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Jealousy
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Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple? |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?"
I haven't been so am a terrible first reply but I guess it's love trust and understanding and a mutual interest in hot sex with others.
I think you absolutely could but what I do wonder is it then all couples that participate in that lifestyle can entirely separate sex from romance or 'connection' - because I can but find many others when it comes down to it, actually can't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?"
Honestly no I couldn't share a partner, but each to their own |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?"
Complete love and trust in each other.
100% transparency.
Always sticking to boundaries unless otherwise discussed .
Lots of talking.
Em x |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
I haven't been so am a terrible first reply but I guess it's love trust and understanding and a mutual interest in hot sex with others.
I think you absolutely could but what I do wonder is it then all couples that participate in that lifestyle can entirely separate sex from romance or 'connection' - because I can but find many others when it comes down to it, actually can't."
I've never been in this situation with a partner but I think I'd possibly struggle to separate the emotions involved with sex with a partner |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Jealousy and envy will always have a place, it's presence is not so much healthy but it's not unhealthy, and it is natural. Those feelings are fine to have in moderation and when controlled, it is when they escelate, take over and seep in to actions and consequences of those actions.
I'm at a place currently that I'd not be able to couple and do this. Not that I swing exactly but, share a partner in such ways. Eventually I'd hope to be able to be back there. |
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We keep our communication open and our boundaries firm. Means that we always know where we are. Bit more importantly we came into this together and we do it for us, rather than either one of us pushing the other |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Complete love and trust in each other.
100% transparency.
Always sticking to boundaries unless otherwise discussed .
Lots of talking.
Em x"
I can’t really add much to this. Stability within your relationship, security in life, a shared history together that trumps everything the future may bring. The fully embraced idea that you are moving through life’s journey side by side. There are all manner of ways to say it… and talking. Lots and lots of talking. |
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"Jealousy and envy will always have a place, it's presence is not so much healthy but it's not unhealthy, and it is natural. Those feelings are fine to have in moderation and when controlled, it is when they escelate, take over and seep in to actions and consequences of those actions.
I'm at a place currently that I'd not be able to couple and do this. Not that I swing exactly but, share a partner in such ways. Eventually I'd hope to be able to be back there."
Is jealousy the word though? I don’t think so. To me it’s the norm. Watching someone you love fucking someone else isn’t the norm to me. I know it happens and I know this is predominantly what this site is about and it’s all good but it’s never something I will get my head around personally. |
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"Jealousy and envy will always have a place, it's presence is not so much healthy but it's not unhealthy, and it is natural. Those feelings are fine to have in moderation and when controlled, it is when they escelate, take over and seep in to actions and consequences of those actions.
I'm at a place currently that I'd not be able to couple and do this. Not that I swing exactly but, share a partner in such ways. Eventually I'd hope to be able to be back there.
Is jealousy the word though? I don’t think so. To me it’s the norm. Watching someone you love fucking someone else isn’t the norm to me. I know it happens and I know this is predominantly what this site is about and it’s all good but it’s never something I will get my head around personally. "
I reckon jealousy may creep in if my partner was enjoying herself more with VWEBully3000  |
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"Jealousy and envy will always have a place, it's presence is not so much healthy but it's not unhealthy, and it is natural. Those feelings are fine to have in moderation and when controlled, it is when they escelate, take over and seep in to actions and consequences of those actions.
I'm at a place currently that I'd not be able to couple and do this. Not that I swing exactly but, share a partner in such ways. Eventually I'd hope to be able to be back there.
Is jealousy the word though? I don’t think so. To me it’s the norm. Watching someone you love fucking someone else isn’t the norm to me. I know it happens and I know this is predominantly what this site is about and it’s all good but it’s never something I will get my head around personally.
I reckon jealousy may creep in if my partner was enjoying herself more with VWEBully3000 "
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Like others stated, if it was purely sexual then sure.
As soon as feelings were developed for somebody then nope.
Absolutely no chance, no amount of talking and communication could change that.
But each to their own. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Jealousy and envy will always have a place, it's presence is not so much healthy but it's not unhealthy, and it is natural. Those feelings are fine to have in moderation and when controlled, it is when they escelate, take over and seep in to actions and consequences of those actions.
I'm at a place currently that I'd not be able to couple and do this. Not that I swing exactly but, share a partner in such ways. Eventually I'd hope to be able to be back there.
Is jealousy the word though? I don’t think so. To me it’s the norm. Watching someone you love fucking someone else isn’t the norm to me. I know it happens and I know this is predominantly what this site is about and it’s all good but it’s never something I will get my head around personally.
I reckon jealousy may creep in if my partner was enjoying herself more with VWEBully3000 "
Ah but is it enjoying more or enjoying in a different way? Maybe she is enjoying that dude, but she still very much prefers what you bring. Sometimes, as is said on here often, the fantasy is just that - a quick fuck with some VWE dude every now and again, not as a favoured thing but as a treat, a fantasy, just something different. In those cases surely the jealousy an envy is on the other dudes side, this amazing woman only wants to get with him now and again while the rest of the time she much prefers you.
