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Alcoholism
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"Can you spot the signs? What are they? Are you someone that's stopped drinking? Could you describe what we should look out for in terms of behaviours and the give away signs? " I've got a very close relative who's an alcoholic. She's in treatment as we speak. Alcoholism is one size fits all,it can present differently from person to person. There are some common signs though. - a very obvious one, a constant smell of alcohol - doesn't want to be in situations where alcohol isn't accessible. - becoming agitated in those situations if they have no choice. - the lies will be endless - becoming shaky and jittery when they haven't had it for a few hours - lack of care in their appearance - paranoia and shifty behaviour - low self esteem I'm not saying that everyone will have all these symptoms but these are from my experience. Em x | |||
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"Thank you for the responses. Does anyone have any insight on if eating habits change? Like if they eat before drinking or only when they have had a drink or a certain time of day? Or if eating habits are normal?" I’m not sure if there is a specific answer to this. The people I know who are functional alcoholics don’t have a problem eating dinner, but equally they can’t eat dinner without having a drink. Have you looked on the NHS website for alcoholism support? It might be useful Xx | |||
"Thank you for the responses. Does anyone have any insight on if eating habits change? Like if they eat before drinking or only when they have had a drink or a certain time of day? Or if eating habits are normal?" From one alcoholic to another it's going to differ like some drink from moment they've woken up and may choose to eat at some point but only minimal like a snack.... Whereas as others may decide around drinking at evening but drinking like it's going out of fashion necking it not taking their time and needing to buy enough before the shops Shut but even with that having alcohol within the home if it's their their is no rest until it's finished unable to open a bottle and just have a few drinks and leaving the rest for another day..... Until they are flat out through the alcohol which is close to alcohol poisoning | |||
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"Thank you for the responses. Does anyone have any insight on if eating habits change? Like if they eat before drinking or only when they have had a drink or a certain time of day? Or if eating habits are normal?" The alcoholics I know are out and out alcoholics no hiding it. They have very poor eating habits and might survive on a couple of rounds of toast a day. There very very thin | |||
"Can you spot the signs? What are they? Are you someone that's stopped drinking? Could you describe what we should look out for in terms of behaviours and the give away signs? Is it a case that someone close is behaving in a way that you feel makes them an alcoholic Bear in mind that simply heavy drinking does not make someone an alcoholic However heavy drinking can lead to Many family and social problems in itself Bear in mind that alcohol Is one of the easiest ways that people cope with stress, anxiety and trauma as it has a depressive effect bringing a person down So many people self medicate with it I was one of those I was not an alcoholic but I did sail towards being a binge drinker I think that with anyone who can enjoy alcohol to a heavy effect needs a wake-up call as they don’t often see the wedge getting thicker There are many examples if the signs and symptoms Best thing to do is have,”The discussion with the person, or yourself.” " | |||
"Can you spot the signs? What are they? Are you someone that's stopped drinking? Could you describe what we should look out for in terms of behaviours and the give away signs? Is it a case that someone close is behaving in a way that you feel makes them an alcoholic Bear in mind that simply heavy drinking does not make someone an alcoholic However heavy drinking can lead to Many family and social problems in itself Bear in mind that alcohol Is one of the easiest ways that people cope with stress, anxiety and trauma as it has a depressive effect bringing a person down So many people self medicate with it I was one of those I was not an alcoholic but I did sail towards being a binge drinker I think that with anyone who can enjoy alcohol to a heavy effect needs a wake-up call as they don’t often see the wedge getting thicker There are many examples if the signs and symptoms Best thing to do is have,”The discussion with the person, or yourself.” " | |||
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"There are some good websites where you can find out more about alcoholism, the signs and how to approach someone about their demon. A couple have ex-alcoholics who share how to best open a conversation with someone. Go do some reading, I have seen it done badly and it took a few more years before the person reached out for help" Can I DM you plz? | |||
