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Understanding what’s sexy
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Pondering after the Halloween and mask threads.
Are you good at understanding what is sexy to your other half or to who you are trying to attract? Is it something that comes instinctively to you? Or is it something you need to learn or be told they think is sexy? Is it an important skill to have or is it just the icing on the cake? |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
I already accept that things I don't find sexy, are sexy to others.
Sometimes being shown and helped to understand them more through or with a partner makes a big difference. And can often but not always make something become sexy to you too.
I like to see somebody enjoying and getting pleasure from me doing something, so long as I'm comfortable with it (boundaries being pushed with consent of course). So I can often find something sexy in that situation, but outside and away from their pleasure it's just okay to me. If that makes sense. |
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I have no idea and do ask for guidance.
What's sexy to one isn't to another so it can be tricky & I'm not the best at reading situations.
Even with the Mr I still ask him what he finds sexy, run past if I try this or this will be like it etc....
I'm a terrible over thinker though I could think yeah I'll do this he'll love it but my brain 5 mins later has gone through the what if he doesn't though, maybe you'll look like a right twat, don't want to pressure him into sex, maybe he'll hate it, then I'm back to fuck it I'll just ask.
Mrs |
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"I already accept that things I don't find sexy, are sexy to others.
Sometimes being shown and helped to understand them more through or with a partner makes a big difference. And can often but not always make something become sexy to you too.
I like to see somebody enjoying and getting pleasure from me doing something, so long as I'm comfortable with it (boundaries being pushed with consent of course). So I can often find something sexy in that situation, but outside and away from their pleasure it's just okay to me. If that makes sense. "
This makes total sense, I've learnt what my partner finds sexy over time so I'm better at predicting. Though there are some things I need guidance on.
And I'm totally with I find doing certain things sexy when I'm doing it with someone I like, seeing others do it for example can leave me cold. |
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"Pondering after the Halloween and mask threads.
Are you good at understanding what is sexy to your other half or to who you are trying to attract? Is it something that comes instinctively to you? Or is it something you need to learn or be told they think is sexy? Is it an important skill to have or is it just the icing on the cake? "
sexy is in the eye of the beholder  |
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I know what I find sexy on me.
I might occasionally deliberately play into things that I know my partners find particularly sexy to them. Or try something new to me that I'm unsure of but I think they will like. But mostly the way I dress and present is designed to make me feel happy and confident. If they didn't like that, they probably wouldn't be my partners  |
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"I have no idea and do ask for guidance.
What's sexy to one isn't to another so it can be tricky & I'm not the best at reading situations.
Even with the Mr I still ask him what he finds sexy, run past if I try this or this will be like it etc....
I'm a terrible over thinker though I could think yeah I'll do this he'll love it but my brain 5 mins later has gone through the what if he doesn't though, maybe you'll look like a right twat, don't want to pressure him into sex, maybe he'll hate it, then I'm back to fuck it I'll just ask.
Mrs "
I can relate to wanting to avoid looking like a twat. It's like those who can turn up in their underwear under a coat. I could never do that aa a surprise I'd overanalyze the shit out of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Funnily enough, I just deleted a Halloween costume pic I posted last week after reading other threads because I realised it would be giving off the wrong impression about me
I'm a sub guy and a gentle top so I don't want pics of me posing like I'm in charge or anything
In terms of attracting someone, not sure what they would find sexy about me but I'm imagining a bit of confidence helps. Still trying to figure that part out
I would say it also helps to be able to learn by asking questions and getting feedback if it doesn't come naturally |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I'm absolutely useless at knowing what's sexy to someone so hints are definitely helpful.
Although even then I tend to make them less sexy so not sure I should trample on anymore  |
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"I know what I find sexy on me.
I might occasionally deliberately play into things that I know my partners find particularly sexy to them. Or try something new to me that I'm unsure of but I think they will like. But mostly the way I dress and present is designed to make me feel happy and confident. If they didn't like that, they probably wouldn't be my partners "
Love this response, confidence in oneself is incredibly sexy in itself |
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"I'm absolutely useless at knowing what's sexy to someone so hints are definitely helpful.
Although even then I tend to make them less sexy so not sure I should trample on anymore "
7 October....sexy |
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"Pondering after the Halloween and mask threads.