Obviously it's much more complex than that, breaking it down and viewing it as basic and black and white as I put it is disrespectful to the couple and the other guy, but as an exaggerated example it gets the point out well. |
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interesting how sex can be a fun but ultimately meaningless activity, no connection, no romance, just a bit of spark is all that’s required. And yet, those same thoughts don’t apply if the person having this unconnected meaningless sex is suddenly your partner. If you can both do it when you’re single, why can’t it be done when you’re together?Genuinely curious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"interesting how sex can be a fun but ultimately meaningless activity, no connection, no romance, just a bit of spark is all that’s required. And yet, those same thoughts don’t apply if the person having this unconnected meaningless sex is suddenly your partner. If you can both do it when you’re single, why can’t it be done when you’re together?Genuinely curious. "
Because some people are truly monogamous and cannot move past the idea of sharing their body with someone else when fully committed. It's two separate beasts. |
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I was in a situation where an ex brought the subject up where he wanted to see Me with another woman.It then moved on to seeing Me with another man.It never got to the swap fantasy.
Soft play with others while he watched.Then pow someone said the L word and he became the green eyed monster and we broke up.This was over 25 years ago. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t get jealous as my husband only plays with me, but on his part he says that yes he does get a bit jealous but it a very turned on jealous way if you know what I mean. |
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"I don’t get jealous as my husband only plays with me, but on his part he says that yes he does get a bit jealous but it a very turned on jealous way if you know what I mean. "
I don't, but good on him. If this dynamic works for you both then that's brilliant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t get jealous as my husband only plays with me, but on his part he says that yes he does get a bit jealous but it a very turned on jealous way if you know what I mean.
I don't, but good on him. If this dynamic works for you both then that's brilliant "
Yeah it’s only fun if we are both enjoying it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"interesting how sex can be a fun but ultimately meaningless activity, no connection, no romance, just a bit of spark is all that’s required. And yet, those same thoughts don’t apply if the person having this unconnected meaningless sex is suddenly your partner. If you can both do it when you’re single, why can’t it be done when you’re together?Genuinely curious.
Because some people are truly monogamous and cannot move past the idea of sharing their body with someone else when fully committed. It's two separate beasts."
As a society we are mostly socially conditioned to be monogamous and judged accordingly |
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"I don’t get jealous as my husband only plays with me, but on his part he says that yes he does get a bit jealous but it a very turned on jealous way if you know what I mean.
I don't, but good on him. If this dynamic works for you both then that's brilliant
Yeah it’s only fun if we are both enjoying it "
May I ask why he doesn't want to play with others too? |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
My wife and I only do stuff separately, although she’s the only one actively doing so at the moment.
As long as she’s safe and happy doing so,
I don’t mind what she does or with whom (within our established boundaries, e.g. no mutual friends, etc) |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I've never felt jealous, even when my partner has his own meets, I enjoy hearing more about them.
When we've met other couples I love watching him with the woman of the couple.
I can separate love and sex quite easily. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t get jealous as my husband only plays with me, but on his part he says that yes he does get a bit jealous but it a very turned on jealous way if you know what I mean.
I don't, but good on him. If this dynamic works for you both then that's brilliant
Yeah it’s only fun if we are both enjoying it
May I ask why he doesn't want to play with others too?"
It’s just not his thing he doesn’t get anything from it. Like everyone on here everyone has their own things they like |
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I couldn't do meets alone or separate I think that would be too much for me personally.
Otherwise it's all about communication & trust, seeing your significant other enjoying themselves in ways you can't see alone is hot!
Jealousy hasn't really come into it much, if I had a niggle or something bothered me that's where good communication comes to play.
Mrs |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I’ve been in a few swingle couples & can actually get quite jealous if I think too deep & have feelings for someone !
For me it was indifference. I never got off on it, i just loved sex & having lots of sex with other peoples partners. So I accepted it came at a price !
If ever I got jealous I would remember that what I get from my partner is far more than sex and many things no one else ever gets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd never be in a relationship.
But guys I meet, I find it kinda hot they meet others tbh.
It's good to share!
I'd never be in a relationship full stop or I'd never swing in a relationship?"
If there's any form of commitment, I'm out. |
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"I'd never be in a relationship.
But guys I meet, I find it kinda hot they meet others tbh.
It's good to share!
I'd never be in a relationship full stop or I'd never swing in a relationship?
If there's any form of commitment, I'm out."
Whatever works best for you Rav. As long as you're happy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd never be in a relationship.
But guys I meet, I find it kinda hot they meet others tbh.
It's good to share!
I'd never be in a relationship full stop or I'd never swing in a relationship?