"I've had a lot of exposure to alcoholics... The most recent being a friend who made multiple attempts to end their life. Alcoholics are very easily able to hide their habit and dependency to their family and friends. " I'm sorry to hear that. | |||
"There are some good websites where you can find out more about alcoholism, the signs and how to approach someone about their demon. A couple have ex-alcoholics who share how to best open a conversation with someone. Go do some reading, I have seen it done badly and it took a few more years before the person reached out for help Can I DM you plz?" Please do, if I can help I will | |||
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"I've stopped drinking but i had a close relative who was an alcoholic and it killed him, he owned a pub, prior to owning the pub he drank a lot and i never saw him d*unk but once he owned the pub i never saw him sober i think he was different in that it was a very social thing for him, nevertheless anything in excess is bad for you "I used to know a publican in Ireland quite well, and he said it was a golden rule that you never drink in your own pub, for all sorts of reasons. | |||
"Can you spot the signs? What are they? Are you someone that's stopped drinking? Could you describe what we should look out for in terms of behaviours and the give away signs? " Why do you ask? Are you concerned about someone you know? One thing about potential “signs”, is that nobody will know those signs better than an alcoholic, and nobody will be better at covering up or explaining away those signs than an alcoholic And when things get messy and it becomes clearer that an individual has a drink problem, and you or someone else sits down with them to discuss, the usual outcome is acceptance they they have a problem and agreement to stop drinking … this is usually meaningless and the alcoholic just wants the “intervention” to be over so takes the path of least resistance and agrees with everything. They then just got better at hiding their drinking. I had an example in recent years where a woman who was very close to me, in her 30’s, had a drink problem. Over a period of a few years, several friends and family had detailed sit-downs with her and all went away convinced they they had got through to her and that she would now stay off booze. It’s a very difficult time, lots of setbacks, coverups, lies, disappointments, and the alcoholics I have known have got very good at shrugging off messy situations they have got into while d*unk. The latest on the lady I mention: fired from 2 jobs, multiple rehab stays, now appears to be dry again, but also appeared to be dry 2 years ago before being caught d*unk driving. Has leaned heavily, financially, on family members (rehab costs, bailouts when unemployed etc), … she seems to be in good shape now but family / friends all feel they we have been here a dozen times so don’t know what makes it different this time | |||
"I have seen so much harm caused by booze. I would happily see it banned but that will never happen." The vast majority of people can responsibly enjoy a drink. | |||
"I have seen so much harm caused by booze. I would happily see it banned but that will never happen. The vast majority of people can responsibly enjoy a drink. " Exactly. Of course it shouldn’t be banned. I like a drink every now and then. Why should I be deprived of that?! | |||
"Thank you for the responses. Does anyone have any insight on if eating habits change? Like if they eat before drinking or only when they have had a drink or a certain time of day? Or if eating habits are normal?" No simple answer to that, I’m afraid. Some serious alcoholics eat very sparsely or poorly, but not all. You will have read references above to some alcoholics being skinny and hardly eating at all, but others show no change to eating habits or go the opposite direction and put in weight due to post-closing time fast food binges. | |||
"Hiding drink! Compulsive lieing! Never having money! Ohh it's just misery for everyone x" In the case of the most recent one I have been close to, we always thought she was a bit of a lightweight when it came to drinking, seeming to get very d*unk after one or two drinks. We then noticed that that didn’t happen when she came to stay with us and we all started drinking at the same time. Took is a while to realise that the other nights were due to her secretly getting loaded before we met up, and would then be falling around or falling asleep after one or two glasses of wine. Comparing notes with other friends and family, we realised that had been going on since her early 20’s. | |||
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"The thing I can’t handle about it is the lies.. how someone so obviously loving and genuine can lie so brazenly about anything to get their fix. To the expense of everything else in their lives. " That’s what addiction does, unfortunately. My sister in law now said she is dry and has her life back on track, but years and years of lies and broken promises mean that we are no longer used to believing what she tells us. She had burned her way through a lot of love, support and money from family and friends, and that takes its toll. Unfortunately, nothing changes until the person themselves decides that they want to change, and even then it may take several attempts at best | |||
