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Stupid dad jokes
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How does a man's fart sounds in metric system?
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Gram...Gram...Gram
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How does a woman's fart sounds in metric system?
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Kilo...Kilo...Kilo
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Throw your stones at me or tell your stupid joke.
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Man first for the effect, no other reason.
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"Used to have this woman come and wax my Speedo area but she was no good so I had to give her the sac "
I say I say I say..............
what is the difference between abudabi and dubai?
Well. the people of dubai do not like the flintstones but abudabi do!!!!
BOOM BOOM
its the way i tell em! |
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I used to be a gynecologist... got fired for eating on the job.
What do you call a fish with no eye(i) fshhh.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.
What's the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? One will see you in a while the other will see you later.
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto |
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"What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug
What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas
"
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff
What do you call a man with a pig on his head? Hamed.
What do you call a man with two pigs on his head? Morehammed |
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A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".
He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too". |
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"What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug
What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff
What do you call a man with a pig on his head? Hamed.
What do you call a man with two pigs on his head? Morehammed "
What do you call a man with two pigs on his head standing between two houses?
Morehammed Alley |
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Went for a meet with a guy off here recently and told him I was a bit down. He took his t shirt off revealing a heavily tattooed upper body, handed me a set of felt pens and said it’s ok, I’ve a good shoulder to crayon… |
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"What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
🦌 "
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no cock?
Still no fucking idea |
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I met a dyslexic Yorkshire man this morning, he was wearing a cat flap.
I know a polish sound engineer, and a Czech one too.
I was watching Australian masterchef and everyone cheered when someone made a meringue, I thought that's odd usually Australians boo meringue |
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"A pack of polos and tic tacs are sitting at the bar when a pack of halls soothers walks in. The pack of polos says to the tic tacs.”don’t stare at him, he’s menthol”  "
Two chunks of tarmac are having a argument over who is the "hardest" of hardcore. Just then a pink chunk of tarmac comes in, right beside a green chunk of tarmac. The first chunk of tarmac says to the second chunk of tarmac.
Don't look now,- those two are a pair of cycle paths!.... |
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Therewas a Norweigen walking his bear in a park in stockholm...
A swedish policeman walked up to them and said excuse me do you have a license for that bear....
norweigen replied i didnt know you needed a license for a bear...
policeman replied, i was talking to the bear!... |
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"My friend said the other day he didn’t know how cloning worked.
I said “that makes two of us”"
So I asked my landlord if I could set myself up a cloning laboratory in my flat.
He said “no problem, make yourself at home” |
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"My friend said the other day he didn’t know how cloning worked.
I said “that makes two of us”
So I asked my landlord if I could set myself up a cloning laboratory in my flat.
He said “no problem, make yourself at home”"
When the cloning experiments actually worked I was so happy I was beside myself |
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"My friend said the other day he didn’t know how cloning worked.
I said “that makes two of us”
So I asked my landlord if I could set myself up a cloning laboratory in my flat.
He said “no problem, make yourself at home”
When the cloning experiments actually worked I was so happy I was beside myself"
Mexican gene scientists are celebrating their success in gender selection with a special offer,- buy Juan, get Juan free |
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By *oodbMan 1 week ago
manchester |
CEO of Stockport dyslexic society got awarded an OBE last week. When asked by a Manchester Evening News reporter if he was pleased, he said he was but couldn’t understand why they gave him it as he couldn’t play it. |
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By *oodbMan 1 week ago
manchester |
I went to my GP because I can’t control my weight. He said it’s a simple fix, just don’t eat anything fatty.
I asked what specifically shouldn’t I eat…
He said no, you don’t understand. I said DON’T EAT ANYTHING, fatty! |
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