If there's any form of commitment, I'm out.
Whatever works best for you Rav. As long as you're happy"
I will be when you send me penis |
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I'm happily poly. Sometimes I get a little bit of that fear of missing out type of jealousy when they're doing something fun with someone else that I'd like to be involved in, but mostly I'm just happy to know they're happy and fulfilled when I'm not around |
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I think it's inevitable your relationship will be tested by opening it up to include others, wherever you draw your boundaries as a couple. The question is whether you are able to communicate openly and honestly, and accept that sometimes you'll get things wrong along the way. Trying to keep emotions out of things is a fruitless exercise, I find - that goes for the whole of life - but working through those emotions together is critical for a swinging couple.
So often people focus on the potential pitfalls of being in a swinging couple. There are some many joys. Seeing your partner enjoying themselves, having new experiences, embracing their sexuality - it's delightful.
Mrs TMN x |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"I'm happily poly. Sometimes I get a little bit of that fear of missing out type of jealousy when they're doing something fun with someone else that I'd like to be involved in, but mostly I'm just happy to know they're happy and fulfilled when I'm not around "
I think the fear of missing out jealous is the kind of Jealous that works. Compared to the needy, possessive kind - saying that, in the right context even that hint of possessiveness can be hot. Definitely not bunny boiler levels - maybe possessiveness is not the right word as its much less about the word and much more about the vibe and the feel.
Note! I said in the right context, and NOT that I support the implication of being owned, or as a possession or anything related to that.
I know what you lot are like, jump on the slightest wording mistake and run with it! |
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"I think the fear of missing out jealous is the kind of Jealous that works. Compared to the needy, possessive kind - saying that, in the right context even that hint of possessiveness can be hot. Definitely not bunny boiler levels - maybe possessiveness is not the right word as its much less about the word and much more about the vibe and the feel.
Note! I said in the right context, and NOT that I support the implication of being owned, or as a possession or anything related to that.
I know what you lot are like, jump on the slightest wording mistake and run with it! "
No, I get what you're saying. There's certain circumstances where that little spike of 'but I can do that' and the almost spiteful joy in proving how well you can do so is exhilarating. I also like the way that sometimes certain marks from one encourages the other to make sure they leave their own too. I also love that they'll try not to ruin the other's 'artwork.'
Not about possession or owning, but just a little competitive streak kicking in. Never to be outright better than the other though, just proving not to be lesser.
I don't think I've worded that even remotely right. But fuck it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Complete love and trust in each other.
100% transparency.
Always sticking to boundaries unless otherwise discussed .
Lots of talking.
Em x"
This to a T
And also when we want to take a break or stop completely, we both agree and do so.
Miss S x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been on both sides and this only works for couples who are strong. When your relationship is lacking in something, that's when the negative side appears through emotions such as jealousy. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"I think the fear of missing out jealous is the kind of Jealous that works. Compared to the needy, possessive kind - saying that, in the right context even that hint of possessiveness can be hot. Definitely not bunny boiler levels - maybe possessiveness is not the right word as its much less about the word and much more about the vibe and the feel.
Note! I said in the right context, and NOT that I support the implication of being owned, or as a possession or anything related to that.
I know what you lot are like, jump on the slightest wording mistake and run with it!
No, I get what you're saying. There's certain circumstances where that little spike of 'but I can do that' and the almost spiteful joy in proving how well you can do so is exhilarating. I also like the way that sometimes certain marks from one encourages the other to make sure they leave their own too. I also love that they'll try not to ruin the other's 'artwork.'
Not about possession or owning, but just a little competitive streak kicking in. Never to be outright better than the other though, just proving not to be lesser.
I don't think I've worded that even remotely right. But fuck it."
I think we both may have worded it in ways that don't do it justice but we are on the same page. I get you yeah |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Complete love and trust in each other.
100% transparency.
Always sticking to boundaries unless otherwise discussed .
Lots of talking.
Em x"
100% exactly the same for us..
We own each other completely - someone else's body parts aren't going to break us apart  |
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I’ve not been in the situation to say for sure so I don’t know if I would or not.
Certainly if I met someone who was interested, I’d give it a try together. As long as everyone is honest about what they’re confortable with and the communication is good.
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Every couple is different and every couples dynamics are different but I think one of the main things is definitely good and clear communication.
I know it’s hard for some single people to get their head around the lifestyle and even tho we’ve been involved in the lifestyle for over 20 years their are still certain dynamics that I can’t get my head around.
I don’t think theirs anything wrong in having a slight twinge of jealousy it’s what you do about it when it happens that matters.We have never had any issues with separating sex and emotions it’s really not that hard . |
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We honestly both didn’t know how we’d feel watching each other with others until we faced that situation.
Thankfully we both very much enjoyed it.
Jealousy doesn’t come into it for us - we have something between us that we’ve developed over time, love, respect - plus we have already proved ourselves to be the best sexual partners for each other.
