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Whenever you eat out
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I tidy to a point, and I always push my chair back to the table when I leave. The amount of people that leave the table like a train crash, food and napkins on the floor, leave the chairs scattered. I just couldn't. |
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No. I wouldn’t even think to do that to be honest and I definitely don’t think it’s bad manners not to. I don’t have bad manners. I wouldn’t leave a mess though but I’ve never stacked everyone’s plates up. |
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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago
for a penny |
"No, I’m paying to be cooked for and not to help them with clearing the table "
Unfortunately the money you pay ( most of it) doesn’t go to the poor sap who has to clear up your mess.
It’s only fair to give them some help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah, I always do and try to hand it to them as well if they have other stuff in their hands so they don't go off balance. I don't consider it polite or rude if I don't do it though. It's just a thing to do. |
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No, not unless they asked me to. Like Nora, I also don't think this is bad manners. I just don't think it's expected, and to be honest, probably more annoying as they'll likely have a system you'll be buggering up... |
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I've been known to clean the table and everything! Especially if we've had a child make a bit of a mess*, we will clean it up thoroughly. We can't abide leaving a tip for someone else to deal with 
*I'm talking crumbs, a bit of errant pasta sauce etc. Not a MESS mess. Our children are actually trained properly  |
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"No, not unless they asked me to. Like Nora, I also don't think this is bad manners. I just don't think it's expected, and to be honest, probably more annoying as they'll likely have a system you'll be buggering up..."
Yeah this is how I see it too. Probably annoying. Of course I pass and hand things over but I wouldn’t stack it all up. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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It depends on where I'm eating.
Some restaurants I wouldn't dream of doing it because it'd be rude to. Your clattering and clambering to try and stack plates up whilst normally they'd be whisked quietly away kind of fucks up the ambience a tad.
And sometimes people can't stack well. There's a certain method to it, the resulting stack shouldn't be a precarious tower of poorly stacked plates.
I'm all for helping out if it's appropriate though. I'm not an utter twonk. |
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My pet hate is "self clear" places where people don't self clear! Unless you have a specific reason, e.g. on crutches or something, then get that tray over to the trolley, Susan/Simon! I can move my tray whilst wheeling with one hand, you can move yours too |
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When I got my first graduate job after uni I got sent to be trained on I don't even what it's called etiquette training? Sliver service meals all of that stuff, black tie. 
Apparently, you are not supposed to assist. You acknowledge, but do not make conversation. And cross your fork over your knife to signal that you are finished with your plate.
My mates a hotel manager with crown plaza, been all over the world. Worked his way up. He said most will just want you to give them space to do their job. It's a nice gesture but they want to stack it their way so they can carry more. The tip is how to say thanks really. |
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"When I got my first graduate job after uni I got sent to be trained on I don't even what it's called etiquette training? Sliver service meals all of that stuff, black tie.
Apparently, you are not supposed to assist. You acknowledge, but do not make conversation. And cross your fork over your knife to signal that you are finished with your plate.
My mates a hotel manager with crown plaza, been all over the world. Worked his way up. He said most will just want you to give them space to do their job. It's a nice gesture but they want to stack it their way so they can carry more. The tip is how to say thanks really."
Most of us aren't eating at silver service places
We had one work Xmas do with fancy service etc and it made me quite twitchy because I'm not used to being fawned over. I think I prefer the buffet ones |
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I don't even know how I'd do that - this assumes all pots fit inside each other? In a sit-down type of place, I'd defer to their expertise - apart from making sure there isn't a mess, I may hand them my plate if I see them taking it. Otherwise, I just thank them. |
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"When I got my first graduate job after uni I got sent to be trained on I don't even what it's called etiquette training? Sliver service meals all of that stuff, black tie.
Apparently, you are not supposed to assist. You acknowledge, but do not make conversation. And cross your fork over your knife to signal that you are finished with your plate.
