FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Girl code, moral code, fab code in a swingers world.

Girl code, moral code, fab code in a swingers world.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Is there one?

(I'm cringing at myself for actually typing girl code)

If you thought A wouldn't be happy about you shagging B would you avoid despite how much you might fancy them out of respect?

If there's history between people and they or one of them doesn't get along with you would you steer clear of their lovers? Just current ones or ex ones?

If your mate C was shagging D and D approached you for a shag would you? Would you check with C first?

What if C said no and you don't like being told no, would you in secret??

Or is it a free for all in a swingers world where everyone is available and fair game?

Feel free to add scenarios with the ready if the alphabet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

'Girl code'/ 'sisterhood' makes me

I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In any community there are generally accepted "ethical guidelines" unwritten rules that many would abide by.

While these guidelines may vary among individuals and different swinging communities, they often involve principles of respect, communication, and consent.

1. I think "girl code" encourages mutual respect and support among women. This could include things like not pursuing someone's partner if it could potentially cause relationship issues or respecting boundaries set by other women.

2. I think its generally important to consider the feelings and preferences of others involved. If you believe that a certain person or their partner may not be comfortable with your actions, it is typically best to avoid pursuing them out of respect for their relationship dynamics.

3. If there is a history of conflicts or tensions between you and someone's partner, it is recommended to steer clear of pursuing any romantic or sexual involvement with that person. This applies to both current and past partners.

4. If a close friend (e.g., "C") is involved with someone (e.g., "D") and D approaches you for a sexual encounter, it is generally considered respectful to check with your friend (C) first. Open communication is key in maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding any potential misunderstandings.

5. And if your friend (C) says no or expresses discomfort with you pursuing their partner (D), it is important to respect their boundaries. Ignoring their wishes or going behind their back would not be considered ethical behavior in most swinging circles.

Ultimately, openly communicate, establish boundaries, and respect the preferences and feelings of everyone involved.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"'Girl code'/ 'sisterhood' makes me

I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar. "

Makes me

too.

I'm not finding it easy!! It's starting to annoy the fuck out of me

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I wouldn't go anywhere near drama

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By *oneybee1001Woman over a year ago

Around and about

Eek this is a big subject!

I guess if you're truly friends with another woman - and they know what is and isn't ok with you, and they've expressed an interest in your boyfriend/hubby (or vice versa) then it wouldn't be ok and could be seen as a way of disrespecting the friendship/relationship.

However, to me, that only applies in circumstances where the friendships are genuine and it's a committed bonafide relationship acknowledged by both parties.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I wouldn't go anywhere near drama"

What if you don't know if it would cause any drama? Would you take the risk?

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

That situation wouldn’t happen as I don’t tell a soul who I meet and don’t show veris. I have over the years not met people because they’ve met people I really don’t like though.

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By *oneybee1001Woman over a year ago

Around and about

"'Girl code'/ 'sisterhood' makes me

I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Makes me

too.

I'm not finding it easy!! It's starting to annoy the fuck out of me"

I'm with you on this, plus, I haven't been a 'girl' since the late 80's, I'm a grown ass woman!

I'm not friends with women in this scene (consciously) because of the drama that can come with it. I'm friendly in passing but I've never given any women in this scene my mobile number or personal details and keep my friendships outside of here.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I wouldn't go anywhere near drama

What if you don't know if it would cause any drama? Would you take the risk?"

If I didn't know it would cause drama it wouldn't be a risk I guess.

I'm not sure how to explain this but I'd probably be oblivious anyway

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By *ealMissShadyWoman over a year ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

I keep my business private, that way I do what I like. I wouldn't have a clue who is shagging who so wouldn't know if someone was 'out of bounds' so to speak

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

Who they shag isn’t for me to control or have a say in, but if they knew I disliked the person and were happy to shag them knowing so I can’t fathom I’d continue shagging them. The situation smells of far too much drama brewing.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

If I'm good friends with someone then yes I would check first, the friendship comes first.

If I'm not but I know it will cause a shed load of drama I steer clear...learnt that the hard way in the past and don't want a repeat.

Other than that if I know there's no potential drama then I'd crack on

Tinder

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was trying to find a way of saying this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Reading the above with interest.

