FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Approaching women in an actual bar

Approaching women in an actual bar

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Just got back a city break abroad and realized even at 29 I'm still terrified of actually approaching a women in a bar.

I guess I've been able to get away with meeting people online for the last few years. I rarely go out out these days.

I just never know what to say. I'm not terrible looking but equally I'm not a male model either, I just assume I'll be laughed away

how do other guys go about it so confidently, or from a women's perspective how do you like guys to approach (if at all lol)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just got back a city break abroad and realized even at 29 I'm still terrified of actually approaching a women in a bar.

I guess I've been able to get away with meeting people online for the last few years. I rarely go out out these days.

I just never know what to say. I'm not terrible looking but equally I'm not a male model either, I just assume I'll be laughed away

how do other guys go about it so confidently, or from a women's perspective how do you like guys to approach (if at all lol)

First, stop thinking about sex. Secondly, second open mouth and speak about life, music, film, the other guy, what she's wearing etc.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

First, stop thinking about sex.

Second, stop thinking about sex.

Third, go home, she's probably waiting for her muscle-riddled hypersexual hung bf while her millionaire hubby is abroad for work.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You've actually given yourself the perfect opener.

"It's been so long since I've spoken to someone at a bar that I no longer know what the etiquette is"

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By *enrietteandSamCouple over a year ago

Staffordshire

"First, stop thinking about sex.

Second, stop thinking about sex.

Third, go home, she's probably waiting for her muscle-riddled hypersexual hung bf while her millionaire hubby is abroad for work."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe cause I don’t want sex with them I find it really easy to talk to women, but here’s the homo advice which is good for the hetties in a bar…

Keep it situational. Not movies, music etc. that’s just weird. And random.

You’re in a bar.

Hey, any idea if they can make a decent (insert cocktail or whatever here)?

I tried (other bar) this one seems more (adjective) what do you think?

I wore this shirt for a bet. Did I lose?

Etc.

Simples.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You've actually given yourself the perfect opener.

"It's been so long since I've spoken to someone at a bar that I no longer know what the etiquette is" "

And I like this

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By *eardyBikerMan over a year ago

nr stonehaven

"You've actually given yourself the perfect opener.

"It's been so long since I've spoken to someone at a bar that I no longer know what the etiquette is" "

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I feel quite sorry for people nowadays. Approaching people in person was the only way we got to meet :old person alert: 'iny day'

. Guys would strike up a conversation on public transport, at bus stops, in shops, bars, pubs... literally everywhere. 99.9% of them took a gentle brush off with dignity. They would just say something really mundane like "when's the next bus?" Or "is that a cocktail you're drinking?" and the conversation would either take off or fizzle out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Despite the general advice from women (and society) is to leave women alone. Lots of women still crave that natural meeting. They’ve kinda shot themselves in the foot there

My advice would be to treat it like making friends. Just talk like she’s a normal person, because that’s what she is. No “game” or “ lines”. Be respectful, don’t be a push over, be honest with your intent and respect any kind of “leave me alone” energy.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'd rather not be approached. I've got no idea if I'm in the minority or not, but I've never had an encounter like that that hasn't been profoundly weird.

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By *rimordialPaladinMan over a year ago

Brixton

"You've actually given yourself the perfect opener.

"It's been so long since I've spoken to someone at a bar that I no longer know what the etiquette is" "

That's crazy weirdo vibes I'd run for the hills if I guy said that to me or does that make me homophobic

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By *hrek101Man over a year ago

Herts

Never done it and probably never will. Putting pictures of my naked body on line much easier

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you think talking to women I’m a bar is hard try men. Talk. About. Pulling. Teeth.

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By *sername already in useMan over a year ago

manchester

I miss the days when people went out and met in bars and had actual conversations, face to face.

What times they were.

Not now, imagine knowing somebody’s name before knowing what their genitals look like… mental.

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By *lueDressWoman over a year ago

Bath

Ive spoken to 100's of males who have only dated via the net.They have never even thought about ''chatting someone up'' at a bar or club.

I much prefer to meet someone that does not have an app.

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By *aissez-faireMan over a year ago

Right behind you…. Boo

"Just got back a city break abroad and realized even at 29 I'm still terrified of actually approaching a women in a bar.

I guess I've been able to get away with meeting people online for the last few years. I rarely go out out these days.

I just never know what to say. I'm not terrible looking but equally I'm not a male model either, I just assume I'll be laughed away

how do other guys go about it so confidently, or from a women's perspective how do you like guys to approach (if at all lol)

Don’t, under any circumstances, get your cock out until it has been requested. the real world is definitely not Fab!

