FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What’s your favourite terrible joke?
What’s your favourite terrible joke?
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“What’s 68?”
“You do me and I’ll owe you one”
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tried Wookie meat once, it was dead chewy. |
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Did you hear the one about the gas lighter?
Yeah, you did, you literally heard it already  |
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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago
dublin |
"“What’s 68?”
“You do me and I’ll owe you one”
"
Out of 10, I’d definitely give you one! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two piles of sick are walking down the road, one starts crying, the other says what wrong with you? the other says I was Brought up round here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How do you confuse a casual wanker?
42 |
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How do you know if there’s an elephant in bed with you?……..itll have an “E” embroidered on its pyjamas |
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What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?
Haaaaaaaaaannddd eeeeeeeeeeyyyyeeeeeeee |
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What do you call a French man wearing sandals??
Ferlipe Ferlop   |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
A man walks into a bar.
It hurt. |
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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago
dublin |
What brown and sticky?
A stick
I think I vomited out most of mine on the last thread. |
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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
How do you confuse an idiot?
Thursday! |
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"Two piles of sick are walking down the road, one starts crying, the other says what wrong with you? the other says I was Brought up round here "
*dies* |
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"How do you confuse an idiot?
Thursday!"
3 this |
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"Did you hear the one about the gas lighter?
Yeah, you did, you literally heard it already "
Lol |
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Two fish in a tank, one says to the other " how do you drive this thing?" |
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Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf. |
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How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together. |
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We don't serve time-travellers in here.
So, this time-traveller walks into a bar... |
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[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 06:19:45] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local community swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water. |
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"What brown and sticky?
A stick
.
.
"
What's red and sticky?
.
.
.
A bonfire. |
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"How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together."
I love it! Stealing lol |
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By *JandCMCouple
over a year ago
cardiff |
This only works if you got a headache n someone asks "how's your head?" n I always reply with "I've never had any complaints" |
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Ask a woman to look down her own top and spell attic... |
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"How do you confuse an idiot?
Thursday!"
The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.' |
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Two from Rik Mayall.
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.
What does a man with a two-foot cock have for breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg. |
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"We don't serve time-travellers in here.
So, this time-traveller walks into a bar..."
Barman: We don’t serve time-travellers in here.
Time traveller: You did next week. |
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What's better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ |
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Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".
LvM |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Where does a general keep his armies?
In his sleevies |
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef |
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"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".
LvM"
Did you steal my joke??  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What did the short man get when he ran through the naked ladies legs?
A clit around the ear, and a flap in the face! |
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By *avensCouple
over a year ago
Stroud |
Two goldfish walk into a bar. Barman says “what’s with the long faeces?” |
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"Where does a general keep his armies?
In his sleevies "
Groan.... on a similar vein
Where are the Andes?
At the end if your armies |
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"Two goldfish walk into a bar. Barman says “what’s with the long faeces?” "
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By *avensCouple
over a year ago
Stroud |
Two goldfish walk into a bar. Barman says “what’s with the long faeces?” |
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Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Where you left it |
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A man walks into a cake shop and sees all the cakes are £1, except one that is £2. ‘Why is that one £2 and not £1’ he says. The shop owner says ‘that’s Madeira cake’
Thank you  |
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea |
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"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".
LvM
Did you steal my joke?? "
Apologies Keeping on brand:
Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second.
LvM |
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"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".
LvM
Did you steal my joke??
Apologies Keeping on brand:
Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second.
LvM"
I like it .... |
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What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So when they dock they can Scandinavian. |
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My whole family are concerned about my grandads addiction to viagra recently.
Grandma is taking it particularly hard. |
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"Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So when they dock they can Scandinavian."
Lol |
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Two seagulls standing on a perch... one says to the other ." Can you smell fish? " |
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Two parrots sitting on a perch...
One days to the other, 'can you smell fish'?
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What’s green , got 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would kill you ,
A snooker table |
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Two blondes are chatting.
B1: " Did you try it in the other hole?"
B2: " Are you stupid? I don't want to get pregnant!" |
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Two parrots sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and says can you smell fish? |
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I keep randomly shouting out “Broccoli” and “Cauliflower”...
I think I might have Florets.
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What’s the difference between a good, reliable hoover and a randy Swiss Admiral…….one sucks, and never fails…..and….. |
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If you had a choice,
One million pounds or stay married,
What boat would you buy? |
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What the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ??
Ones a Super Hero , the other ones a command  |
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"What the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ??