What if the guy/gal published his/her veris (assuming you both leave once for them) and both frenemies discover they were involved with the same person?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Reading the above with interest.

What if the guy/gal published his/her veris (assuming you both leave once for them) and both frenemies discover they were involved with the same person?"

If someone doesn't understand the nature of swinging its not my problem

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So if someone you were shagging then shagged someone you didn't like why exactly would you stop shagging them or have a problem with them?

I'd really like that explained in detail.

And by that rationale, if you have an interest in someone and one of their veris has blocked that's a big sign to stay away?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"'Girl code'/ 'sisterhood' makes me

I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Makes me

too.

I'm not finding it easy!! It's starting to annoy the fuck out of me

I'm with you on this, plus, I haven't been a 'girl' since the late 80's, I'm a grown ass woman!

You didn't have to be friends with another woman or give any of your details out to be dragged into a drama though do you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"'Girl code'/ 'sisterhood' makes me

I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Makes me

too.

I'm not finding it easy!! It's starting to annoy the fuck out of me

I'm with you on this, plus, I haven't been a 'girl' since the late 80's, I'm a grown ass woman!

You didn't have to be friends with another woman or give any of your details out to be dragged into a drama though do you. "

*Don't

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold. "

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?"

No, it’s choosing to not allow myself to be a part of their drama. If they knew I didn’t get on with the person, they’ve brought drama to me. Me choosing to not be involved with them anymore is my choice. I am only in control of my body. I can choose to no longer shag someone for any reason. It’s not controlling them, it’s making a choice that suits me in the drama filled mess they’ve brought me into. Just because I’m shagging someone doesn’t it’s an endless supply of sex no matter what.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whatever someone does in their free time is entirely up to them. I don’t need to hear any details about who they’ve been shagging, I’m really not that interested.

I certainly wouldn’t be listening to anyone telling me who I could and couldn’t sleep with. I make my own judgements on people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So if someone you were shagging then shagged someone you didn't like why exactly would you stop shagging them or have a problem with them?

I'd really like that explained in detail.

And by that rationale, if you have an interest in someone and one of their veris has blocked that's a big sign to stay away?

It’s up to you. What’s not on is asking the person of interest why you’ve been blocked by one of their verifications. So, if you’re asking you may already know the answer to your very own question.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

I don't shag narried men because of a wife I've never met. So yes i have girl code and a moral code.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fuck who you want and don't make it public knowledge.

Simple

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple over a year ago

Back of the bins.

We love it when people we like get along and meet each other, helps make our fantasy of a huge bisexual orgy come one step closer!

Fock your friends, fuck your friends friends! If they all consent!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"'Girl code'/ 'sisterhood' makes me

I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Makes me

too.

I'm not finding it easy!! It's starting to annoy the fuck out of me

I'm with you on this, plus, I haven't been a 'girl' since the late 80's, I'm a grown ass woman!

"
So much this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There’s codes and rules to this? Not sure we’ve been doing this right then

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That situation wouldn’t happen as I don’t tell a soul who I meet and don’t show veris. I have over the years not met people because they’ve met people I really don’t like though. "

This! Sometimes I kinda hope they do meet people I don't like, saves on the waxing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

In my experience on here, codes are things that are spoken about publicly but rarely if ever enforced by those most vocal.

I've had women tell me they couldn't possibly have sex with me because I was meeting so and so and it wouldn't be right as they were "friends".

They've then gone on to send all their male contacts in the direction of that friend in the hope she might shag one of them and they would then be free to do likewise with me while retaining the high ground.

I've seen people trawl others verifications and befriend them and eventually shag them as part of a little competition.

I've also been told to my face that if I ever meet, chat or even acknowledge in the forums certain other individuals they will make my life a misery and ruin my fab journey.

Strange behaviour from someone I've only ever had a coffee with but hey that's fablife.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?"

No it's not. Telling them if they shag blah blah then I wont shag you again, is controlling who they shag. Just cutting them off after they've shagged blah blah is self respect!

There are a few women in my locality that are to be avoided at all costs due to certain lifestyle choices and the drama they love to be involved in. If a partner of mine shags them then I block and cut all ties, no explanation or messages to say why as that is drama.

My only code is to look out for me! I do what I want, when I want, with whom i want.

As for the *ncestuou* comments above, i couldn't agree more!!!

