Because you're emotionally attached. If they won't see you at all, even as a platonic friend, then I'm sorry to say it doesn't sound like they had much of a "friends" intention in the relationship.
Sorry to hear about your experience, OP. |
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It doesn't hurt me at all. I'm happy for them. I've had this happen a couple of times. But I'm very clear that i don't want a relationship, and i usually have more than one on the go, so maybe that helps? Maybe you need to figure out if you were hoping for more? |
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"I'm curious about what people deem "FWB". Surely if one is a friend (with benefits), the "friend" bit doesn't just stop abruptly if they get into a different sort of relationship? "
She's just going to miss the dick part of the relationship that much  
LvM |
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"When your fwb says they can't see you anymore cause they've started dating.
Why does this hurt  "
It's shit I know but at least he doesn't expect you to keep seeing him while he's dating her
Be kind to yourself and there will be another lucky guy waiting when you're ready x
|
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I guess I did get attached but kept that to myself. He was my younger lover as I'm 22 yrs older.
It's not really come as a surprise that he's dating only the fact he was ok seeing me while he was married !
I have another.....but he was my number one |
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Of course it'll hurt, you were friends and now they don't want to see you any more because someone else has come along.
Its a rare person who can see someone regularly for sex and keep feelings out of it. |
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"I guess I did get attached but kept that to myself. He was my younger lover as I'm 22 yrs older.
It's not really come as a surprise that he's dating only the fact he was ok seeing me while he was married !
I have another.....but he was my number one "
Wait! He's married and dating? Is he poly? |
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"I'm curious about what people deem "FWB". Surely if one is a friend (with benefits), the "friend" bit doesn't just stop abruptly if they get into a different sort of relationship?
She's just going to miss the dick part of the relationship that much
LvM"
Sex was amazing. Definitely going to miss that ;-( |
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"I guess I did get attached but kept that to myself. He was my younger lover as I'm 22 yrs older.
It's not really come as a surprise that he's dating only the fact he was ok seeing me while he was married !
I have another.....but he was my number one
Wait! He's married and dating? Is he poly?"
No, he's separated now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sounds like they weren't a true FWB, many will adopt the term while they are getting the sex but when it really cones down to it the F part turns out to be a facade and not a friend.
You probably didn't see it coming or expect it so it will have thrown you off a bit, and yes it hurts, you've lost a friend. Doesn't mean you had feelings beyond friend status. Give yourself time. Understand it's a natural change in life and focus and what you want next in your life. They might come back yet you never know. And then you'll have a different scenario to consider.
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"I guess I did get attached but kept that to myself. He was my younger lover as I'm 22 yrs older.
It's not really come as a surprise that he's dating only the fact he was ok seeing me while he was married !
I have another.....but he was my number one
Wait! He's married and dating? Is he poly?
No, he's separated now "
Ok I understand. He was fine seeing you when he was married but not so much now he's dating. He's got an interesting view on the situation. |
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I’d say it’s normal to be upset that something regular and pleasurable is coming to an end. Regardless of what feelings you have/ had for the person it’s normal I think.
But just going to add. This thread was a real rollercoaster  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When your fwb says they can't see you anymore cause they've started dating.
Why does this hurt "
How longs it been since the "can't see you amymore" conversation ?. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When your fwb says they can't see you anymore cause they've started dating.
Why does this hurt "
Because they were a friend (or so you believed) and now they are saying that doesn't even count as they don't want to see you.
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"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?"
I don't feel like the OPs friend was ever an actual friend. He was in it for the Sex. A true friend would not just disappear overnight. I think most "FWB" situations unfortunately turn out to be less friend and more benefits.
I found this out to my (emotional) cost. |
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"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?"
No, I don’t think it's you
When men say they are looking for a FWB I assume it's because they want license to drop you at will |
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"I guess I did get attached but kept that to myself. He was my younger lover as I'm 22 yrs older.
It's not really come as a surprise that he's dating only the fact he was ok seeing me while he was married !
I have another.....but he was my number one "
Oh so were you hoping he’d carry on seeing you behind his new partners back like he did his wife? And you’re disappointed that he’s ended things rather than carrying on? |
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This is something we don’t talk about much on Fab, and it can be really difficult to navigate.
You’ve been lovers and now you’re not. Can the friendship survive? Sometimes it can, and if you’re both *really* lucky it can turn into something that lasts. You can end up as friends who (quite literally) know each other intimately. There’s a closeness and comradeship that’s priceless and rare.
But you’ve got to be really lucky to get there. Jealousy can rear it’s ugly head really easily. And if you’re not the one who decided to end the ‘with benefits’ part (the fucking. Let’s just call it the fucking) then you’ve lost something you weren’t wanting to lose.
I dunno. I’ve been thinking about this lately because a lover of mine wanted to end our thing and give monogamy a try. And we’re lucky. We’ve made the transition easily and are the best of pals. I guess it says something about the friendship being real from the start, with or without the sex. |
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"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?
I don't feel like the OPs friend was ever an actual friend. He was in it for the Sex. A true friend would not just disappear overnight. I think most "FWB" situations unfortunately turn out to be less friend and more benefits.
I found this out to my (emotional) cost. "
I have no direct experience but I've observed that quite a few people are hurt by these relationships.
When I was younger we saw these type of set ups as one person using the other for sex with no consequences of responsibility for them and their feelings. Giving it a name kind of legitimises it and leaves the hurt person feeling they've no right to feel that way.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?