My mates a hotel manager with crown plaza, been all over the world. Worked his way up. He said most will just want you to give them space to do their job. It's a nice gesture but they want to stack it their way so they can carry more. The tip is how to say thanks really.
Most of us aren't eating at silver service places
We had one work Xmas do with fancy service etc and it made me quite twitchy because I'm not used to being fawned over. I think I prefer the buffet ones "
It's been a long time for me. I couldn't stand it. First time I had to buy cuff-links in the hotel lobby didn't even know what they were .
But my mates advice I keep to. It seems to be appreciated as a general rule and sometimes it relaxes things and there's some friendly conversation instead of 100 awkward English thank yous. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"And cross your fork over your knife to signal that you are finished with your plate.
"
That's if you're ready for the next plate, like if you're having a tasting menu. Generally it's side by side, straight down the plate. In the middle. Done.
I'm going to bed now before I reveal too much about myself. And miss out on beauty sleep before tomorrow. |
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Absolutely! It's bad manners not to... besides, if you go somewhere for food, get your face known and don't act like an impeccable customer... from expereince working in kitvhens, well, I wouldn't recommend eating there again
Wait staff are a brutal bunch! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What type of restaurant is in question here? Perhaps at a place like a Weatherspoons, but even so it seems — to me — this would be odd. It’s nothing to do with being impolite or expecting someone to tidy up after you.
In some cultures, this is extremely impolite as if you’re saying the server didn’t clear the table so you were forced to stack it in an attempt to do their job for them.
At “nicer” restaurants you’d look like a mad person stacking plates I’m afraid. Especially if it’s a multi course individually plated type of meal. The plates would be cleared before the next course, and the table can often be “brushed” clean, cutlery replaced, etc. Stacking at a place like this would not be the done thing.
I went to dinner tonight, for example, and just thinking about stacking plates there it would not have been possible without making a massive mess. We had over nine plates on the table at the end of the meal. It was a table for two. Each of the nine plates had sauces, or portions of the food on them. If we had attempted to stack them the sauces would flow over the plates, the food on the plates would have created uneven layers when stacked, etc. It would have been a bloody nightmare, and would surely have everyone looking at us in shock and horror. |
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"And cross your fork over your knife to signal that you are finished with your plate.
That's if you're ready for the next plate, like if you're having a tasting menu. Generally it's side by side, straight down the plate. In the middle. Done.
I'm going to bed now before I reveal too much about myself. And miss out on beauty sleep before tomorrow. "
Ooh I'm impressed. Not going to argue there I'm the novice here. |
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Oh no, I wouldn't dream of stacking the plates. I'd feel most uncouth doing that. Besides, most wait staff have their own method of stacking that they find the most comfortable to carry - why would I cause them extra work to re-stack the plates how they want them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, and if my kids have made a mess out come the wet wipes to clean up the table too. I can't walk off and leave it for someone else to do. "
I always clean the table too! I feel rude leaving it a state |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
At “nicer” restaurants you’d look like a mad person stacking plates I’m afraid.
That’s exactly what I thought is the kind of thing a crazy grandma would do. "
I’m going out to eat every day this week with people across a wide range of generations. I’m going to keenly observe what they all do. I’ll come back and report my observations.
Monday- dinner with a continental European person, no stacking and no helping the server when they came round to ask if we were finished. We simply stopped chatting when the server came and sat silently waiting for them to finish clearing. Thanked them as they finished. |
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If its a fast food place with self clear i always clear the table and wipe up any mess on the table.
If its full service just let the staff do their job.
Often seen people stack up plates etc only for the staff have to rearrange it before they can pick it up.
Or in some cases do pick it up and end up dropping half of it in someones lap. |
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Cant bare the empty plates in front of me for ages. So stacked and moved to edge of the table even put on empty table next to me. Course if they are attentive then they do their job and remove them. That might get them a tip, unless service is already applied.  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"No - people often have a certain way they clear the table and handing them a tottering pile of plates isn’t always as helpful as people think.