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple over a year ago

Leeds

As long as there's no official relationship I don't see an issue this is a swingers site I expect people to sleep with others.

When I comes to friends though if they were a close friend then no I just wouldn't go there it would just feel wrong, if it was an occasional chat in the forums and not a friend as such then yeah I probably would go for it.

Mrs

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

I haven't been in a chatgroup in more than 3 years because of stuff like this.

I used to admin a couple of groups and closed both because of stuff like this.

Every single row and disagreement within those groups was caused by background drama over shagging the same people and who had the most access or who had been with them first.

I'm not a swinger so I don't follow all the rules but to echo some of what has been said I will actively avoid anyone I see on the forums talking about girl code or girl power because both just have soap opera stamped all over them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

No it's not. Telling them if they shag blah blah then I wont shag you again, is controlling who they shag. Just cutting them off after they've shagged blah blah is self respect!

My only code is to look out for me! I do what I want, when I want, with whom i want.

As for the *ncestuou* comments above, i couldn't agree more!!! "

I never said I’d tell them I’m no longer shagging you because you’ve shagged so and so. That isn’t my style. That’s manipulation, and absolutely controlling. Also childish behaviour. All of which I do not partake in. If I’m spending time with someone from Fab, I’m not simply meeting them for sex. There’s more to it mutually, so for me it’s absolutely self preserving to walk away.

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By *ulfilthmentMan over a year ago

Just around the corner

"I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar. "

Likewise.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OMG why make it this complicated? Swinging is meant to be fun and free thus for me there is only one rule - consent between me and the person I play with.

If I have a FB or FWB he or she can do what they want - as long as it’s safe if they also want to play with me. And I always make that clear.

If I’m in a proper relationship with someone we agree the rules between us, depending on our dynamic. Play together, play apart, tell, don’t tell - we decide and stick to it.

Otherwise communicate people! When I was in a couple we played with another couple who wanted us to see them separately. I was just honest with all involved that wouldn’t work for me, and that was it. Just talk and forget the dramas!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't shag narried men because of a wife I've never met. So yes i have girl code and a moral code."

I agree with this but for a different reason - i don’t play with married me unless their wife is aware / have given them permission. Swinging is all about consent and if he is cheating she hasn’t given her consent

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

"'Girl code'/ 'sisterhood' makes me

I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Makes me

too.

I'm not finding it easy!! It's starting to annoy the fuck out of me"

Cast your net further afield. The Midlands maybe...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hmm great question PW!

I can tell you my real world answer very easily but it certainly makes me think about it in the swinging world.

I don’t think it’s anyone’s business who does what with who really, that’s coming from a single person’s perspective, as long as both parties are honest with each other then people outside of that are not really relevant.

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By *bi HaiveMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Likewise.

Is it really 1ncestuous though?

Just because people have sex with other people and that some of them may know eachother? Really?

This is where I often struggle with people's self determined definitions of 'swinging'. I'll never claim to have the right answer, but the whole 'people not wanting to meet people because who those people have previously met/want to meet/might know' aspect makes me chuckle a bit. It's a bit 'playground to me.

Not everyone will like eachother. Not everyone will view others the same way you do. Not everyone will be attracted to those you are.

If people just worried about themselves, their preferences, their own interactions and stopped being at all bothered about what others do with other people, then there'd probably be far less angst, stress and bitching.

OK.its never gonna happen of course, but one can dream.......

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"OMG why make it this complicated? Swinging is meant to be fun and free thus for me there is only one rule - consent between me and the person I play with.

If I have a FB or FWB he or she can do what they want - as long as it’s safe if they also want to play with me. And I always make that clear.

If I’m in a proper relationship with someone we agree the rules between us, depending on our dynamic. Play together, play apart, tell, don’t tell - we decide and stick to it.

^^This pretty much summarises it.

Most of the times that it breaks down is as a result of someone’s lack of maturity

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Likewise.

Is it really 1ncestuous though?

Just because people have sex with other people and that some of them may know eachother? Really?

Outside of Fab, why would anyone ever need to know who anyone else is sleeping with? So yes, that seems quite 1ncestuous and overly dramatic. No-one here (even friends) know who I've slept with from Fab. It is easy to avoid the drama.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hmm great question PW!