Are you good at understanding what is sexy to your other half or to who you are trying to attract? Is it something that comes instinctively to you? Or is it something you need to learn or be told they think is sexy? Is it an important skill to have or is it just the icing on the cake? sexy is in the eye of the beholder "
Totally, I guess I'm asking if you can figure out what is sexy in Thale beholders eye! |
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"Funnily enough, I just deleted a Halloween costume pic I posted last week after reading other threads because I realised it would be giving off the wrong impression about me
I'm a sub guy and a gentle top so I don't want pics of me posing like I'm in charge or anything
In terms of attracting someone, not sure what they would find sexy about me but I'm imagining a bit of confidence helps. Still trying to figure that part out
I would say it also helps to be able to learn by asking questions and getting feedback if it doesn't come naturally"
I'm submissive but I have posted quite strong photos of myself. I think the majority accept that photos don't mean everything. Know there are lots to post BDSM style photos just because they like them. So if you like the photo post it. We're not one dimensional characters. |
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"I'm absolutely useless at knowing what's sexy to someone so hints are definitely helpful.
Although even then I tend to make them less sexy so not sure I should trample on anymore "
I'm sure you don't Cede. But hints are so useful. |
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I think it's worth talking about. I am happy to try a look or scene for someone I like. If it turns then on then the sub side of me is going to be turned on too.
I also know what suits me. B has been surprised by how much he likes certain looks on me after thinking he wouldn't.
J |
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People know what is sexy to them surely? In the sense that, if you aren't sure something is sexy, then could you really say it is? For a partner you'd need to either follow signals or be directly told I would say (it's always a gamble just to guess I think).
So it's entirely subjective, but used in a collective way ("x is pure sex") based on public data that can change over time. pt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm submissive but I have posted quite strong photos of myself. I think the majority accept that photos don't mean everything. Know there are lots to post BDSM style photos just because they like them. So if you like the photo post it. We're not one dimensional characters. "
Yeah, that's true. Good point  I'm just overthinking it as usual
It's deleted now and I probably won't reupload but I should still upload other pics of me showing off my stronger side then |
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"I think it's worth talking about. I am happy to try a look or scene for someone I like. If it turns then on then the sub side of me is going to be turned on too.
I also know what suits me. B has been surprised by how much he likes certain looks on me after thinking he wouldn't.
J"
Yes J sometimes we know what we look good in, and sometimes that confidence is sexy as |
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"People know what is sexy to them surely? In the sense that, if you aren't sure something is sexy, then could you really say it is? For a partner you'd need to either follow signals or be directly told I would say (it's always a gamble just to guess I think).
So it's entirely subjective, but used in a collective way ("x is pure sex") based on public data that can change over time. pt"
Do they always though? Sometimes the other half will do something or introduce you to something that I wouldn't expect to be sexy but bloody hell it is. I like those kind of discoveries |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I really like a skirt/ trainers combo. I find that incredibly attractive "
Me too it’s so hot. Football shirts, jumper dresses, no make up , natural just woken up
Look, a bit of excess flesh and often dislike all the fancy gear that squeezes everything in.
On me I choose the photos that people say just no  |
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"People know what is sexy to them surely? In the sense that, if you aren't sure something is sexy, then could you really say it is? For a partner you'd need to either follow signals or be directly told I would say (it's always a gamble just to guess I think).
So it's entirely subjective, but used in a collective way ("x is pure sex") based on public data that can change over time. pt
Do they always though? Sometimes the other half will do something or introduce you to something that I wouldn't expect to be sexy but bloody hell it is. I like those kind of discoveries "
.
I can see where you are coming from now I think. You don't see something as sexy until suddenly you do! From a closer (sexier?) experience perhaps. I've been there for sure.
pt |
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"I think there lays the potential for a massive headache in trying to decipher what others feel is sexy. It almost always differs to what I find is sexy so I just don’t go there."
That's fair enough, if you seeing someone and they say I find black fishnet stockings sexy as hell. And you have some in the draw and the next time you meet are you more likely to put them on, knowing they like them? |
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"People know what is sexy to them surely? In the sense that, if you aren't sure something is sexy, then could you really say it is? For a partner you'd need to either follow signals or be directly told I would say (it's always a gamble just to guess I think).
So it's entirely subjective, but used in a collective way ("x is pure sex") based on public data that can change over time. pt
Do they always though? Sometimes the other half will do something or introduce you to something that I wouldn't expect to be sexy but bloody hell it is. I like those kind of discoveries
.