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"I quit drinking many years ago and I don't miss it. Just have the odd drink now and then. When I lived in Glasgow it seemed everyone was pissed all the time. Just to get through the day we poured cough medicine in our beverages" Your Glasgow is very different to my Glasgow. | |||
"Some very helpful observations above. From experience, biggest challenge they will have is them accepting they have a problem. Without personal acceptance, you can't be helped." Completely agree. And what makes that acceptance harder to reach is that the person may well sit there, listen, agree, and swear they will never touch the stiff again. Michael Parkinson has a very close relationship with George best, and I heard him describe a situation where they were in a hotel, George had hit the rocks again, they had a big heart to heart, George gave chapter and verse on how this time he was definitely giving up, and then left the hotel … buying a bottle of brandy on the way out. Parky’s summary was that an alcoholic will say anything to help quickly get to the end of a conversation about their drink problem, but their entire focus is on getting their next drink | |||
"I quit drinking many years ago and I don't miss it. Just have the odd drink now and then. When I lived in Glasgow it seemed everyone was pissed all the time. Just to get through the day we poured cough medicine in our beverages Your Glasgow is very different to my Glasgow." Mine too. No city matches that description. | |||
"Can you spot the signs? What are they? Are you someone that's stopped drinking? Could you describe what we should look out for in terms of behaviours and the give away signs? Why do you ask? Are you concerned about someone you know? One thing about potential “signs”, is that nobody will know those signs better than an alcoholic, and nobody will be better at covering up or explaining away those signs than an alcoholic And when things get messy and it becomes clearer that an individual has a drink problem, and you or someone else sits down with them to discuss, the usual outcome is acceptance they they have a problem and agreement to stop drinking … this is usually meaningless and the alcoholic just wants the “intervention” to be over so takes the path of least resistance and agrees with everything. They then just got better at hiding their drinking. I had an example in recent years where a woman who was very close to me, in her 30’s, had a drink problem. Over a period of a few years, several friends and family had detailed sit-downs with her and all went away convinced they they had got through to her and that she would now stay off booze. It’s a very difficult time, lots of setbacks, coverups, lies, disappointments, and the alcoholics I have known have got very good at shrugging off messy situations they have got into while d*unk. The latest on the lady I mention: fired from 2 jobs, multiple rehab stays, now appears to be dry again, but also appeared to be dry 2 years ago before being caught d*unk driving. Has leaned heavily, financially, on family members (rehab costs, bailouts when unemployed etc), … she seems to be in good shape now but family / friends all feel they we have been here a dozen times so don’t know what makes it different this time " I have come across two people in life that fit the description of alcoholics. With both I felt a certain way. In counselling I'm being asked if I think certain persons in my past were possibly alcoholics, so I'm just exploring it as there's some sort of familiarity when I was the alcoholics that I know of. And I'm just trying to process it all to see if there is a link and what it could possibly be. But I've not been in a relationship with one so I'm very uneducated and not experienced to know the signs. And as much as I could Google I find real experiences can be the most insightful from actual people. And besides that I could end up with someone that's an alcoholic in future so I'd like to arm myself with the information. There does seem to be a similarity in behaviours with narcissistic traits and alcoholism which I think blurs things when I have done some Google searches. Though that came up in a search where I didn't use the term. | |||
"Alcohol Explained by William Porter might help you OP. Ping me a message if you think I can help. I'm no expert, but I've a big chunk of sobriety, so have some personal insights. " •   | |||
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"Thank you for the responses. Does anyone have any insight on if eating habits change? Like if they eat before drinking or only when they have had a drink or a certain time of day? Or if eating habits are normal?" Just my experience, my sister who it eventually killed, rarely ate once it really took hold. Before she died, she weighed just over 6 stone, occasionally she'd binge eat, usually when she didn't have much alcohol. I hope you find the answers you need and if you need to chat, you're welcome to pm me. | |||