I can tell you my real world answer very easily but it certainly makes me think about it in the swinging world.

And that would work quite well wouldn't it if people you spoke to or had an interest in actually dint Tel anyone else you were talking.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hmm great question PW!

I can tell you my real world answer very easily but it certainly makes me think about it in the swinging world.

And that would work quite well wouldn't it if people you spoke to or had an interest in actually dint Tel anyone else you were talking.

For someone who doesn't like drama aren't you just instigating drama?

You do you. If you like someone and are talking with the intent to meet then does it matter if they tell anyone else or if someone doesn't like it.

You don't have to acknowledge it and get drawn into it just do what you want.

People talk on here, they always have and they always will! Do you really care what someone you don't like/have zero interest in thinks about you?

Talk to who you like, meet who you like and fuck anyone else. Well not literally but you know what I mean.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hmm great question PW!

I can tell you my real world answer very easily but it certainly makes me think about it in the swinging world.

And that would work quite well wouldn't it if people you spoke to or had an interest in actually dint Tel anyone else you were talking.

For someone who doesn't like drama aren't you just instigating drama?

You do you. If you like someone and are talking with the intent to meet then does it matter if they tell anyone else or if someone doesn't like it.

You don't have to acknowledge it and get drawn into it just do what you want.

People talk on here, they always have and they always will! Do you really care what someone you don't like/have zero interest in thinks about you?

Talk to who you like, meet who you like and fuck anyone else. Well not literally but you know what I mean.

How is she instigating? She's not telling other people stuff.

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman over a year ago

Wherever

In order to protect my mental health, the only “code” I ever need is my own moral code, no matter Fab or not, and I think mine is pretty much on point.

Having said that, I don’t necessarily want to see the shagging veris either, for the same reason.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I don't shag people in secret behind people's backs. So I won't see someone with an unknowing spouse.

If sleeping with someone would upset someone I care about, I'll choose not to sleep with them, regardless of what genitals anyone involved has.

I thought I wouldn't do near someone if it would hurt someone I knew I'd hurt before. But it turns out I can be a grown up and speak to the people involved and still have my fun if everyone consents

Fucking someone some other girl likes? Couldn't care less. Fucking someone that would hurt someone that means something to me? Fuck that noise.

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By *host63Man over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"Is there one?

(I'm cringing at myself for actually typing girl code)

If you thought A wouldn't be happy about you shagging B would you avoid despite how much you might fancy them out of respect?

If there's history between people and they or one of them doesn't get along with you would you steer clear of their lovers? Just current ones or ex ones?

If your mate C was shagging D and D approached you for a shag would you? Would you check with C first?

What if C said no and you don't like being told no, would you in secret??

Or is it a free for all in a swingers world where everyone is available and fair game?

Feel free to add scenarios with the ready if the alphabet

I go partner dancing an here same dynamics crop up all the time. I have spent a lot of time becoming a good dancer because I love what I do so am pretty popular.

Mind you the behaviour of women can be shocking. How MSN women confront me in person snd online as to why I don't dance with them. Why I dance with so and so and not them. Who wants to get with who because x has money.

Makes you pretty disillusioned with women in the end.

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By *aissez-faireMan over a year ago

Right behind you…. Boo

Wow, women are complicated

Is Fab getting like ITV where we have to disclose who we are in a sexual relationship with and who our friends are

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By *iddle ManMan over a year ago

Walsall

"Is there one?

(I'm cringing at myself for actually typing girl code)

If you thought A wouldn't be happy about you shagging B would you avoid despite how much you might fancy them out of respect?

If there's history between people and they or one of them doesn't get along with you would you steer clear of their lovers? Just current ones or ex ones?

If your mate C was shagging D and D approached you for a shag would you? Would you check with C first?

What if C said no and you don't like being told no, would you in secret??

Or is it a free for all in a swingers world where everyone is available and fair game?

Feel free to add scenarios with the ready if the alphabet

Surely I'm not the only one reading this and thinking it is a complex maths problem from a school exam.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

I try and avoid the drama at all costs which I why I very rarely meet forum users. People talk and you find out who's met who indirectly.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

In my experience, these kinds of ‘codes’ only cause more drama.

