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Do you feel guilty spending money on yourself?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. It was shit knowing my grandparents struggled, I'm not going to prolong even more suffering willingly. I won't be needlessly frivolous, but I'm not gonna go without and continue the cycle. I don't have kids though, it may be different if I had decided to have them. |
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I do but I am getting better at it. Have no problems spending money on kids, family and friends but it feels wrong to spend on me.
I know why I am like that though and I know who's voice is telling me I am bad. So its a work in progress
MrsAbz
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I blew a lot of money on Jo Malone, Chanel and Dior yesterday…. It’s been ages since I spent on myself… so no.. didn’t feel bad at all!
It has to be done and it’s good for the soul.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes. But that is mostly because we are trying to save for a house and our wage is very low so a house should really be a priority. But I currently spend like €100 a week on food and clothes and other bits and bobs. I grew up poor too but I am the opposite to you. I love having the money to buy things like coffee and unnecessary shite each week. I actually worry that if we ever land ourselves in a load of money I'll struggle to be sensible because growing up poor all I want to do now is go absolutely nuts and buy everything. |
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"Guess it comes from being piss poor for most of my life, when I have money to spend a little voice is always reminding me of other things that the money could be used for."
Nah. But I do live in fear of spending my money & treat every penny if it’s my last.
I always worry that I’ll be blindsided by some crisis on an idle Tuesday |
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By *929Man
over a year ago
newcastle |
Yes it started when had kids as always thought of can spend money on myself can spend it on the kids instead they far more deserving they 14 and 16 now and it still feel like that |
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Not guilty as such, but don't send a lot on myself generally, but I a consciously trying to. Like yourself, I was very poor growing up, ( Doing a LOT better now thankfully). But as a result, I would never think of grabbing a coffee while out, due to the price. I buy clothes when I need clothes. I recently relaced my going out shoes which were years old. I expect my new pair to last years ( I wear runners everyday).
I am happy to splash out on the wife and kids however, |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
Hell no. I grew up very poor, too. I had like one pair of trousers and two tshirts, and when I grew out of them, my dad shamed me into needing new clothes. "WHAAT 5 EUROS FOR A TSHIRT? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG SOME PEOPLE WORK FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY?"
Lol
The moment I started earning my own money I spent it ALL on myself all the time. For a while I had a really good business going, making 4 grand a bad month, and I ended up spending 4 grand. I would have no negative impact in my life if I had just saved 1k every month, but I was so selfish and shameless that I spent it all on myself all the time.
There was no guilt or shame, just pure pleasure of being able to do that.
These days I spend all my money on booze, girls and boats. The rest I just waste.  |
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No. The kids have flown the roost twenty years ago, and there's just me now. I'd like to die with precisely zero left in the bank account (the kids will still get the house, and in the meantime they all - kids and grandkids - get a decent prezzie every birthday and Christmas). So if I spot a book or CD or bit of electronics kit that I fancy, or I want something nice for dinner once in a while, then I'm bloody well going to have it.
Polly xxx |
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No
I watched my dad save and not have holidays /decent cars etc
He ended up wealthy then for the last 6 years of his life all the cash he had could not cure his parkinsons.
The last two years cost him £700 a week for care home fees while 18 other people in the same home got exactly the same care for free.
In one of his lucid times he told me don't be a fool like i was and save it all until its useless to you ,spend it while you can enjoy it. |
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I have a list of things im trying to get through to make my house nice. I dont consider it spending money on myself. I need new shoes and a blazer and some other things for myself but i never have the spare cash. My car is falling apart etc... but im spending 6k on getting kitchen and downstairs floor done. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"I feel guilty spending money on yourself, I also feel guilty when others spend money on me.
"
Oh absolutely. Hate it when others buy me stuff. I have a very strong urge to give back then just to get even. |
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"Guess it comes from being piss poor for most of my life, when I have money to spend a little voice is always reminding me of other things that the money could be used for."
Not anymore. The joy of having no dependants at home  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guess it comes from being piss poor for most of my life, when I have money to spend a little voice is always reminding me of other things that the money could be used for."
I know that feeling, but if I do spend money on myself it's only after I've made sure that every thing and everyone else is covered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ever since mh led to me giving up work yes I do. I know I spend too much eating out but try to do it cheap and it gets me out of the house. Rarely spend money on other treats |
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Never. I grew up poor, and always felt embarrassed having hand-me-downs. No fancy holidays (unless you count spending the summer working on a farm in Ireland), no computer or mobile phone as a teenager at school while all the others had the latest thing etc. Started working from the age of 14 on weekends and after school, then didn't bother with uni.
