Whenever I'm in the car with my mum and someone belts past at 90 miles an hour she always pipes up; 'Idiot! You won't get there any faster!'
Er... they fecking well will mum 
Another ond is 'too cold for snow' (presumable the Artic is only about -2 all year then?) and 'don't say the r-word!' (yeah, because I can make it rain just by saying it  ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been looking everywhere for it - and do you know what - it was in the last place that I looked!"
Does anybody ever say "It was in the last but one place that I looked"....?
Of COURSE it was in the last place that you looked..!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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'It's no use crying over spilt milk'.....Really?...and there was I about to sob my heart out in the hope that the milk would return itself to it's rightful place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""I've been looking everywhere for it - and do you know what - it was in the last place that I looked!"
Does anybody ever say "It was in the last but one place that I looked"....?
Of COURSE it was in the last place that you looked..!!!"
That's like when you say you have lost something and someone says where did you have it last , if I knew that it wouldn't be lost would it. |
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By *ickndom OP Couple
over a year ago
Wimborne |
""I've been looking everywhere for it - and do you know what - it was in the last place that I looked!"
Does anybody ever say "It was in the last but one place that I looked"....?
Of COURSE it was in the last place that you looked..!!!
That's like when you say you have lost something and someone says where did you have it last , if I knew that it wouldn't be lost would it. "
I know someone who lost their virginity several times  , how careless is that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Football commentators make me laugh. The classic one I hear all the time is: "He won't get any closer to scoring than that!" - he would if it went in the fookin net! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My old ma had a few, if she sent us to the shop and wanted us to hurry up she would say run both ways and walk back never understood that, she would also send us for 5lb of spuds but don't get any big ones they weigh too much,
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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago
Livingston |
Mum: I heard that
Me: I din't say anything
Mum: I know, but you were thinking it
Me: (to self, inside my head) Fuck, she's a mind reader now
Mum: Yes I am and stop fucking swearing
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The problem with the French is that they have no word for entrepreneur
George W bush again
Good, but not funny enough to need to post it twice "
Worked though |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
Our Mam - on punishment...Gonna slap your backside 'til your nose bleeds buttermilk
On short skirts/dresses...That'll look nice when it's finished
On hearing "It's not fair"...It's not raining
Fortunately, I've never had my arse slapped hard enough for my nose to bleed, let alone bleed buttermilk
 |
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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago
Livingston |
"Our Mam - on punishment...Gonna slap your backside 'til your nose bleeds buttermilk
On short skirts/dresses...That'll look nice when it's finished
On hearing "It's not fair"...It's not raining
Fortunately, I've never had my arse slapped hard enough for my nose to bleed, let alone bleed buttermilk
"
could be arranged... just to prove your mum wrong!! |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"Our Mam - on punishment...Gonna slap your backside 'til your nose bleeds buttermilk
On short skirts/dresses...That'll look nice when it's finished
On hearing "It's not fair"...It's not raining
Fortunately, I've never had my arse slapped hard enough for my nose to bleed, let alone bleed buttermilk
could be arranged... just to prove your mum wrong!! "
Ooooh, right - I'm bent over then, give it your best shot |
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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago
Livingston |
"Our Mam - on punishment...Gonna slap your backside 'til your nose bleeds buttermilk
On short skirts/dresses...That'll look nice when it's finished
On hearing "It's not fair"...It's not raining
Fortunately, I've never had my arse slapped hard enough for my nose to bleed, let alone bleed buttermilk
could be arranged... just to prove your mum wrong!!
Ooooh, right - I'm bent over then, give it your best shot "
Hang on... you still got your crutches? |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"Our Mam - on punishment...Gonna slap your backside 'til your nose bleeds buttermilk
On short skirts/dresses...That'll look nice when it's finished
On hearing "It's not fair"...It's not raining
Fortunately, I've never had my arse slapped hard enough for my nose to bleed, let alone bleed buttermilk
could be arranged... just to prove your mum wrong!!
Ooooh, right - I'm bent over then, give it your best shot
Hang on... you still got your crutches?"
Yep, bloody hell, spank me with one of them and my fecking nose will bleed buttermilk  |
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