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By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple over a year ago

Somerset

"Just got back a city break abroad and realized even at 29 I'm still terrified of actually approaching a women in a bar.

I guess I've been able to get away with meeting people online for the last few years. I rarely go out out these days.

I just never know what to say. I'm not terrible looking but equally I'm not a male model either, I just assume I'll be laughed away

how do other guys go about it so confidently, or from a women's perspective how do you like guys to approach (if at all lol)

"
Ask the guys posting about how terrible Fab is and how impossible it is to meet women here despite claiming to doing brilliantly in real life! They will put you straight.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'd rather not be approached. I've got no idea if I'm in the minority or not, but I've never had an encounter like that that hasn't been profoundly weird."

See this is exactly why I don't do it. Swiping away on dating apps is much easier and I'm pretty comfortable going on a date when I know that lady has at least some interest in meeting me.

But I see some guys who pull it off in bars. They just seem to not care about being rejected and keep hitting on women till it works

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd rather not be approached. I've got no idea if I'm in the minority or not, but I've never had an encounter like that that hasn't been profoundly weird.

See this is exactly why I don't do it. Swiping away on dating apps is much easier and I'm pretty comfortable going on a date when I know that lady has at least some interest in meeting me.

But I see some guys who pull it off in bars. They just seem to not care about being rejected and keep hitting on women till it works "

Ignore this as it’s an overly negative view, which not only is common on here, but I think the person in general too

Most people are going to be completely fine with a respectable approach, don’t let a few negative Nannie’s get you in your own head

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I'd rather not be approached. I've got no idea if I'm in the minority or not, but I've never had an encounter like that that hasn't been profoundly weird.

See this is exactly why I don't do it. Swiping away on dating apps is much easier and I'm pretty comfortable going on a date when I know that lady has at least some interest in meeting me.

But I see some guys who pull it off in bars. They just seem to not care about being rejected and keep hitting on women till it works "

The trick is not to 'hit' on women. Just talk to them as if they're human beings and if they seem quite cool towards you smile and walk away.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'd rather not be approached. I've got no idea if I'm in the minority or not, but I've never had an encounter like that that hasn't been profoundly weird.

See this is exactly why I don't do it. Swiping away on dating apps is much easier and I'm pretty comfortable going on a date when I know that lady has at least some interest in meeting me.

But I see some guys who pull it off in bars. They just seem to not care about being rejected and keep hitting on women till it works

Ignore this as it’s an overly negative view, which not only is common on here, but I think the person in general too

Most people are going to be completely fine with a respectable approach, don’t let a few negative Nannie’s get you in your own head "

So because my view is negative, it's not allowed?

I thought he'd asked for a woman's opinion.

Last I checked, I'm female.

I did also say I'm probably not representative.

But I'm female, and this is my view. It's weird, and when people make small talk with me in bars or similar, I'm immediately trying to make a polite escape.

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By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

I actually find it easy to speak to women in public nowadays - I think that is because I am just more confident in myself and also because I always treat any conversation in a bar as just a conversation and I think that is picked up by the ladies.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I kinda wish "single bars" were still a thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd rather not be approached. I've got no idea if I'm in the minority or not, but I've never had an encounter like that that hasn't been profoundly weird.

See this is exactly why I don't do it. Swiping away on dating apps is much easier and I'm pretty comfortable going on a date when I know that lady has at least some interest in meeting me.

But I see some guys who pull it off in bars. They just seem to not care about being rejected and keep hitting on women till it works

Ignore this as it’s an overly negative view, which not only is common on here, but I think the person in general too

Most people are going to be completely fine with a respectable approach, don’t let a few negative Nannie’s get you in your own head

So because my view is negative, it's not allowed?

I thought he'd asked for a woman's opinion.

Last I checked, I'm female.

I did also say I'm probably not representative.

But I'm female, and this is my view. It's weird, and when people make small talk with me in bars or similar, I'm immediately trying to make a polite escape."

It’s allowed, I’m just saying he shouldn’t base his feelings on one persons negative views

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I actually find it easy to speak to women in public nowadays - I think that is because I am just more confident in myself and also because I always treat any conversation in a bar as just a conversation and I think that is picked up by the ladies. "

I think this is right.

I'm not going to be receptive. I'm just not. But (unless there are other screaming red flags going on) I'm not standing there thinking "predator criminal offender". I'm standing there thinking "I have no idea why this person is talking to me, how can I extricate myself from this weird situation?"

