FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why do you do it? Or have I got it wrong?
Why do you do it? Or have I got it wrong?
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My biggest irritant is people who message or friend request who clearly haven’t read my profile or even worse say they did read it but then clearly ignore everything I say in it.
I figure if someone isn’t interested enough to at least demonstrate they have considered my wishes or wants by reading my profile then how Can I expect them to give a damn what I want or like sexually. They are not interested enough to spend a few minutes reading to identify something I’m interested in to start a chat. Or people outside my age range who think it applies to everyone except them. When I get a message the first thing I do is read their profile to see if I match any of their wishes. Strangely enough I don’t think that just having a vagina and boobs is enough and look at the text to see what they are wanting or expecting. So many say hardly anything or say they will be filled in later but the person has been on here over a year. Again if they can’t be bothered it doesn’t inspire confidence. |
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"To be fair though it would take a long time to read your profile ?? that’s a joke by the way don’t take it to heart, I can’t get a reply never mind turning people away ????"
I accept its long by some standards but for most people reading it takes less time than wasting time sending a message. I did have one guy that said he lost interest it was too long but again if his attention span is that short then he wouldn’t be for me anyway.  . Oh and I don’t take offence |
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"To be fair though it would take a long time to read your profile ?? that’s a joke by the way don’t take it to heart, I can’t get a reply never mind turning people away ????
I accept its long by some standards but for most people reading it takes less time than wasting time sending a message. I did have one guy that said he lost interest it was too long but again if his attention span is that short then he wouldn’t be for me anyway. . Oh and I don’t take offence "
Lost interest as it was too long ??You could only imagine the conversation that was to follow with an attention span of that degree ?? |
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"To be fair though it would take a long time to read your profile ?? that’s a joke by the way don’t take it to heart, I can’t get a reply never mind turning people away ????
I accept its long by some standards but for most people reading it takes less time than wasting time sending a message. I did have one guy that said he lost interest it was too long but again if his attention span is that short then he wouldn’t be for me anyway. . Oh and I don’t take offence
Lost interest as it was too long ??You could only imagine the conversation that was to follow with an attention span of that degree ?? "
Well it certainly wasn’t any conversation that would lead to a meet if he had the attention span of a goldfish. |
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"To be fair though it would take a long time to read your profile ?? that’s a joke by the way don’t take it to heart, I can’t get a reply never mind turning people away ????
I accept its long by some standards but for most people reading it takes less time than wasting time sending a message. I did have one guy that said he lost interest it was too long but again if his attention span is that short then he wouldn’t be for me anyway. . Oh and I don’t take offence
Lost interest as it was too long ??You could only imagine the conversation that was to follow with an attention span of that degree ??
Well it certainly wasn’t any conversation that would lead to a meet if he had the attention span of a goldfish. "
What do you mean? Wasn’t paying attention there ?????? |
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"My biggest irritant is people who message or friend request who clearly haven’t read my profile or even worse say they did read it but then clearly ignore everything I say in it.
I figure if someone isn’t interested enough to at least demonstrate they have considered my wishes or wants by reading my profile then how Can I expect them to give a damn what I want or like sexually. They are not interested enough to spend a few minutes reading to identify something I’m interested in to start a chat. Or people outside my age range who think it applies to everyone except them. When I get a message the first thing I do is read their profile to see if I match any of their wishes. Strangely enough I don’t think that just having a vagina and boobs is enough and look at the text to see what they are wanting or expecting. So many say hardly anything or say they will be filled in later but the person has been on here over a year. Again if they can’t be bothered it doesn’t inspire confidence. "
Your profile and you are works of art .beauty style elegance that only to be expected. And such talented author of such great stories. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can only write something as you see fit. You can’t control how people read it, what they interpret it as or how they use the information.
However, if your profile doesn’t get the response you wish, then perhaps it’s down to your communication.
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We have a few things in our profile that do generally get ignored but your profile is a bit long.
We are on the fence about it because yes you are laying out exactly what you are and are not after but at the same time the people that are looking for could potentially lose interest while reading before they get to anything concerning them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I still get winks, friend requests and messages from men/ men pretending to be women or couples.
When I've asked why they often say they don't bother reading profiles until they get a reply.
Most women and couples don't reply so they have a good point. Why waste time reading only to be ignored. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps they are used to reading picture books so I’m thwart they have if they have looked through your pics, I’m thinking a lot of requests are going to come your way |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
Maybe because they have a standard copy and paste message and use it just to play the numbers game.