People have different dynamics and subtle variations of what they consider the best way to behave, often though these differences are in direct conflict with other codes. If groups of people are adhering to these rules then that means that conflicts grow.

People are fickle and often selfish creatures, they adhere to individual morals that protect themselves and their individual interests, based on personal beliefs and biases which they often believe is the only right way of behaving

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wow, women are complicated

Is Fab getting like ITV where we have to disclose who we are in a sexual relationship with and who our friends are

as if men aren't involved in the drama!!

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By *bi HaiveMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Likewise.

Is it really 1ncestuous though?

Just because people have sex with other people and that some of them may know eachother? Really?

I've seen as much drama off fab as on over the years.

It's no different.

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By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

Not being a female I can’t comment on a “girl code” but my “man code” means I don’t tell anyone who I am meeting. I wouldn’t meet someone in a relationship without their partner knowing but beyond that I don’t see why anyone else’s views matter.

I generally try and steer clear of drama zones - socials and WhatsApp groups being prime areas.

#tooMuchLikeThePlayground

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"I don't shag people in secret behind people's backs. So I won't see someone with an unknowing spouse.

If sleeping with someone would upset someone I care about, I'll choose not to sleep with them, regardless of what genitals anyone involved has.

I thought I wouldn't do near someone if it would hurt someone I knew I'd hurt before. But it turns out I can be a grown up and speak to the people involved and still have my fun if everyone consents

Fucking someone some other girl likes? Couldn't care less. Fucking someone that would hurt someone that means something to me? Fuck that noise. "

Thank you Prey for saving me typing. This for me. ^^^

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Likewise.

Is it really 1ncestuous though?

Just because people have sex with other people and that some of them may know eachother? Really?

I've seen as much drama off fab as on over the years.

It's no different. "

You mean in the swinging lifestyle?

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By *bi HaiveMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Likewise.

Is it really 1ncestuous though?

Just because people have sex with other people and that some of them may know eachother? Really?

I've seen as much drama off fab as on over the years.

It's no different.

You mean in the swinging lifestyle? "

I mean outside of swinging there's still no end of drama, gossip and 'who's shagging who' rumours.

Fab is no different.

Swinging is no different.

Why would it be, when all are just different parts of society?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OMG why make it this complicated? Swinging is meant to be fun and free thus for me there is only one rule - consent between me and the person I play with.

If I have a FB or FWB he or she can do what they want - as long as it’s safe if they also want to play with me. And I always make that clear.

If I’m in a proper relationship with someone we agree the rules between us, depending on our dynamic. Play together, play apart, tell, don’t tell - we decide and stick to it.

^^This pretty much summarises it.

Most of the times that it breaks down is as a result of someone’s lack of maturity "

Thanks for the reply - nice to know I’m not alone in my thinking! I’m starting to think I’m weird for not wanting any rules except consent, trust and open communication!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't like the !ncestuous nature of swinging so I wouldn't do any scenario where people know each other. I prefer privacy. It's easy to stay under the radar.

Likewise.

Is it really 1ncestuous though?

Just because people have sex with other people and that some of them may know eachother? Really?

I've seen as much drama off fab as on over the years.

It's no different.

You mean in the swinging lifestyle?

I mean outside of swinging there's still no end of drama, gossip and 'who's shagging who' rumours.

Fab is no different.

Swinging is no different.

Why would it be, when all are just different parts of society? "

I saw a bit of that in my kink community. I think there's more that goes on and I just miss it. But not the level that happens here. My view, but then I'm not popular or hot, I've never slept with anyone from the forums and Ive not attended a social or swinger club in over 2 years. Perhaps I'm just not very observant.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

It is swinging, I don't get why anyone would be interested in who someone else was having sex with or have any demands of who they can see, unless they were expecting more than swinging

For us it was always meet up for sex and use discretion so none of the OP would have affected us. If I was playing as a single female it would have been the same.

As for "girl code" if that means all women should stick together no matter what they do then it isn't for me. If it means on a swinging site I would have to ask other females who I could have sex with, then that's not for me either.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It is swinging, I don't get why anyone would be interested in who someone else was having sex with or have any demands of who they can see, unless they were expecting more than swinging

For us it was always meet up for sex and use discretion so none of the OP would have affected us. If I was playing as a single female it would have been the same.