I want C to have the best orgasms possible with the hottest guys with bigger cocks, if she wants - I know I’m helping with the heat in the room and getting C worked up too so it’s a combination of everything. It’s the same for C, she loves seeing me enjoy myself too.
Then afterwards when it’s just the two of us and we reconnect - we feel closer than ever.
It works perfectly for us
K |
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"I think it's inevitable your relationship will be tested by opening it up to include others, wherever you draw your boundaries as a couple. The question is whether you are able to communicate openly and honestly, and accept that sometimes you'll get things wrong along the way. Trying to keep emotions out of things is a fruitless exercise, I find - that goes for the whole of life - but working through those emotions together is critical for a swinging couple.
So often people focus on the potential pitfalls of being in a swinging couple. There are some many joys. Seeing your partner enjoying themselves, having new experiences, embracing their sexuality - it's delightful.
Mrs TMN x"
It's this for me. I fully expected to be more jealous and instead I find it so very hot.
It's good to talk about these things on here, but weirdly given previous replies I feel slightly judged for being able to share. Not what you'd expect on this site.
J |
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"I think it's inevitable your relationship will be tested by opening it up to include others, wherever you draw your boundaries as a couple. The question is whether you are able to communicate openly and honestly, and accept that sometimes you'll get things wrong along the way. Trying to keep emotions out of things is a fruitless exercise, I find - that goes for the whole of life - but working through those emotions together is critical for a swinging couple.
So often people focus on the potential pitfalls of being in a swinging couple. There are some many joys. Seeing your partner enjoying themselves, having new experiences, embracing their sexuality - it's delightful.
Mrs TMN x
It's this for me. I fully expected to be more jealous and instead I find it so very hot.
It's good to talk about these things on here, but weirdly given previous replies I feel slightly judged for being able to share. Not what you'd expect on this site.
J"
No judgement from me, you kinky bitch! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's inevitable your relationship will be tested by opening it up to include others, wherever you draw your boundaries as a couple. The question is whether you are able to communicate openly and honestly, and accept that sometimes you'll get things wrong along the way. Trying to keep emotions out of things is a fruitless exercise, I find - that goes for the whole of life - but working through those emotions together is critical for a swinging couple.
So often people focus on the potential pitfalls of being in a swinging couple. There are some many joys. Seeing your partner enjoying themselves, having new experiences, embracing their sexuality - it's delightful.
Mrs TMN x
It's this for me. I fully expected to be more jealous and instead I find it so very hot.
It's good to talk about these things on here, but weirdly given previous replies I feel slightly judged for being able to share. Not what you'd expect on this site.
J"
I can understand this as we have been judged because I don’t lol. Doesn’t matter what others think, if you’re both happy who cares |
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It's this for me. I fully expected to be more jealous and instead I find it so very hot.
It's good to talk about these things on here, but weirdly given previous replies I feel slightly judged for being able to share. Not what you'd expect on this site.
J
No judgement from me, you kinky bitch!"
Thank you There's a definite undercurrent of if you really love someone then how could you possibly share them?
J |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?"
Everyone has there own ways of combating the green eyed monster in the past I've been part of dynamics where outside play was to do things we couldn't with each other. And other times I have been in a situation where we all share what and who we are doing
In the long run only you and your partners can decide what works best for for you COMMUNICATION is key |
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It's this for me. I fully expected to be more jealous and instead I find it so very hot.
It's good to talk about these things on here, but weirdly given previous replies I feel slightly judged for being able to share. Not what you'd expect on this site.
J
No judgement from me, you kinky bitch!
Thank you There's a definite undercurrent of if you really love someone then how could you possibly share them?
J"
I guess everyone is different. Some seem to be able to separate the emotions from sex and see it as just added fun and some struggle. |
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I may do if i felt totally secure with my partner and we had very good and very open communication. But honestly until i have been in that situation i can't say how i would respond. In an fwb situation i have no problems. |
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It's this for me. I fully expected to be more jealous and instead I find it so very hot.
It's good to talk about these things on here, but weirdly given previous replies I feel slightly judged for being able to share. Not what you'd expect on this site.
J
No judgement from me, you kinky bitch!
Thank you There's a definite undercurrent of if you really love someone then how could you possibly share them?
J"
That’s how I feel though personally. I couldn’t do it. Others can and that’s great for them. Doesn’t mean it’s judging. It’s a different view. I couldn’t care less what people think about what I do or don’t do. Nobody should. Just do you. |
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Pangs of jealousy...sure it happens sometimes, I'm not totally immune.
It's about how you deal with it. Fundamentally for me it's how about knowing your relative importance to each other and taking some joy in their happiness when your not there. |
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I started off here with a partner. In the end i just couldn't separate love and sex. Couldn't get my head around it. Never will. So have tried it and not for me. Couldn't separate love and emotions from sex, as the two to me sort of go hand in hand. |
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It's this for me. I fully expected to be more jealous and instead I find it so very hot.