"Can you spot the signs? What are they? Are you someone that's stopped drinking? Could you describe what we should look out for in terms of behaviours and the give away signs? Why do you ask? Are you concerned about someone you know? One thing about potential “signs”, is that nobody will know those signs better than an alcoholic, and nobody will be better at covering up or explaining away those signs than an alcoholic And when things get messy and it becomes clearer that an individual has a drink problem, and you or someone else sits down with them to discuss, the usual outcome is acceptance they they have a problem and agreement to stop drinking … this is usually meaningless and the alcoholic just wants the “intervention” to be over so takes the path of least resistance and agrees with everything. They then just got better at hiding their drinking. I had an example in recent years where a woman who was very close to me, in her 30’s, had a drink problem. Over a period of a few years, several friends and family had detailed sit-downs with her and all went away convinced they they had got through to her and that she would now stay off booze. It’s a very difficult time, lots of setbacks, coverups, lies, disappointments, and the alcoholics I have known have got very good at shrugging off messy situations they have got into while d*unk. The latest on the lady I mention: fired from 2 jobs, multiple rehab stays, now appears to be dry again, but also appeared to be dry 2 years ago before being caught d*unk driving. Has leaned heavily, financially, on family members (rehab costs, bailouts when unemployed etc), … she seems to be in good shape now but family / friends all feel they we have been here a dozen times so don’t know what makes it different this time I have come across two people in life that fit the description of alcoholics. With both I felt a certain way. In counselling I'm being asked if I think certain persons in my past were possibly alcoholics, so I'm just exploring it as there's some sort of familiarity when I was the alcoholics that I know of. And I'm just trying to process it all to see if there is a link and what it could possibly be. But I've not been in a relationship with one so I'm very uneducated and not experienced to know the signs. And as much as I could Google I find real experiences can be the most insightful from actual people. And besides that I could end up with someone that's an alcoholic in future so I'd like to arm myself with the information. There does seem to be a similarity in behaviours with narcissistic traits and alcoholism which I think blurs things when I have done some Google searches. Though that came up in a search where I didn't use the term. " Thanks. Firstly, good luck with your own counselling, I hope that helps and proved effective. As for alcoholism, I hope the experiences shared in this thread give you a flavour for the fact that it is hard to spot and even harder to address. Some people can display behaviours that may tick a lot of boxes on a “spot the alcoholic” checklist, but there may not be a dependency issue and they might grow out of the heavy drinking phase. Others may convince themselves that they don’t have an issue because they can give up any time they want, and may point to extended dry periods as proof that they don’t have a problem / dependency. The truth reveals itself over time, not always straightforward. | |||
"Nothing prepares you for those moments where you realise the last few month's were a facade. Whatever the sign of them slipping is. The AKA smell, the all to familiar patterns of behaviour, the hidden bottles you stumble across. You're heart just sinks, it's a crushing blow. As you simultaneously realise what's to come, it's only going to get worse. The denial when you try to talk to them about it. And they know that you know. It's almost like a play, it feels so surreal." My experience of it is that after the first person you have been on the journey with, you spot it a lot quicker after that and get drawn into it a lot less . Spokes cruel / detached, but there is very little you can do to help | |||