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I feel quite sorry for people nowadays. Approaching people in person was the only way we got to meet :old person alert: 'iny day'

Tbh I feel sorry for people like me back in "your day".

Have uncomfortable conversations with strangers, go to a noisy hellhole and have uncomfortable conversations with strangers, hope a family member sets you up, or die alone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd rather not be approached. I've got no idea if I'm in the minority or not, but I've never had an encounter like that that hasn't been profoundly weird.

See this is exactly why I don't do it. Swiping away on dating apps is much easier and I'm pretty comfortable going on a date when I know that lady has at least some interest in meeting me.

But I see some guys who pull it off in bars. They just seem to not care about being rejected and keep hitting on women till it works "

Definitely don’t do the “keep hitting on women until it works” thing either

People do notice and you do end up looking kinda creepy and desperate.

Just get out there and chat. You’d be surprised how open most women are to it. 1000s of people pull every weekend in pubs/bars

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I think a lot of people think that because women are saying they don't like predatory creeps who won't take no for an answer approaching them they will dial 999 as soon as a man glances in their direction. Normal human interaction is fine

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 25/10/23 15:51:44]

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think a lot of people think that because women are saying they don't like predatory creeps who won't take no for an answer approaching them they will dial 999 as soon as a man glances in their direction. Normal human interaction is fine "

I agree.

I just don't recognise flirting in the moment. It's not for me.

I remember one point where a guy physically stopped me in the street and started gushing about my eye colour. I was on my way to Boots, as it happens, because I was horrifically constipated. Took me about two weeks to realise wtf that was all about. All I could think about in the moment was, how do I get away from this situation without being horrendously rude?

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By *andering Welsh GuyMan over a year ago

All over the place

I'm far less confident as I've gotten older, and also put off by this whole "all men are creeps" thing flying around.

Even in the gym nowadays women think guys are purely there to perve on them.

If anyone does see me in the gym I'll be sweating and pulling weird faces (while lifting weights it's not a touch or anything lol)certainly not on the prowl

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I agree.

I just don't recognise flirting in the moment. It's not for me.

I suggest if that happens again you simply tell the hapless gentleman about your urgent mission. That'll stop him in his tracks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You've actually given yourself the perfect opener.

"It's been so long since I've spoken to someone at a bar that I no longer know what the etiquette is"

That's crazy weirdo vibes I'd run for the hills if I guy said that to me or does that make me homophobic

If you think being honest and straightforward is a "crazy weirdo vibe" then I can't help you. Not quite sure where the homophobia fits into all this but yeah, probably.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Also guys, don't mistake friendliness for sexual interest. Smiling and being nice is often a woman's default response.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I agree.

I just don't recognise flirting in the moment. It's not for me.

I suggest if that happens again you simply tell the hapless gentleman about your urgent mission. That'll stop him in his tracks

These days my "advanced" age and FFP3 seem to put people off, thank fuck. Let the woman go to Boots

But basically all the situations where I've worked out later it might be flirting were like this. Stranger engages in bewildering conversation. I try to make polite escape (note to people talking about "all men are creeps" - polite escape. I'm not trying to say anyone's a creep, I'm just saying I don't want to engage in this conversation). Later I realise why bewildering conversation occurred. This realisation makes it no better. I still want to be left the fuck alone, particularly as in the moment it's just bewildering and inconvenient.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm far less confident as I've gotten older, and also put off by this whole "all men are creeps" thing flying around.

Even in the gym nowadays women think guys are purely there to perve on them.

If anyone does see me in the gym I'll be sweating and pulling weird faces (while lifting weights it's not a touch or anything lol)certainly not on the prowl "

Nice to know I'm not alone in getting that vibe sometimes.

I mean it would be great if women would approach men more but that's a whole other debate

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm far less confident as I've gotten older, and also put off by this whole "all men are creeps" thing flying around.

Even in the gym nowadays women think guys are purely there to perve on them.

If anyone does see me in the gym I'll be sweating and pulling weird faces (while lifting weights it's not a touch or anything lol)certainly not on the prowl

Nice to know I'm not alone in getting that vibe sometimes.

I mean it would be great if women would approach men more but that's a whole other debate

I think most women in the gym are there to work out, same as most men.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm far less confident as I've gotten older, and also put off by this whole "all men are creeps" thing flying around.

Even in the gym nowadays women think guys are purely there to perve on them.

If anyone does see me in the gym I'll be sweating and pulling weird faces (while lifting weights it's not a touch or anything lol)certainly not on the prowl

Nice to know I'm not alone in getting that vibe sometimes.