I don't feel like the OPs friend was ever an actual friend. He was in it for the Sex. A true friend would not just disappear overnight. I think most "FWB" situations unfortunately turn out to be less friend and more benefits.
I found this out to my (emotional) cost. "
 |
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"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?
No, I don’t think it's you
When men say they are looking for a FWB I assume it's because they want license to drop you at will"
Yep. I kind of feel that way too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?
No, I don’t think it's you
When men say they are looking for a FWB I assume it's because they want license to drop you at will"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?
I don't feel like the OPs friend was ever an actual friend. He was in it for the Sex. A true friend would not just disappear overnight. I think most "FWB" situations unfortunately turn out to be less friend and more benefits.
I found this out to my (emotional) cost.
I have no direct experience but I've observed that quite a few people are hurt by these relationships.
When I was younger we saw these type of set ups as one person using the other for sex with no consequences of responsibility for them and their feelings. Giving it a name kind of legitimises it and leaves the hurt person feeling they've no right to feel that way.
"
|
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"This is something we don’t talk about much on Fab, and it can be really difficult to navigate.
You’ve been lovers and now you’re not. Can the friendship survive? Sometimes it can, and if you’re both *really* lucky it can turn into something that lasts. You can end up as friends who (quite literally) know each other intimately. There’s a closeness and comradeship that’s priceless and rare.
But you’ve got to be really lucky to get there. Jealousy can rear it’s ugly head really easily. And if you’re not the one who decided to end the ‘with benefits’ part (the fucking. Let’s just call it the fucking) then you’ve lost something you weren’t wanting to lose.
I dunno. I’ve been thinking about this lately because a lover of mine wanted to end our thing and give monogamy a try. And we’re lucky. We’ve made the transition easily and are the best of pals. I guess it says something about the friendship being real from the start, with or without the sex."
I wonder how her new partner (I assume her, apologies if i have it wrong) feels about your friendship though? I know I have lost a good friend because his new partner didn't like that we were once lovers. I can absolutely understand how she felt, she doesn't know me, has no idea of my ethical views on cheating and so on. As she made him so happy, I stepped back with no fuss and just left the door open if he wants to get back in touch.
So sometimes you lose the friendship part due to other outside factors and influences.
MrsAbz |
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I had a fwb last year and we had great fun, except about the time I fell for him , he'd met someone else and rather than tell me directly, he started distancing himself from me, so I was really really hurt by the whole thing, especially as he initially said we could still be friends but looking back he had no intention of doing that.... |
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"So sometimes you lose the friendship part due to other outside factors and influences."
This is true. And if your friend/ex needs you to step away, you just have to accept that. Some friend you’d be if you didn’t respect it, eh? |
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"I guess I did get attached but kept that to myself. He was my younger lover as I'm 22 yrs older.
It's not really come as a surprise that he's dating only the fact he was ok seeing me while he was married !
I have another.....but he was my number one
Oh so were you hoping he’d carry on seeing you behind his new partners back like he did his wife? And you’re disappointed that he’s ended things rather than carrying on?"
He literally just told me about the fact he's dating. I was simply voicing out loud it was fine when he was married, as he was when we met. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want him to cheat on his new girlfriend, it just came out of the blue |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had a fwb last year and we had great fun, except about the time I fell for him , he'd met someone else and rather than tell me directly, he started distancing himself from me, so I was really really hurt by the whole thing, especially as he initially said we could still be friends but looking back he had no intention of doing that.... "
They always say they want to stay friends in case the new woman is a shit shag or she dumps him. Back up plan.. |
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"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?
No, I don’t think it's you
When men say they are looking for a FWB I assume it's because they want license to drop you at will"
I agree. It’s important to understand what FWB means to someone before getting involved. I think it often means you’re disposable, should expect no respect or consideration and aren’t actually really friends. |
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"I had a fwb last year and we had great fun, except about the time I fell for him , he'd met someone else and rather than tell me directly, he started distancing himself from me, so I was really really hurt by the whole thing, especially as he initially said we could still be friends but looking back he had no intention of doing that.... "
Too be honest he has been abit busy lately. All makes sense once you know why  |
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"I had a fwb last year and we had great fun, except about the time I fell for him , he'd met someone else and rather than tell me directly, he started distancing himself from me, so I was really really hurt by the whole thing, especially as he initially said we could still be friends but looking back he had no intention of doing that....
Too be honest he has been abit busy lately. All makes sense once you know why "
Yep doesn't make it hurt any less though |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"When your fwb says they can't see you anymore cause they've started dating.
Why does this hurt "
You didn't want a relationship you probably thought you were to good for one man and i guess thats the reason it hurts. |
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"I couldn't be someone's friend with benefits. It just seems too easy to end it and expect the other person to just say "oh, ok have a nice life". Humans don't usually work that way, or is it me?
I don't feel like the OPs friend was ever an actual friend. He was in it for the Sex. A true friend would not just disappear overnight. I think most "FWB" situations unfortunately turn out to be less friend and more benefits.
I found this out to my (emotional) cost.
I have no direct experience but I've observed that quite a few people are hurt by these relationships.
When I was younger we saw these type of set ups as one person using the other for sex with no consequences of responsibility for them and their feelings. Giving it a name kind of legitimises it and leaves the hurt person feeling they've no right to feel that way.
"
I think you are wise |
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