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Finding love...
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By *Cups32 OP Woman
over a year ago
Colne |
Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps.  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Yes and no.
I have phases of feeling that.
However I know people that have been single for a lot longer, struggled with dating etc and eventually found their perfect person.
Not everyone finds it, but some do. Not everyone needs it but those that do are not alone even if it feels like we are.
I'm most definitely somebody that would like to find it (again) but I have sort of settled that I probably won't. There is always that chance though, this shit creeps up on us and can surprise out of nowhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly.
I just don't think everyone gets the fairytale happy ever after. Some people just never find "the one".
And that's actually ok. I never thought for one second I'd be single at this point in my life, but hey ho, here we are. And I'm ok with it, I may cry in the shower sometimes, my heart maybe a tad Grinch like when it comes to happy couples, but I'd rather that than the inevitable heartache that comes with love.
Also, let's here more bout this date.
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"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps. "
Not looking for love anymore, but keeping an open mind.
I had my 15 days fame on Google maps too.
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By *Cups32 OP Woman
over a year ago
Colne |
"Honestly.
I just don't think everyone gets the fairytale happy ever after. Some people just never find "the one".
And that's actually ok. I never thought for one second I'd be single at this point in my life, but hey ho, here we are. And I'm ok with it, I may cry in the shower sometimes, my heart maybe a tad Grinch like when it comes to happy couples, but I'd rather that than the inevitable heartache that comes with love.
Also, let's here more bout this date.
"
Sadly nothing more interesting than met the date for coffee and we sat outside with it being a nice day. As we're sat chatting the Google Maps car drives past... Caught me on my way home too. |
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By *929Man
over a year ago
bedlington |
Yes do feel like that after investing 15 years into last relationship finding myself now 40 and single and seem to have just settled into a life of work and gym it’s hard not to imagine this is it for life now. Especially living with my son and ex step son full time and my daughter half the time what lass wants that when plenty of blokes with no ties |
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I felt like this for a long, long time.
I think I'm wired differently to a lot of people - I've discovered that I need a very different love affair. One with myself. I was always second or worse in any partnership, my needs got lost and I lost who I was.
There's something incredibly fucking freeing about being the person I need to be for myself. Giving myself permission and actually enjoying it. I'm flourishing. To the point where if I did accidentally find "the one", I'd go scorched earth no contact with them.
(As I say, I'm wired differently) |
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By *Cups32 OP Woman
over a year ago
Colne |
"Yes do feel like that after investing 15 years into last relationship finding myself now 40 and single and seem to have just settled into a life of work and gym it’s hard not to imagine this is it for life now. Especially living with my son and ex step son full time and my daughter half the time what lass wants that when plenty of blokes with no ties "
I understand this this completely, I'm a solo parent myself and often wonder if this is the problem for most. |
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"Thank you. I'm on all the usual dating sites and just seem to get ghosted. "
So am I, but I try to pretend it doesn't bother me.
Too much thinking makes your life worse than it is.
Most good things happened unexpectedly in my life.
It takes longer than usual now, but something either good or okay(it helps) will happen at some point.
I'll give it 6 more years, then I will arrive to a crossroad, if no change.
Few years bad luck is acceptable, but 10 years bad luck is calling for big changes / decisions.
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By *Cups32 OP Woman
over a year ago
Colne |
"Yes and no.
I have phases of feeling that.
However I know people that have been single for a lot longer, struggled with dating etc and eventually found their perfect person.
Not everyone finds it, but some do. Not everyone needs it but those that do are not alone even if it feels like we are.
I'm most definitely somebody that would like to find it (again) but I have sort of settled that I probably won't. There is always that chance though, this shit creeps up on us and can surprise out of nowhere. "
I've only ever had the one relationship and that was abusive so I feel like I deserve a bit of luck... Granted 4.5 years isn't long in the grand scheme of things but I'm at a stage where quite frankly it's getting a bit lonely. |
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"Yes do feel like that after investing 15 years into last relationship finding myself now 40 and single and seem to have just settled into a life of work and gym it’s hard not to imagine this is it for life now. Especially living with my son and ex step son full time and my daughter half the time what lass wants that when plenty of blokes with no ties "
Women with ties. It works both ways |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes and no.
I have phases of feeling that.
However I know people that have been single for a lot longer, struggled with dating etc and eventually found their perfect person.
Not everyone finds it, but some do. Not everyone needs it but those that do are not alone even if it feels like we are.
I'm most definitely somebody that would like to find it (again) but I have sort of settled that I probably won't. There is always that chance though, this shit creeps up on us and can surprise out of nowhere.