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"Can you spot the signs? What are they? Are you someone that's stopped drinking? Could you describe what we should look out for in terms of behaviours and the give away signs? Why do you ask? Are you concerned about someone you know? One thing about potential “signs”, is that nobody will know those signs better than an alcoholic, and nobody will be better at covering up or explaining away those signs than an alcoholic And when things get messy and it becomes clearer that an individual has a drink problem, and you or someone else sits down with them to discuss, the usual outcome is acceptance they they have a problem and agreement to stop drinking … this is usually meaningless and the alcoholic just wants the “intervention” to be over so takes the path of least resistance and agrees with everything. They then just got better at hiding their drinking. I had an example in recent years where a woman who was very close to me, in her 30’s, had a drink problem. Over a period of a few years, several friends and family had detailed sit-downs with her and all went away convinced they they had got through to her and that she would now stay off booze. It’s a very difficult time, lots of setbacks, coverups, lies, disappointments, and the alcoholics I have known have got very good at shrugging off messy situations they have got into while d*unk. The latest on the lady I mention: fired from 2 jobs, multiple rehab stays, now appears to be dry again, but also appeared to be dry 2 years ago before being caught d*unk driving. Has leaned heavily, financially, on family members (rehab costs, bailouts when unemployed etc), … she seems to be in good shape now but family / friends all feel they we have been here a dozen times so don’t know what makes it different this time I have come across two people in life that fit the description of alcoholics. With both I felt a certain way. In counselling I'm being asked if I think certain persons in my past were possibly alcoholics, so I'm just exploring it as there's some sort of familiarity when I was the alcoholics that I know of. And I'm just trying to process it all to see if there is a link and what it could possibly be. But I've not been in a relationship with one so I'm very uneducated and not experienced to know the signs. And as much as I could Google I find real experiences can be the most insightful from actual people. And besides that I could end up with someone that's an alcoholic in future so I'd like to arm myself with the information. There does seem to be a similarity in behaviours with narcissistic traits and alcoholism which I think blurs things when I have done some Google searches. Though that came up in a search where I didn't use the term. " Actually I feel the need to clarify something before it gets misread. Where I wrote.... But I've not been in a relationship with *one so I'm very uneducated and not experienced to know the signs. *One means alcoholic, not one of the two guys that I mentioned above. | |||
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"Alcoholic or alcohol dependent. What is it? Having had friends who have been classed as alcoholic in varying degrees. A woman I know gets in from work every day and once 6pm goes by has a drink or two. Sometimes a glass of wine sometimes a few or maybe a G&T. Is she alcoholic? To me yes as not a day goes by without a drink. I know other people who go to bed with a drink at the side of the bed for when they wake up as they cannot function until they’ve had a drink. If alcohol was a new drug coming to the market now it would be banned. The outcry would be unbelievable. Like heroine it’s a physical addiction not like cocaine which is not physically addictive. A alcoholic cannot just stop drinking and should only be done with medical supervision. Personally I am like millions of people and enjoy a beer or whisky, I do not crave it but to many others it’s an addiction they do not know they have. I never drink on a work night this can mean going a couple of weeks without a drink. But am I alcoholic as when I get to the days off I have a drink? " Alcohol is nothing like heroin or cocaine in terms of likelihood of becoming addicted. And no, if you enjoy an occasional drink, as you described, that does not make you an alcoholic. | |||
"I just want to say my heart goes out to those that have lost people to drinking. I can't imagine what that's like to see and experience. I did have one friend, who was amazing, had everything going for her and support, get addicted to something horrible. I walked into her flat one day and saw her boyfriend giving her what she was addicted to and it was a horrible thing to see for so many reasons. She passed away not so long ago. She went from being a larger than life attractive soul of the party type to begging in the streets. She gave her child up too. So I guess I can relate a little tiny bit to it in a different way. " It's honestly devastating seeing the damage that comes with addiction. I'm sorry you've dealt with it. If you are worried about someone, I think the best way forward is to be open and explain to them why you're concerned. Sadly, most take it as an attack and jump into denial mode. My mum always felt like we were constantly having a go at her, and no matter how much we reassured her we were doing it out of love she never once could see our side until she was told she would be dead within a few days. So yes, offer support but be prepared for a backlash. If you have a feeling they are d*unk then don't even bother trying until it feels right. I've only had a quick skim through the thread as I'm out but there's so much great advice above. Remember they will only get better if they want to do it. And don't forget to take care of yourself too because supporting and dealing with addiction and everything it brings is not good for your mind and you need to look after yourself and remember that there is a big chance you will not be able to help them. My mum wasn't a great mum. She was cruel and a shitty person. But she was still my mum and I often think of her as a little girl, innocently playing and laughing not knowing the horrors of her future. I am at least glad now that she doesn't have to fight the addiction anymore. | |||