It's the lack of discretion/ privacy that puts me off. Hence why I don't like to see any veris on profiles. I don't care who they are fucking or how many or who they had coffee with.

The !ncestuous nature of swinging is also in 'normal' life. It puts me off there too.

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By *astandFeistyCouple over a year ago

Bournemouth

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

Im confused with this view.

If you're fucking some guy, and someone else is also fucking the same guy.

Why would it be him bringing you drama? It sound to me like you're scared of creating drama yourself, and that's why you would choose to break it off.

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By *itonthesideWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

I understand that the nature of fab means there is going to be plenty overlap. We are looking for sexual encounters not monogamy.

However years ago i had a girl become friendly as we were trying to put together a mmff. She then decided instead to use my verification list as a shopping list and it was some of the people in it that messaged about her reaching out that alerted me. Even to the weird extreme that if they had a greed a meet with me in a few days time she would try get then to meet her at that time instead.

I’m not sure if she should have followed a code as such, but it would have been nice if she had created her own path on here rather than trying to just slide into mine.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I’d really just like to stay well out of any drama at all, thanks.

But … people are messy things. We all are. Sometimes drama happens. How you deal with that tends to show people who you really are.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple over a year ago

Lincoln

I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I’ve had Fab friends say to me, face to face, things like “You’ve got a veri from X, you shouldn’t show that. She’s a huge red flag to everyone else around here.”

My gut reaction to that was that honey, *you’re* the red flag for thinking that’s a cool way to talk about someone else. But I’m too polite to say that.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

I've been dragged into drama involving other forum users which is why I steer clear...not saying it doesn't happen elsewhere but I'm going by my experience x

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"So if someone you were shagging then shagged someone you didn't like why exactly would you stop shagging them or have a problem with them?

I'd really like that explained in detail.

And by that rationale, if you have an interest in someone and one of their veris has blocked that's a big sign to stay away?

I might feel a bit weird about it, if I don't like someone say for their views/attitude, how could he find both me and her "attractive" enough to shag? Unless it didn't really mean much... Then I would also question his motives/values etc. It would pose a lot of questions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

Im confused with this view.

If you're fucking some guy, and someone else is also fucking the same guy.

Why would it be him bringing you drama? It sound to me like you're scared of creating drama yourself, and that's why you would choose to break it off. "

The pivot point is not that someone I’m having sex with is having sex with others. Perhaps that’s where your confusion lies. Exclusivity was never the focus in my view.

In connections I choose to build, and nurture mutually with others I am very clear about my expectations before I ever have sex with the person. What is a pivotal point is mutual respect, and communication.

If someone I’ve developed a connection with knows that I dislike someone and the reason for this, and still chooses to have sex with that very person knowing this, their actions show me they disregard me. This is the hinging point where drama becomes inevitable. I’d want no part of that. I’m not irrational or illogical in disliking someone. I wouldn’t just randomly dislike someone with no reason. The person I’m having sex with would know the reasoning for my dislike of the other person without any doubts of where I stand.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

When I first joined this site someone who took the time to give me a lot of solid and useful advice… also suggested “Never fuck a forumite.”

I’m not going to say I have kept to this - I’m not going to say anything at all in fact - but while I understand some people love the kiss and tell nature of fab and consider it part of swinging - I personally find a lot of that is just… not for me. Why does everyone need to know who / what everyone else is doing?

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

My friend actually had this very situation recently, and it was REALLY weird. But with a mutual friend ... And that in itself created drama. They lied by omission, because they both knew it would be difficult, even though she hadn't slept with him in a while. I had a whole day of her going through all the emotions.

I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if she didn't like the other woman.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman over a year ago

Somewhere else

"In any community there are generally accepted "ethical guidelines" unwritten rules that many would abide by.

While these guidelines may vary among individuals and different swinging communities, they often involve principles of respect, communication, and consent.

Ultimately, openly communicate, establish boundaries, and respect the preferences and feelings of everyone involved."

I like this approach.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So if someone you were shagging then shagged someone you didn't like why exactly would you stop shagging them or have a problem with them?

I'd really like that explained in detail.

And by that rationale, if you have an interest in someone and one of their veris has blocked that's a big sign to stay away?

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman over a year ago

Somewhere else

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

Im confused with this view.