It's good to talk about these things on here, but weirdly given previous replies I feel slightly judged for being able to share. Not what you'd expect on this site.
J
No judgement from me, you kinky bitch!
Thank you There's a definite undercurrent of if you really love someone then how could you possibly share them?
J"
Fuck that shit. Fuck it right in the ass with a strapon
When I first discovered the forums I was wildly excited at discussing this side of me freely and with others who got it. I overshared everywhere! Over time I started to pull back and went through a period of being much more guarded, having realised fab wasn't the liberal utopia I fondly imagined Now I'm into my not giving a fuck phase. I'm fully aware there are many people on here who don't do fab like we do. But we're happy, we're not hurting anyone, and it still is a joy to be able to share and discuss with others who are on your wavelength. Something for everyone
Mrs TMN x |
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I've been in open sharing relationships since I was 18, I've always known I was poly and had Compersion for my loved ones. I happily share and am happily shared, but I am cautious around guys with existing fwb, as I know their partners can see things differently and create drama over them meeting others |
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We are that proper couple & have full trust in each other.
We have the same key code on our phones etc so no hiden secrets
I know I make love to her well but I get pleasure from seeing her with bigger or better lovers in the sack
I want her to have great sex with great guys the same as I want her to have great clothes or jewelry
I know she loves me & it seems to bring us closer together after meeting other blokes so why not let her have a great time.
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We met through swinging, didn't start as vanilla, so we know where we came from and what we did.
Means no surprises, no worrying if the other half is more into it.
We do have guidelines on things we like to keep for ourselves and when we can loosen those with permission.
Ultimately we trust each other with our lives, so that you can trust us with your partners. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are a proper couple and I don't think either of us get jealous.
We discuss and communicate boundaries on a regular basis.
We don't play separately (and never will).
We make a lot of effort on us time too.
We're just a couple of horny fuckers
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"I'm single, if I was part of a couple, I don't think I could ever let the other half and go off and do things on their own.
I'm very much "what's mine, is mine"
Playing as a couple would be ok."
Same. |
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As someone who had a pretty big jealousy hiccup just a few days ago I don't think it can be avoided. Sometimes it just happens if the situation isn't quite right.
It happened even though I love and trust my husband, and love watching him with other women.
I'm still embarrassed about it but hey ho. Onwards and upwards.
K
K |
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We've never had any jealousy issues.
It's just sex and we enjoy watching each other enjoy themselves. Including with other people.
I suppose we can separate physical sex from the love we have for each other... I don't know but it works for us.
Nita |
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"As someone who had a pretty big jealousy hiccup just a few days ago I don't think it can be avoided. Sometimes it just happens if the situation isn't quite right.
It happened even though I love and trust my husband, and love watching him with other women.
I'm still embarrassed about it but hey ho. Onwards and upwards.
K
K"
See, to me that's nothing to be embarrassed about - sometimes things just aren't right for you. Being able to talk it through and stay strong as a couple is the important bit. And you guys are 
Mrs TMN x |
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To me, it's just a pleasurable physical activity, no different to playing tennis (game of mixed doubles anyone?) ...our emotions are for each other.
Communication, trust, openness, and some more communication are essential. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope I can't do it. Tried it and hated it. When feelings are involved, when you are in love with someone and they return that feeling yet play with others that they also have feelings for.... Nope I doesn't make sense in my head.. Friends with benefits, yep I could do that, have other liaisons, definitely. As long as everybody knows where they are. When your trying to find out if something is a little more than fwb, I would find it uncomfortable playing elsewhere too.
However, with all, communication, managing expectations, making sure everyone understands where they are (that is that each individual understands their place, but also understand their place in relation to each other is soooo important as if not it can make people feel inferior or others superior when maybe they really aren't) and pure transparency.
That's my two pennyworth (shrug)
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Honestly no I couldn't share a partner, but each to their own "
But ok to have sex with someone else's partner  |
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"As someone who had a pretty big jealousy hiccup just a few days ago I don't think it can be avoided. Sometimes it just happens if the situation isn't quite right.
It happened even though I love and trust my husband, and love watching him with other women.
I'm still embarrassed about it but hey ho. Onwards and upwards.
K
K
See, to me that's nothing to be embarrassed about - sometimes things just aren't right for you. Being able to talk it through and stay strong as a couple is the important bit. And you guys are
Mrs TMN x"
Aww thank you and so are yourselves
I'm embarrassed because I almost ruined a friendship. Things turned out great in the end all thanks to the person I was jealous of. They understood my worries and explained some things to me, and it's all good again. Maybe even better than it was before 
K |
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"As someone who had a pretty big jealousy hiccup just a few days ago I don't think it can be avoided. Sometimes it just happens if the situation isn't quite right.