I've only ever had the one relationship and that was abusive so I feel like I deserve a bit of luck... Granted 4.5 years isn't long in the grand scheme of things but I'm at a stage where quite frankly it's getting a bit lonely. "
Were you ready to date immediately after the abusive one?
You may only have been truly 'single and ready' for a year.
Which sounds better than 4.5 yrs.  |
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By *Cups32 OP Woman
over a year ago
Colne |
"Thank you. I'm on all the usual dating sites and just seem to get ghosted.
So am I, but I try to pretend it doesn't bother me.
Too much thinking makes your life worse than it is.
Most good things happened unexpectedly in my life.
It takes longer than usual now, but something either good or okay(it helps) will happen at some point.
I'll give it 6 more years, then I will arrive to a crossroad, if no change.
Few years bad luck is acceptable, but 10 years bad luck is calling for big changes / decisions.
"
On the whole it doesn't bother me... I am 'what will be, will be' kind of a person. Just occasionally it does.
I don't think it helps that dating has changed massively these days. Once of a day I could go on a couple of dates a week if I fancied and now it's a couple of dates a year. |
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I don't want to be in love anymore. Love is beautiful when you find real love, but I don't want it anymore. I just want some alone time, me time. I want to feel 100% happy in my life, with myself, alone. And then maybe, I will allow someone to be a part of happy me. Almost everyone is a broken messed-up soul these days, and I don't want someone to come and add up to my mess.
Maybe one day, magic will happen. Someone will come out of the blue, smile at me, hold my hand, and the sparks will go bonkers again. But till then, and I will try my best, I will stay single.
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By *Cups32 OP Woman
over a year ago
Colne |
"Yes and no.
I have phases of feeling that.
However I know people that have been single for a lot longer, struggled with dating etc and eventually found their perfect person.
Not everyone finds it, but some do. Not everyone needs it but those that do are not alone even if it feels like we are.
I'm most definitely somebody that would like to find it (again) but I have sort of settled that I probably won't. There is always that chance though, this shit creeps up on us and can surprise out of nowhere.
I've only ever had the one relationship and that was abusive so I feel like I deserve a bit of luck... Granted 4.5 years isn't long in the grand scheme of things but I'm at a stage where quite frankly it's getting a bit lonely.
Were you ready to date immediately after the abusive one?
You may only have been truly 'single and ready' for a year.
Which sounds better than 4.5 yrs. "
That's a nice way to look at it... |
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"Thank you. I'm on all the usual dating sites and just seem to get ghosted.
So am I, but I try to pretend it doesn't bother me.
Too much thinking makes your life worse than it is.
Most good things happened unexpectedly in my life.
It takes longer than usual now, but something either good or okay(it helps) will happen at some point.
I'll give it 6 more years, then I will arrive to a crossroad, if no change.
Few years bad luck is acceptable, but 10 years bad luck is calling for big changes / decisions.
On the whole it doesn't bother me... I am 'what will be, will be' kind of a person. Just occasionally it does.
I don't think it helps that dating has changed massively these days. Once of a day I could go on a couple of dates a week if I fancied and now it's a couple of dates a year. "
Everybody is down occasionally.
I occupy myself with something literally until I fall asleep.
Less time to think, less chance for feeling down.
Doesn't always works, but this works the best for me.
Something else might work better for you.
Need to experiment a little bit what makes you feel better or worse.
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"I don't want to be in love anymore. Love is beautiful when you find real love, but I don't want it anymore. I just want some alone time, me time. I want to feel 100% happy in my life, with myself, alone. And then maybe, I will allow someone to be a part of happy me. Almost everyone is a broken messed-up soul these days, and I don't want someone to come and add up to my mess.
Maybe one day, magic will happen. Someone will come out of the blue, smile at me, hold my hand, and the sparks will go bonkers again. But till then, and I will try my best, I will stay single.
"
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"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps. "
yep, it's okay once you accept it, then just happily get on with life and one less thing to worry about. |
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"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps. "
I think that finding love when you're "looking" is difficult, just because there is a tendency to grasp at straws.
In general I believe, if your current situation isn't presenting you with new people to meet, then a change is required. Could you explore clubs or hobbies that expand your circle of friends & associates?
Cal |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps. "
Maybe the problem is yourself. Where are you looking and how realistic are your needs? |
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By *Cups32 OP Woman
over a year ago
Colne |
"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps.
I think that finding love when you're "looking" is difficult, just because there is a tendency to grasp at straws.
In general I believe, if your current situation isn't presenting you with new people to meet, then a change is required. Could you explore clubs or hobbies that expand your circle of friends & associates?
