind just sitting with me in the dark times when they hit, which is more than you can ask for sometimes.
MrsAbz
"
Anyone who finds someone like that , whether partner or friend are lucky. |
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"Letting the words and opinions of others mold my own view of myself.
Letting people use and hurt me.
Allowing them power over me and to destroy me.
It took a lot of time for my walls to come down to Mr and he doesn't mind just sitting with me in the dark times when they hit, which is more than you can ask for sometimes.
MrsAbz
Anyone who finds someone like that , whether partner or friend are lucky. "
Thanks, I do feel lucky to have that now.
Plus my best friend who turned up in my life about 8yrs ago and just refuses to leave. Love her.
I hope you find some peace and comfort soon. I noticed you've had a lot to handle.
Much hugs and peace to you
MrsAbz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Realising too late in life that I spent well over 3 decades with a narcissistic, pathological liar.
I've been parasite free for 2 and a half years now and life is simply amazing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Letting the words and opinions of others mold my own view of myself.
Letting people use and hurt me.
Allowing them power over me and to destroy me.
It took a lot of time for my walls to come down to Mr and he doesn't mind just sitting with me in the dark times when they hit, which is more than you can ask for sometimes.
MrsAbz
Anyone who finds someone like that , whether partner or friend are lucky.
Thanks, I do feel lucky to have that now.
Plus my best friend who turned up in my life about 8yrs ago and just refuses to leave. Love her.
I hope you find some peace and comfort soon. I noticed you've had a lot to handle.
Much hugs and peace to you
MrsAbz "
Much appreciated |
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