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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So if a guy suggests a social in a first message is that too forward?
Do you prefer chat on here then a potential social?
Or is it just nice to meet new people so let’s social?  |
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I've had first messages offering a social meet and while I always insist on one it's usually after weeks of chatting so a request like that from someone I'm not already familiar with would probably be met with a polite thanks but no thanks. |
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By *untogetherCouple
over a year ago
Malaga, Spain, Not in U. K. |
I think you're going to find a mixed bag on this one. Some people are of the Don't want to meet socially at all, let alone asking for one in first message. Others would rather cut to the chase and see what's on offer instead of endless messages back and forth. I say 50/50 split on the subject.  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
No it would put me off if someone is asking to meet either for a social or more in a first message. I prefer to get to know someone before I would even think of meeting them for a social and someone asking in a first message would make me think they are quite pushy. |
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I tend to chat extensively for weeks, sometimes for months and on two occasions for over a year before I've met someone.
More recently, for no clear reasons that I can think of, I've met people within a fortnight — but that's on the back of exchanging 100s of messages of worth and substance, and the other person instigating the meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How do you know you want to spend time with someone without even exchanging a few messages first?
Most don’t have face pics either so you wouldn’t know whether you’re attracted to them or not.
I can’t imagine many agreeing to a social after 1 message.
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
NORWAY Wherever I lay my hat |
Not in the first message but I tend to get the measure of someone pretty quickly and know if I want to meet them or not in a few messages. If I am interested then I would much rather meet sooner rather than later. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I'm very much a social first sort of person but I'd probably find it a bit much... it's situational though.
I'm rather a slow burner and definitely on the demi side. It's not to say I wouldn't like to meet people socially, love doing that. Just... not with it suggested straight away. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you're going to find a mixed bag on this one. Some people are of the Don't want to meet socially at all, let alone asking for one in first message. Others would rather cut to the chase and see what's on offer instead of endless messages back and forth. I say 50/50 split on the subject. "
Should I report back on the thread stats?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not in the first message but I tend to get the measure of someone pretty quickly and know if I want to meet them or not in a few messages. If I am interested then I would much rather meet sooner rather than later."
Makes more sense… build up to the potential suggestion |
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I probably wouldn’t be chatting unless I was interested in meeting them for a social, Unless it’s a forum friend. Not really interested in platonic friends from here anymore (excluding the ones I already have of course) |
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"I probably wouldn’t be chatting unless I was interested in meeting them for a social, Unless it’s a forum friend. Not really interested in platonic friends from here anymore (excluding the ones I already have of course) "
Having said that I’d still chat for ages before I’d meet them. I can get a lot about someone from chatting. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I probably wouldn’t be chatting unless I was interested in meeting them for a social, Unless it’s a forum friend. Not really interested in platonic friends from here anymore (excluding the ones I already have of course)
Having said that I’d still chat for ages before I’d meet them. I can get a lot about someone from chatting. "
Absolutely… chats allow it to open up…. |
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It's important to be honest. Though usually most people will prefer the context to be right. They'll want to be known for them, not a poorly known guess of who they are.
Typically with new interactions, they evolve and find their own way. If someone is not ready to indicate that they may meet, they may alter how they engage with you, perhaps even backing off.
Perhaps offering a range of outcomes could give the illusion of choice? |
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For me, someone asking to meet in their first message is an instant no thanks.
I don't know who they are, they don't know who I am. The amount of time I actually have free to spend with other humans is very limited, and I'm not going to spend that time with some stranger that hasn't even established a mutual interest first.
It feels like they'd just meet anyone who happened to be convenient and so wouldn't actually be remotely engaged or interested in getting to know me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've done both - but meeting without a social first has involved lots of phone calls beforehand... I guess it depends what you are after - i need to build trust first |
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By *ddie1966Man 52 weeks ago
Paper Town Central, Essex. |
It's a strange one this. A little like saying how long is a piece of string.
Only you will know the answer.
Everyone is going to be different. There are people who are difficult to work out and people it just feels so natural to chat to. But I would never make the suggestion to a person unless I was absolutely sure they were comfortable with a possible social meet. I would never expect anything to happen on a first social either. In fact, it's highly likely I would refuse unless it was absolutely obvious we were totally "into" each other.
I pride myself on being a good judge of character. My job relies on it TBH. But after such a short time. Not for me.
But as I said at the start, only you will know. |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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I’ve offered a social in the 1st message. I’m only asking for a drink and a chat. …
Or we can chat in here forever, it’s all the same to me.
Op, some will be put off by it, and others like to get out and meet face to face. The forum will never have the definitive answer, it’s full of people who sit here day after day chatting online. *Just my opinion, it means nothing. 
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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You'll never please everyone so I would just do you.
Some message for months without actually progressing to meeting.
If I like someone facially then why not meet in person quickly to establish if there is a spark. Saves a lot of time in my opinion. I'm a social sort anyway and its nice to meet people. A spcial is just that a social until it isn't. |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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" You'll never please everyone so I would just do you.
Some message for months without actually progressing to meeting.
If I like someone facially then why not meet in person quickly to establish if there is a spark. Saves a lot of time in my opinion. I'm a social sort anyway and its nice to meet people. A spcial is just that a social until it isn't. "
A first message jut be a little fast though ha after a couple of messages though it would be a yes. |
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"So if a guy suggests a social in a first message is that too forward?
Do you prefer chat on here then a potential social?
Or is it just nice to meet new people so let’s social? "
I like a social. If asked for one in the first message, I would check out the person's profile first. Then exchange a few messages and photos ( face/body clothed or nude), and decide from there.
It doesn't worry me to receive a social request in first message. To me a social is just that, it is not for sex on that occasion.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 52 weeks ago
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"It would put me off if in the initial message, would rather engage and exchange messages on here and then think about arrange social.
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All about engagement…. See where that leads… |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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I prefer to chat for awhile. I am not going on anything unsafe.. Safety is paramount. I have had socials purely to check you out because some profiles are not who they say they are. |
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Thinks it's fine, but might not fit the others preferences of timescales.
Still, stringing a sentence together politely like that would put you in the 99.9 percentile for messages on here from our experience |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 52 weeks ago
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"Thinks it's fine, but might not fit the others preferences of timescales.
Still, stringing a sentence together politely like that would put you in the 99.9 percentile for messages on here from our experience "
My sentences aren’t where I worry …it’s putting those bloody paragraphs together |
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