Cal"
It's a little difficult with being a solo parent. |
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"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps.
Maybe the problem is yourself. Where are you looking and how realistic are your needs?"
Wow!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn’t wanting or needing everything from one person a lot of expectation of them, and ourselves? Love can come in different forms and be no less important. Platonic love can be just as fulfilling as romantic? |
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"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps.
I think that finding love when you're "looking" is difficult, just because there is a tendency to grasp at straws.
In general I believe, if your current situation isn't presenting you with new people to meet, then a change is required. Could you explore clubs or hobbies that expand your circle of friends & associates?
Cal
It's a little difficult with being a solo parent. "
Life is often difficult, and obviously having a child presents it's own barriers to a social life,but ultimately if you want the things you currently haven't got, you'll need to do things you're not currently doing... which means finding a way around those barriers.
Maybe you could start by investigating what options are available in the times when you are free, during the day when kids are at school for example?
Cal |
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You know I've found it a few times.
Every time it's when it's been the furthest thing from my mind.
I think I'm just 'made that way'. I grew up with my mum's best friend's daughter - less than a month apart - lived two doors down. When I moved I was besties with the girl on my street and then a girl all the way through junior school. Another in high school. I think I am just built for female companionate love.
Being single after 40+ years of that felt really odd. Still does. Weird that now I'm older that's harder to find. It was always simple, just happened.
Shrug
[insert acceptance orientated platitude of your choice]
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes and no.
I have phases of feeling that.
However I know people that have been single for a lot longer, struggled with dating etc and eventually found their perfect person.
Not everyone finds it, but some do. Not everyone needs it but those that do are not alone even if it feels like we are.
I'm most definitely somebody that would like to find it (again) but I have sort of settled that I probably won't. There is always that chance though, this shit creeps up on us and can surprise out of nowhere.
I've only ever had the one relationship and that was abusive so I feel like I deserve a bit of luck... Granted 4.5 years isn't long in the grand scheme of things but I'm at a stage where quite frankly it's getting a bit lonely.
Were you ready to date immediately after the abusive one?
You may only have been truly 'single and ready' for a year.
Which sounds better than 4.5 yrs. "
Oh that's such an important point it took me a few years after the split with my emotionally abusive partner to be ready |
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Find myself thinking if I’ll ever find someone I’d be willing to share my life with again.
Being a single parent puts the stakes much higher, as well as now being used to fend for myself, to have my total freedom.
Still I am open to it, if it happens to find someone suitable, I’d be open to explore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After many failures I’ve given up looking too.
To be fair the 2 true loves I’ve had wandered into my life when I wasn’t looking. I was also pretty happy at the time so if I cheer up a bit I reckon someone will turn up.
At the moment I would rather be alone anyway. A lot on my plate I’d like to reduce before I even think of sharing it with someone. Still a bit hurt from the last relationship and no need to bring that into any new ones.
But not given up, just aware that now is not the time. Also OP you’re in the top 5% with how you write in sentences. Probably got lots of admirers too nervous to approach you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fwiw, I don't go looking for love or think is he the one. I've never believed in "the one". I'd like to be special to someone again and someone to be special to me. Something meaningful. The rest of it is entirely negotiable, but I still believe in the possibility. |
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I’m not a believer in looking for it.. life happens when you’re ready for it. I’m a different person entirely to the one that married many years ago. I’m glad I’m single and have learnt to understand myself first. Any future relationships would be very different because of everything that’s shaped me. So no, I’m right where I need to be.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I felt like this for a long, long time.
I think I'm wired differently to a lot of people - I've discovered that I need a very different love affair. One with myself. I was always second or worse in any partnership, my needs got lost and I lost who I was.
There's something incredibly fucking freeing about being the person I need to be for myself. Giving myself permission and actually enjoying it. I'm flourishing. To the point where if I did accidentally find "the one", I'd go scorched earth no contact with them.
(As I say, I'm wired differently)"
This  |
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By *akedMMan
over a year ago
Witney |
Been on my own now , just over 8years had a brief relationship 4months just over 5years ago . Covid and distance put a end to that one .
Downsized 18 months ago got the place how I want it . Now I have time to try to find someone |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I fell for a woman who I met on here. I don’t know what I was thinking.
There could never be any trust because of how we met.
"
I have no idea what the circumstances were of your meeting... but falling for someone you met on here doesn't automatically mean it is a bad idea, nor does it mean there can be no trust. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fell for a woman who I met on here. I don’t know what I was thinking.
There could never be any trust because of how we met.