"Can you spot the signs? What are they? Are you someone that's stopped drinking? Could you describe what we should look out for in terms of behaviours and the give away signs? Why do you ask? Are you concerned about someone you know? One thing about potential “signs”, is that nobody will know those signs better than an alcoholic, and nobody will be better at covering up or explaining away those signs than an alcoholic And when things get messy and it becomes clearer that an individual has a drink problem, and you or someone else sits down with them to discuss, the usual outcome is acceptance they they have a problem and agreement to stop drinking … this is usually meaningless and the alcoholic just wants the “intervention” to be over so takes the path of least resistance and agrees with everything. They then just got better at hiding their drinking. I had an example in recent years where a woman who was very close to me, in her 30’s, had a drink problem. Over a period of a few years, several friends and family had detailed sit-downs with her and all went away convinced they they had got through to her and that she would now stay off booze. It’s a very difficult time, lots of setbacks, coverups, lies, disappointments, and the alcoholics I have known have got very good at shrugging off messy situations they have got into while d*unk. The latest on the lady I mention: fired from 2 jobs, multiple rehab stays, now appears to be dry again, but also appeared to be dry 2 years ago before being caught d*unk driving. Has leaned heavily, financially, on family members (rehab costs, bailouts when unemployed etc), … she seems to be in good shape now but family / friends all feel they we have been here a dozen times so don’t know what makes it different this time I have come across two people in life that fit the description of alcoholics. With both I felt a certain way. In counselling I'm being asked if I think certain persons in my past were possibly alcoholics, so I'm just exploring it as there's some sort of familiarity when I was the alcoholics that I know of. And I'm just trying to process it all to see if there is a link and what it could possibly be. But I've not been in a relationship with one so I'm very uneducated and not experienced to know the signs. And as much as I could Google I find real experiences can be the most insightful from actual people. And besides that I could end up with someone that's an alcoholic in future so I'd like to arm myself with the information. There does seem to be a similarity in behaviours with narcissistic traits and alcoholism which I think blurs things when I have done some Google searches. Though that came up in a search where I didn't use the term. Thanks. Firstly, good luck with your own counselling, I hope that helps and proved effective. As for alcoholism, I hope the experiences shared in this thread give you a flavour for the fact that it is hard to spot and even harder to address. Some people can display behaviours that may tick a lot of boxes on a “spot the alcoholic” checklist, but there may not be a dependency issue and they might grow out of the heavy drinking phase. Others may convince themselves that they don’t have an issue because they can give up any time they want, and may point to extended dry periods as proof that they don’t have a problem / dependency. The truth reveals itself over time, not always straightforward. " Thank you. I thinks it's quite apparent why I can't answer the question I'm being asked and I have to answer it with there is no answer. Appreciate your replies. | |||
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"Nothing prepares you for those moments where you realise the last few month's were a facade. Whatever the sign of them slipping is. The AKA smell, the all to familiar patterns of behaviour, the hidden bottles you stumble across. You're heart just sinks, it's a crushing blow. As you simultaneously realise what's to come, it's only going to get worse. The denial when you try to talk to them about it. And they know that you know. It's almost like a play, it feels so surreal. My experience of it is that after the first person you have been on the journey with, you spot it a lot quicker after that and get drawn into it a lot less . Spokes cruel / detached, but there is very little you can do to help " I think I know the feeling you are referring to. I couldn't say if that's a better or worse place to be. All I can remember, at those junctures, is looking at the faces of my baby daughters - who wanted their mother back and had no way of comprehending that it wasn't their fault. | |||