If you're fucking some guy, and someone else is also fucking the same guy.

Why would it be him bringing you drama? It sound to me like you're scared of creating drama yourself, and that's why you would choose to break it off.

The pivot point is not that someone I’m having sex with is having sex with others. Perhaps that’s where your confusion lies. Exclusivity was never the focus in my view.

That’s fair

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By *bi HaiveMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

I've been dragged into drama involving other forum users which is why I steer clear...not saying it doesn't happen elsewhere but I'm going by my experience x"

It happens elsewhere.

You just won't hear about it, aside from maybe via cringey status updates.

Because those people don't use the forums, it means forum users will generally be unaware. If it's not plastered all over the lounge then you won't know about it.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

I’m not a swinger so that’s the point this comes from… I don’t know or care who is shagging who. Nobody will know who I’m shagging. But I would never shag someone who was, or had been, important to someone close to me.

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By *astandFeistyCouple over a year ago

Bournemouth

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

Im confused with this view.

If you're fucking some guy, and someone else is also fucking the same guy.

Why would it be him bringing you drama? It sound to me like you're scared of creating drama yourself, and that's why you would choose to break it off.

The pivot point is not that someone I’m having sex with is having sex with others. Perhaps that’s where your confusion lies. Exclusivity was never the focus in my view.

It still sounds like you creating the very drama you say you're trying to avoid.

If that guy fucks someone you dislike, and then no drama ensues, then where is the issue?

You seem very certain there would be drama, hence my opinion that you would be the one creating it.

Obviously I say all of this whilst agreeing that you can break it off with anyone for any reason you choose.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

Im confused with this view.

If you're fucking some guy, and someone else is also fucking the same guy.

Why would it be him bringing you drama? It sound to me like you're scared of creating drama yourself, and that's why you would choose to break it off.

The pivot point is not that someone I’m having sex with is having sex with others. Perhaps that’s where your confusion lies. Exclusivity was never the focus in my view.

It still sounds like you creating the very drama you say you're trying to avoid.

If that guy fucks someone you dislike, and then no drama ensues, then where is the issue?

You seem very certain there would be drama, hence my opinion that you would be the one creating it.

Obviously I say all of this whilst agreeing that you can break it off with anyone for any reason you choose. "

There’s no way in my narrow mind that someone I’m fucking is able to fancy me based on my values, attitude, and views and fancy someone else with opposing views, values and attitude. Views, values and attitude that we both find distasteful. It’s incomprehensible to me. I’d question everything I know about the person I’m fucking if this situation occurred. It would mean I don’t know them as I thought I did it. I’d also question their integrity because if we’ve connected due to complimentary and equal views, attitude, and values, how can they fancy someone with distinct differences in these same areas?

The drama isn’t a quarrel because they put their appendage into another person. That’s not a problem. I hope they have loads of fun fucking others, and make thrilling memories that fill them with pleasure. The drama would be derived from the lack of integrity they’ve either shown me or this other person whom I’ve ascertained is radically different from that which we’ve connected over.

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Personally I find the whole 'girl code ' is used by a lot of women who act one way publicly and do another way in private. So no I don't believe in it especially on here.

I have my own rules that I follow regarding meets but they are mine and I wouldn't consider it to be a 'girl code'.

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Imma just keeping things simple and sticking with the (Bro code)

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Imma just keeping things simple and sticking with the (Bro code)

Bros before hoes

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By *astandFeistyCouple over a year ago

Bournemouth

"For me it’s not about girl code. It’s respect for someone.

I don’t go round announcing who I’m shagging so the idea that another woman would know who I’m shagging, from me directly, isn’t a possibility.

If a person I was shagging knew I disliked another person and shagged them, I’d no longer shag them.

If they did so and hid it from me, they’d be classed a coward by me. Too much drama again and I’d run far away.

Could my mind be changed? No, the whole thing screams drama waiting to unfold.

Isn't saying that you'd stop shagging someone because they shagged someone you didn't like actually controlling who they shag though?

Im confused with this view.

If you're fucking some guy, and someone else is also fucking the same guy.

Why would it be him bringing you drama? It sound to me like you're scared of creating drama yourself, and that's why you would choose to break it off.