I mean it would be great if women would approach men more but that's a whole other debate

I think most women in the gym are there to work out, same as most men."

I meant in general, not specifically in the gym. Tbh I can't recall seeing anyone hit on a woman or a guy in the gym

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By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

Eye contact...if they do it first though.

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By *ansoffateMan over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Non-verbal cues. If you are focused on whether they want your attention, rather than how to get theirs it's not so complicated.

It's something that's missing with a lot of the younger generation.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Non-verbal cues. If you are focused on whether they want your attention, rather than how to get theirs it's not so complicated.

It's something that's missing with a lot of the younger generation."

This would make a huge difference.

Even as someone who's never going to be amenable, if people notice that I'm looking at the door, I'm shifting uncomfortably, etc... The situation will end sooner

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Non-verbal cues. If you are focused on whether they want your attention, rather than how to get theirs it's not so complicated.

It's something that's missing with a lot of the younger generation."

Very good point, I mean it can be obvious in bars when women don't want guys to approach them and I respect that.

Although I'm my case, even when I can tell they might be keen I'm not very good at approaching

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Eye contact...if they do it first though."

Exactly. As a young woman I would express interest in a guy by making she contact, he would either run screaming for the hills or approach me and start up a conversation. At other times I would be asked for a light, directions in the street, what time the next bus was, if someone was sitting at my table. Conversations would be started with mundane comments about the weather, how awful the journey was to get wherever we were etc etc.

Is this all really lost in the current generation of daters?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe the reason why young women aren't as welcoming as they were in "ye olden days" is the ever increasing statistics of harassment and SA they experience? Just a thought.

I rarely go to a bar, but if I did I think the guys who just chat to me as if I'm just a person would get a much better reception from me. Just a friendly chat is great - maybe it will lead somewhere but maybe it's just a chat and that's great.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Maybe the reason why young women aren't as welcoming as they were in "ye olden days" is the ever increasing statistics of harassment and SA they experience? Just a thought.

Sadly worries of sexual assault etc could effect both men and women in this area, to some degree anyway.

I used to be very shy and I still need something to actually talk about! I could never come up with a chat up line, even on a swingers night lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I could give my younger self some advice it would be not to try and meet women in bars.

Spend more time doing things you enjoy and you're more likely to meet someone with similar interests and have a ready made conversation starter.

Unless you are naturally extroverted and love socialising, bars are way too generic and there's too much pressure to try and make a good impression.

If you must, start practicing making conversation with anyone who comes your way, the bar staff, the lonely widower who used to come in with his wife, whoever. You'll be much more likely to come across as someone who's being friendly, and if it's somewhere you go regularly, you'll get a reputation for being someone approachable who's not just trying to chat up women, and the way people interact with you will be seen by anyone who does take your fancy.

Ah hindsight

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe the reason why young women aren't as welcoming as they were in "ye olden days" is the ever increasing statistics of harassment and SA they experience? Just a thought.

Sadly worries of sexual assault etc could effect both men and women in this area, to some degree anyway.

I used to be very shy and I still need something to actually talk about! I could never come up with a chat up line, even on a swingers night lol

pt"

My point was really that "chat up lines" aren't necessary. And are often either cheesy or creepy.

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By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Maybe the reason why young women aren't as welcoming as they were in "ye olden days" is the ever increasing statistics of harassment and SA they experience? Just a thought.

Sadly worries of sexual assault etc could effect both men and women in this area, to some degree anyway.

I used to be very shy and I still need something to actually talk about! I could never come up with a chat up line, even on a swingers night lol

My point was really that "chat up lines" aren't necessary. And are often either cheesy or creepy.

I think the whole idea of chat lines is just crap. It’s like “banter” - who is interested in childlike stupidity?

If you treat people like adults and have an adult conversation then maybe you will find that you have interests that are aligned. Or you don’t.

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

I think the older people get the happier they are just smiling at each other then chatting in general anyway.

This is definitely harder for young people I think. They are often either a bit too self-conscious or they haven't quite learnt how to hide it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe cause I don’t want sex with them I find it really easy to talk to women, but here’s the homo advice which is good for the hetties in a bar…

Keep it situational. Not movies, music etc. that’s just weird. And random.

You’re in a bar.

Hey, any idea if they can make a decent (insert cocktail or whatever here)?

I tried (other bar) this one seems more (adjective) what do you think?

I wore this shirt for a bet. Did I lose?

Etc.

Simples. "

This 100%

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Speak to everyone in public, not just those who you find attractive. You don't need any objectives other than to be sociable and to become more practiced doing so. You can include doing this in bars and clubs, as well as when you fancy them.

