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Things that go bump in the night

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Away for Christmas

"Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

Naked = surprise motherfucker for any intruder

I also have 2 dogs so I'm safe

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By *aucasian GhandiMan over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

More of shock when the intruders are naked

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fuck no! I send the dogs

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By *ealMissShadyWoman over a year ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

"Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

No, I stay under the duvet because being under the duvet is magic, nothing can touch you under the duvet

I also have a dog, not that noises wake him, he's dead to the world when he sleeps lol x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

I woke up to a crash of garden furniture being blown over through the night (storm is here!). I didn’t hear the wind in my sleep state and reasoned that it was the cat using it as a springboard. Didn’t get up to look out the window but stayed awake for 2 minutes just to make sure it wasn’t an intruder, then went back to sleep.

Do you not think nakedness may disarm an intruder? I don’t mean that you have superpowers and weapons melt or disappear upon you revealing your nakedness but it might catch an intruder off guard?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

Naked = surprise motherfucker for any intruder

I also have 2 dogs so I'm safe"

My dog isn’t protecting anyone

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By *yzykMan over a year ago

Stirlingshire

Someone needs to create a Shazam-style app for noise during the night, they'd make a fortune

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

More of shock when the intruders are naked "

Would help lighten the mood I guess.

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Away for Christmas

"Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

Naked = surprise motherfucker for any intruder

I also have 2 dogs so I'm safe

My dog isn’t protecting anyone

Well don't you be sending that wonderful husband of yours! Keep him safe.

Send the kids!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its usually my cat thats knocked somthing over, still jump with a fright lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Do you investigate the noises??

I heard a loud bang coming from downstairs last night. Turns out I’d left the kitchen window slightly open and a photo frame fell….i found that out this morning because was I hell going to check

I’ve also decided I’m going to stop sleeping naked because how am I going to fend off any intruders in that state

No, I stay under the duvet because being under the duvet is magic, nothing can touch you under the duvet

I also have a dog, not that noises wake him, he's dead to the world when he sleeps lol x

I just accept my fate. I could have woke Mr up to go investigate but he’s worse than me

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By *ansoffateMan over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Yes oddly having a penis volunteers me for said duty.

I must have pulled the short straw.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My next door neighbours garden fence caught fire and I slept through the whole thing, even had my bedroom window open and it was burning practically a few metres away. Didn’t hear anything, smell anything. Woke up and saw they’re fence and garden charred to bits and didn’t know why

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By *ndycoinsMan over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Always check noises,because of what I do,unwelcome visitors are a risk.Outside it's usually a badger ripping another hole in the fence,so the sword can go back in its place.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I will once I’ve grabbed my massive D cell maglite, to clock the bandit over the noggin if there is one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Adrenalin spikes, I jump up and put upstairs lights on then go back to bed and wait....

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan over a year ago

Glasgow / London

Weird noises in the night at my place are always, always just wildlife. Doing it’s wild thing out there. I long ago got bored of getting up to go see what was happening. It’s always either sex or death out there …

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My next door neighbours garden fence caught fire and I slept through the whole thing, even had my bedroom window open and it was burning practically a few metres away. Didn’t hear anything, smell anything. Woke up and saw they’re fence and garden charred to bits and didn’t know why"

Are you related to my husband by any chance?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I will once I’ve grabbed my massive D cell maglite, to clock the bandit over the noggin if there is one. "

I should invest in one of those. Explaining that I gave them concussion by hitting them over the head with a vibrator could be quite embarrassing.

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By *ouple-perthCouple over a year ago

Perth

"I will once I’ve grabbed my massive D cell maglite, to clock the bandit over the noggin if there is one.

I should invest in one of those. Explaining that I gave them concussion by hitting them over the head with a vibrator could be quite embarrassing. "

Depends if it was close to hand at the time

as long as its not taken away as evidence

Mrs

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By *ndycoinsMan over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

"I will once I’ve grabbed my massive D cell maglite, to clock the bandit over the noggin if there is one.

I should invest in one of those. Explaining that I gave them concussion by hitting them over the head with a vibrator could be quite embarrassing. "

But very funny

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By *orphia2003Woman over a year ago

Tonypandy.

Interestingly, I always go to investigate, it's either my brother and his mates, d*unk, or it's the cat killing or destroying something.

I feel very safe, as my kitten is a psychopath that thinks he's a rottweiler.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

I tend to look, the sight of me naked would scare anyone.

I had an idea of getting a hard on before, then asking if anyone was here to play, but do it in a camp voice.

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