Ones a Super Hero , the other ones a command "
Ouch |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 10:50:53] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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NOTICE:
"Time-Travellers club. - Meet here last Wednesday at 5pm". |
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Two nuns are in the bath, one says “where’s the soap?” and the other one replies “yes, it does, doesn’t it?” |
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Spiders hear via their legs.. i trained one to come to me on command - i said here George and the spider walked to me - pulled his legs off said here George… nothing… proof he couldn’t hear a thing!!  |
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What's the hardest thing to do in the world? Milk chocolate biscuits |
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"What the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ??
Ones a Super Hero , the other ones a command
Ouch "
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"What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea "
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitalia?
Still no fucking idea |
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A mate had a Star Wars tattoo on his forehead. You should have seen the Luke on his face. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.. |
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[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 17:33:59] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head ?
Warren.. |
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What wobbles when it flys?
A jellycopter |
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"NOTICE:
"Time-Travellers club. - Meet here last Wednesday at 5pm"."
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'if you want to break up with me just because of my obsession with entry and exit routes, then there's the door!' |
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"My whole family are concerned about my grandads addiction to viagra recently.
Grandma is taking it particularly hard."
*rimshot* |
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"Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So when they dock they can Scandinavian."
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"How do you confuse an idiot?
Thursday!
3 this"
Me: (idiot) That was meant to be a heart as in “love this”
I’ll see myself out. |
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"A mate had a Star Wars tattoo on his forehead. You should have seen the Luke on his face."
Lol |
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Some very genuine LoLs from this thread..
Will pass the smutty ones along to my nephews.. |
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"Two fish are in their tank. The first turns to the second and asks: "Do you know how to drive this thing?".
LvM
Did you steal my joke??
Apologies Keeping on brand:
Two fish swimming up river. The first bangs into a wall. "Damn", says the second.
LvM"
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"Some very genuine LoLs from this thread..
Will pass the smutty ones along to my nephews.."
That’s the way to do it! |
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"Two from Rik Mayall.
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.
What does a man with a two-foot cock have for breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg."
RIP Rik Mayall. |
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Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet |
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I've got a Scottish mate called Iain, he's got one eye bigger than the other! |
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"If you had a choice,
One million pounds or stay married,
What boat would you buy?"
Fuckin love this |
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Why did the scrotum cross the road?
To see if he had the balls in him to do it. |
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"Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet"
Lol |
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I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.” |
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"I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”"
I proper lol'd just then |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"How do you confuse an idiot?
Thursday!
The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.'"
Did you ever find out? |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 19:13:23] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you hear about the Indian with a big chopper?
His wigwam was full of firewood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A pr*ssie got stopped for drink driving. After the test, the policeman says 'It looks like you've had a few stiff ones tonight'. She said 'What, it tells you that too?' |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Donald and Daisy duck were having a dirty weekend. They had no condoms, so he telephoned room service. !0 minutes later, the condom was duly delivered on a silver platter. "Shall I put in on your bill, Sir?" "No you cant, you bleeding pervert!" Then slammed the door in the waiter's face. |
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Why can't the jungle ever find any headache tablets?
Coz the parrots eat them all. |
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By *ndi37Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
What you you call a lesbian dinosaur?
I lick a lot of pussy |
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BNAG!
that's BANG out of order.
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Out of bounds: a knackered wallaby. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Sloth cuddles are addictive: one hug and you're hooked. |
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I don't think I could be gay.... I just don't have it in me. |
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I had an unemployed dwarf do a bit of casual work for me; he asked to be paid under the table |
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Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me the other day.
I was like, What the Hell mans? |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
What cheese do Gregorian monks sing about in December? Gouda-té |
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"BNAG!
that's BANG out of order.
"
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"I don't think I could be gay.... I just don't have it in me."
Lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mate says I'm getting fatter, but in my defense, I've had a alot on my plate recently. |
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I don't know what went wrong with me and my last girlfriend, or Tubby... as I called her.
For some reason she had a low self esteem. And saggy tits... as I called her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife has just ran off with my best friend....whoever he is. |
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Why is there no tablets in the jungle?
Because the parrots eat them all (parecetamol)
What did the drummer name his twin daughters??
Anna one, Anna two
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How do you get Pikachu on a bus … you Pokémon |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Knock knok!
Who's there?
Pee Cash!
Pee Cash who?
Pikachu: gotta catch'em all.
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By *ndi37Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
What do you get when you cross a bull dog and a shih tzu?
Bullshit!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Started a Chris Hemsworth workout in the gym. I'm going to be Thor in the morning. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"Did you hear the one about the gas lighter?
Yeah, you did, you literally heard it already "
Brilliant... I think... |
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Jesus may have walked on water but Stephen Hawkins ran on battery's  |
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I've got a Polish mate who is a sound technician, and I've got a Czech one too. |
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Hear about the Irish woodworm found dead in a brick ?? |
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Sorry last week one if magic is magical and quizzes are quizzical what are tests??? |
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What's Brown and sticky? A stick! |
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How does The Rock pee?