Everything I have is something I've earned by dragging myself up from dirt, so I'll spend it how I see fit! |
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It's all about planning your finances for long term. I have a proportion of my salary that I would always move towards savings/invest. Rest of the money is fair game. I spend it on whatever I feel like spending for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I do but I'm getting better at telling myself I can spend money on me sometimes. I work hard for it, nothing ridiculous but it's nice to treat oneself on occasion. I always try to find a justification and can feel a little guilty about it though. It's a working progress. |
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Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep. I just bought a new pair of trainers, I walked in, grabbed the 1st pair that was my size writhing budget and got to the till. If I soend anymore time than that, I talk myself out of it.  |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"Never. I grew up poor, and always felt embarrassed having hand-me-downs. No fancy holidays (unless you count spending the summer working on a farm in Ireland), no computer or mobile phone as a teenager at school while all the others had the latest thing etc. Started working from the age of 14 on weekends and after school, then didn't bother with uni.
Everything I have is something I've earned by dragging myself up from dirt, so I'll spend it how I see fit!"
I come from the same spot, mate. If you grow up poor and you have nothing, you end up treating yourself well, when you're older and able to. You survived on the bare minimum as a kid, so why continue the trend as an adult?
Unless you need the money for food, rent or transportation - spend it and have fun, if you have a use in mind. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs "
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor. "
I can relate to mrsC a bit. Growing up as I did makes me know, there are things you want and things you need. There’s a big difference. So when I stand and think long enough, I know I don’t really need many things. So I have to pursuade myself I deserve a treat.
Money isn’t always here for some people, it’s hard to come by. |
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Not in the slightest. I could die tomorrow and then I'd go to my grave pissed off for not spending everything I had lol
I'll keep back what I need for a rainy day but I'll happily spend the rest, though not all on myself. I do enjoy treating my nearest and dearest easily as much as treating myself.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always used to feel guilty, however I've come to terms with it a little more recently. I've worked hard to get to a point where I can afford the occasional luxury, and I intend to enjoy it |
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Used to but not for the last 8 or 9 years. A couple of things dawned on me.
1) the “ future ” I was saving for might not come ( lost some people I cared about) so enjoy life now
2) I have worked very hard to build a career and secure a job that rewards me well. What’s the point of that if I don’t enjoy those rewards.
I know both of those are a bit selfish but sometimes you need to be. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
I can relate to mrsC a bit. Growing up as I did makes me know, there are things you want and things you need. There’s a big difference. So when I stand and think long enough, I know I don’t really need many things. So I have to pursuade myself I deserve a treat.
Money isn’t always here for some people, it’s hard to come by. "
I think it has to do with insecurities. Like you don't appreciate yourself, you don't think you deserve anything unless needed.
Because I and some others here also grew up without loads of money and we spend money on ourselves because it brings us joy. |
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"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor. "
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
All the time. It's why I never book any trips or events early on incase there is something else that needs paying for. It's then usually too late to get tickets etc so I miss out |
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By *iss.ddWoman
over a year ago
Leeds + Newcastle |
No I don't feel guilty as I work hard for my money and anything left after meeting obligations is all for me.
I get buyers remorse occasionally though and I truly hate other people spending money on me cos that feels like a frivolous waste |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs "
Exactly the point. The circumstances are not to blame, it's a personality thing. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs
Exactly the point. The circumstances are not to blame, it's a personality thing."
I think growing up poor, you are more creative with things like hobbies, holidays / entertainment , Xmas for kids etc and realise that money isn’t important to happiness.
Also if you make big sacrifices and work extremely hard , when you spend you think very carefully about what it took to make that money and can sometimes stop you spending on yourself
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"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs
Exactly the point. The circumstances are not to blame, it's a personality thing."
And personality develops through our experiences and circumstances, social environment etc.
I know myself enough to know where what stems from.
Mrs |
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"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs
Exactly the point. The circumstances are not to blame, it's a personality thing.
I think growing up poor, you are more creative with things like hobbies, holidays / entertainment , Xmas for kids etc and realise that money isn’t important to happiness.
Also if you make big sacrifices and work extremely hard , when you spend you think very carefully about what it took to make that money and can sometimes stop you spending on yourself
"
Totally with you there.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I don't. I've worked damn hard for 34 years so I deserve to buy myself what I fancy, and can afford.
My family are well provided for too so I don't see harm in buying myself what I want. Can't take your money with you. |
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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago
London | Belfast |
"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs
Exactly the point. The circumstances are not to blame, it's a personality thing.
I think growing up poor, you are more creative with things like hobbies, holidays / entertainment , Xmas for kids etc and realise that money isn’t important to happiness.
Also if you make big sacrifices and work extremely hard , when you spend you think very carefully about what it took to make that money and can sometimes stop you spending on yourself
Totally with you there.
Mrs "
You don't seem to understand quite right.
One group of people growing up poor hates spending money on themselves, because they are clinging to money due to their upbringing.
The other group are also people who grew up poor but they now do the opposite, and spend money on themselves whenever they can BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T before.
Do you see now? The same upbringing, yet two completely opposite mentalities. It has nothing to do with how rich or poor your grew up. |
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I grew up super poor. I wish I felt guilty spending money on myself. I spend money like water. Having money in the bank makes me feel anxious. Perverse, I am aware. I tip it into my pension and locked away accounts so I can’t spend it and pretend to have a modicum of self-restraint!
