FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Stupid dad jokes

Stupid dad jokes

Jump to: Newest in thread

By *inky Chef OP Man over a year ago

Norwich

How does a man's fart sounds in metric system?

Gram...Gram...Gram

How does a woman's fart sounds in metric system?

Kilo...Kilo...Kilo

Throw your stones at me or tell your stupid joke.

Man first for the effect, no other reason.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What noise does a mushroom car make?

Shroooooommmm!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 45 weeks ago

Hounslow

I asked my Gym instructor to teach me how to do the splits

"How flexible are you?" She asked

"Well I can't do Tuesday or Thursdays" I replied

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ackFromTheDead2Man 45 weeks ago

London/Surrey

"I asked my Gym instructor to teach me how to do the splits

"How flexible are you?" She asked

"Well I can't do Tuesday or Thursdays" I replied "

This is a good 1 lool

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 45 weeks ago

Hounslow

I had a vasectomy as I don't want kids anymore.

When I got home the little bastards were still there.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *amierebelMan 45 weeks ago

nae danger.

Guy in a wheelchair stole my camouflage jacket yesterday..... well he can hide but he can't run

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 45 weeks ago

Hounslow

People keep telling me I am condescending.

(That's talking down to people)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 45 weeks ago

Hounslow

What did the drummer call his 4 daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.

I'll get my coat

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oldShortsMan 45 weeks ago

St Helens

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They’re big metal fans

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *orny-DJMan 45 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

Did you hear about the Mexican fireman who named his twin sons Jose and Hose B

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *orny-DJMan 45 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

..or the plumber who named his kids Hot and Cold

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *orny-DJMan 45 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

[Removed by poster at 27/01/24 21:01:57]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *orny-DJMan 45 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

I thought my tumble dryer was shrinking all my clothes. Turns out it was the fridge

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *orny-DJMan 45 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

What did the Japanese janitor say when he leapt out of the cupboard?

Supplies!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *andy CanesWoman 45 weeks ago

south

"What did the drummer call his 4 daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.

I'll get my coat"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *agneto.Man 45 weeks ago

Bham

I got sent to work in the prison library once.

It had its prose and cons.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *aizyWoman 45 weeks ago

west midlands

"I got sent to work in the prison library once.

It had its prose and cons. "

That is awful!

Well done!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *wlmanMan 45 weeks ago

Rugby

Electric car owners

What music do they listen to?

AC/DC or something current?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *cflirtyMan 45 weeks ago

hants/ w sussex border

So the shopping list said 6 cans of Sprite... but when I got home I realised I'd picked 7up

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *wlmanMan 45 weeks ago

Rugby

"So the shopping list said 6 cans of Sprite... but when I got home I realised I'd picked 7up"

Groan

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *agneto.Man 45 weeks ago

Bham

"I got sent to work in the prison library once.

It had its prose and cons.

That is awful!

Well done!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) 45 weeks ago

I got a book out the library.. "the science of superglue"

I couldn't put it down

Got a book out on cellotape..

I couldn't find the beginning..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *UGGYBEAR2015Man 45 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

Last night me and the missus watched two DVDs back to back

Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *o_yeur_eyes_onlyMan 45 weeks ago

Londontown

Great thread!!

How does the moon cut its hair???....

....

Eclipse it

*Drops the mic

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 44 weeks ago

Hounslow

What does a fake Blacksmith make

Forgeries

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *TG3Man 44 weeks ago

Dorchester

I had sex on a plane it was wrong on so many levels

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *agneto.Man 44 weeks ago

Bham

"I had sex on a plane it was wrong on so many levels

I had sex in a lift. That was also wrong on so many levels.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *TG3Man 44 weeks ago

Dorchester

"I had sex on a plane it was wrong on so many levels

I had sex in a lift. That was also wrong on so many levels. "
omg yes but you've gotta be quick in a lift

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 44 weeks ago

Hounslow

Awful news about the explosion in the.....

FRENCH CHEESE factory

No one was hurt, but de brie was everywhere

NISSAN CAR factory

It's raining Datsun cogs

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *sleWightCoupleCouple 44 weeks ago

Ryde

Did you hear about the Chinese couple who got a divorce?

She went back to Peking, he went back to wanking.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 44 weeks ago

Hounslow

My father owned a coal extraction company, but did not tell anyone.

He mined his own business

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *agic johnsonMan 44 weeks ago

morden

Used to have this woman come and wax my Speedo area but she was no good so I had to give her the sac

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *r_PinkMan 44 weeks ago

london stratford

"Used to have this woman come and wax my Speedo area but she was no good so I had to give her the sac "

I say I say I say..............

what is the difference between abudabi and dubai?

Well. the people of dubai do not like the flintstones but abudabi do!!!!