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Wait, people still go to bars?

Most of the pub's round here are either closed, empty of full of pissed up( insert for location) students or sailors in this case and then the chances of finding a (woman in the case of this thread) either alone or sober are slim and then unless you happen to be the best smooth talker in the world your probably likely to get told to fuck off before you even get two words out.

I genuinely think "going out on the pull" is definitely something from the past.

In my very limited experience most conversations usually start by accident anyway or through a mutual acquaintance.

But I haven't tried chatting anyone up since the mid 80's so fuck do I know anyways.

" pint of Skol and a babycham for the lady or would you prefer a Cinzano?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you think talking to women I’m a bar is hard try men. Talk. About. Pulling. Teeth. "

I thought men just gave a nod then met out back for a fuck.

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By *iddle ManMan over a year ago

Walsall

"I feel quite sorry for people nowadays. Approaching people in person was the only way we got to meet :old person alert: 'iny day'

Exactly this. People spend so long glued to their phones no one talks to each other anymore, it's seems so alien.

I'm a big fan of interaction still, I know it's an outdated way of thinking but call me old school.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you think talking to women I’m a bar is hard try men. Talk. About. Pulling. Teeth.

I thought men just gave a nod then met out back for a fuck.

I absolutely HATE it when men NOD. All of the sodding nodding. Why? (Cries in frustration)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shall we all get our Werther's originals whilst we dismiss all of the young folk today and their uncommunicative ways?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you use bar to buy drink it no difference than saying

You cum here often

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Spots male at bar.. Oh he is so oozing.. Nothing but BO he just walked into bar from work.

If going by bars these days most are scruffy and smelly and grandads

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Spots male at bar.. Oh he is so oozing.. Nothing but BO he just walked into bar from work.

If going by bars these days most are scruffy and smelly and grandads "

Go somewhere nice then.

Stop hanging around dives

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"Spots male at bar.. Oh he is so oozing.. Nothing but BO he just walked into bar from work.

If going by bars these days most are scruffy and smelly and grandads "

Jeeze blokes have been going to boozer's after work in dirty clobber since the dawn of pub's.

Perhaps the grandad is alone and the pub is only time he gets to see other people.

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By *alentino7Man over a year ago

London

I adjusted to the new ways of meeting people by app etc but have no issue to talk to people in public places. That's much better in my opinion + saves several steps, avoid time wasters

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I did this for the first time ever at 46 the other day. Was at gig spent the night dancing with these 2 ladies and having a great night. Asked the 1 if I could give her my number. She was seeing someone but got a lot of respect for doing it.

Definitely feeling better about it in future.

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By *sername already in useMan over a year ago

manchester

"Spots male at bar.. Oh he is so oozing.. Nothing but BO he just walked into bar from work.

If going by bars these days most are scruffy and smelly and grandads "

How do you know they have grandkids?

Weird introductory conversation to have.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Spots male at bar.. Oh he is so oozing.. Nothing but BO he just walked into bar from work.

If going by bars these days most are scruffy and smelly and grandads "

Stay out of spoons.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just do what alotta men do here (online)....Approach with your Dick out & say 'wanna fk' that'll get ya far....Not!!!!

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Women don't exactly behave like angels these days lots pre drink and end up shitfaced before they get to the pub.

Ever seen a pack of women on a night out Sheesh men beware.

Obviously before I get lynched it's not all women just like not all men are violent idiots.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't mind being approached. A friendly hello, a little conversation. But make sure to read body language, eye contact and remember that you don't have to be inappropriate just because you're trying to pull. If she doesn't seem interested, respect that and walk away. If she is keen and conversation is flowing and natural just get a bit flirty and see where it leads.

It's a tough one because everyone is so different and some women don't want to be approached at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel quite sorry for people nowadays. Approaching people in person was the only way we got to meet :old person alert: 'iny day'

Yes this.

In my early twenties this is how I met my girlfriends. But women would also approach you in a bar or club, normally one of their friends would come over and say my mate fancies you. You'd look over and she'd smile, walk over and have a chat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Spots male at bar.. Oh he is so oozing.. Nothing but BO he just walked into bar from work.

If going by bars these days most are scruffy and smelly and grandads "

If they are hunched over their phone........

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By *mf123Man over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Just have a laugh like you would with mates usually by the end of the night you will be balls deep or sore frrom all the laughing so win win

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By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Fulwood

Just stand next to her at the bar and when you catch her eye just ask her ‘ can i smell your pussy?… might be your feet actually!!’ And then get ready for her to burst out laughing and offer you a shag on the spot!!

