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Badly explain your job
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You may not have an interesting job,but this is your opportunity to make it sound exciting and fun!?!
Simply badly describe your job OR any job and let people guess what it is
So “I yell at uninterested children for 6 hours every day.”
Could be a teacher |
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I read words and allocate them time and that becomes money. |
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"I read words and allocate them time and that becomes money. "
Ooh that’s tough |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get people to remove clothing, and sometimes I'll simply just hold their hand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint) |
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint)"
.
Pension payments? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I measure people "
Tailor?
Ooh ooh undertaker?? |
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint)"
Give out free bj’s  |
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"Slapping a label on a box  "
Dispatch logistics? |
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"I get people to remove clothing, and sometimes I'll simply just hold their hand."
Sex therapist |
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"I measure people
Tailor?
Ooh ooh undertaker??"
not an undertaker |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I measure people
Tailor?
Ooh ooh undertaker?? not an undertaker "
Tailor? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get people to remove clothing, and sometimes I'll simply just hold their hand.
Sex therapist"
Not a sex one no.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I help Hollywood celebrities in the process of finding orphans to adopt in Africa. |
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I fight crime usually in my underpants 
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint)
Give out free bj’s "
It feels like it sometimes  but no!
They do sometimes give me money too! |
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"I measure people
Tailor?
Ooh ooh undertaker?? not an undertaker
Tailor?"
close |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I keep people dry. |
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"Slapping a label on a box
Dispatch logistics?"
Fuck no lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I keep people dry."
Roofer?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk bollocks, drink too much and collect airmiles |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I keep people dry.
Roofer??"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Slapping a label on a box
Dispatch logistics?
Fuck no lol"
Pharmaceutical person |
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[Removed by poster at 30/10/23 20:17:18] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I keep people dry.
Roofer?? "
Was that right? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talk bollocks, drink too much and collect airmiles "
Accountant?
Something Financial? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I keep people dry.
Roofer??
Was that right? "
Aye |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint).
Pension payments?
Nope it’s impossible I think "
Just old men? Not old ladies? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I keep people dry.
Roofer??
Was that right?
Aye "
Yeah go me!! |
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"Slapping a label on a box
Dispatch logistics?
Fuck no lol
Pharmaceutical person "
like a legal drug dealer |
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By *batMan
over a year ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
I take people for walks in the mountains. Usually Italian ones.
Gbat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint).
Pension payments?
Nope it’s impossible I think
Just old men? Not old ladies?"
Nope, no old ladies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I touch people, sometimes I make it hurt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint).
Pension payments?"
Also no |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I touch people, sometimes I make it hurt"
Physio! |
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I put the wet stuff on the hot stuff. |
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I carry around various plastic dolls and teach people how to correctly touch them. |
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint).
Pension payments?
Nope it’s impossible I think
Just old men? Not old ladies?
Nope, no old ladies "
Are these old men your pimp? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I carry around various plastic dolls and teach people how to correctly touch them."
Rescuscitation instructor |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint).
Pension payments?
Nope it’s impossible I think
Just old men? Not old ladies?
Nope, no old ladies
Are these old men your pimp? "
Certainly not!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I touch people, sometimes I make it hurt"
Chiropractor |
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"I carry around various plastic dolls and teach people how to correctly touch them."
St John’s ambulance training? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I touch people, sometimes I make it hurt
Physio!"
Well that was fast |
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I regularly have to remind my audience that I'm (and my colleagues) not there for their entertainment. In reality though my job involves me being 85% clown. |
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I peer into an orifice and then make sure it's working
Tinder |
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Based on today, i mainly piss off people by noticing stuff they've fucked up, forgotten or broken, which will cause several people quite a bit more work and expense |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I touch people, sometimes I make it hurt
Physio!
Well that was fast "
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"If I don’t do it, a lot of old men will be unhappy (and skint).
Pension payments?
