FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Loosing a friend
Loosing a friend
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Today someone I thought I was friends with ghosted me, just blocked me on all platforms - and I am totally bewildered. We were still chatting at midday as per usual! Nothing happened, no fall out etc. Just poof, gone. No idea what happened or why.
I know friends come and go, specifically online friends but I’m actually super upset tonight, even shed a tear. It’s really hurtful to me.
What do you do when this happens? Does it upset you when it happens? And do you ghost people?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
its difficult.
hard sometimes to understand where you went wrong. im sure you didnt mean to, maybe they were just having a bad day and will unblock you later or when they have had time to think.
people often act in a moment without thinking, say and do things they regret but are too stubborn to get back in touch as it looks weak.
ive upset people, we all do in life. sometimes you say what needs to be said and it hurts so they drop/block you.
dont worry too much, give it time and see what happens.
good luck |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I haven’t lost a friend but have lost important relationships. It will make you wonder what you did wrong and your mind will play all the scenarios happened and not happened. Just wish they are doing this to you for a reason you do not know and but remember it's not because of you.
Only giving yourself time will give you the comfort and will calm your mind. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago
Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton, |
"Today someone I thought I was friends with ghosted me, just blocked me on all platforms - and I am totally bewildered. We were still chatting at midday as per usual! Nothing happened, no fall out etc. Just poof, gone. No idea what happened or why.
I know friends come and go, specifically online friends but I’m actually super upset tonight, even shed a tear. It’s really hurtful to me.
What do you do when this happens? Does it upset you when it happens? And do you ghost people?
"
They weren't much of a friend then.Shown true colours and all that.Better off without. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've had similar and it hurts.
Though I do think sometimes people have stuff going on in their lives it's just easier to shut everyone off, I've done that before. It's not a case of not caring, you just don't really think about it and at the time it's all you can do to get through whatever it is your dealing with.
Of course some people do it just because they're utter cunts.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thank you for the kind words. I am genuinely totally bewildered. I absolutely hate being ghosted as it makes me question myself and everything that happened with that person, that was said and done.
I’d far rather have someone say ‘I’m off’ than just disappear. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *jj2012Man
over a year ago
Barry |
"Today someone I thought I was friends with ghosted me, just blocked me on all platforms - and I am totally bewildered. We were still chatting at midday as per usual! Nothing happened, no fall out etc. Just poof, gone. No idea what happened or why.
I know friends come and go, specifically online friends but I’m actually super upset tonight, even shed a tear. It’s really hurtful to me.
What do you do when this happens? Does it upset you when it happens? And do you ghost people?
"
I've never ghosted anyone personally if a friendship/relationship is no longer something I'm feeling I'll speak to them, I think it's far to easy nowadays and people do it as easy way out
As much as it much as it can hurt and upset you right now, Atleast you've got see true colours and your energy is no longer being wasted on someone that doesn't deserve it x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
"Thank you for the kind words. I am genuinely totally bewildered. I absolutely hate being ghosted as it makes me question myself and everything that happened with that person, that was said and done.
I’d far rather have someone say ‘I’m off’ than just disappear."
sadly in reality that doesnt happen.
i know how you feel, try to put it out of your mind if you can. or chat to someone see if that helps.
dont worry. i look at it now as losing someone creates a space for someone else.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
I am hurt and disappointed if someone I cared about moves out of my circle . If I am left not knowing if it was something I said or did and am not told. I don't drop people myself. Maybe that's a weakness in me.Maybe they had good reasons but I have lost something important |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Someone I'd known for years dropped out of my life with no apparent reason. I'd known for some time that they were suffering with poor mental health. I reached out several times with no response.
I can't know their reasons so I've accepted that they no longer want to be my friend.
Confusingly they send a Christmas card every year.
Sometimes people do things and we'll never known why |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thank you for the kind words. I am genuinely totally bewildered. I absolutely hate being ghosted as it makes me question myself and everything that happened with that person, that was said and done.
I’d far rather have someone say ‘I’m off’ than just disappear."
I'm so sorry they did that to you.
If you honestly aren't aware of upsetting them, chalk it up to experience & move on. Please don't waste anymore time questioning your value.
Real friends don't treat friends like this. But sadly, some "on line" friends don't always have that same courtesy - once you've lost your usefulness to them, they're off.
Big hugs xx
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Have they perhaps cut off from everything, not just you personally? I know I've felt I just cant handle anymore and delete/deactivate all forms of social media at a moments notice. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Have they perhaps cut off from everything, not just you personally? I know I've felt I just cant handle anymore and delete/deactivate all forms of social media at a moments notice. "
I wondered that. Sometimes people just need a complete break |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have they perhaps cut off from everything, not just you personally? I know I've felt I just cant handle anymore and delete/deactivate all forms of social media at a moments notice.
I wondered that. Sometimes people just need a complete break"
Yes and when it's done, it's not with any malice towards anyone in particular. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Have they perhaps cut off from everything, not just you personally? I know I've felt I just cant handle anymore and delete/deactivate all forms of social media at a moments notice.
I wondered that. Sometimes people just need a complete break
Yes and when it's done, it's not with any malice towards anyone in particular."
It can be really difficult to understand and accept but not everyone shows outward signs of inward struggles. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"Today someone I thought I was friends with ghosted me, just blocked me on all platforms - and I am totally bewildered. We were still chatting at midday as per usual! Nothing happened, no fall out etc. Just poof, gone. No idea what happened or why.
I know friends come and go, specifically online friends but I’m actually super upset tonight, even shed a tear. It’s really hurtful to me.