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By *lenderfoxMan over a year ago

Leeds

I feel it's all about context. I'm not going to walk across the room to start talking to someone, but if they're sat on the same table i'd happily start a conversation.

The best approach is just having a conversation.

There are also bar meets more geared towards meeting people, such as those on the Meetup app

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"Maybe cause I don’t want sex with them I find it really easy to talk to women, but here’s the homo advice which is good for the hetties in a bar…

Keep it situational. Not movies, music etc. that’s just weird. And random. "

Personally, I disagree. You're approaching a stranger in a bar - it's inherently random.

One of the best approaches I ever had was, 'read any good books lately?' It was weird and cute. And I had.

A x

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

What’s so random about strangers striking up a conversation in a bar? It’s like I’m reading a forum post from another planet!

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By *hoco DMan over a year ago

Clapham

"What’s so random about strangers striking up a conversation in a bar? It’s like I’m reading a forum post from another planet!

"
lol That's what I thought, then I remember this is fab, someone will make some nonsensical statement just to be pedantic

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By *TG3Man over a year ago

Dorchester

My last girlfriend i chatted up in a coffee shop it can be done just don't think about it and it will happen

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By *alleyDaveMan over a year ago

Sheffield

No way would I ever approach a woman in a pub or at a bus stop ,or anywhere else these days. Before you know it she will have rang the plod accusing you of being a sexual predetar or stalker . It's a sad reflection of what has happened to society that a man cannot approach a single woman and try to strike up a conversation without it being seen as some sort of sexual offence .

It was never like this 30 years ago in my twenties when I went clubbing. Nowadays I would never try and approach a woman and chat to her.

It's just not worth the risk

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By *iBeRtInE70Man over a year ago

around

In the world such as it is with social media and all the various iterations such as WhatsApp snap insta etc human beings have lost the art of communication , instant conversation is just a click away .

Back in the day you went to a bar to meet your mates have a few drinks and see where the night went (all part of the adventure)

Dutch courage helped..

You might meet someone you might not , an organic conversation happens with them you find out you have things in common swap numbers and hopefully it continues the next day (or of lucky later that night)

It requires work and conversation.

These days it's a click and thumbs up and boom guys are like "hey wanna fuck" here's a pic of my dick .

Now you can try that 100 times and you might get lucky . (See copy n paste)

All easy behind a pc or phone .

But try your luck in person with 100 potential partners and see what happens.

I know I'm old ,but I'm a firm believer in not going out with the end in mind .

I've met some amazing people in RL and on fab some I've dkeot with and others not but we've become friends.

FAB isn't FB I know but it's a myriad of different people and thsts why I love it .

As I said earlier the thing missing these days is the art of conversation which then potentially leads to different opportunities.

Step outside your comfort zone , put yourself out there and see what happens

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By *iBeRtInE70Man over a year ago

around

Back in the day you went to a bar to meet your mates have a few drinks and see where the night went (all part of the adventure)

Dutch courage helped..

It requires work and conversation.

These days it's a click and thumbs up and boom guys are like "hey wanna fuck" here's a pic of my dick .

Now you can try that 100 times and you might get lucky . (See copy n paste)

All easy behind a pc or phone .

But try your luck in person with 100 potential partners and see what happens.

I know I'm old ,but I'm a firm believer in not going out with the end in mind .

I've met some amazing people in RL and on fab some I've dkeot with and others not but we've become friends.

FAB isn't FB I know but it's a myriad of different people and thsts why I love it .

As I said earlier the thing missing these days is the art of conversation which then potentially leads to different opportunities.

Step outside your comfort zone , put yourself out there and see what happens "

Sorry not sorry for all my waffle

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As someone said above, practice opening conversations using situational points.

The same way you'd strike up a conversation with a stranger at a work gig or an event. These skills are not unique to picking up women in bars.

Now the next level is getting them to approach you instead.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No way would I ever approach a woman in a pub or at a bus stop ,or anywhere else these days. Before you know it she will have rang the plod accusing you of being a sexual predetar or stalker . It's a sad reflection of what has happened to society that a man cannot approach a single woman and try to strike up a conversation without it being seen as some sort of sexual offence .

It was never like this 30 years ago in my twenties when I went clubbing. Nowadays I would never try and approach a woman and chat to her.

It's just not worth the risk "

Absolutely, long gone are the days I'd be able to approach a stranger who's a beautiful young woman, telling her that from the moment I laid my eyes on her I knew she came from a wholesome, good family background and the we should get married by the end of the week and plan for both children to be delivered within the 2 years. One of whom is a male who will study engineering at university and carry on our family patriarchy, and the other, a keen seamstress and wholesome family oriented woman just like her mother.