Nope it’s impossible I think
Just old men? Not old ladies?
Nope, no old ladies
Are these old men your pimp?
Certainly not!!!!"
It was a joke!!!!! |
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OK its bit difficult but try
It takes a lot doing its hard work .but in a nutshell.
I do bugger all I'm retired. |
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"I regularly have to remind my audience that I'm (and my colleagues) not there for their entertainment. In reality though my job involves me being 85% clown. "
Teacher |
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They pay to dress up and pretend I’m responsible.
Hades
They pay me to act like and idiot and pretend I’m responsible.
Cherry x  |
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"I carry around various plastic dolls and teach people how to correctly touch them.
Rescuscitation instructor"
Close … |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
I spend a fortune buying stuff from online and paper catalogues and give it all away to the staff so they can make things work again. |
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By *nitterWoman
over a year ago
the land of tall tales and yarn |
I try to reduce the number of people who kill themselves |
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"I try to reduce the number of people who kill themselves "
An absolute amazing job, thank you x |
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By *nitterWoman
over a year ago
the land of tall tales and yarn |
"I try to reduce the number of people who kill themselves
An absolute amazing job, thank you x"
Its the long slow kill type not like a counsellor or anything like that |
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I capture souls. Sometimes real people, sometimes fictional people. |
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By *batMan
over a year ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
"I carry around various plastic dolls and teach people how to correctly touch them."
First Aid trainer
Gbat |
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"I spend a fortune buying stuff from online and paper catalogues and give it all away to the staff so they can make things work again."
Parts procurement? |
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"I try to reduce the number of people who kill themselves
An absolute amazing job, thank you x
Its the long slow kill type not like a counsellor or anything like that"
Health and safety person |
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I tell people what to do when they don’t know what to do. |
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By *nitterWoman
over a year ago
the land of tall tales and yarn |
"I try to reduce the number of people who kill themselves
An absolute amazing job, thank you x
Its the long slow kill type not like a counsellor or anything like that
Health and safety person "
I do worry about peoples health but I dont have a hard hat sadly |
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"I try to reduce the number of people who kill themselves
An absolute amazing job, thank you x
Its the long slow kill type not like a counsellor or anything like that
Health and safety person
I do worry about peoples health but I dont have a hard hat sadly"
Nurse |
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Sit on the sofa in my Jim jams chatting away to strangers and tapping away on the computer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talk bollocks, drink too much and collect airmiles
Accountant?
Something Financial?"
Not clever or interesting enough  |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
"I spend a fortune buying stuff from online and paper catalogues and give it all away to the staff so they can make things work again.
Parts procurement?"
Got it in one! |
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Burnt clay artist
I keep people warm and dry |
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I tell my people what to do and how to do it and customers people what not to do and if we catch them doing it, what to expect.
Usually meaning they no longer have a job or worst case are going to their local HMP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I help people who help people and wield the dual powers of control and access with grace and discretion  |
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I look for animals, and then tell people they are there... |
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By *nitterWoman
over a year ago
the land of tall tales and yarn |
"I try to reduce the number of people who kill themselves
An absolute amazing job, thank you x
Its the long slow kill type not like a counsellor or anything like that
Health and safety person
I do worry about peoples health but I dont have a hard hat sadly
Nurse "
Blimwyb  nope I am rather removed from the actual death |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Feels like a nut house
Or prison
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Currently using my NI contributions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm saving lives every day by doing as little as possible.
The team moto "minimum effort, maximum results" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I look at fannies all day.. |
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Im told I'm a professional but treated and paid like an amateur. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I make sure people have oral pleasure and a good time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I make the rich richer. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
I live to make others happy x |
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"I try to reduce the number of people who kill themselves
An absolute amazing job, thank you x
Its the long slow kill type not like a counsellor or anything like that
Health and safety person
I do worry about peoples health but I dont have a hard hat sadly
Nurse
Blimwyb nope I am rather removed from the actual death"
Drug and/or alcohol support work type thing? |
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We make sure other people do their jobs properly and get other people to use their brains more. |
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I assault the senses of tens of thousands of people at a time and they love it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unwanted hair on private parts remove do I. Is that yoda enough lol.? |
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"Slapping a label on a box
Dispatch logistics?