What do you do when this happens? Does it upset you when it happens? And do you ghost people?
"
I was once in a relationship with a woman who would sometimes suffer quite badly with depression and every now and then she’d completely shut herself off from the world, including me. When it happened the first time she hadn’t warned me about it so when she stopped replying to my messages I was really worried and wondering what I’d done wrong. After a few days she messaged me and explained everything, so when it happened again after that I knew that she needed time on her own and i would wait for her to contact me.
The world’s a bit of a mess at the moment and it’s difficult for most people to stay on top of their mental health and being online especially can have negative affects on mental health because of all the ugliness on it. People who suffer from depression often hide it well and can disappear into a black hole without any warning, so when it happens the people around them don’t know the situation they’re in. The feeling of wanting to hide away and avoid anyone being able to contact them can completely overwhelm them and control their decisions and actions.
If your friend has shut off all methods of contact for seemingly no reason then maybe try considering why they did that, rather than feeling sorry for yourself and assuming the worst of other people maybe you should have a bit of empathy and tolerance and consider that your friend might be in a bad place right now and wants to be alone to deal with it.
I’ve learned that when people act in a way that’s out of the ordinary for them then there’s a reason for it that they are probably struggling to deal with, assuming that someone is just being rude and a bad friend when they don’t talk to you is a pretty narrow minded and self absorbed conclusion to come to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
And all the people saying things like ‘well they weren’t really your friend then’ need to have a look at themselves. If I was your friend and started acting differently because I was going through a tough time I wouldn’t really appreciate you caring more about how my actions are affecting you rather than being concerned about why I’m acting differently and maybe seeing if there’s anything you could do to help…..like a good friend should do. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have they perhaps cut off from everything, not just you personally? I know I've felt I just cant handle anymore and delete/deactivate all forms of social media at a moments notice.
I wondered that. Sometimes people just need a complete break
Yes and when it's done, it's not with any malice towards anyone in particular.
It can be really difficult to understand and accept but not everyone shows outward signs of inward struggles. "
Done this myself. Social media can become toxic for me when I'm down. The friends that kept in regular contact knew my phone number etc so kept in touch. If social media is the only way you communicate, that's an issue. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
just me and we all think differently but a friend is someone i know in the real world not someone on line so because of that i never get too invested in people online ... especially on these type of platforms
even my friends list on here is of friends in real life people ive met .
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"just me and we all think differently but a friend is someone i know in the real world not someone on line so because of that i never get too invested in people online ... especially on these type of platforms
even my friends list on here is of friends in real life people ive met .
"
Yeah, I completely agree, closing off the opportunity to talk to different people all over the world and possibly make connections with people that previously would have been impossible to make is definitely the way forward, personally if someone doesn’t live within 5 miles of me then I’m not interested in knowing them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have they perhaps cut off from everything, not just you personally? I know I've felt I just cant handle anymore and delete/deactivate all forms of social media at a moments notice. "
It could be this tbh. I know work has been busy. Still would have preferred a short message saying ‘I’m going to disappear for a while, nothing personal’. But yeah I get people feel overwhelmed x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"just me and we all think differently but a friend is someone i know in the real world not someone on line so because of that i never get too invested in people online ... especially on these type of platforms
even my friends list on here is of friends in real life people ive met .
"
This was an in real life friend. But yes, I know what you are saying x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for all the messages. Helped to vent and appreciate all the advice!
Still a bit bewildered today and yeah of course I worry about them too. Will just need to wait and see, nothing else I can do x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I did unintentionally ghost someone a while ago - well I felt like I did - she said I didn't. We were talking about going to Thailand together - she lived there a while. Sky shackin. I freaked out. She messaged a few months ago - I apologised. She understands I can't give her what she wants, but she wants what I can give. I couldn't do it - it's not mutual enough.
Loss doesn't really hurt me so much anymore. Betrayal of trust does, it always will. It's common for people who have had abuse as children. The worst is when someone knows that themselves and they do it anyway. If a person keeps my trust, they will have a friend for life - no matter how much time passes between us.
I don't fuck around with people's feelings. So no I don't ghost. I tell people the reason and have the conversation if they want it.
I'm sorry you're hurting op. Leaving people without closure is a shitty thing to do. I do nothing - until that person takes responsibility. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've had this it's a shitty thing to have done to you, especially more so with "online friends" it does kind of leave you wondering what you've done wrong.
Hope you feel better soon they can't have been that good of a friend to start with, I think some people are just easier at blocking people out when there's stuff going on.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Today someone I thought I was friends with ghosted me, just blocked me on all platforms - and I am totally bewildered. We were still chatting at midday as per usual! Nothing happened, no fall out etc. Just poof, gone. No idea what happened or why.
I know friends come and go, specifically online friends but I’m actually super upset tonight, even shed a tear. It’s really hurtful to me.
What do you do when this happens? Does it upset you when it happens? And do you ghost people?
"
I lost my closest friend of 38 years. We went to nursery, school and uni together. As I have no family she was it.
When I had a baby I was somewhat consumed with that for the first 6 weeks or so. She thought me a crap friend so disappeared bc at the same time her partner's mum was ill in hospital and thought I didn't ask about her enough.
This really upset me bc I lost her, her mum and sister ect. I'm pretty stubborn but I also felt like if you can't give me 6 weeks after having a baby on my own in a cost of living crisis, then fuck you. I'm pretty independent though and always just got on with b things.
Is hard though still. I was always there for Christmas ect and thought my girl would have a family. Which she now doesn't.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