The pivot point is not that someone I’m having sex with is having sex with others. Perhaps that’s where your confusion lies. Exclusivity was never the focus in my view.

It still sounds like you creating the very drama you say you're trying to avoid.

If that guy fucks someone you dislike, and then no drama ensues, then where is the issue?

You seem very certain there would be drama, hence my opinion that you would be the one creating it.

Obviously I say all of this whilst agreeing that you can break it off with anyone for any reason you choose.

Irs the first time you've mentioned 'opposing views', and 'radically different'. It sounds very much more nuanced than swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't go anywhere near drama"

Drama here.. Noooo surely not.

I love Eastenders.. Bit of NCIS thats me out.

I know what you mean. I too avoid drama

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"Imma just keeping things simple and sticking with the (Bro code)

Bros before hoes"

What if some of the hoes are like one of the bros?

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

The pivot point is not that someone I’m having sex with is having sex with others. Perhaps that’s where your confusion lies. Exclusivity was never the focus in my view.

This is what I'm talking about!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn't go anywhere near drama

What if you don't know if it would cause any drama? Would you take the risk?"

Not likely too.

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

I've been dragged into drama involving other forum users which is why I steer clear...not saying it doesn't happen elsewhere but I'm going by my experience x

It happens elsewhere.

You just won't hear about it, aside from maybe via cringey status updates.

Because those people don't use the forums, it means forum users will generally be unaware. If it's not plastered all over the lounge then you won't know about it.

Indeed! Forum gossip we see, so it often feels like it's a forum only thing. But forum users are people (mostly) just like those out there in the big wide world, they have the same shitty traits as forum users. We just don't see their gossip and drama. Definitely seen a few few local status updates among a few rivalries that could star an actual fab war.

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By *abulousAvaWoman over a year ago

Dainty Town

Open communication is good at all times. If things about others is known I think its best to stay clear for fear of being drawn into dramas. And if something is done with another without knowing the finite details of complications within their social relationships then I hope girl code would kick in and then informed decisions can then be made.

All in all its complicated but as adults we can sort out dramas easily and without conflict. But if games and lies are out there by people then it's not easy at all. Human nature eh!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

When I first joined this site someone who took the time to give me a lot of solid and useful advice… also suggested “Never fuck a forumite.”

I am singing from hymn sheet of the above..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

I've been dragged into drama involving other forum users which is why I steer clear...not saying it doesn't happen elsewhere but I'm going by my experience x

It happens elsewhere.

You just won't hear about it, aside from maybe via cringey status updates.

Because those people don't use the forums, it means forum users will generally be unaware. If it's not plastered all over the lounge then you won't know about it.

The above is done in distaste.

I will never get off with a forumites period.

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By *aza1888Man over a year ago

Glasgow

"Is there one?

(I'm cringing at myself for actually typing girl code)

If you thought A wouldn't be happy about you shagging B would you avoid despite how much you might fancy them out of respect?

If there's history between people and they or one of them doesn't get along with you would you steer clear of their lovers? Just current ones or ex ones?

I didnt know was one

If your mate C was shagging D and D approached you for a shag would you? Would you check with C first?

What if C said no and you don't like being told no, would you in secret??

Or is it a free for all in a swingers world where everyone is available and fair game?

Feel free to add scenarios with the ready if the alphabet

"
didnt know there was code other than be clean

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

I've been dragged into drama involving other forum users which is why I steer clear...not saying it doesn't happen elsewhere but I'm going by my experience x

It happens elsewhere.

You just won't hear about it, aside from maybe via cringey status updates.

Because those people don't use the forums, it means forum users will generally be unaware. If it's not plastered all over the lounge then you won't know about it.

Definitely seen statuses!

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"I feel like so much of the drama is concentrated just around forumites meeting other forumites, which I find really silly.

I've been dragged into drama involving other forum users which is why I steer clear...not saying it doesn't happen elsewhere but I'm going by my experience x

It happens elsewhere.

You just won't hear about it, aside from maybe via cringey status updates.

Because those people don't use the forums, it means forum users will generally be unaware. If it's not plastered all over the lounge then you won't know about it.

And we all know how some forum users like to gossip

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Ok this seems to be more airing dirty washing ( posts removed )with a chance to slate off other users so I am going to shut this

If you have issues with other users please keep it away from the forum

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