Fuck no lol
Pharmaceutical person "
Yep |
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"I look for animals, and then tell people they are there..."
He’s Batman |
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By *jj2012Man
over a year ago
Barry |
People pay me to get them all hot ,sweaty and out of breath and ache the day after mainly women  |
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I stick stuff in things and hope they don’t go bang |
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I work with rubber, chains, nipples and tools and often found screwing in bottom brackets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I look at fannies all day.."
Work in a job centre by any chance? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I look at fannies all day..
Work in a job centre by any chance? "
Haha no! But good suggestion... |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"I look at fannies all day..
Work in a job centre by any chance?
Haha no! But good suggestion..."
Midwife, Gynae doc or nurse? |
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By *andyboyMan
over a year ago
berkhamstead |
I fix shit that absolute assholes designed |
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"I look at fannies all day.."
You work at a Lookalike agency who specialises in fanny craddock lookalikes |
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I get handed a leaky ship. I’m the only one in the chain that knows what’s going on and I fix the problems and send it off. Then someone pays a lot of money. |
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I give people back their time for money xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m getting to places where most people don’t go, and I make sure that other who go there are safe.
Usually work where our fuel comes from |
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"I’m getting to places where most people don’t go, and I make sure that other who go there are safe.
Usually work where our fuel comes from"
On the oil rigs? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I design things that are made to be desiged in that way |
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I help people reconnect with parts of themselves they have disconnected from a long time ago and empty a backpack they no longer need.
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Put on a show every night, but I'm mostly back stage.
Good with knives, but it's not a circus.
I can hold really hot things without burning my hand.
Often get hurt, but carry on as nothing happened.
I'm the alpha male in my environment, no matter what others believe.
Can make you shit your pants with a look sometimes.
(Make my work photo private now)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feed little people |
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By *imbob85Man
over a year ago
inverness |
I put my big thing in to tight spaces to dump my load |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Based on today, i mainly piss off people by noticing stuff they've fucked up, forgotten or broken, which will cause several people quite a bit more work and expense "
Site manager |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Put on a show every night, but I'm mostly back stage.
Good with knives, but it's not a circus.
I can hold really hot things without burning my hand.
Often get hurt, but carry on as nothing happened.
I'm the alpha male in my environment, no matter what others believe.
Can make you shit your pants with a look sometimes.
(Make my work photo private now)
"
Chef |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tame and command electrons. |
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I do a lot of tapping and drink coffee indoors |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m getting to places where most people don’t go, and I make sure that other who go there are safe.
Usually work where our fuel comes from
On the oil rigs?"
Yes it is where I usually work, but not only, can you gues what is it I do |
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By *boroM2Man
over a year ago
Peterborough |
I often get wet and give people things they were not expecting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get my tool out and bang things |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I make big lumps of metal cum. Some a little, some a lot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guess lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I work with teenagers in a building haha. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I stalk people |
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I make judgments on other peoples paperwork and decide whether they can have permission to do something. |
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"I work with teenagers in a building haha."
Secondary school teacher? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tell people how to tell people how to not get burgled |
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"I do a lot of tapping and drink coffee indoors "
What on earth could that be? How about another clue? |
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By *oopy Lou 666Woman
over a year ago
Heaven.....………. I came down from Heaven |
"I do a lot of tapping and drink coffee indoors
What on earth could that be? How about another clue?"
Work from home
House husband |
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"I do a lot of tapping and drink coffee indoors "
I'd say software developer |
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"I work with rubber, chains, nipples and tools and often found screwing in bottom brackets"
Your username gives it away! Bike mechanic. |
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"I’m getting to places where most people don’t go, and I make sure that other who go there are safe.