Switch it! Restrict the inbox then reach out to folk you think you'd genuinely connect with...  |
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"You can only write something as you see fit. You can’t control how people read it, what they interpret it as or how they use the information.
However, if your profile doesn’t get the response you wish, then perhaps it’s down to your communication.
"
I understand what you mean. It’s fine if someone does read it, the point of this is that people just don’t. |
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"When people ignore our wishes or fail to read our short profile we just delete and move on.
Writing a 3 page list of demands that will be ignored as well would irritate us too should imagine. "
If my bio were a list of demands I may agree but I don’t actually demand anything I just explain my likes /dislikes etc. |
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"My biggest irritant is people who message or friend request who clearly haven’t read my profile or even worse say they did read it but then clearly ignore everything I say in it.
I figure if someone isn’t interested enough to at least demonstrate they have considered my wishes or wants by reading my profile then how Can I expect them to give a damn what I want or like sexually. They are not interested enough to spend a few minutes reading to identify something I’m interested in to start a chat. Or people outside my age range who think it applies to everyone except them. When I get a message the first thing I do is read their profile to see if I match any of their wishes. Strangely enough I don’t think that just having a vagina and boobs is enough and look at the text to see what they are wanting or expecting. So many say hardly anything or say they will be filled in later but the person has been on here over a year. Again if they can’t be bothered it doesn’t inspire confidence.
Your profile and you are works of art .beauty style elegance that only to be expected. And such talented author of such great stories."
You are very kind. I think my point with this is to try and hear from those who don’t read profiles. Those who send the unsolicited friend requests, those who see an age preference but send half a dozen messages telling me why despite me explaining that for me they are too young still feel annoyed when rejected, those who live 400 miles away but can’t grasp why were not going to be friends, those who admit they don’t read profiles but just look at pictures but can’t understand why I feel they show little interest in getting to know me it’s just about looking at pictures. |
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"We have a few things in our profile that do generally get ignored but your profile is a bit long.
We are on the fence about it because yes you are laying out exactly what you are and are not after but at the same time the people that are looking for could potentially lose interest while reading before they get to anything concerning them"
This I accept, and is a perspective I hadn’t considered so thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can only write something as you see fit. You can’t control how people read it, what they interpret it as or how they use the information.
However, if your profile doesn’t get the response you wish, then perhaps it’s down to your communication.
I understand what you mean. It’s fine if someone does read it, the point of this is that people just don’t."
I’ve read your profile and I think I understand where you’re coming from. To that end, your profile has worked. Whether or not I’d message I don’t know, purely because I’m not sure I’m what you’re looking for, but that’s another matter.
Another way to look at it is, if those who don’t read it and message have shown themselves not to be who you’re looking for. So the profile has worked to that extent as well hasn’t it? |
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"I still get winks, friend requests and messages from men/ men pretending to be women or couples.
When I've asked why they often say they don't bother reading profiles until they get a reply.
Most women and couples don't reply so they have a good point. Why waste time reading only to be ignored. "
This may well be what’s going on. I actually do reply to messages, even to just say no thank you etc but I guess if a large percentage of your messages go ignored it could be a dis incentive that could explain it. Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It amazes me how many men will complain about having to read a long profile.
How many minutes out of your life does it actually take to read? I bet there is numerous things you did in a day that are a bigger waste of time that you do.
Yet reading a long profile when there could be good experience in the long run seems like too much effort. Makes no sense. |
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"Maybe because they have a standard copy and paste message and use it just to play the numbers game.
Switch it! Restrict the inbox then reach out to folk you think you'd genuinely connect with... "
Thank you I do see quite a lot of cut and paste messages. In all honesty I do happily reach out if I am looking for anything or if a particular profile sparks my interest, im happy with my existing friends and not actively seeking new ones, the point of this is to try any understand the thought process of those who do message etc without even attempting to read a profile or who clearly see they don’t match but then get annoyed when that’s pointed out. I think the numbers game suggestion is a likely one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just finished reading it but now I’m above the age restrictions 
Being completely honest it really doesn’t take that long to read, personally I think if somebody takes that much time and effort writing it the least others can do is take a minute or two to actually read it especially as that’s how we start to get to know the person in the pictures |
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"You can only write something as you see fit. You can’t control how people read it, what they interpret it as or how they use the information.
