FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Can I ask a genuine question
Can I ask a genuine question
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No sarcasm intended.
After reading lot's of post's over the years people moaning about not getting meets usually men women tend to complain about different things but that's for a different thread.
Q: when you joined what exactly were your expectations?
Be honest no-one is going to judge you, sorry I can't believe I typed that with a straight face.
Sorry, genuinely did you expect it to be easier to get a meet, harder or about what you expected.
Bare in mind that women's experiences are going to be totally different to men's and couples Wil be different again trans, gay different again.
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I thought it'd be much harder. I genuinely hadn't tried anything like this before and I was absolutely stunned when I was immediately bombarded.
I also thought there'd be a bit more human decency, and tried to behave that way myself when I first started. (That way lies madness when you've got a new single female profile, do not recommend  ) |
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By *nitterWoman
over a year ago
the land of tall tales and yarn |
When I first joined the site my situation was very different.
I'm not sure what I actually expected but I remember feelimg overwhelmed.
I was a little niave and probably expected lots of deviants 
Luckily I just founds lots of like minded and lovely peeps.  |
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I had no expectations at all which most won't believe but I had zero experience of sites such as this and had no idea how they worked or what would happen.
I've never been one to act like a kid in a sweet shop so that has never changed.
I did think at one point from reading profiles that a lot of women wanted bad boys but I couldn't be anything other than I am and that has always stood in my stead. |
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I was told that the clubs list their events on the forums here so I don't miss out on good nights for being out of the loop.
And I was warned about the endless sea of unwanted noodles.
So it's pretty much what I expected. With the added bonus of the occasional amazing person showing up |
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I was introduced to the site by a friend and I wasn’t sure how it would go ..
I do like portions of this but It feels a bit like eBay sometimes, the filters and selection processes are comical and the designer features for your ideal partner.. and swinging was and is a couples thing and singles are using it just to hook up , that’s not swinging.
Says he in the middle of it . |
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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
I was probably rather naive when I first joined over five years ago and was ready to leave within the first month as found the amount of messages and unsolicited pics hard to cope with …
If I hadn’t found the forums I would have left definitely within that first month
I’ve evolved in the time I’ve been here, learnt a lot about myself along the way and it changed the way I used the site and how to make it work for me |
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"I was probably rather naive when I first joined over five years ago and was ready to leave within the first month as found the amount of messages and unsolicited pics hard to cope with …
If I hadn’t found the forums I would have left definitely within that first month
I’ve evolved in the time I’ve been here, learnt a lot about myself along the way and it changed the way I used the site and how to make it work for me "
You do have to develop a thick skin quite quickly and a very good bullshit radar. |
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When we first got on ooh 13 years go maybe I think. We stumbled on the site, very little expectation, just intrigue and enthusiasm.
Sad to say it did get dashed quite quickly. Men in particular just couldn't get their heads around the fact we had lives and were actually really busy fucking each other.
We were really polite about it at first. Apologising, being understanding but it led to abuse in most cases. Time-wasters, fake-swingers etc. Some nasty stuff. Often from people we'd only messaged a few times.
Honestly, loads of men completely sabotaged themselves and we would have been a lot more active if we hadn't repeatedly got sick of it and backed off. So there is an irony there. The guys we met it was very simple, no making them jump through hoops. Just respectful of boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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During the covid lockdowns I helped a charity providing someone to talk to, a lifeline really, for gay and trans youngsters living in homophobic homes. It was a wake up call for me too, and made me question was I living my own life. A fwb I’d been with for several years vanished, and I figured ok take a look. Maybe I won’t (as I imagined) be very much on the periphery. As it turns out I am (of course, and it makes sense) but it does convince me I’m not in the gay scrapheap yet.
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"I was probably rather naive when I first joined over five years ago and was ready to leave within the first month as found the amount of messages and unsolicited pics hard to cope with …
If I hadn’t found the forums I would have left definitely within that first month
I’ve evolved in the time I’ve been here, learnt a lot about myself along the way and it changed the way I used the site and how to make it work for me "
Apart from the dick pics bit this is exactly how I was too in every way  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been on and off here for years and years and seen lots of people come and go.
In the beginning myself and my then husband attended lots of social events, had a great time and met loads of lovely people. Used the chat rooms a fair bit.
There was always some odd, different and sometimes awful people but now it seems you have to work extra hard to out the genuine and normal.