BOOM BOOM

its the way i tell em!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *andy CanesWoman 44 weeks ago

south

Love these joke threads

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ooBulMan 44 weeks ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

If a Vegetarian has an argument then, is it called a beef...?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ooBulMan 44 weeks ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

If a seagull is flying over a bay, is it called a bay-gull....?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago

How many Mexicans does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Juan

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *alibra57Man 44 weeks ago

Southampton

World strawberry picking contest

A woman with no legs won it.

The guy who came second said

She was a jammy cunt.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *2000ManMan 44 weeks ago

Worthing

What happened to the frogs car when it broke down? It got toad away.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *wlmanMan 44 weeks ago

Rugby

My wife thinks I'm a sex machine....

Well, she calls me a fucking tool.....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 43 weeks ago

Hounslow

See the Inventor of Velcro has died.

RIP

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uzie69xTV/TS 43 weeks ago

Maidstone

"What did the drummer call his 4 daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.

I'll get my coat"

Barooom Tish ... Would be the perfect ending that joke...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *estmids71Man 43 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

I have named my pet termite Clint. Clint eats wood....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *estmids71Man 43 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

I have been trying to find the final resting place of the man who invented the crossword. When I got to the cemetery I asked a guy if he knew where it was. He told me it was 4 down 2 across.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uzie69xTV/TS 43 weeks ago

Maidstone

Woman sees a man at the Olympic Village bus stop with a pole.

Are you a pole vaulter? She asks...

No I'm German but how did you know my name is Walter?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *weet and SpiceCouple 43 weeks ago

Around the Midlands

How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon

How did the cheese paint his wife? He double gloucester

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *onameyet2Man 43 weeks ago

chorley

My mate invented an acid that can burn through anything

He’s currently trying to find something to put it in

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *agic johnsonMan 43 weeks ago

morden

Bought a Christmas tree today and the guy said are you putting it up yourself ? I said no Its going in the front room

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *agic johnsonMan 43 weeks ago

morden

Panty liners . Worst cruise I ever been on

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *argaryen starkCouple 43 weeks ago

pinxton

Why do women give birth ?

Because it hurts and they deserve it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *argaryen starkCouple 43 weeks ago

pinxton

A man walks in to a bar

Ouch , it was a metal bar

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *elshcouple18Couple 43 weeks ago

Cardiff

I asked the bank cashier to check my balance so she pushed me over!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ittleJohn5Man 43 weeks ago

Wickham Market

Sold my vacuum cleaner the other day

It was only collecting dust

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 43 weeks ago

Hounslow

I have just written my first song, it is about tortillas.

Well it is more of a rap

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 43 weeks ago

Hounslow

I bitterly regret going to that Star Wars themed sex party.

Turns out the man in the Darth Vader suit was my father

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 43 weeks ago

Hounslow

Thanks for letting me join this chat, By the way I am Psychic.

Now, I know what you are all thinking.

I have swallowed a lot of synonyms.

It's given me thesaurus throat I have ever had.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ubbie300Couple 43 weeks ago

Bawtry

"Last night me and the missus watched two DVDs back to back

Luckily I was the one facing the TV. "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *erry bull1Man 43 weeks ago

doncaster

A dwarf walked into a woman wearing a miniskirt

He got a crack on the head

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *agic johnsonMan 43 weeks ago

morden

What's brown and sticky

A stick

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 43 weeks ago

Hounslow

What shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderpants

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *nsatiable n baldCouple 43 weeks ago

somewhere only we know

A slice of apple pie is £2.50 in Jamaica and £3 in the Bahamas…

There are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ndtheswingersMan 43 weeks ago

colchester

[Removed by poster at 09/02/24 14:18:25]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 43 weeks ago

Hounslow

I mixed up all the spices in my partner's spice rack without telling them.

I am not in trouble, but thymes a cumin

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rofessor ElementalMan 43 weeks ago

Durham

Why don't skeletons fight each other?

Because they don't have the guts!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dnmartinMan 43 weeks ago

Hounslow

What do you call a spider with 10 eyes?

A spiiiiiiiiiider

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *issYeuxBleusWoman 43 weeks ago

My boudoir - S Wales

My sat-nav keeps directing me to nudist beaches!.... I think it might be a peeping TomTom

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ig_eric_tionMan 43 weeks ago

IPSWICH

What do call a dinosaur with one eye?

A doyouthinkhesaurus..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *weet.touchMan 43 weeks ago

liverpool

I used to be a gynecologist... got fired for eating on the job.

What do you call a fish with no eye(i) fshhh.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.

What's the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? One will see you in a while the other will see you later.

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *weet.touchMan 43 weeks ago

liverpool

"A dwarf walked into a woman wearing a miniskirt

He got a crack on the head "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ig_eric_tionMan 43 weeks ago

IPSWICH

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *weet.touchMan 43 weeks ago

liverpool

"What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff

What do you call a man with a pig on his head? Hamed.

What do you call a man with two pigs on his head? Morehammed

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *anted by NightMan 42 weeks ago

Shangri-La

A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic