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Rekindle a lost relationship
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Heres a question for all the fabbers on the site.
How do you rekindle a relationship that has clearly lost its spark. I know alot of men complain that once they are married the intimacy stops and a relationship becomes more like a friendship, however how do you stop this from happening, how do you actually keep the spark alight, save a relationship that isnt in a good place. Ive often wondered, and with a failed marriage in the past I clearly didnt manage to suceed. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
I really don't think in 2023 any marriage or partnership can surive the 'life' experience, if something isn't right people just tend to move on these days no loyalty to the partner. |
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From my own experience:
Don't treat your partner like a maid, nanny or hired help.
Don't stop the little things you did when just datine eg bringing home her/his fav chocolate just because
Do treat them like they are the most important relationship you have
Do keep communicating and don't let issues fester into resentment, talk them through
Do remember any problem should be thought of as the two of you facing a problem not the two of you against each other
MrsAbz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Heres a question for all the fabbers on the site.
How do you rekindle a relationship that has clearly lost its spark. I know alot of men complain that once they are married the intimacy stops and a relationship becomes more like a friendship, however how do you stop this from happening, how do you actually keep the spark alight, save a relationship that isnt in a good place. Ive often wondered, and with a failed marriage in the past I clearly didnt manage to suceed. "
Have an affair. The French swear by it. |
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"I really don't think in 2023 any marriage or partnership can surive the 'life' experience, if something isn't right people just tend to move on these days no loyalty to the partner. "
Do you think that has something to do with the fact women are no longer as financially reliant on their husband as they used to be?
What people refer to as loyalty was often that if a woman wanted to leave her partner she couldn’t afford to. |
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My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Heres a question for all the fabbers on the site.
How do you rekindle a relationship that has clearly lost its spark. I know alot of men complain that once they are married the intimacy stops and a relationship becomes more like a friendship, however how do you stop this from happening, how do you actually keep the spark alight, save a relationship that isnt in a good place. Ive often wondered, and with a failed marriage in the past I clearly didnt manage to suceed. "
Staying faithful
Staying committed
You should be friends already
Married people need to work at their relationship.
You married for what reason
Love
Mating
Friendship
Companionship
Sickness
Health
Communicating
Til death
Do fun things together
Think about the little things that matter
Talk
Mate
|
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"I really don't think in 2023 any marriage or partnership can surive the 'life' experience, if something isn't right people just tend to move on these days no loyalty to the partner.
Do you think that has something to do with the fact women are no longer as financially reliant on their husband as they used to be?
What people refer to as loyalty was often that if a woman wanted to leave her partner she couldn’t afford to."
You maybe right there a women no longer need a man, esp not financially as the government support them. They do say not needing the other person is always the start of the failure process, you should always need the other person, maybe not for financial support but for moral support etc. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I really don't think in 2023 any marriage or partnership can surive the 'life' experience, if something isn't right people just tend to move on these days no loyalty to the partner.
Do you think that has something to do with the fact women are no longer as financially reliant on their husband as they used to be?
What people refer to as loyalty was often that if a woman wanted to leave her partner she couldn’t afford to."
Well it plays a part but it kinda depends why the relationship breaks down, some break ups are destined, some are as a result of infidelity, some you've just moved apart gradually so end up being friends but independence comes with money i guess. |
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"My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers. "
Ah yes, it is so terrible that women can leave unsuitable relationships now and aren't forced to stay with men they don't wish to be used by anymore!
The sheer audacity of expecting men to contribute to the cost of raising their child. The entitlement of it all.
Shocking really.
MrsAbz |
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"I really don't think in 2023 any marriage or partnership can surive the 'life' experience, if something isn't right people just tend to move on these days no loyalty to the partner.
Do you think that has something to do with the fact women are no longer as financially reliant on their husband as they used to be?
What people refer to as loyalty was often that if a woman wanted to leave her partner she couldn’t afford to.Well it plays a part but it kinda depends why the relationship breaks down, some break ups are destined, some are as a result of infidelity, some you've just moved apart gradually so end up being friends but independence comes with money i guess. "
Again good response, people grow apart so easy these days, they seem.influenced by people, social media etc, they see others portraying a false life over facebook and want the same so take the step onto the other side only to discover the other side is all make belief |
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"My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers.
Ah yes, it is so terrible that women can leave unsuitable relationships now and aren't forced to stay with men they don't wish to be used by anymore!
The sheer audacity of expecting men to contribute to the cost of raising their child. The entitlement of it all.
Shocking really.
MrsAbz "
That wasnt what my comment meant, but i knew it would come under attack.
Nobody says a man shouldnt contribute to a child if the relationship breaks down, however the system within the UK punishes the man regardless of there situation, hence why they are now changing the process, to if that is an improvement will be down to debate I guess.
Unfortantly there are women out there that have children to cash in on them. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I really don't think in 2023 any marriage or partnership can surive the 'life' experience, if something isn't right people just tend to move on these days no loyalty to the partner.
Do you think that has something to do with the fact women are no longer as financially reliant on their husband as they used to be?
What people refer to as loyalty was often that if a woman wanted to leave her partner she couldn’t afford to.Well it plays a part but it kinda depends why the relationship breaks down, some break ups are destined, some are as a result of infidelity, some you've just moved apart gradually so end up being friends but independence comes with money i guess.
Again good response, people grow apart so easy these days, they seem.influenced by people, social media etc, they see others portraying a false life over facebook and want the same so take the step onto the other side only to discover the other side is all make belief "
Exactly i think a friendship has its value in todays world, my last girfriend sent me a text message saying "i used her for sex" i can quite honestly say I've never intentionally used anyone in fact I'm very useful and can do many things so i tend to get used. She sent me that message in a text which hurt my feelings so i stopped having sex with her and the relationship ended but had she approached it differently and spoke to me about it i guess we wouldn't have seperated, communication is the key  |
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This is just what I observe on here but there seems to be a generation of men who are afraid to be open with their partners. The number of 'how do I raise X subject with my wife?' or 'i think my wife likes y' threads that I see where guys have no clue how to talk to their significant other and are turning to complete strangers for advice about a relationship they know nothing about. Looking outside of a relationship for answers to problems within it isn't the answer and I suspect the cause of many break ups. |
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"My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers.
Ah yes, it is so terrible that women can leave unsuitable relationships now and aren't forced to stay with men they don't wish to be used by anymore!
The sheer audacity of expecting men to contribute to the cost of raising their child. The entitlement of it all.
Shocking really.
MrsAbz
That wasnt what my comment meant, but i knew it would come under attack.
Nobody says a man shouldnt contribute to a child if the relationship breaks down, however the system within the UK punishes the man regardless of there situation, hence why they are now changing the process, to if that is an improvement will be down to debate I guess.
Unfortantly there are women out there that have children to cash in on them."
Genuine question, how does the system punish the man?
Mr DD |
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"My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers.
Ah yes, it is so terrible that women can leave unsuitable relationships now and aren't forced to stay with men they don't wish to be used by anymore!
The sheer audacity of expecting men to contribute to the cost of raising their child. The entitlement of it all.
Shocking really.
MrsAbz
That wasnt what my comment meant, but i knew it would come under attack.
Nobody says a man shouldnt contribute to a child if the relationship breaks down, however the system within the UK punishes the man regardless of there situation, hence why they are now changing the process, to if that is an improvement will be down to debate I guess.
Unfortantly there are women out there that have children to cash in on them.
Genuine question, how does the system punish the man?
Mr DD"
I have known men lose everything because of the system, the guy kept contacting the child maintenance department to say he cant afford the money thwy are taking every week from his wages, but they ignored him which in the end caused him to lose his house and end up in a lot of debt. He then took his life, because the women then decided to take his daugther away from him because he couldnt pay what she expected which was funding her lavish lifestyle.
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"This is just what I observe on here but there seems to be a generation of men who are afraid to be open with their partners. The number of 'how do I raise X subject with my wife?' or 'i think my wife likes y' threads that I see where guys have no clue how to talk to their significant other and are turning to complete strangers for advice about a relationship they know nothing about. Looking outside of a relationship for answers to problems within it isn't the answer and I suspect the cause of many break ups."
Not all women are approachable though and dont listen, my ex wife would never talk to me about issues that we had, she just use to run off for days on end with no contact as that was easier than having a conversation |
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"From my own experience:
Don't treat your partner like a maid, nanny or hired help.
Don't stop the little things you did when just datine eg bringing home her/his fav chocolate just because
Do treat them like they are the most important relationship you have
Do keep communicating and don't let issues fester into resentment, talk them through
Do remember any problem should be thought of as the two of you facing a problem not the two of you against each other
MrsAbz "
I like this  |
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Communication & the willingness to work at it.
Talk, discuss what's missing, discuss where you want to be and go back to basics, flirt, date, make the effort.
I think a lot of times couples fall into a rut and loose the appreciation for what's Infront of them, they feel they don't have to "try" anymore because they already have them.
In the terms of the married men bored of a sexless relationship I'm sure if as much effort was out into their wife's as it is to stangers on the internet things would improve.
We all notice when attention is elsewhere and let's face it it doesn't make us want to drop our knickers.