It happened even though I love and trust my husband, and love watching him with other women.
I'm still embarrassed about it but hey ho. Onwards and upwards.
K
K
See, to me that's nothing to be embarrassed about - sometimes things just aren't right for you. Being able to talk it through and stay strong as a couple is the important bit. And you guys are
Mrs TMN x
Aww thank you and so are yourselves
I'm embarrassed because I almost ruined a friendship. Things turned out great in the end all thanks to the person I was jealous of. They understood my worries and explained some things to me, and it's all good again. Maybe even better than it was before
K"
Sounds like winning all round x |
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I used to swing with ex wife on here on own now. I never once had a jealous thought about her having sex anyone else either me watching joining in or me going in other room letting them enjoy them selves. Or odd vanilla night out girls she came home said someone tried chatting her up had dance and a snog. I away have loved her or partners since telling about past lovers.
Only time with ex every jealous was we had some family friends camping at our house she never came to bed till 6 in morning sat up talking all night one man. There was something about how she was with him . She not slept with him but I just new there was something year later we split she now married to him. |
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I’ve been here as part of a fwb couple before, twice, and as a couple once …. and tbh I can’t do it ….. either way. I don’t want to share something I feel is really good …. And in a couple, I don’t want them to want to share me ! 
Can’t help it ….. can’t deal with it.
I think the only way it might be better is if it was a long term relationship and it was solid and the trust and respect was mountainously high ….
So, I’m only here while I’m single …… |
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I work on the basis that I own nobody, nor they me. Neither of us are chattels. We do not "cage" each other.
Consensual non-monogamy (CNM), and subset ethical non-monogamy (ENM). Openness and 100% transparency.
I come home to our bed because it's where I chose to be, and with whom I chose to be with.
It would be arrogant for me to believe I give her everything and likewise in return. We know and understand our limitations. We know how to overcome those. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I work on the basis that I own nobody, nor they me. Neither of us are chattels. We do not "cage" each other.
Consensual non-monogamy (CNM), and subset ethical non-monogamy (ENM). Openness and 100% transparency.
I come home to our bed because it's where I chose to be, and with whom I chose to be with.
It would be arrogant for me to believe I give her everything and likewise in return. We know and understand our limitations. We know how to overcome those."
You live to be understanding to one another. No barriers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As someone who had a pretty big jealousy hiccup just a few days ago I don't think it can be avoided. Sometimes it just happens if the situation isn't quite right.
It happened even though I love and trust my husband, and love watching him with other women.
I'm still embarrassed about it but hey ho. Onwards and upwards.
K
K
See, to me that's nothing to be embarrassed about - sometimes things just aren't right for you. Being able to talk it through and stay strong as a couple is the important bit. And you guys are
Mrs TMN x
Aww thank you and so are yourselves
I'm embarrassed because I almost ruined a friendship. Things turned out great in the end all thanks to the person I was jealous of. They understood my worries and explained some things to me, and it's all good again. Maybe even better than it was before
K"
Trust your gut.  |
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"As someone who had a pretty big jealousy hiccup just a few days ago I don't think it can be avoided. Sometimes it just happens if the situation isn't quite right.
It happened even though I love and trust my husband, and love watching him with other women.
I'm still embarrassed about it but hey ho. Onwards and upwards.
K
K
See, to me that's nothing to be embarrassed about - sometimes things just aren't right for you. Being able to talk it through and stay strong as a couple is the important bit. And you guys are
Mrs TMN x
Aww thank you and so are yourselves
I'm embarrassed because I almost ruined a friendship. Things turned out great in the end all thanks to the person I was jealous of. They understood my worries and explained some things to me, and it's all good again. Maybe even better than it was before
K"
Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and this is what it's about being able to communicate and get past those feelings.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion it's how you handle it that counts.
Mrs |
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"
Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and this is what it's about being able to communicate and get past those feelings.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion it's how you handle it that counts.
Mrs "
See, I think this sounds like an unnecessary source of potential conflict in a relationship. Rather than work to get past it, why not just decide to stop swinging |
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"
Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and this is what it's about being able to communicate and get past those feelings.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion it's how you handle it that counts.
Mrs
See, I think this sounds like an unnecessary source of potential conflict in a relationship. Rather than work to get past it, why not just decide to stop swinging "
The poster I was responding to described it as a hiccup and said things were now even better than before. All relationships have bumps in the road - if swinging is something you both want to do, chucking it out the window at the first hurdle seems a bit drastic?
Mrs TMN x |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
I haven't been so am a terrible first reply but I guess it's love trust and understanding and a mutual interest in hot sex with others.
I think you absolutely could but what I do wonder is it then all couples that participate in that lifestyle can entirely separate sex from romance or 'connection' - because I can but find many others when it comes down to it, actually can't."
