FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How do you know if a white girl likes you?
How do you know if a white girl likes you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This sounds like a silly question, but I'll explain. There's a cultural difference between West Africa and UK. I notice politeness is over emphasized here, and there's a constant announcement of "no anti-social behavior" almost everywhere. So nearly everyone you see has what I imagine are very plastic smiles across their faces, asking "you alriiiight?"
Back home, emotions are a bit more "raw" and I imagine honest, so a lady who doesn't like you, will most likely be deliberate about NOT smiling at you or being 'nice'. I've found that these social cues that were easier to interpret, has become harder for me. I mean the closest I've come to knowing explicitly that a lady wanted me was when I worked a concert in the summer and this very tipsy lady was actively hitting on me and asking what time I finish.
Other than that, I struggle with understanding white ladies and I'm also wondering if I'm the only one that experiences this.
PS: forgive any typos, a bit of a long form text  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That’s a really interesting perspective actually. I think the part of the British culture here that’s relevant is that we’re all taught to be polite and not cause offence. The upshot of that is we’re no good at telling people we don’t like them!
Unfortunately I have nothing useful to add other than if I like someone I tell them  |
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Basically if a woman is being friendly it usually means she's being socially polite. If you're interested in her chat a little more offer her your number or ask if she'd like a coffee while making it clear that you'll accept a 'no thanks' gracefully.
On fab I think it's ok to be a little more forward e.g. after you've introduced yourself say you'd like to chat with a view to meeting. She can then choose to continue or not.
Things are much easier if you make your intentions clear even if the women don't |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
As a white man, even I struggle to understand them most of the time. It is certainly not easy to know their thought processes. The cultural thing will pay it's part, something both men and women share. But even on top of that it is still difficult to understand individually and as part of them being women too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a white man, even I struggle to understand them most of the time. It is certainly not easy to know their thought processes. The cultural thing will pay it's part, something both men and women share. But even on top of that it is still difficult to understand individually and as part of them being women too."
You’ve not mentioned the danger aspect? Cmon Kai, I brought you up better than that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That’s a really interesting perspective actually. I think the part of the British culture here that’s relevant is that we’re all taught to be polite and not cause offence. The upshot of that is we’re no good at telling people we don’t like them!
Unfortunately I have nothing useful to add other than if I like someone I tell them "
Yep. It's actually my biggest culture shock, I've lived in two West African countries, there are slight cultural differences but it's really more of the same. I've been here now for just under a year and my God, nearly every sign and every announcement is a warning about anti-social behavior and I'm at a total loss at how people actually read social cues.
It's just even just in terms of women and relationships. Infact, the most helpful feedback I got from an interview was by this manager than hardly smiled and didn't do the typical "you alrriight?" question. It felt a bit odd, because the previous ones would be extra nice and in my head, I think I've done okay, only to go home and meet the rejection letter. So seeing a bone-faced man was ironically refreshing.
I'll be honest, it's been tough, navigating social cues, so I've largely stuck to talking to fellow Africans, which is a bit of a shame. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Basically if a woman is being friendly it usually means she's being socially polite. If you're interested in her chat a little more offer her your number or ask if she'd like a coffee while making it clear that you'll accept a 'no thanks' gracefully.
On fab I think it's ok to be a little more forward e.g. after you've introduced yourself say you'd like to chat with a view to meeting. She can then choose to continue or not.
Things are much easier if you make your intentions clear even if the women don't "
Well. Thank you. I'll look forward to trying this out for real very soon. I have a classical music concert to attend in a few weeks, so I'll enjoy the music and look to meet people.
As for fab, I've kinda given up on chatting women up, there's a F*CK TON of horny single men, a lady told me she gets about 200 messages per day. That's A LOT. I'm shifting my attention to the forums, it's an interesting place here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As a white man, even I struggle to understand them most of the time. It is certainly not easy to know their thought processes. The cultural thing will pay it's part, something both men and women share. But even on top of that it is still difficult to understand individually and as part of them being women too."
Fair enough. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can’t help you there pal, sorry.
I’m still pinching myself after one agreed to marry me."