Such a shame, it's supposed to be a swinging site but a lot of people treat it like a pick up site, as in are you free now. Why not, time waster
Mrs |
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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
I joined the sister site dogging which is closed down now I think, when I was 18 or 19 years old. Days at uni when I had just got my first car.
Yes when I initially joined I thought it’d be a new meet every other day  I soon learnt that wasn’t the case. I learnt thing the hard way, said a few things wrong I’m sure, and most likely sent a FAF or or two.
I can safely say I changed my ways over the past decade and I met some lovely people on there who taught me quite a lot. Then I joined fab as dogging began to dwindle down.
Haven’t thought about it until now but it’s been quite a long time since I found these online sites, and it’s interesting to reflect back. |
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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
By the way I’m not trying to say I am an OG fabber but just reflecting on my own journey over the years is quite interesting, and my changes in how I interact with fab and the people here. |
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"I thought it'd be much harder. I genuinely hadn't tried anything like this before and I was absolutely stunned when I was immediately bombarded.
I also thought there'd be a bit more human decency, and tried to behave that way myself when I first started. (That way lies madness when you've got a new single female profile, do not recommend )"
Same, was very naive when joined but lucky to meet some decent people early on |
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I first joined about 9 years ago with my partner at the time. We were looking for something quite specific and weren’t sure what to expect. Luckily we found people fairly easily and weren’t messed around much at all.
When I came back a few years later as a singleton it was completely different. Completely overwhelming and I wasn’t prepared for the volume of messages, even with very little in the way of pics. But again I was lucky and found some amazing local men and I soon wised up! I only joined the forums about 5 years ago. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster since but I’m a spectator now. More out than in. |
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When I first joined Fab it was part of the original exodus (way back in the dawn of time) from a previous site so I kind of knew what it would be like. If I am honest Fab has been good to me but I do feel like I make the right use of Fab and it repays. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I joined after chatting to a lady on a main stream dating site (they charged membership for messaging), she told me on here messages cost nothing...
Bish bosh I expected and got free messages everything else has been a bonus
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I expected a much different (and honestly, better) user experience. Probably a dating-app style interface and functions, just with a different focus and finer grained privacy controls (I'll give them this, public vs friends only is a good distinction).
I don't know, I guess easier? I'm a lazy guy though, so I always expect things to be easier than they turn out to be - it's good for motivation! I'd hoped there'd be an even split across genders on here, but if I'm being realistic, this is the internet! If the number of messages I've seen in some women's inboxes is anything to go by, it's heavily skewed.
One thing I had definitely imagined was that it would be a more fun (not a euphemism), friendly and happier place. Not saying it isn't btw, just more. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
taunton somerset |
online was easy as we were already swinging before it became online at first it was chat groups like yahoo and xcite aol all very basic very few men / women mainly couples and then the first big site well there were a few but one stood out for a few years before fab nearly killed it we slowly watched the rise of hoards of men nothing like todays % but still to many ....
so by the time fab came along we expected nothing more than what was already happening and that was the scene filling with men ... made no difference to us as we knew what we wanted and how to get ..
next big shift was covid and that really damaged the scene as it was a free for all men to join and ruining swinging for alot ... fab is still by far the best site for couples and some women but for guys it will be for most nothing more than a wank site and getting a meet will be too differcult sadly as as there are nowhere near enought couple or women its so bad if 99% of men left there would still be to many...
i would not want to be a single man joining this scene today what a headfuck that must be
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess everyone's experience will be different! For me , I knew a lady who was already here and she persuaded me to join... I was here more to chat , but have met some lovely people, my friends list is people who I either chat to regularly or have met and I think the best idea is not to expect.., just hope... then you get pleasantly surprised if someone takes a shine to you. There are way too many guys that think they are gods gift and expect instant gratification... and that does spoil some of the fun for the rest of us! Be realistic and nice and good things will happen!  |
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"When I first joined I thought it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. I didn't realise there would be another 100 men trying to shoot the same fish"
Where you are going wrong is that you need to understand the fish is the one with the gun |
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I thought that it would be very hard to find people that might have some attraction to an aging non-op trans woman. I wasn't wrong. I was surprised that I have made some very good friends. Just a shame that mostly they are attracted to my mind, my ethics, my empathy, my feelings towards humanity. And not my sexual charisma... |
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