I can see where you are coming from now I think. You don't see something as sexy until suddenly you do! From a closer (sexier?) experience perhaps. I've been there for sure.
pt"
Although the thread as predominantly been about looks it can be anything you find sexy. |
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"I think there lays the potential for a massive headache in trying to decipher what others feel is sexy. It almost always differs to what I find is sexy so I just don’t go there.
That's fair enough, if you seeing someone and they say I find black fishnet stockings sexy as hell. And you have some in the draw and the next time you meet are you more likely to put them on, knowing they like them?"
.
I think it's politer to show them (though you do risk them saying thank you so much! and putting them on). pt
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"I think there lays the potential for a massive headache in trying to decipher what others feel is sexy. It almost always differs to what I find is sexy so I just don’t go there."
.
I think if you feel sexy you can be sexy.. and someone can thus find you sexy, even if they didn't quite imagine it that way.
pt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just ask. If I feel like I’m unsure about something I think it’s better to ask rather than make myself look a right idiot.
Totally agree, think I'd better put the clown outfit away  "
I think with a regular partner it’s not too bad because you already kind of know what they will and won’t find sexy. With someone knew there’s no harm in asking. Once I know I’m quite confident in my ability to fake being sexy |
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The instinctual element is a fundamental aspect and I desire both to feel free from doubt and overthinking in the moment to go where it takes us.
But that's a consequence of intimacy and trust. Which comes through open communication for me. A desire to understand each other, whatever it is we wish to share.
Sharing what we know about ourselves is one aspect. Exploring what we desire together is another.
I'm very good at understanding people if they are open. Verbally, emotionally and physically. But I struggle to form connections if I have to 'work it out'.
When it's my other half, it becomes almost entirely instinctual. Until someone has an idea and then it's like: I need to tell you this it really turns me on. Strap yourself in Kansas is going bye-bye. |
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"The instinctual element is a fundamental aspect and I desire both to feel free from doubt and overthinking in the moment to go where it takes us.
But that's a consequence of intimacy and trust. Which comes through open communication for me. A desire to understand each other, whatever it is we wish to share.
Sharing what we know about ourselves is one aspect. Exploring what we desire together is another.
I'm very good at understanding people if they are open. Verbally, emotionally and physically. But I struggle to form connections if I have to 'work it out'.
When it's my other half, it becomes almost entirely instinctual. Until someone has an idea and then it's like: I need to tell you this it really turns me on. Strap yourself in Kansas is going bye-bye."
I think this response thank you. I do think being open with people is the best way to find out what makes you both tick. I'm still figuring out some of what I enjoy and am still evolving.
I do agree with a partner it becomes instinctive. But yes I love the random left field ideas, which often blow your mind in so many ways |
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"Pondering after the Halloween and mask threads.
Are you good at understanding what is sexy to your other half or to who you are trying to attract? Is it something that comes instinctively to you? Or is it something you need to learn or be told they think is sexy? Is it an important skill to have or is it just the icing on the cake? sexy is in the eye of the beholder
Totally, I guess I'm asking if you can figure out what is sexy in Thale beholders eye! "
Well you just can't guess its either there in their eyes or not, i personally don't feel sexy but some may find me sexy |
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"
When it's my other half, it becomes almost entirely instinctual. Until someone has an idea and then it's like: I need to tell you this it really turns me on. Strap yourself in Kansas is going bye-bye.
I think this response thank you. I do think being open with people is the best way to find out what makes you both tick. I'm still figuring out some of what I enjoy and am still evolving.
I do agree with a partner it becomes instinctive. But yes I love the random left field ideas, which often blow your mind in so many ways "
The should we do it? Moment  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What anyone finds sexy is so individualistic that I’d never assume.
For example, I’ve had people tell me my eyes are sexy. To me, they’re boring brown eyes. Others may find my bum to be the sexiest thing about me. Some may like women in skirts or dresses and stiletto heels whilst some may dislike that and find jeans and a hoodie ti be the hottest thing a woman can wear. Instead of assuming, whilst getting to know someone whom I’ll share intimacy with chats over what’s sexy to each of us are typical.
I’ve no qualms about sharing with someone what I find sexy whether about them specifically or something about their gender that does it for me.
Communication is typically the best way, in kg experience, to understand one another’s likes including what we find sexy in general and in one another.
If I fancy you, I’m very vocal about every little thing about you that’s sexy to me from the most minute to the most obvious whether it’s a quirk, something physical, a characteristic, a look, etc.
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