Mrs |
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"This is just what I observe on here but there seems to be a generation of men who are afraid to be open with their partners. The number of 'how do I raise X subject with my wife?' or 'i think my wife likes y' threads that I see where guys have no clue how to talk to their significant other and are turning to complete strangers for advice about a relationship they know nothing about. Looking outside of a relationship for answers to problems within it isn't the answer and I suspect the cause of many break ups.
Not all women are approachable though and dont listen, my ex wife would never talk to me about issues that we had, she just use to run off for days on end with no contact as that was easier than having a conversation "
Yes I understand that. Some people are frightened of emotional intimacy, it makes them vulnerable and they feel if their true feelings are known it'll spoil the relationship.
I only used the example I see on here and that involves mostly men  |
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"Communication & the willingness to work at it.
Talk, discuss what's missing, discuss where you want to be and go back to basics, flirt, date, make the effort.
I think a lot of times couples fall into a rut and loose the appreciation for what's Infront of them, they feel they don't have to "try" anymore because they already have them.
In the terms of the married men bored of a sexless relationship I'm sure if as much effort was out into their wife's as it is to stangers on the internet things would improve.
We all notice when attention is elsewhere and let's face it it doesn't make us want to drop our knickers.
Mrs "
this. |
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"My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers.
Ah yes, it is so terrible that women can leave unsuitable relationships now and aren't forced to stay with men they don't wish to be used by anymore!
The sheer audacity of expecting men to contribute to the cost of raising their child. The entitlement of it all.
Shocking really.
MrsAbz
That wasnt what my comment meant, but i knew it would come under attack.
Nobody says a man shouldnt contribute to a child if the relationship breaks down, however the system within the UK punishes the man regardless of there situation, hence why they are now changing the process, to if that is an improvement will be down to debate I guess.
Unfortantly there are women out there that have children to cash in on them.
Genuine question, how does the system punish the man?
Mr DD
I have known men lose everything because of the system, the guy kept contacting the child maintenance department to say he cant afford the money thwy are taking every week from his wages, but they ignored him which in the end caused him to lose his house and end up in a lot of debt. He then took his life, because the women then decided to take his daugther away from him because he couldnt pay what she expected which was funding her lavish lifestyle.
"
Yet I know of a man who has left his partner and two children under 7 to live with someone else who pays his fair and reasonable contribution towards his own children very infrequently. That's because his ex partner believes his sob stories. She balances work, her children's welfare and the daily worries about money and keeping a roof over her head while he goes to concerts, has new trainers and neglects his responsibilities.
We can all find examples to show things are unfair |
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Marriage isn’t easy and any one that says otherwise is deluded it’s not all picket fences and roses in the garden.
I see it all the time on here when people (mostly men)are asking strangers how they go about having a conversation with their partner that just baffles me.
Their are definitely proper reasons why people should get the hell away from their marriages and stay away but theirs also a lack of communication and lack of respect and some people are just genuinely selfish.
I know some couples that have just called it a day after the first minor hurdle ,I personally don’t get that as if something is worth fighting for then you should at least try everything you can do then at least you can both say well we tried but it still didn’t work.
I think some people have a idealistic view of marriage and are just not prepared for the hard work that goes into it .
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"My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers.
Ah yes, it is so terrible that women can leave unsuitable relationships now and aren't forced to stay with men they don't wish to be used by anymore!
The sheer audacity of expecting men to contribute to the cost of raising their child. The entitlement of it all.
Shocking really.
MrsAbz
That wasnt what my comment meant, but i knew it would come under attack.
Nobody says a man shouldnt contribute to a child if the relationship breaks down, however the system within the UK punishes the man regardless of there situation, hence why they are now changing the process, to if that is an improvement will be down to debate I guess.
Unfortantly there are women out there that have children to cash in on them.
Genuine question, how does the system punish the man?
Mr DD
I have known men lose everything because of the system, the guy kept contacting the child maintenance department to say he cant afford the money thwy are taking every week from his wages, but they ignored him which in the end caused him to lose his house and end up in a lot of debt. He then took his life, because the women then decided to take his daugther away from him because he couldnt pay what she expected which was funding her lavish lifestyle.
"
If they are taking money direct from wages it is a set percentage... women don't get to choose that. The percentage is actually incredibly low and not at all equivalent to 50% of the costs of raising a child.
His mismanagement of his finances is down to him, not anyone else and certainly not his ex partner.
Whilst there certainly are women who will prevent a man from seeing his children for no reason other than to punish him, this doesn't mean the ability for any woman to escape from a man she does not wish to be with should be taken away. Nor does it mean the ability to force men to contribute to the cost of raising their child should be scrapped!
Also, funding a lavish lifestyle? Far too many fairytales where men think that!