I have no idea what the circumstances were of your meeting... but falling for someone you met on here doesn't automatically mean it is a bad idea, nor does it mean there can be no trust. "
You’re correct. Relationships are varied and complex.
In my case it wasn’t a good idea. There are probably plenty of other people who have met on this site who are very happy. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I fell for a woman who I met on here. I don’t know what I was thinking.
There could never be any trust because of how we met.
I have no idea what the circumstances were of your meeting... but falling for someone you met on here doesn't automatically mean it is a bad idea, nor does it mean there can be no trust.
You’re correct. Relationships are varied and complex.
In my case it wasn’t a good idea. There are probably plenty of other people who have met on this site who are very happy. "
There are indeed. One right here in fact  |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Hi op
I've read most of the comments as well as your replies. As few have said many people have been longer myself included. Don't let this be a burden on your life and don't think that something is wrong with you never, whilst single life can be enjoyable find things to keep you mentally occupied that you enjoy doing. Take a break from search for dates and time if you are using sites let it come to you as the saying goes whilst you maybe searching someone else is doing just that for everything that each other are x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fell for a woman who I met on here. I don’t know what I was thinking.
There could never be any trust because of how we met.
I have no idea what the circumstances were of your meeting... but falling for someone you met on here doesn't automatically mean it is a bad idea, nor does it mean there can be no trust.
You’re correct. Relationships are varied and complex.
In my case it wasn’t a good idea. There are probably plenty of other people who have met on this site who are very happy.
There are indeed. One right here in fact "
Lucky you.
How long have you been together? |
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Yep... I haven't had a proper "boyfriend" since 2008. He cheated and I didn't really get any closure, so that really put me off men for a long time.
I've had some very unhealthy relationships in the past, lots of situationships, but never really felt like I was someone's first choice, just an option or a place holder.
Now I'm older, and I've got a grown up child, it bothers me less, as I'm not looking for a family dynamic. But someone to share the simple things in life with would be great! |
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I don't think that I'm looking for "the one" ever again. I'm not sure that I can take that level of responsibility in a relationship again. I would like to find some of "the few", ones who share similar values to me and have related/complementary interests, where sex can be part of the relationship, but exclusivity and dependency are not. This doesn't mean just casual hook ups. I hope to find deep friendship and mutual respect, being important parts of each others lives, but without any feeling of "ownership" over the other.
Is this a description of a poly relationship? I don't know. I don't think that I'm wanting the type of thing that I understand poly relationships to be, but I don't have close experience of anyone who is poly, so what do I know?
Anyway whatever it is that I really want, I think that I'm very unlikely to find it. Maybe here if anywhere, but most likely never.
Polly xxx |
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"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps. "
Yes OP I think I have accepted as a trans woman I am destined to be single mostly . Very hard dating as a trans in general let alone being a trans that would like to date a woman. Even rarer |
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"I don't think that I'm looking for "the one" ever again. I'm not sure that I can take that level of responsibility in a relationship again. I would like to find some of "the few", ones who share similar values to me and have related/complementary interests, where sex can be part of the relationship, but exclusivity and dependency are not. This doesn't mean just casual hook ups. I hope to find deep friendship and mutual respect, being important parts of each others lives, but without any feeling of "ownership" over the other.
Is this a description of a poly relationship? I don't know. I don't think that I'm wanting the type of thing that I understand poly relationships to be, but I don't have close experience of anyone who is poly, so what do I know?
Anyway whatever it is that I really want, I think that I'm very unlikely to find it. Maybe here if anywhere, but most likely never.
Polly xxx"
What you need is a Polly relationship x |
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"Feeling a bit sorry for myself today so go easy...
Does anyone else feel like finding love isn't for them?
4.5 years single and a grand total of 3 dates this year, the last being immortalised on Google Maps. "
I can only speak for me here so in that context:
This was me a few years back, 44, no children, never lived with a woman never been in love and wrote off love as next to impossible for me.
That was true until I met Cherry. I write to you now, in love and living with the woman of my dreams (and a few other men’s dreams too!). I could go on but people don’t need to be sick this afternoon.
They say that the day is darkest before dawn, never give up hope OP, if it can happen to me it can happen to anyone!
Hades
x |
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I think finding love is hard but just falling into love when you aren’t looking for it, can happen.
We weren’t looking at all when we met on here a few years ago, even when we were FWB’s we still resisted the urges until they were too strong to ignore.
Don’t look for something - let it find you
Xx
K
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I'm no longer interested in finding love, being single is better in my opinion and you can still have fwb and that helps satisfy needs.
Love to me just means dissapointment and heartache and I don't want to encourage that into my life |
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