Usually work where our fuel comes from
On the oil rigs?
Yes it is where I usually work, but not only, can you gues what is it I do "
Chopper pilot? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I look after other people's mental health whilst slowly losing my own sanity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I play with trains, they come in off maintenance work, we split them apart around the yard, then rebuild them in a different order to go back out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I don’t tell them not to then they’ll likely mow down a bunch of pedestrians or cyclists daily..
Mr |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
I look after people's mental health while also putting them in intense situations by their own accord... |
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"If I don’t tell them not to then they’ll likely mow down a bunch of pedestrians or cyclists daily..
Mr"
School crossing warden hi viz and a big lollipop sign to stop the traffic |
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"I look after other people's mental health whilst slowly losing my own sanity."
I felt that... Same same |
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By *assy69Man
over a year ago
West Sussex and Wales |
Death, Dementia, Despair, Dreary Documents …. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tell people to turn things off and then back on. |
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We design things that will take your shit away and also help you clean up your post-sex mess |
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I dig holes that people already dug. |
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"Death, Dementia, Despair, Dreary Documents …."
Wills and probate |
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By *assy69Man
over a year ago
West Sussex and Wales |
"Death, Dementia, Despair, Dreary Documents ….
Wills and probate "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I chat up strangers who then usually either fuck me or ghost me |
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Social justice warrior race traitor with a penchant for elevated elephant tusk |
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I solve problems that stop large ships from going places - there’s a lot of seamen involved |
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I make large IT systems communicate securely to each other, despite the best efforts of customers, architects, project managers, and 3rd party technical staff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People pay me to get them all hot ,sweaty and out of breath and ache the day after mainly women "
Personal Trainer?? |
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D - Can’t pay I’ll take it away
B - a house
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
I get up late and do very little. |
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"I get up late and do very little. "
Tax collector? |
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"I get up late and do very little. "
Retired?? |
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[Removed by poster at 02/11/23 21:31:28] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talk bollocks, drink too much and collect airmiles
Accountant?
Something Financial?
Management consultant. Or politician!
Classic case of pot calling kettle black. I 'help people move'
Not clever or interesting enough "
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Walk around all day looking at everyone making mistakes lol |
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By *ainsb1Man
over a year ago
North Lincs/S.Yorks |
I stop people and ask questions. |
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"I stop people and ask questions. "
Chugger ? |
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I scoop people up and cart them off to hospital (when not dealing with time wasters and hypocondriacs). |
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"I scoop people up and cart them off to hospital (when not dealing with time wasters and hypocondriacs)."
Ambulance person |
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I make people smell & also occasionally poke them in the eye.
Mrs |
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I get people to make friends with strangers. |
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I do very little.
Large amounts of IT 'stuff', and many people magically turn up at the right time. All the people who paid for it are delighted.
It looks like very little actually happened when it goes right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I help people who look after millions look after themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get things hot until there is a puddle, then I penetrate deeply, i do it in all positions sometimes with swirling motions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get things hot until there is a puddle, then I penetrate deeply, i do it in all positions sometimes with swirling motions. "
You're a welder. Probably tig! Maybe alloy! |
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By *ister_EMan
over a year ago
Hayling Island |
I get paid to play with hard wood and do a lot of screwing |
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Dealing with big unsightly elections in public places |
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I sing, dance,cook, paint, play games and talk |
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By *B KINGSCouple (MM)
over a year ago
South |
If I told you, I would have to kill you |
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"I sing, dance,cook, paint, play games and talk"
Government minister for the Arts? |
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"I get paid to play with hard wood and do a lot of screwing "
Snooker player??? |
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"I stop people and ask questions. "
mugger?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I ensure everyone can drive to work |
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I use a digital interface to create patterns with dots and squares. |
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"If I told you, I would have to kill you "
ASDA checkout worker? |
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