It's a crazy world we live in where this doesn't happen anymore.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It was never like this 30 years ago in my twenties when I went clubbing. Nowadays I would never try and approach a woman and chat to her.

It's just not worth the risk

It's a crazy world we live in where this doesn't happen anymore."

Thanks for a good laugh. Now I'm going to get up and kick off the day.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The last Man who chatted me up was at a party....Hi....I know Your Cousins

....I ignored him for awhile until he named them..

.sat down for awhile & our conversation lasted years.....28yrs together still

& no not inbred our Grandma's were best friends

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It was never like this 30 years ago in my twenties when I went clubbing. Nowadays I would never try and approach a woman and chat to her.

It's just not worth the risk

It's a crazy world we live in where this doesn't happen anymore."

Crazy indeed

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Just got back a city break abroad and realized even at 29 I'm still terrified of actually approaching a women in a bar.

I guess I've been able to get away with meeting people online for the last few years. I rarely go out out these days.

I just never know what to say. I'm not terrible looking but equally I'm not a male model either, I just assume I'll be laughed away

how do other guys go about it so confidently, or from a women's perspective how do you like guys to approach (if at all lol)

First, stop thinking about sex. Secondly, second open mouth and speak about life, music, film, the other guy, what she's wearing etc. "

I was going to say very similar.

The reason men get nervous ( a lot of the time ) is because they have failed to see a woman in a bar as a person.

This isn't a feminist dig, this is pretty much obvious.

A bloke wants female company or a shag and that's the mindset he goes out with.

He is the predator and she is the prey.

The wolf has one chance to not scare the sheep.

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"What’s so random about strangers striking up a conversation in a bar? It’s like I’m reading a forum post from another planet!

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By *hoco DMan over a year ago

Clapham

"Just got back a city break abroad and realized even at 29 I'm still terrified of actually approaching a women in a bar.

I guess I've been able to get away with meeting people online for the last few years. I rarely go out out these days.

I just never know what to say. I'm not terrible looking but equally I'm not a male model either, I just assume I'll be laughed away

how do other guys go about it so confidently, or from a women's perspective how do you like guys to approach (if at all lol)

First, stop thinking about sex. Secondly, second open mouth and speak about life, music, film, the other guy, what she's wearing etc.

I was going to say very similar.

The reason men get nervous ( a lot of the time ) is because they have failed to see a woman in a bar as a person.

This isn't a feminist dig, this is pretty much obvious.

A bloke wants female company or a shag and that's the mindset he goes out with.

He is the predator and she is the prey.

The wolf has one chance to not scare the sheep.

"
I'm sorry but I must interject at the nonsense, the reason most men are nervous is because of the fear of been rejected, this is way most prefer chat online as the effects rejection is less harsh, has a women in the sexual market place you will rarely face rejection, as all the attention is brought to your door step, but as man you must get up and knock on the door, when door is shut in your face it not a nice feeling.

take site as an example, the amount of posts you see from women complaining about being sent cock pics, ( which in fairness is not going to win you any dates ) but what women fail to understand is that these men mostly likely started out sending well fought out messages only to have them ignored or deleted without any response, eventually these men started to think what is the point of me writing these messages when you're not even going to look at them so much as lsee respond,well I might as well sent a cock pic, so now when rejected the Impact of rejection is cushioned as it's not taking much of my time and ive got the excusive no response well I'll probably deserved it.

women in the sexual marketplace only tend to feel the effects of rejection when competing with other women for example when you're in a nightclub and that hot girl walks in what all the guys in the club are looking at I guarantee if you're close to women or sitting with them the majority of them will start to slag her off especially if she starts talking to the hot guy that everyone would go to Club you find the same on, here where you find BBW nights that will stipulate a size restriction this is only done so certain women don't feel rejected because if a size 12 walks into a BBW night they are scared that most of the guys are going to be hovering around like zombies around the size 12,

I've seen it so many times on here where people think act like the debiton Queens online but when in the club with direct competition of women they take on a complete different persona that of someone that is not as confident as they are online.

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By *sername already in useMan over a year ago

manchester

Has to be up there with one of the most ridiculous threads I’ve seen.

No wonder there’s so many posts crying about not getting meets if so many people are so scared to talk to the opposite sex, Jesus Christ.