However, if your profile doesn’t get the response you wish, then perhaps it’s down to your communication.
I understand what you mean. It’s fine if someone does read it, the point of this is that people just don’t.
I’ve read your profile and I think I understand where you’re coming from. To that end, your profile has worked. Whether or not I’d message I don’t know, purely because I’m not sure I’m what you’re looking for, but that’s another matter.
Another way to look at it is, if those who don’t read it and message have shown themselves not to be who you’re looking for. So the profile has worked to that extent as well hasn’t it?"
A great perspective. I should adopt this stance and I haven’t ever thought of it that way. Thank you. |
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"It amazes me how many men will complain about having to read a long profile.
How many minutes out of your life does it actually take to read? I bet there is numerous things you did in a day that are a bigger waste of time that you do.
Yet reading a long profile when there could be good experience in the long run seems like too much effort. Makes no sense."
I think this is part of it for me. Saying they couldn’t be bothered to read it when to me it takes a few minutes to read. If a few minutes is too much trouble then it doesn’t bode well for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It amazes me how many men will complain about having to read a long profile.
How many minutes out of your life does it actually take to read? I bet there is numerous things you did in a day that are a bigger waste of time that you do.
Yet reading a long profile when there could be good experience in the long run seems like too much effort. Makes no sense."
You say there ‘could’ be a good experience. What’s the chances in reality? I suggest, probably remote for most guys. It’s not easy to craft a unique message, say half a dozen times. It takes time and effort.
Assuming that everyone’s time is of equal value, surely it’s more efficient for women to go and find what they want? |
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"Just finished reading it but now I’m above the age restrictions
Being completely honest it really doesn’t take that long to read, personally I think if somebody takes that much time and effort writing it the least others can do is take a minute or two to actually read it especially as that’s how we start to get to know the person in the pictures "
Thank you. I think that’s what I’m struggling to understand. To me a profile is a way of starting to get to know someone and provides the first step in identifying if there could be a connection so I read it as a first step to discovering a bit about them and whether they sound like we would have any interest in each other. Some on here do have profiles that really stand out as people I’d like to know and find interesting whilst others clearly are not bothered how they present themselves in the bio bit. It’s clear from some profiles that they actually seem to assume others don’t read them at all so I guess that’s why they don’t bother reading other peoples. |
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"I just delete immediately with no explanation when it's obvious the guy hasn't read my profile. Probably 95% don't read it. "
I should do this but I always try to respond to messages unless I have already made it clear I’m not interested and they are just being argumentative or not accepting that I have no interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your profile is well written and very specific in what you are looking for. Hopefully the good guys get to your inbox amongst the flood of idiots.
Even when my profile was blank I would get messages:
"wow, saw your pics/profile and was hooked, I couldn't leave without saying hello"
They must just copy paste to every female profile they see and hope to get a reply.
(Sometimes I would reply when grumpy , but now just delete) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gave up on men reading profiles long time ago ...but I feel your pain.
I just have all men blocked now and I contact those I fancy ....its much easier that way .
No me having to ask have you read the profile, no abuse, it's all peachy |
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"Your profile is well written and very specific in what you are looking for. Hopefully the good guys get to your inbox amongst the flood of idiots.
Even when my profile was blank I would get messages:
"wow, saw your pics/profile and was hooked, I couldn't leave without saying hello"
They must just copy paste to every female profile they see and hope to get a reply.
(Sometimes I would reply when grumpy , but now just delete)"
Thank you. I think you are right and I know some do just cut and paste because they send the exact same message every time my profile pic changes.  |
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"If people outside of your age range are messaging, why not set filters to block them from doing so?
"
I have done but then removed them to respond to forum posts that involve messaging or allow people in certain forums that require messaging to take part.
Also despite a filter saying those with no pics on their profile can message they somehow do still manage to. |
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"I gave up on men reading profiles long time ago ...but I feel your pain.
I just have all men blocked now and I contact those I fancy ....its much easier that way .
No me having to ask have you read the profile, no abuse, it's all peachy "
I’m thinking this may be the way to go. Thank you. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"My biggest irritant is people who message or friend request who clearly haven’t read my profile or even worse say they did read it but then clearly ignore everything I say in it.