.
He Dwaynes his Johnson |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hear the one about the Egyptian Taxi Driver working in Newcastle, he's called Tootandcumoot |
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My colleague can no longer attend next week's 'Innuendo Seminar'
Looks like I'll have to fill her slot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Waiter: comfortable?
Me: no, food |
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What’s brown and sticky ?
A stick
Or
Anal sex if they say a stick |
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall ?
Dam |
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4 fish in a tank
One days can anyone drive this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why don’t you ever see an elephant in a tree |
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By *t72Man
over a year ago
Twickenham |
What do you call a fish with no eye?…….
A fsh! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"
"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit. |
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"A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"
"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their NUTS dry!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you heard about the magic dog?
It’s a Labracadabra !! |
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Irish guy in the job centre looking through the jobs sees one that says
TREE FELLERS wanted.
Say's too himself
" jeeze I wish I had two mate's we could apply" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Patient: Doctor Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman walks into a cocktail bar and asks the barman for a Double Entendre.
So he gave her one. |
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"A woman walks into a cocktail bar and asks the barman for a Double Entendre.
So he gave her one."
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How do you catch a rabbit?
Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a cabbage!
What's red and invisible?
No Tomatoes! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A husband tells his wife
"I bet you can't say something that'll make me happy and sad at the same time"
She thinks for a bit and says
"Your penis is bigger than your brothers"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll never forget my Grandad's last words to me just before he died.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
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Two snowmen in a field.
One says to the other; "Can you smell carrots?" |
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My wife thinks I have commitment issues.
Well, I say 'wife'...... |
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Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshippers? They were caught burning effigies of Santa.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife says that there are 5 things she hates about me.
1. the fact that I never listen
2. something else...... |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Jesus may have walked on water but Stephen Hawkins ran on battery's "
And was honorary ref bot on Robotwars. |
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By *ataleMan
over a year ago
Durham |
Why did the man fall down the well? He didn’t see that well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What did the rug say to the floor? Do not move! I have got you covered |
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Two elephants fell off a cliff.
Boom
Boom |
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"How do you confuse an idiot?
Thursday!
The version of this I grew up with was 'How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.'"
Like this.
At work ask a male colleague if they like gay sex. Most will jump with no, you tried it then watch them blush. |
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"What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea "
What do you call a dear with no legs and no eyes
Still no idea.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What happens to an elephant when it rains |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you hear about the zoo with only one animal in it?? A dog…it was shit zoo… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I came across that Vanessa Feltz on the TV the other day. My own fault for standing so close to the screen. |
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Can't decide so have three!
What did the condom say to the soldiers penis?
Cover me, I'm going in.
Q. What's hard going in, then soft and sticky coming out?
A. Chewing gum.
Q. What do you call it when you go for round two but the body is no longer willing, and you try anyway?
A. Floppy seconds. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our local butcher accidently sat on the bacon slicer. Not good, he got behind with his orders. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call a Spanish call girlwith no legs??
Grassy assss—-//// |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A sawmill worker accidentally chopped his knob off at work.
He was proper livid about it too. Went straight home and gave the missus a bollocking. |
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"I've got a Polish mate who is a sound technician, and I've got a Czech one too. "
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"Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshippers? They were caught burning effigies of Santa...."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was spooky when my grandfather died. All the clocks in the house stopped at the same time.
But then, it was a gas explosion... |
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
Two burglars stole a calendar. They got Six months each |
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Found out today that I'm colourblind. That news really came out of the yellow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two cannibals eating a Clown.
One looks at the other and asks.....
Does this taste funny. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Why did the man fall down the well? He didn’t see that well. "
should have gone to Spec Saaaaaa......veerrrrrrrrs! |
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Go on call the police let's see who cums first |
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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes we arson. |
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2 cows in a field. 1 says to the other, "have you heard about this Mad Cows Desease?" and the other replies, "The fucks that got to do with me?, I'm a chicken." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I identify as a donkey.
.
My pronouns are he/haw  |
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By *idanMan
over a year ago
borehamwood |
A man walks into a bar......... and goes Urghhh. It was an iron bar! |
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How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
3.
A left ear.
A right ear.
And.....a final, front ear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call someone swimming in a river in Paris..
In Seine |
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"2 cows in a field. 1 says to the other, "have you heard about this Mad Cows Desease?" and the other replies, "The fucks that got to do with me?, I'm a chicken.""
This one had me in tears |
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By *andKCouple
over a year ago
Falkirk |
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Knock knock?
Who’s there?
The
The who?
No, the End |
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