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Establishing first contact!
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"Everyone likes different things.
I like zero compliments and humour. Works for me when I send messages. "
Thanks. I thought compliments would've been a safe thing to write. I don't mean sleazy compliments (nice tits etc), I mean non sexual compliments. Like complimenting their dress in the pic etc.
Would that weird? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone likes different things.
I like zero compliments and humour. Works for me when I send messages.
Thanks. I thought compliments would've been a safe thing to write. I don't mean sleazy compliments (nice tits etc), I mean non sexual compliments. Like complimenting their dress in the pic etc.
Would that weird? "
To me. Yes.
To normal people. No. |
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"The sun +moon need to be aligned for me, but there is a 'tone and type of language' that is a massive yes beacon for me "
I used to try and judge from the profile and pics posted what type of tone and language I should use, but it's incredibly difficult to get right. So now I just use the tone and language most comfortable for me. If we match, we match. If not, then that's cool too.
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"Hi all,
Writing the first message is so hard, I never know how to start.
What are some definite dos and don'ts? "
You can't win whatever you put so do a mixture of cut and paste messages and sporadically send them everywhere, you should get some tiddlers eventually  |
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Be polite & don't send your cock, that's all I ask for.
I don't understand the need for essays but as long as it's not just a Hi & something I can actually reply to I don't really care what the 1st message is, even if it's shit if I like the profile I'll still reply if I don't I won't.
Mrs |
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By *nyx_xyMan
over a year ago
London |
Unfortunately, sending first messages as a single male is too often a total waste of time. There are much more effective ways of getting people’s attention.
I’d advise sending first messages it only if you are very keen on someone and are prepared to follow their requirements, or if they’ve expressed interest in you in some way – a wink, a fabbed photo, a forum post etc. |
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Dear OP,
Sending the same message to the same person over and over again is a no-no, however cut-and-paste messages are fine or, if you have a personalised template that is unique and represents your typical style and manner of message or rhetoric would be recommended. The key is to ensure that your message isn't going to be an identikit pattern comparative to your peers.
Certain people reading this will baulk at my suggestion of the cut-and-paste approach. However, if you're messaging 100+ people there are only so many permutations of how someone can say "how do you do", "hello", "good afternoon", "pleased to meet you", "delighted", "charmed I'm sure" and so forth.
Personalise your message by referencing anything you can glean from the recipient's profile. However this isn't always possible because many people say very little and indeed have very little written in their profile, if anything at all. Don't be put off by this: some of the best interactions I've had were from women who had no profile narrative whatsoever (they had a lovely avatar though), because they are new, shy, cautious and not fully acclimatised to the wacky world of Fab.
Good luck OP.  |
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"Hi all,
Writing the first message is so hard, I never know how to start.
What are some definite dos and don'ts? "
To be quite frank, it’s hard because you will rarely get a reply. This is a site where couples and women rarely actually meet single guys .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Watch the film Arrival and take notes.
Ah a fellow sci-fi fan! Love that film btw. "
Ooh you've seen it. I wondered if anyone would get it. It's a great film. I watched Annihilation just before it and loved that too. |
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"Watch the film Arrival and take notes.
Ah a fellow sci-fi fan! Love that film btw.
Ooh you've seen it. I wondered if anyone would get it. It's a great film. I watched Annihilation just before it and loved that too."
Both films are excellent. Annihilation especially is great. The whole concept was original.
"District 9" is also a real gem of a sci-fi film that a lot of people haven't seen. |
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Everyone is different but my first and biggest tip is read the profile, they may have listed their own dos and donts for you.
Then send a message that shows you have read the profile and introduce yourself, be nice and be polite. |
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By *ucka39Man 52 weeks ago
Newcastle |
Try and be creative use the imagination even a little sense of humour. Might not work with everyone as some wouldn't understand the slightest and would prefer someone slightly different  what ever that is so just be Homer Simpson |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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Op. Good luck writing the most precarious worded piece of literature ever!!!!
If they don’t like the look of you, it’s an ignore, and then there’s your grammar, and your photos, and your use of a phrase in your profile…. And the fact you once wore a blue shirt shopping one day. Anything make your message useless and disappear into the abyss.
Just say hello, introduce yourself and hope they like the fact you are polite and friendly.
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By *ooBulMan 52 weeks ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
Hey, "Badonka-Donk!"
"Pherwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!"
Then send a pic that isn't tally whacker related.
Then delete yer message & forget. You got a 50% chance of them replying...
Then go & make a cup of tea & have a chocolate finger for your efforts as a reward!  |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"Watch the film Arrival and take notes.
Ah a fellow sci-fi fan! Love that film btw.
Ooh you've seen it. I wondered if anyone would get it. It's a great film. I watched Annihilation just before it and loved that too.
Both films are excellent. Annihilation especially is great. The whole concept was original.