Why do you think that sex and connection has to be separate if indulging in sex beyond a couple's relationship? We don't claim to be swingers and positively look for connection. Our love for each other isn't possessive or controlling, it's free. |
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We don't get jealous at all when it comes to having sex with others. It's a great experience that we share with each other. We know nothing can upset the emotional connection we have with each other as we are so strong. Sex at the end of the day is just a physical act, the love is what keeps us together. We both have freedom to enjoy ourselves with others. Sex is the most natural act in the world, why would you not want to allow the person you love to enjoy something that is such a pleasure.
If Mr was taking another woman for a day out, for example, spending quality time with her doing things that we enjoy, then yes I would be jealous over that, but the act of sex with someone else?...nah, no jealousy here. |
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Male point of view
Do I get jealous? Yes, occasionally.
How do I deal with it?
I love Cammy deeply. I understand jealousy is very destructive and needs to be controlled. Worked through and dispelled as it has no place on our lives or my head
Female point of view.
Do I get jealous? Yes, too often
How do I deal with it?
Nip it in the bag before it takes hold.
I let Austin know how I am feeling before it gets out of hand.
As a couple.
We love each other. Our relationship comes before anything else. We would stop if it ever got to to point it was becoming harmful to our relationship. |
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"
Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and this is what it's about being able to communicate and get past those feelings.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion it's how you handle it that counts.
Mrs
See, I think this sounds like an unnecessary source of potential conflict in a relationship. Rather than work to get past it, why not just decide to stop swinging "
Why would you stop when you communicate, over come it and things are better than previously.
This is where a good relationship & communication comes in.
No one can void themselves of emotion.
Mrs |
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We only play together. Neither of us wants to go off and play separately (no judgement to those who do).
If either of us feels uncomfortable or has any issues of jealousy we talk it out and put a stop to whatever has caused the issue.
It happens for men too, even if you only play with other women and I think that is often seen to be a silly thing but it is valid.
MrsAbz |
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I don't think it's a case of stopping jealousy per se. I thinks it's more a case first both being in a mindset that jealousy is a manageable factor and second having the openness and communicate to express yourself freely and your desires to be respected and understood. After all the purest and closes intimacy with your partner is completely openness and honesty.
People have different levels of jealousy. But communication, openness and teamwork is the cornerstone of a good swinging relationship. If you have them you will find what works for you as a couple (whatever your swinging format) and manage your feelings and act appropriately in line with the feelings of your partner.
Also another couple of points:
It's worth distinguishing between jealousy that comes for a place of insecurity or feeling of risk and jealousy that comes more from potion of missing out or unfairness. To distinguish between jealousy and envy.
Things are different with different people you encounter. Jealousy (or a different degree of jealousy) may exist with some people you befriend and not others. What may have been OK with one person/s in one time and space may not be OK with another or at another time. This is where communication is key and being able to adapt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Honestly no I couldn't share a partner, but each to their own "
See we would never meet anyone with this attitude. |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Honestly no I couldn't share a partner, but each to their own
See we would never meet anyone with this attitude. "
That would be a deal breaker for us too, we are prepared to share each other but another couple only wants one of them to have fun. Not imposing our way of doing things in others, just easier to not meet them at all.
|
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"I don't think it's a case of stopping jealousy per se. I thinks it's more a case first both being in a mindset that jealousy is a manageable factor and second having the openness and communicate to express yourself freely and your desires to be respected and understood. After all the purest and closes intimacy with your partner is completely openness and honesty.
People have different levels of jealousy. But communication, openness and teamwork is the cornerstone of a good swinging relationship. If you have them you will find what works for you as a couple (whatever your swinging format) and manage your feelings and act appropriately in line with the feelings of your partner.
Also another couple of points:
It's worth distinguishing between jealousy that comes for a place of insecurity or feeling of risk and jealousy that comes more from potion of missing out or unfairness. To distinguish between jealousy and envy.
Things are different with different people you encounter. Jealousy (or a different degree of jealousy) may exist with some people you befriend and not others. What may have been OK with one person/s in one time and space may not be OK with another or at another time. This is where communication is key and being able to adapt. "
This is very nicely put |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"….
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?"
Yes. No. Probably. Maybe. I dunno, it would depend on the other person as much as me. And also what I thought about that other person, and what I wanted with them, if that makes sense.
Eg. I didn’t want to get married and go monogamous until I met my ex wife, so it’s hard to say what I want. |
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"….
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Yes. No. Probably. Maybe. I dunno, it would depend on the other person as much as me. And also what I thought about that other person, and what I wanted with them, if that makes sense.
Eg. I didn’t want to get married and go monogamous until I met my ex wife, so it’s hard to say what I want. "
Good point, if you were both on the same page though it would be fine, but if one of you got jealous it would either be the end of swinging, or the end of the relationship. Can't see how people can square that circle for someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Honestly no I couldn't share a partner, but each to their own
See we would never meet anyone with this attitude.