Mr. On the other hand is amazing at responsible spending and saving. I’m glad we balance each other out.
Xx
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs
Exactly the point. The circumstances are not to blame, it's a personality thing.
I think growing up poor, you are more creative with things like hobbies, holidays / entertainment , Xmas for kids etc and realise that money isn’t important to happiness.
Also if you make big sacrifices and work extremely hard , when you spend you think very carefully about what it took to make that money and can sometimes stop you spending on yourself
Totally with you there.
Mrs
You don't seem to understand quite right.
One group of people growing up poor hates spending money on themselves, because they are clinging to money due to their upbringing.
The other group are also people who grew up poor but they now do the opposite, and spend money on themselves whenever they can BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T before.
Do you see now? The same upbringing, yet two completely opposite mentalities. It has nothing to do with how rich or poor your grew up."
How is not spending money on yourself ‘clinging’ to money especially when you enjoy being generous to others and give large amounts of money away ?
It’s understanding that money is a tool to spend wisely and knowing that material things don’t bring you happiness, but is a distraction / mask to unhappiness.
It’s a learned behaviour from growing up having very little and having to be creative and also a reflection on the sacrifices and work taken to go from poor to rich so you invest in people and things that need money rather than yourself which doesn’t need anything |
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"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs
Exactly the point. The circumstances are not to blame, it's a personality thing.
I think growing up poor, you are more creative with things like hobbies, holidays / entertainment , Xmas for kids etc and realise that money isn’t important to happiness.
Also if you make big sacrifices and work extremely hard , when you spend you think very carefully about what it took to make that money and can sometimes stop you spending on yourself
Totally with you there.
Mrs
You don't seem to understand quite right.
One group of people growing up poor hates spending money on themselves, because they are clinging to money due to their upbringing.
The other group are also people who grew up poor but they now do the opposite, and spend money on themselves whenever they can BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T before.
Do you see now? The same upbringing, yet two completely opposite mentalities. It has nothing to do with how rich or poor your grew up."
As patronising as you are, you are still not seeing MY point.....
Yes people in the same circumstances come out on different ends, those same circumstances shape people differently.
We aren't all influenced the same way, some will take X from it and others Y.
Does that mean that it didn't have its effect in be because you say so? Absolutely not.
You can't judge why I do what and what part of my younger life affects me today, but I can.
My experience is my experience and not yours to question.
I don't spend on be BECAUSE I NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO.
Do you see now?
Felt the need to follow your tone shouty capitals and all.
Mrs |
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"Yes, I'm a nightmare for it, I actually ordered myself two books this past week, both collectors editions & felt absolutely awful for spending on myself.
I'm trying to get better but growing up poor does have its lasting effects I guess.
Then there's the guilt maybe I could have got the kids something instead although they need nothing.
Mrs
Maybe being poor has nothing to do with it. There are the absolute opposite answers here from people who also grew up poor.
Growing up in certain circumstances affects people differently, what they do and I do are two different things.
Mrs
Exactly the point. The circumstances are not to blame, it's a personality thing.
I think growing up poor, you are more creative with things like hobbies, holidays / entertainment , Xmas for kids etc and realise that money isn’t important to happiness.
Also if you make big sacrifices and work extremely hard , when you spend you think very carefully about what it took to make that money and can sometimes stop you spending on yourself
Totally with you there.
Mrs
You don't seem to understand quite right.
One group of people growing up poor hates spending money on themselves, because they are clinging to money due to their upbringing.
The other group are also people who grew up poor but they now do the opposite, and spend money on themselves whenever they can BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T before.
Do you see now? The same upbringing, yet two completely opposite mentalities. It has nothing to do with how rich or poor your grew up.
How is not spending money on yourself ‘clinging’ to money especially when you enjoy being generous to others and give large amounts of money away ?
It’s understanding that money is a tool to spend wisely and knowing that material things don’t bring you happiness, but is a distraction / mask to unhappiness.
It’s a learned behaviour from growing up having very little and having to be creative and also a reflection on the sacrifices and work taken to go from poor to rich so you invest in people and things that need money rather than yourself which doesn’t need anything "
And again absolutely with you here.
I spend on others constantly I love it, I can and I do.
Myself no, I struggle.
Mrs |
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"Otherwise all poor people would have the same mentality about spending money on themselves, but evidently that's not the case. Not at all."
Absolutely rubbish.
So all rich born people have the same mentality? No because everyone is different.
The past albeit the same affects people differently.
Some rich people hate spending they like to keep their money tight.
Others enjoy the luxuries and spend spend spend.
Just because people have the same circumstances when younger they'll be influenced differently by it because well we are individuals.
That's like saying everyone who experienced trauma basically has the same after affects because they had the same trauma.
Mrs |
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