"District 9" is also a real gem of a sci-fi film that a lot of people haven't seen. "
One seen that too. It's great.
And there was me thinking I was more a thriller type of woman, maybe I'm not. |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"Watch the film Arrival and take notes.
Ah a fellow sci-fi fan! Love that film btw.
Ooh you've seen it. I wondered if anyone would get it. It's a great film. I watched Annihilation just before it and loved that too.
Both films are excellent. Annihilation especially is great. The whole concept was original.
"District 9" is also a real gem of a sci-fi film that a lot of people haven't seen.
One seen that too. It's great.
And there was me thinking I was more a thriller type of woman, maybe I'm not."
Maybe you’re a sci-fi geek or a Trekkie??? Come sit with us. |
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"Watch the film Arrival and take notes.
Ah a fellow sci-fi fan! Love that film btw.
Ooh you've seen it. I wondered if anyone would get it. It's a great film. I watched Annihilation just before it and loved that too.
Both films are excellent. Annihilation especially is great. The whole concept was original.
"District 9" is also a real gem of a sci-fi film that a lot of people haven't seen.
One seen that too. It's great.
And there was me thinking I was more a thriller type of woman, maybe I'm not."
My preference in movies, is the same as my preference in people. The individual details don't matter, it's about how the whole thing comes together
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"I was really hoping this was a Star Trek thread. Oh well.
The line must be draw here, this far, no further "
Is it against the prime directive to steer a thread off topic? |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"Read the profile
Attach a face pic
Be polite
Pay a compliment
Ask a question"
Paying a compliment is quite ingratiating. Sure sign of inauthenticity to appeal to someone's ego as an introduction |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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I think deep down it's pot luck. If the person fancies you, they're likely to be tolerant of anything. If they don't find you attractive, you can sometimes expect to get a block just trying to break the ice based on something on their profile. |
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I wouldn’t write war and peace as to be honest if you aren’t attractive to us then it really doesn’t matter.
We like to look at profiles and pics after receiving a message so basically all 3 usually have to work.
One of my pet hates is for peoples profiles to be blank with no pics and they message with a pic - it always feels like they are hiding from someone and it also feels like it’s one sided as we’ve written a detailed profile and put plenty of pics up so people already have a flavour of us.
K |
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"I think deep down it's pot luck. If the person fancies you, they're likely to be tolerant of anything. If they don't find you attractive, you can sometimes expect to get a block just trying to break the ice based on something on their profile."
Yeah I think this is true in most cases. That why no I just write in my own tone and style and if we click we click. |
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"I wouldn’t write war and peace as to be honest if you aren’t attractive to us then it really doesn’t matter.
We like to look at profiles and pics after receiving a message so basically all 3 usually have to work.
One of my pet hates is for peoples profiles to be blank with no pics and they message with a pic - it always feels like they are hiding from someone and it also feels like it’s one sided as we’ve written a detailed profile and put plenty of pics up so people already have a flavour of us.
K"
I understand what you mean. Although I'm not hiding, I personally don't like having my face pic in my profile. I have plenty of other pics and don't mind sending a face pic privately.
But I agree, if the face isn't attractive , the greatest message in the world probably wouldn't work.
So short sharp message with a face pic. Got it. |
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"I was really hoping this was a Star Trek thread. Oh well.
The line must be draw here, this far, no further
Is it against the prime directive to steer a thread off topic?"
•
We are ·all· culpable to a point when it comes to digressing on threads (me included), however the Fab Moderators will 'moderate' and act accordingly if a thread goes significantly off topic [I'm not a mod, nor am I purporting to being one]. You've only been here three weeks. If longevity on the fora is your prime directive then take heed. 
#FriendlyAdvice |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"I think deep down it's pot luck. If the person fancies you, they're likely to be tolerant of anything. If they don't find you attractive, you can sometimes expect to get a block just trying to break the ice based on something on their profile."
 |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"I wouldn’t write war and peace as to be honest if you aren’t attractive to us then it really doesn’t matter.
We like to look at profiles and pics after receiving a message so basically all 3 usually have to work.
One of my pet hates is for peoples profiles to be blank with no pics and they message with a pic - it always feels like they are hiding from someone and it also feels like it’s one sided as we’ve written a detailed profile and put plenty of pics up so people already have a flavour of us.
K"
I second this. But I also have a very detailed profile as I like to skip past the initial small talk and dive in to more juicy conversations.
Short messages are perfect, ideally demonstrating what it was about my profile that caught your interest, especially if your bio is not very detailed.
You want to have something in your bio to help you stand out from "man looking for naughty fun with like minded women and couples".
Over the years, the more specific I have got with what I'm looking for, the more of it I have been offered.
A simple "great profile, you sound like we could have fun" works for me, optional face pic (I'll ask soon enough anyway) and if he has some detail to his bio that sounds fun, I'll reply. |
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