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Being a Single guy
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Sending off a message to another user today and the users Bio stated no lonely single men.
Now i dont figure myself as a 'lonely' single guy, but I got abuse back (yes reported) as apparently i'm a 'SAD lonely single guy' cause if i'm on here.
Now I question you all..
Does being on here as a single guy interpret the same way to everyone else here? Obviously it's opinion based, I'm just curious... Thanks all |
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"To be fair, the person you messaged had clearly stated no single men, whoch you chose to ignore - not that that justifies an abusive reply"
Fair, I did ignore the single men part.. bit it did state also no 'lonely' single men. this being said.. thats not what i was requesting feedback on. |
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If couples, guys or ladies, say no single guys, the question is why would you message them if they are not looking for single guys x ur wasting your time and focusing on the incorrect genre, I've been in sales for 40 years y wd I go to a client who wants square holes, and all I can provide is round holes I'd be wasting my time and theirs logic really |
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"Just for clarity, not all single men are lonely or sad, I'm happily single by choice "
This was what i was asking about, I was just putting it into context so that people understood. Yes i should have probably just ignored them in general, but as it said 'lonely' single guys, I had to test the waters lol |
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"I'm not sure how I'd interpret "no lonely (demographic that describes me)" but it's a bit of a shitty way to try to filter someone out. I wouldn't put it on my profile."
So you would say that any single guy on here could be, but isn't necessarily lonely?
Would you if not wanting the attention as such from single guys, just use the filters? |
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"If they don’t want single men to message then surely just put message filters on and then they wouldn’t need to write that on their profile as the wouldn’t get any messages from them. Simple? "
That's the logical thing to do I would have assumed. Even I have filters on. |
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By *hedireCouple
over a year ago
wigan |
We used to allow single guys to message but blocked after being inundated with messages and ultimately all/ most married timewasters. We contact single guys we fancy but almost without exception all let us down. Our experience isn't isolated talking to others. While I'm not saying you're in that category the vast majority of profiles are single guys who ruin it for the good ones. Even in clubs the single guys are quite predatory so we avoid nights they are allowed to attend. It's tough being a single guy and they often deliver abuse when told no. I'm aware of a guy who was d*unk when some friends of ours turned up for a meet, refused him and walked away and ever since he's been causing problems for the couple. I'm sure that's not an isolated incident so whilst we'd not be unpleasant with anyone, it's probably easy to see why single guys have such a hard time here. My estimation is that 80 % of the single males are in relationships looking for a bit on the side. Sorry if it sounds like a broad brush but when we've repeatedly made a commitment then get let down, we don't try any more. |
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"I'm not sure how I'd interpret "no lonely (demographic that describes me)" but it's a bit of a shitty way to try to filter someone out. I wouldn't put it on my profile.
So you would say that any single guy on here could be, but isn't necessarily lonely?
Would you if not wanting the attention as such from single guys, just use the filters? "
If I didn't want attention from guys, I'd have my filters up to stop them messaging me.
I don't think "lonely single guys" is an effective criteria - I don't know who is or isn't, or if their judgement would be the same as mine. It's just a requirement that'd cause agro. Don't have time for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they don’t want single men to message then surely just put message filters on and then they wouldn’t need to write that on their profile as the wouldn’t get any messages from them. Simple? "
Absolutely this. |
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I think you have to read between the lines a bit, as I said single n happy. Y should I question that on someone else's preference, def not going to feed their own egos this is a swinging site, not Facebook, if people fancy fun of whatever type it should be fun |
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"We used to allow single guys to message but blocked after being inundated with messages and ultimately all/ most married timewasters. We contact single guys we fancy but almost without exception all let us down. Our experience isn't isolated talking to others. While I'm not saying you're in that category the vast majority of profiles are single guys who ruin it for the good ones. Even in clubs the single guys are quite predatory so we avoid nights they are allowed to attend. It's tough being a single guy and they often deliver abuse when told no. I'm aware of a guy who was d*unk when some friends of ours turned up for a meet, refused him and walked away and ever since he's been causing problems for the couple. I'm sure that's not an isolated incident so whilst we'd not be unpleasant with anyone, it's probably easy to see why single guys have such a hard time here. My estimation is that 80 % of the single males are in relationships looking for a bit on the side. Sorry if it sounds like a broad brush but when we've repeatedly made a commitment then get let down, we don't try any more. "
I completely get that, and it does suck that there some out there that spoil it for the genuine ones. The fact that a lot of single guys are looking for a bit on the side is a bit shit really (unless that's the dynamic of things, but that should be mentioned as what they are doing).
Would you say though that all guys on here can be classified as Sad Lonely Single Guys? |
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Did you honestly see 'lonely' as the salient descriptor in that sentence (ie above 'single men')? It does sound like you did.
Filters are the only way for some people. If people need to phrase it in such a way they may as well use them. Or don't be so silly and add needless terms that (somehow, it might seem) can confuse. 'No single men' is all you need to say really.
pt |
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"Did you honestly see 'lonely' as the salient descriptor in that sentence (ie above 'single men')? It does sound like you did.