I figure if someone isn’t interested enough to at least demonstrate they have considered my wishes or wants by reading my profile then how Can I expect them to give a damn what I want or like sexually. They are not interested enough to spend a few minutes reading to identify something I’m interested in to start a chat. Or people outside my age range who think it applies to everyone except them. When I get a message the first thing I do is read their profile to see if I match any of their wishes. Strangely enough I don’t think that just having a vagina and boobs is enough and look at the text to see what they are wanting or expecting. So many say hardly anything or say they will be filled in later but the person has been on here over a year. Again if they can’t be bothered it doesn’t inspire confidence.
Your profile and you are works of art .beauty style elegance that only to be expected. And such talented author of such great stories.
You are very kind. I think my point with this is to try and hear from those who don’t read profiles. Those who send the unsolicited friend requests, those who see an age preference but send half a dozen messages telling me why despite me explaining that for me they are too young still feel annoyed when rejected, those who live 400 miles away but can’t grasp why were not going to be friends, those who admit they don’t read profiles but just look at pictures but can’t understand why I feel they show little interest in getting to know me it’s just about looking at pictures. "
Unfortunately they are either the horny buggers who don't care about your likes and dislikes just their need or they looked at profile and thought fcuk it and sent a message or friend request |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If people outside of your age range are messaging, why not set filters to block them from doing so?
I have done but then removed them to respond to forum posts that involve messaging or allow people in certain forums that require messaging to take part.
Also despite a filter saying those with no pics on their profile can message they somehow do still manage to. "
That one’s an easy one to dodge.
Make a picture public for the time it takes to message you. Then quickly return it to private after the send message has been pressed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For a while I replied to winks and friend requests asking why on earth they sent them.
Some apologise and say they didn't read my profile.
Some offer their cock anyway.
Some say they still don't understand why I'm not interested so I send a screenshot of my profile with the age range, sexuality and Looking For bits circled in red. |
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"My biggest irritant is people who message or friend request who clearly haven’t read my profile or even worse say they did read it but then clearly ignore everything I say in it.
I figure if someone isn’t interested enough to at least demonstrate they have considered my wishes or wants by reading my profile then how Can I expect them to give a damn what I want or like sexually. They are not interested enough to spend a few minutes reading to identify something I’m interested in to start a chat. Or people outside my age range who think it applies to everyone except them. When I get a message the first thing I do is read their profile to see if I match any of their wishes. Strangely enough I don’t think that just having a vagina and boobs is enough and look at the text to see what they are wanting or expecting. So many say hardly anything or say they will be filled in later but the person has been on here over a year. Again if they can’t be bothered it doesn’t inspire confidence. "
Dry your eyes |
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"My biggest irritant is people who message or friend request who clearly haven’t read my profile or even worse say they did read it but then clearly ignore everything I say in it.
I figure if someone isn’t interested enough to at least demonstrate they have considered my wishes or wants by reading my profile then how Can I expect them to give a damn what I want or like sexually. They are not interested enough to spend a few minutes reading to identify something I’m interested in to start a chat. Or people outside my age range who think it applies to everyone except them. When I get a message the first thing I do is read their profile to see if I match any of their wishes. Strangely enough I don’t think that just having a vagina and boobs is enough and look at the text to see what they are wanting or expecting. So many say hardly anything or say they will be filled in later but the person has been on here over a year. Again if they can’t be bothered it doesn’t inspire confidence. "
Dry your eyes |
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Just read your profile and takes less than 2 minutes.
You have a lot of photo's on display and while i only glanced at the first few i suspect most men will be drawn to the photo's first.
will take them longer to look at all the pics while tugging their cock.
At that stage they will glance at longer profiles and the eagerness to get into your knickers will overide common sense to read what your looking for and they will just message wanting chat to finish their wank or try to get you to meet them.
Your just getting them too horny to think straight |
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Interesting seeing the different takes on the profile length.
I just read and didn't think it was that long. The end is test results and there are some links too.
If I was interested it wouldn't take more than 5 minutes of my time to have read the text, skimmed a couple of the links and then decided what I wanted to message
MrsAbz
Ps I am not saying I'm not interested for any reason other than location (in case I caused offence with my wording) |
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"Interesting seeing the different takes on the profile length.
I just read and didn't think it was that long. The end is test results and there are some links too.