I do leave the table tidy though. "
Oh I love these can't win situations! Especially when it messes with people's sense of
righteousness "polite and manners".
In all their intent to be helpful they just became anything but. |
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Apparrently most waiting staff hate it as they have their way of doing it. Stacking them up hinders that. Passing them over if it is awkward to reach is fine. The only time I have done that, especially on holiday, is when the staff are not attentive enough and you are there waiting for ages for them to take the empty plates away so that you can pick your next course from the buffet. A little nudge so to to speak. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course I do! I think it’s good manners and tbh we’ve all worked crappy jobs and if customers do that little extra, it makes the shift a million times easier.
Mr |
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"No - people often have a certain way they clear the table and handing them a tottering pile of plates isn’t always as helpful as people think.
I do leave the table tidy though.
Oh I love these can't win situations! Especially when it messes with people's sense of
righteousness "polite and manners".
In all their intent to be helpful they just became anything but. "
The best help, is the help someone has asked for. Otherwise you’re just assuming and going off best intentions which might be wrong.
That counts for everything, not just plates. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Of course I do! I think it’s good manners and tbh we’ve all worked crappy jobs and if customers do that little extra, it makes the shift a million times easier.
Mr"
That little bit extra makes their job harder and more frustrating. |
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We know people who work in hospitality at all levels. Nearly all of them will clear the table and return glasses to the bar when we eat out together. I try to make it as easy as possible for the waiting staff if I can |
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"We know people who work in hospitality at all levels. Nearly all of them will clear the table and return glasses to the bar when we eat out together. I try to make it as easy as possible for the waiting staff if I can "
I have a colleague who is now a middle manager, like me. He serves water, brings the coffee, clears the mugs/glasses after work meetings/lunch time things. "Once a waiter, always a waiter". He knows who he is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, for the simple reason that when I eat out, it’s a really rare treat from cooking, clearing, and washing up.
I’m not wasting that treat by doing the job for which they get paid.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only eat out at Maccies. I always clear my stuff to the bin. 
Class! I sit in the car at a designated beauty spot and chuck the rubbish out of the window "
"Dogging"  |
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Was a silver service waiter so I stack plates automatically. If theres food left on the plate I will stick the fork into the food and put the knives under the fork as to stop them from falling off the plates. It helps and makes it easier. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
At “nicer” restaurants you’d look like a mad person stacking plates I’m afraid.
That’s exactly what I thought is the kind of thing a crazy grandma would do.
I’m going out to eat every day this week with people across a wide range of generations. I’m going to keenly observe what they all do. I’ll come back and report my observations.
Monday- dinner with a continental European person, no stacking and no helping the server when they came round to ask if we were finished. We simply stopped chatting when the server came and sat silently waiting for them to finish clearing. Thanked them as they finished. "
Tuesday- dinner with another continental European person, no stacking and no helping server. The table was never cleared until after paying as we were leaving. Went to a second food/drinks place. The servers came by every five minutes and immediately removed drinkware the second you finished it. Person I dined with did try to stack a plate and the server immediately swooped in with a tray to remove the plates, so stacking never occurred. We had a minuscule space for plates to be fair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes- it’s rude to leave the table in a mess and I think it just helps them out a little bit rather than having to clear a table full of plates, knives and forks, glasses strewn everywhere especially when you’re still sat there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used all the time but had a waiter tell me once ask me not to because they stacked it a specific way so its easier to sort once at the back.
Could be just that establishment but now I have a think everytime I go to do it and sometimes just leave it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I opened this thread with a thought that the discussion is about what are the good manners after eating out a woman but now wondering what to do with my thoughts.
Yes, i do stack the and help clearing the dishes but....is it not about hugging and kissing her after so she will know how good she tastes below?
am i that crooked and twisted!? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. I wouldn’t even think to do that to be honest and I definitely don’t think it’s bad manners not to. I don’t have bad manners. I wouldn’t leave a mess though but I’ve never stacked everyone’s plates up. "
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