Filters are the only way for some people. If people need to phrase it in such a way they may as well use them. Or don't be so silly and add needless terms that (somehow, it might seem) can confuse. 'No single men' is all you need to say really.
pt"
As i said in a reply earlier.. I did read it all but didn't think i fit in the 'Lonely' category so decided to test the waters.
but again, this isn't what i was looking at.. Agreed they may as well just use filters as this would stop the single men issue.
The question was though.. Do you thing all single guys on here are (referring to the abuse recieved more than the bio) 'Sad Lonely Single Men'? |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"We used to allow single guys to message but blocked after being inundated with messages and ultimately all/ most married timewasters. We contact single guys we fancy but almost without exception all let us down. Our experience isn't isolated talking to others. While I'm not saying you're in that category the vast majority of profiles are single guys who ruin it for the good ones. Even in clubs the single guys are quite predatory so we avoid nights they are allowed to attend. It's tough being a single guy and they often deliver abuse when told no. I'm aware of a guy who was d*unk when some friends of ours turned up for a meet, refused him and walked away and ever since he's been causing problems for the couple. I'm sure that's not an isolated incident so whilst we'd not be unpleasant with anyone, it's probably easy to see why single guys have such a hard time here. My estimation is that 80 % of the single males are in relationships looking for a bit on the side. Sorry if it sounds like a broad brush but when we've repeatedly made a commitment then get let down, we don't try any more.
I completely get that, and it does suck that there some out there that spoil it for the genuine ones. The fact that a lot of single guys are looking for a bit on the side is a bit shit really (unless that's the dynamic of things, but that should be mentioned as what they are doing).
Would you say though that all guys on here can be classified as Sad Lonely Single Guys?"
A bit on the side sounds like a starter, I've come for a full course meal and desert  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We used to allow single guys to message but blocked after being inundated with messages and ultimately all/ most married timewasters. We contact single guys we fancy but almost without exception all let us down. Our experience isn't isolated talking to others. While I'm not saying you're in that category the vast majority of profiles are single guys who ruin it for the good ones. Even in clubs the single guys are quite predatory so we avoid nights they are allowed to attend. It's tough being a single guy and they often deliver abuse when told no. I'm aware of a guy who was d*unk when some friends of ours turned up for a meet, refused him and walked away and ever since he's been causing problems for the couple. I'm sure that's not an isolated incident so whilst we'd not be unpleasant with anyone, it's probably easy to see why single guys have such a hard time here. My estimation is that 80 % of the single males are in relationships looking for a bit on the side. Sorry if it sounds like a broad brush but when we've repeatedly made a commitment then get let down, we don't try any more.
I completely get that, and it does suck that there some out there that spoil it for the genuine ones. The fact that a lot of single guys are looking for a bit on the side is a bit shit really (unless that's the dynamic of things, but that should be mentioned as what they are doing).
Would you say though that all guys on here can be classified as Sad Lonely Single Guys?"
 careful now no need to tar all with same brush.
Channel 5..how to be a swinger.. On now. |
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"Did you honestly see 'lonely' as the salient descriptor in that sentence (ie above 'single men')? It does sound like you did.
Filters are the only way for some people. If people need to phrase it in such a way they may as well use them. Or don't be so silly and add needless terms that (somehow, it might seem) can confuse. 'No single men' is all you need to say really.
pt
As i said in a reply earlier.. I did read it all but didn't think i fit in the 'Lonely' category so decided to test the waters.
but again, this isn't what i was looking at.. Agreed they may as well just use filters as this would stop the single men issue.
The question was though.. Do you thing all single guys on here are (referring to the abuse recieved more than the bio) 'Sad Lonely Single Men'?
"
.
No of course not, they are just leaving their shit for passers by to step in. I wish so many wouldn't do that but they do. tbh though contacting them anyway isn't going to help as they probably do it due to getting so many unwanted speculative messages anyway. People just don't want the admin, but it's par for the course on here it's just he way it is. pt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sending off a message to another user today and the users Bio stated no lonely single men.
Now i dont figure myself as a 'lonely' single guy, but I got abuse back (yes reported) as apparently i'm a 'SAD lonely single guy' cause if i'm on here.
Now I question you all..
Does being on here as a single guy interpret the same way to everyone else here? Obviously it's opinion based, I'm just curious... Thanks all"
No single guys means no single guys op. Regardless of sad or lonely beside.. No not all single guys are sad nor lonely. Pretty much diverse. |
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By *hedireCouple
over a year ago
wigan |
Being single is a lifestyle choice, both males and females and everyone in between can be perfectly happy, if not more happy being single. It's how i met the wife with that mindset. Even now we'll still contact a single guy that looks right but so far they've always turned out the same. Two recently, one unable to read our headline snd profile details, another had to admit he was lying in his profile. It's frustrating but our brush feels chosen for us. The good ones are significantly ournumbered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a slight tangent, and I’m aware it’s not the OPs emphasis, but the way “lonely” was used in the described profile is irritating to me.