That would be a deal breaker for us too, we are prepared to share each other but another couple only wants one of them to have fun. Not imposing our way of doing things in others, just easier to not meet them at all.
"
Yeah our rule is we all share or nobody shares. |
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"
Yeah our rule is we all share or nobody shares."
Our one exception to that is for couples that aren't bi, or only have one that is bi, we totally respect straight boundaries and wouldn't expect to swap. But I think that's a given for everyone, some bi couples don't meet straight or mixed at all, but we do. |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?
Honestly no I couldn't share a partner, but each to their own
See we would never meet anyone with this attitude.
That would be a deal breaker for us too, we are prepared to share each other but another couple only wants one of them to have fun. Not imposing our way of doing things in others, just easier to not meet them at all.
Yeah our rule is we all share or nobody shares."
I guess everyone is different. I don’t think it’s bad if one steps back or has a camera role, so that the 3 that like each other can still play. |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?"
I was here previously as a couple. It was messed up. I would only do it with a fwb now.  |
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If you've got a solid relationship and worship the ground eachother walk on, then you've got no/very little issues.
Personally, we find it quite liberating and struggle with the whole monogamous shait that we've all become accustomed to...
Do I enjoy watching her get railed by another guy? Hell yeah, and we enjoy the aftermath for days on end!! Why, because I know that no one will contend with me. No, that's absolutely not me being a bighead, it's just that she has some weird obsession with me and thinks the sun shines out of my arse  and the exact same can be said in return.
Solid foundation = healthy swinging
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you've got a solid relationship and worship the ground eachother walk on, then you've got no/very little issues.
Personally, we find it quite liberating and struggle with the whole monogamous shait that we've all become accustomed to...
Do I enjoy watching her get railed by another guy? Hell yeah, and we enjoy the aftermath for days on end!! Why, because I know that no one will contend with me. No, that's absolutely not me being a bighead, it's just that she has some weird obsession with me and thinks the sun shines out of my arse and the exact same can be said in return.
Solid foundation = healthy swinging
"
Love this  |
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"Question for the couples. How do you stop jealousy creeping into the fold with swinging?
Question for the singles who haven't been part of a couple in this lifestyle, could you be here as part of a couple?"
The simple answer is you can’t, but you can do things to stop it ruining the fun. This can be to put effective boundaries in place that work for you.
When we started Kitty didn’t enjoy Frankie being overly engrossed with a women, so I’m theeesomes they made sure they always paid attention to Kitty or Kitty made sure to occupy herself with another act with the person Frankie was fucking. |
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Weve done mfm and it's never been a problem.
We have clear boundaries and rules, always play together and talk before, during and after any meets.
Im a bit more unsure when it comes to adding a female or couple into the mix. The idea of it is a real turn on but I struggle more with the idea of it.
We've talked about it and hubby is understanding and not one bit pushy on that side. He just says if it happens it happens x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would highly encourage you read a bit about this - some great books on poly / ENM out there
Basically, the theory is jealousy is not a feeling in itself - not like sadness or happiness. It’s a by product of another feeling. You are jealous because you feel left out, worry they will like the other person more, wish it was you they were spending time with etc. It really helped me to understand that and recognise why I might really feel jealous
There is also a difference between being non monogamous and being poly. I realised I can happily swing with my partner - in fact I adore it, seeing him enjoy himself, helping him reach that level of enjoyment, allowing it. It’s a massive turn on.
But poly didn’t work for me - I was very unhappy when he dated someone else as well, did BF / GF stuff with them. I have to be the primary lover. But not something I would have learned without going through it!
Good luck x
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"Weve done mfm and it's never been a problem.
We have clear boundaries and rules, always play together and talk before, during and after any meets.
Im a bit more unsure when it comes to adding a female or couple into the mix. The idea of it is a real turn on but I struggle more with the idea of it.
We've talked about it and hubby is understanding and not one bit pushy on that side. He just says if it happens it happens x"
If you struggle with the idea of him playing with another woman, then maybe start with just same room non-swap, maybe a bit of girl on girl, oral only swap and just see how you feel. As long as the other couple understand you are pushing your own boundaries they should be happy to help.
PM us if you like, we are interested. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"
It's this for me. I fully expected to be more jealous and instead I find it so very hot.
It's good to talk about these things on here, but weirdly given previous replies I feel slightly judged for being able to share. Not what you'd expect on this site.
J
No judgement from me, you kinky bitch!
Thank you There's a definite undercurrent of if you really love someone then how could you possibly share them?
J"
That’s a very monogamous and blinkered attitude. Sadly it’s not one that I’m surprised to find on here. The sheer volume of ‘one penis policy’ couples that I see on here just screams insecurity to me |
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» Add a new message to this topic
Read in the “Joey doesn’t share food” tone from friends. 