Lucky b*stard. LMAO. Well it's nice reading all these perspectives. Glad I'm not the only one |
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"That’s a really interesting perspective actually. I think the part of the British culture here that’s relevant is that we’re all taught to be polite and not cause offence. The upshot of that is we’re no good at telling people we don’t like them!
Unfortunately I have nothing useful to add other than if I like someone I tell them
Yep. It's actually my biggest culture shock, I've lived in two West African countries, there are slight cultural differences but it's really more of the same. I've been here now for just under a year and my God, nearly every sign and every announcement is a warning about anti-social behavior and I'm at a total loss at how people actually read social cues.
It's just even just in terms of women and relationships. Infact, the most helpful feedback I got from an interview was by this manager than hardly smiled and didn't do the typical "you alrriight?" question. It felt a bit odd, because the previous ones would be extra nice and in my head, I think I've done okay, only to go home and meet the rejection letter. So seeing a bone-faced man was ironically refreshing.
I'll be honest, it's been tough, navigating social cues, so I've largely stuck to talking to fellow Africans, which is a bit of a shame. "
Maybe one of the organised socials would be a good idea for you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"That’s a really interesting perspective actually. I think the part of the British culture here that’s relevant is that we’re all taught to be polite and not cause offence. The upshot of that is we’re no good at telling people we don’t like them!
Unfortunately I have nothing useful to add other than if I like someone I tell them
Yep. It's actually my biggest culture shock, I've lived in two West African countries, there are slight cultural differences but it's really more of the same. I've been here now for just under a year and my God, nearly every sign and every announcement is a warning about anti-social behavior and I'm at a total loss at how people actually read social cues.
It's just even just in terms of women and relationships. Infact, the most helpful feedback I got from an interview was by this manager than hardly smiled and didn't do the typical "you alrriight?" question. It felt a bit odd, because the previous ones would be extra nice and in my head, I think I've done okay, only to go home and meet the rejection letter. So seeing a bone-faced man was ironically refreshing.
I'll be honest, it's been tough, navigating social cues, so I've largely stuck to talking to fellow Africans, which is a bit of a shame.
Maybe one of the organised socials would be a good idea for you? "
I intend to. I live in North East England, public transport here is absolutely horrible. In the process of getting my British License (the one I got from my country is invalid). Once I get a car, I'll look to explore a little bit around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This sounds like a silly question, but I'll explain. There's a cultural difference between West Africa and UK. I notice politeness is over emphasized here, and there's a constant announcement of "no anti-social behavior" almost everywhere. So nearly everyone you see has what I imagine are very plastic smiles across their faces, asking "you alriiiight?"
Back home, emotions are a bit more "raw" and I imagine honest, so a lady who doesn't like you, will most likely be deliberate about NOT smiling at you or being 'nice'. I've found that these social cues that were easier to interpret, has become harder for me. I mean the closest I've come to knowing explicitly that a lady wanted me was when I worked a concert in the summer and this very tipsy lady was actively hitting on me and asking what time I finish.
Other than that, I struggle with understanding white ladies and I'm also wondering if I'm the only one that experiences this.
PS: forgive any typos, a bit of a long form text "
If you can figure them out you would be a multimillionaire if you sold your findings.. |
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"The upshot of that is we’re no good at telling people we don’t like them!
"
Bollocks. On Fab it's called "Unread, deleted" or, "This profile is not available for you to view" if they really don't like you.
Either gets the message across quite succinctly. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Are you from Lagos? I spent a lot of time there, Abidjan & Douala. There’s nothing quite like the directness of a west African woman is there!
Don’t expect a British woman to come up to you in bar and say you da bomb baby ! It ain’t Lagos !
These are harsh countries, women know how to spot a good man and will make it very clear they want you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are you from Lagos? I spent a lot of time there, Abidjan & Douala. There’s nothing quite like the directness of a west African woman is there!
Don’t expect a British woman to come up to you in bar and say you da bomb baby ! It ain’t Lagos !
These are harsh countries, women know how to spot a good man and will make it very clear they want you. "
Yes I am from Lagos. Yes you understand me. I wasn't talking about the normal coyness about women. More like the cultural differences. It's stark and glaring and you won't quite get it unless you've spent some time in a totally different culture |
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