MrsAbz |
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"My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers. "
It's never an easy choice especially when there are children involved. The vast majority would leave far sooner if there weren't children involved. Being financially independent meant it was easier for me to leave than some of my friends. Who are in unhappy relationship for the sake of the children.
I've left, I've not bad mouthed my ex. He's my kids father I want them to have a good relationship with them. I do not claim extra benefits and the child benefit goes into a joint account that pays for school trips, lunches etc.
Some people may not work well together, but they can worked together well enough for the benefit of their children. |
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"My dad always says this, relationships these days dont last because people always have an easy escape, couples dont fight for each other anymore as its easier to walk away and then bad mouth / blame the other person for the failure of the relationship.
I think if you have children as well its always easier for a women to walk away as they seem to get the support more than a man, for example they then claim benefits, claim Child Maintenance etc and its the guy that suffers.
Ah yes, it is so terrible that women can leave unsuitable relationships now and aren't forced to stay with men they don't wish to be used by anymore!
The sheer audacity of expecting men to contribute to the cost of raising their child. The entitlement of it all.
Shocking really.
MrsAbz
That wasnt what my comment meant, but i knew it would come under attack.
Nobody says a man shouldnt contribute to a child if the relationship breaks down, however the system within the UK punishes the man regardless of there situation, hence why they are now changing the process, to if that is an improvement will be down to debate I guess.
Unfortantly there are women out there that have children to cash in on them.
Genuine question, how does the system punish the man?
Mr DD
I have known men lose everything because of the system, the guy kept contacting the child maintenance department to say he cant afford the money thwy are taking every week from his wages, but they ignored him which in the end caused him to lose his house and end up in a lot of debt. He then took his life, because the women then decided to take his daugther away from him because he couldnt pay what she expected which was funding her lavish lifestyle.
"
The CSA, as were, could only take a certain percentage of a person’s wage, and yes there were errors but criticism came from both sides, there are thousands of women who complain that lack of payment isn’t being pursued for instance. I’m not saying that tragic things don’t happen but to say the system punishes men is going too far in my view. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Be open & honest with your partner that's something some men and women aren't,many of the ones on here anyway.
Keep talking & when you know something isn't right, try and deal with it as soon as possible, don't let things fester.
Don't leave one person to deal with the household stuff or childcare, thats how resentment builds.
Make an effort with each other, go on date nights or do nice things for the sake of it, not just when you want something.
Remember there will be compromises on both sides.
Don't do things behind their back, especially when you wouldn't want it done to you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I really don't think in 2023 any marriage or partnership can surive the 'life' experience, if something isn't right people just tend to move on these days no loyalty to the partner.
Do you think that has something to do with the fact women are no longer as financially reliant on their husband as they used to be?
What people refer to as loyalty was often that if a woman wanted to leave her partner she couldn’t afford to."
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Make time to talk to each other without any distractions. I’ve been married and we rarely talked about any issues we had. We argued. My ex spent more time running a football team and watching porn than he spent with me.
Put each other first, don’t make them feel second best. Have a date night, do something special for them like a massage or cooking dinner.
Switch off social media.
Both sides have to want it to work. My ex left and didn’t even consider couple counselling. He went into another relationship quickly whereas it’s taken me 18 years to find someone I’d even consider a relationship with.
No one has mentioned medical issues such as depression, menopause, etc. these can also adversely affect relationships and really need the help of a GP.
What I have found is that it’s easier to be more open and honest with guys on Fab than it ever was with my ex. Whether that’s because I’m more confident or because we’re all on here for the same thing I’m not sure.
Subsequent relationships can be more difficult as we try and protect ourselves from being hurt and don’t let anyone in.
Try and remember what you both found attractive in each other that brought you together. Go back to the places you first dated to rekindle those feelings.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People are too quick to throw relationships away without even trying first. You have to work at a marriage to keep it alive. Every relationship hits bumps in the road, it’s all about how you get over those together. Talk, talk and talk some more. Being able to have open and honest conversations about your concerns with your partner means you can sort them out quicker which leads to less arguments. |
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Is it reasonable to expect relationships to last for many, many years? Until fairly recently people's life expectancy meant that many marriages had a shortish life span, maybe it's only a few relationships that are capable of going the distance |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it reasonable to expect relationships to last for many, many years? Until fairly recently people's life expectancy meant that many marriages had a shortish life span, maybe it's only a few relationships that are capable of going the distance"
But also fair point.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Heres a question for all the fabbers on the site.
How do you rekindle a relationship that has clearly lost its spark. I know alot of men complain that once they are married the intimacy stops and a relationship becomes more like a friendship, however how do you stop this from happening, how do you actually keep the spark alight, save a relationship that isnt in a good place. Ive often wondered, and with a failed marriage in the past I clearly didnt manage to suceed. "
Because you didn't talk enough! |
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