If I was interested it wouldn't take more than 5 minutes of my time to have read the text, skimmed a couple of the links and then decided what I wanted to message
MrsAbz
Ps I am not saying I'm not interested for any reason other than location (in case I caused offence with my wording) "
Thank you for your comment. You haven’t caused any offence at all. I’m glad you could see that half of it isn’t really the profile but links and results, I think most people miss that. The results would only be of interest to a select group of readers so I wouldn’t expect others to read that part and the links save me getting messages asking for them when people don’t want to contact me but just read my fantasies etc. I have changed it many times over the past 15 years since I moved over from my old profile but find that I don’t really want to cut the main text any more than I have. I appreciate you taking the time to read it. |
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"Just read your profile and takes less than 2 minutes.
You have a lot of photo's on display and while i only glanced at the first few i suspect most men will be drawn to the photo's first.
will take them longer to look at all the pics while tugging their cock.
At that stage they will glance at longer profiles and the eagerness to get into your knickers will overide common sense to read what your looking for and they will just message wanting chat to finish their wank or try to get you to meet them.
Your just getting them too horny to think straight "
Thank you. So I should move most of my pics to private or friends only then to encourage them to actually read the profile first? |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
It doesn't matter how long or short a profile is, some still won't read it (I've tried both).
What's even worse is hidden profiles sending a friend invite, that's just cheeky. I had one this am and blocked them. |
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"It doesn't matter how long or short a profile is, some still won't read it (I've tried both).
What's even worse is hidden profiles sending a friend invite, that's just cheeky. I had one this am and blocked them. "
Yes I get that too  . I live in hope that these threads make at least one person think before messaging or friend requesting about the image of themselves they create when they just can’t be bothered to spend a few minutes thinking about how they will come across. |
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"It amazes me how many men will complain about having to read a long profile.
How many minutes out of your life does it actually take to read? I bet there is numerous things you did in a day that are a bigger waste of time that you do.
Yet reading a long profile when there could be good experience in the long run seems like too much effort. Makes no sense."
Exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It amazes me how many men will complain about having to read a long profile.
How many minutes out of your life does it actually take to read? I bet there is numerous things you did in a day that are a bigger waste of time that you do.
Yet reading a long profile when there could be good experience in the long run seems like too much effort. Makes no sense.
You say there ‘could’ be a good experience. What’s the chances in reality? I suggest, probably remote for most guys. It’s not easy to craft a unique message, say half a dozen times. It takes time and effort.
Assuming that everyone’s time is of equal value, surely it’s more efficient for women to go and find what they want?"
I really want to pull apart what you just put but I honestly think it's a waste of time.
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"It doesn't matter how long or short a profile is, some still won't read it (I've tried both).
What's even worse is hidden profiles sending a friend invite, that's just cheeky. I had one this am and blocked them.
Yes I get that too . I live in hope that these threads make at least one person think before messaging or friend requesting about the image of themselves they create when they just can’t be bothered to spend a few minutes thinking about how they will come across. "
So op... Knowing what you know. And knowing that you can't change other people, only yourself.. What's the solution to your unhappiness? |
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"It doesn't matter how long or short a profile is, some still won't read it (I've tried both).
What's even worse is hidden profiles sending a friend invite, that's just cheeky. I had one this am and blocked them.
Yes I get that too . I live in hope that these threads make at least one person think before messaging or friend requesting about the image of themselves they create when they just can’t be bothered to spend a few minutes thinking about how they will come across.
So op... Knowing what you know. And knowing that you can't change other people, only yourself.. What's the solution to your unhappiness? "
Do what I have been doing. Someone will either read it or they won’t. If they do and still chose to message I stand a chance of having something in common with them. If they don’t read it I’ll get the friend request which I never accept from a stranger but which tells me that my thoughts are of no consequence to the person so no point engaging with them at all so it’s another to rule out at least. Or if they send a ‘wanna meet now’ message from 80 miles away at 1am etc then it’s clear they haven’t read that I live on an island and need to get a ferry to travel etc. so again I know they are not interested in me they are just interested in whoever responds positively so again rule them out I guess.
Given those that will read it don’t have a big issue with how long it is and those that do have an issue with the length are not likely to read it anyway I guess I just have to accept that.
I wanted to know why and it seems it’s more about people edging their bets or just wanting wank material than anything at all to do with me. Think I’ll stick to meets at clubs and parties and just continue to use fab for mainly keeping in touch with existing friends and reading forums and club reviews etcas I have been doing recently. |
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