Grow a set of fucking balls!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/10/23 13:14:28]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm sorry but I must interject at the nonsense, the reason most men are nervous is because of the fear of been rejected, this is way most prefer chat online as the effects rejection is less harsh, has a women in the sexual market place you will rarely face rejection, as all the attention is brought to your door step, but as man you must get up and knock on the door, when door is shut in your face it not a nice feeling.

Do you even like women or just want to shag them?

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By *hoco DMan over a year ago

Clapham

Do you even like women or just want to shag them?

huh? that actually makes no, get a pen and note pad because it school them time, "men actually want to shag women because then do like them".

Deep down you now there's some truth to my statement, hence the direct attack on me, rather than my comments

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Also guys, don't mistake friendliness for sexual interest. Smiling and being nice is often a woman's default response. "

SO. MUCH. THIS.

Also applies online.

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By *ond Jimmy BondMan over a year ago

London

I will not approach a woman as such, sometimes conversation will happen at the bar, sometimes eyes contact, a smile etc. I need some kind of green light or a sign before I will make a move

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you even like women or just want to shag them?

huh? that actually makes no, get a pen and note pad because it school them time, "men actually want to shag women because then do like them".

Deep down you now there's some truth to my statement, hence the direct attack on me, rather than my comments"

Your answer is hard to read. Lots of men want to fuck women without liking them. Plenty on here. So it's not nonsense.

Why is it an attack to ask if you like women!? Your original comment reads as though you don't like them very much. And you put the blame for mens' bad behaviour on women. - they send unsolicited dick pics because we say no.

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By *ermite12ukMan over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

Always mirror, signal manoeuvre. Except if your a German car owner, obvs.

Dat said, not a chance. Even when I was a lot younger and stupid.

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By *sername already in useMan over a year ago

manchester

"I will not approach a woman as such, sometimes conversation will happen at the bar, sometimes eyes contact, a smile etc. I need some kind of green light or a sign before I will make a move"

Why??

Because if you say “hello” to a woman, off the internet, then you’ll spontaneously combust?

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By *ond Jimmy BondMan over a year ago

London

"I will not approach a woman as such, sometimes conversation will happen at the bar, sometimes eyes contact, a smile etc. I need some kind of green light or a sign before I will make a move

Why??

Because if you say “hello” to a woman, off the internet, then you’ll spontaneously combust? "

I think woman can often get a lot of unwanted attention

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By *ersiantugMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"..women in the sexual marketplace only tend to feel the effects of rejection when competing with other women for example when you're in a nightclub and that hot girl walks in what all the guys in the club are looking at I guarantee if you're close to women or sitting with them the majority of them will start to slag her off especially if she starts talking to the hot guy that everyone would go to....

Do you even like women or just want to shag them?

..Deep down you now there's some truth to my statement, hence the direct attack on me, rather than my comments"

Dude you sound like you think all women are dumb jealous clubbers, and what you both "guarantee" and have "seen so many times" is just a generalisation that is a) focused entirely on clubbing, and b) just impossible to rely on.

A lot of people are obviously much-more confident online (it hides so much) but why all the extra crap about the nature of woman here?

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By *hoco DMan over a year ago

Clapham

Do you even like women or just want to shag them?

huh? that actually makes no, get a pen and note pad because it school them time, "men actually want to shag women because then do like them".

Deep down you now there's some truth to my statement, hence the direct attack on me, rather than my comments

Your answer is hard to read. Lots of men want to fuck women without liking them. Plenty on here. So it's not nonsense.

1) why ask? because you know what you was doing, it was an passive aggressive attack masked as a question.

2) you was the one that described men as Predators now I'm questioning who is the real one with hatred

3) the cockpit statement was to point out the differences that males and females play in the sexual marketplace on this site,

it's funny how you use this to construct your argument but left out the part where I said in brackets it's probably not going to win any dates

4) the only reason why you find my comments hard to read is because you can't nitpick it and find any constructive argument for what I have said and that's what's really burning you to keep replying.

Anyway I can't see we're getting anything constructive from this back and forth so I'm gonna end all communications with you on this topic now, feel free to have the last word if it makes you happy

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By *sername already in useMan over a year ago

manchester

"I will not approach a woman as such, sometimes conversation will happen at the bar, sometimes eyes contact, a smile etc. I need some kind of green light or a sign before I will make a move

Why??

Because if you say “hello” to a woman, off the internet, then you’ll spontaneously combust?

I think woman can often get a lot of unwanted attention"

I think this whole thread is what is wrong with today’s society.

A woman can say she’s not interested and a man can stop talking.

You know, like before the internet.

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"Has to be up there with one of the most ridiculous threads I’ve seen.