Not just because I think single and lonely aren’t necessarily the same thing but rather the implication that it’s a character trait, and says something fundamental m about the person rather than a state of mind we can all experience at times. Irregardless of whether alone or surrounded by others.
And I do mean state rather than some fundamental part of who we are.
Maybe in that sense it’s the character appraisal equivalent of the “wanker” insult ?
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I was in a fab related chatgroup a few years ago where one of the women privately described one of the men as a strange and lonely little man who had Netflix documentary written all over him.
Fast forward a few years and they have coupled up on here so it's horses for courses and another reason to take a lot of what is said with a pinch of salt. |
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I don't know why you opted to test the waters, report the reply and then start a the head, if I'm honest. Lonely or not it us pretty obvious that they didn't want messages from single guys, by the sound of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have all sorts on here just like you do out in the world.
I’d simply put it up to you not being for that person.
For example, I’ve only ever met single men off here. I don’t class all single men on here as lonely. Some may well be. Others may not. Carry on. Find someone who is into single men. |
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Can you be in a couple and feel lonely?
Being lonely isn't intrinsic to being single, so I'd say they've left themselves open to that confusion.
If they think all single men are lonely. Just put no single men?
I'd have taken that as a sign they were 'not my type' to begin with. |
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I wouldn't have interpreted it as no men if it said no lonely men, it's a bit random.
We get tons of men messaging despite not looking for men they do get a huge warning when they select to message us saying this couple isn't interested in single men, think before you message, they ignore it, but I don't really give them abuse for messaging.
I won't block all single men because I'm happy to chat to some (not sexually) we meet lots at socials and keep in touch.
The ones who stick their cock in my inbox however won't like the response.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sending off a message to another user today and the users Bio stated no lonely single men.
Now i dont figure myself as a 'lonely' single guy, but I got abuse back (yes reported) as apparently i'm a 'SAD lonely single guy' cause if i'm on here.
Now I question you all..
Does being on here as a single guy interpret the same way to everyone else here? Obviously it's opinion based, I'm just curious... Thanks all"
We think single guys would have more luck using dating apps for hookups than fab. |
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"Can you be in a couple and feel lonely?
Being lonely isn't intrinsic to being single, so I'd say they've left themselves open to that confusion.
If they think all single men are lonely. Just put no single men?
I'd have taken that as a sign they were 'not my type' to begin with. "
You can feel lonely even surrounded by lots of people you love.
Loneliness isn't just for the singles.
Mrs |
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"Did you honestly see 'lonely' as the salient descriptor in that sentence (ie above 'single men')? It does sound like you did.
Filters are the only way for some people. If people need to phrase it in such a way they may as well use them. Or don't be so silly and add needless terms that (somehow, it might seem) can confuse. 'No single men' is all you need to say really.
pt
As i said in a reply earlier.. I did read it all but didn't think i fit in the 'Lonely' category so decided to test the waters.
but again, this isn't what i was looking at.. Agreed they may as well just use filters as this would stop the single men issue.
The question was though.. Do you thing all single guys on here are (referring to the abuse recieved more than the bio) 'Sad Lonely Single Men'?"
Yes the way they have written it is not clear. I might have messaged to ask if generally happy but lonely single men are fine or sad but not lonely single men just for the giggles If the intention was to say all single men here are sad and lonely then they are the sad ones.. |
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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
"If they don’t want single men to message then surely just put message filters on and then they wouldn’t need to write that on their profile as the wouldn’t get any messages from them. Simple? "
This is a fair enough comment, however, not everyone is aware that you can do this - just look at how many threads are started by men complaining about all the men that message them despite their profile clearly stating thst they are straight?
Or those that complain about people not messaging back with a 'no thanks' despite that particular issue being covered in site FAQs?
Or perhaps those that take to the forums posting the entire contents of a private message between themselves and someone they've had problems with despite it being against site rules.
Some of us take the trouble to familiarise with the features and rules of the site whereas a lot of others don't.
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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
Furthermore, the way they had worded it as'no lonely single men' would have told me that that is how THEY view single men, regardless of the what has been discussed above about loneliness and singleness not being intrisically linked.
I am single and also don't feel lonely, but on seeing someone state 'no lobely single men' would be enough of a red flag for me to not message because of what that tells me about them - because it is insulting to single men and so would be a big hint that they would likely be abusive to any single men that message them.
A lot of the time on here you have to get over yourself and try to put yourself in the mind of the person who wrote the profile. |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
There's a world of difference between being alone and lonely... but the 'norms' of society seem to dictate you can't, in fact you shouldn't, be happy on your own...!  |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
No not everyone sees single men that way op.
She could use her filters if she didn't want messages, from those she views as lonely or sad.
Then she could do her own searching,I do believe some want the attention still though.,or get off on being nasty to others. |
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