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What’s the hardest life lesson you had to learn the hard way?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Never shit where you eat. I had a one night stand with a coworker who worked at a bar with and she started to really like me but at the time I was young and didn’t want a relationship. So after hinting for weeks that I wasn’t interested in that she ended up becoming the manager of the bar I worked at. She made my life a living hell for months.. nothing worse than a women’s scorn I can assure you  |
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"Love is not enough 
As in you needed more than love or you never got enough? "
As in love doesn't make up for base incompatibility. It doesn't matter how much someone's soul sings to you if you can't ever be together without at least one of you compromising too much of themselves to be the person that causes that song any more. |
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"Never shit where you eat. I had a one night stand with a coworker who worked at a bar with and she started to really like me but at the time I was young and didn’t want a relationship. So after hinting for weeks that I wasn’t interested in that she ended up becoming the manager of the bar I worked at. She made my life a living hell for months.. nothing worse than a women’s scorn I can assure you "
No, shitting where you eat leads to upset, confusion and Ecoli  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Love is not enough
As in you needed more than love or you never got enough?
As in love doesn't make up for base incompatibility. It doesn't matter how much someone's soul sings to you if you can't ever be together without at least one of you compromising too much of themselves to be the person that causes that song any more."
That was deep.. with anything in life there is some sacrifice you have to make or compromise in order to achieve anything. With love you sacrifice your time, peace, sleep, finances in order to make it work. If that person wasn’t willing to make the sacrifice then maybe they need to figure out how to love themselves first before loving another. Doesn’t matter how much you pour into someone, like _ede said, you’re only going to pour it into a bottomless pit and end up losing yourself in that pit |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Never shit where you eat. I had a one night stand with a coworker who worked at a bar with and she started to really like me but at the time I was young and didn’t want a relationship. So after hinting for weeks that I wasn’t interested in that she ended up becoming the manager of the bar I worked at. She made my life a living hell for months.. nothing worse than a women’s scorn I can assure you
No, shitting where you eat leads to upset, confusion and Ecoli "
I eat ass so my immune system would destroy Ecoli |
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"That was deep.. with anything in life there is some sacrifice you have to make or compromise in order to achieve anything. With love you sacrifice your time, peace, sleep, finances in order to make it work. If that person wasn’t willing to make the sacrifice then maybe they need to figure out how to love themselves first before loving another. Doesn’t matter how much you pour into someone, like _ede said, you’re only going to pour it into a bottomless pit and end up losing yourself in that pit "
Love shouldn't be about sacrifice though surely? It's an active choice to choose something over another, not a sacrifice. If I choose company over sleep, I'm not sacrificing time or sleep for them, I'm enjoying them. If I buy someone a gift I'm not sacrificing my finances, I'm bringing something I think will bring joy to someone I care about.
I think either of us would have given up a lot of things for the other, but wouldn't allow the other to give themself up. Because the person I adored couldn't be with the person I am, and the person they adored couldn't be with the person they are. It is what it is sometimes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never shit where you eat. I had a one night stand with a coworker who worked at a bar with and she started to really like me but at the time I was young and didn’t want a relationship. So after hinting for weeks that I wasn’t interested in that she ended up becoming the manager of the bar I worked at. She made my life a living hell for months.. nothing worse than a women’s scorn I can assure you "
Saying is never mix business with pleasure |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That was deep.. with anything in life there is some sacrifice you have to make or compromise in order to achieve anything. With love you sacrifice your time, peace, sleep, finances in order to make it work. If that person wasn’t willing to make the sacrifice then maybe they need to figure out how to love themselves first before loving another. Doesn’t matter how much you pour into someone, like _ede said, you’re only going to pour it into a bottomless pit and end up losing yourself in that pit
Love shouldn't be about sacrifice though surely? It's an active choice to choose something over another, not a sacrifice. If I choose company over sleep, I'm not sacrificing time or sleep for them, I'm enjoying them. If I buy someone a gift I'm not sacrificing my finances, I'm bringing something I think will bring joy to someone I care about.
I think either of us would have given up a lot of things for the other, but wouldn't allow the other to give themself up. Because the person I adored couldn't be with the person I am, and the person they adored couldn't be with the person they are. It is what it is sometimes "
Depends on your thought process behind it. When I meant sacrificing sleep I meant in sense when you argue and going through rough patches etc and in a sense you’re sacrificing that selfishness to become more selfless, because you have to think about the other persons needs as well as your own. Being single is easy being in a committed relationship requires more thought. Hence why I said there has to be some sacrifice at least. |
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By *abluesbabyMan
over a year ago
Gibraltar/Cheshire/London |
Never say anything to the police.
It was nothing I was involved with directly but rather a neighbour of mine who is also a good friend. He and is business partner were a bit foolish with their taxes and finances and they both got arrested. My neighbour, being a genuine person, simply helped the police with their inquiries and told them everything he had done - holding his hands up, saying he'd been very daft and would never do it again. His slightly more 'streetwise' partner instead said the words "No comment" and absolutely nothing else to each and every question.
My neighbour got a custodial sentence as they - to my mind anyway - excessively threw the proverbial book at him.
It has ruined his life.
His silent business partner (pun intended) walked free with no charges.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Never shit where you eat. I had a one night stand with a coworker who worked at a bar with and she started to really like me but at the time I was young and didn’t want a relationship. So after hinting for weeks that I wasn’t interested in that she ended up becoming the manager of the bar I worked at. She made my life a living hell for months.. nothing worse than a women’s scorn I can assure you
Saying is never mix business with pleasure"
Tamato tomato |
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"Depends on your thought process behind it. When I meant sacrificing sleep I meant in sense when you argue and going through rough patches etc and in a sense you’re sacrificing that selfishness to become more selfless, because you have to think about the other persons needs as well as your own. Being single is easy being in a committed relationship requires more thought. Hence why I said there has to be some sacrifice at least. "
Being in a committed relationship means your own needs are now irrelevant? Balancing other people's needs is just human nature, prioritising one person so very far above yourself seems detrimental.
Plenty of people would argue that being single isn't easy. Plenty of people in happy relationships would say that being in a relationship isn't harder than being alone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Never say anything to the police.
It was nothing I was involved with directly but rather a neighbour of mine who is also a good friend. He and is business partner were a bit foolish with their taxes and finances and they both got arrested. My neighbour, being a genuine person, simply helped the police with their inquiries and told them everything he had done - holding his hands up, saying he'd been very daft and would never do it again. His slightly more 'streetwise' partner instead said the words "No comment" and absolutely nothing else to each and every question.
My neighbour got a custodial sentence as they - to my mind anyway - excessively threw the proverbial book at him.
It has ruined his life.
His silent business partner (pun intended) walked free with no charges.
"
I’ve heard of stories like that before it doesn’t matter how honest and decent person you are as soon as you admit fault you get a royal shafting. Currently a law student myself and the more I study the more I can see how fucked the system actually is |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Depends on your thought process behind it. When I meant sacrificing sleep I meant in sense when you argue and going through rough patches etc and in a sense you’re sacrificing that selfishness to become more selfless, because you have to think about the other persons needs as well as your own. Being single is easy being in a committed relationship requires more thought. Hence why I said there has to be some sacrifice at least.
Being in a committed relationship means your own needs are now irrelevant? Balancing other people's needs is just human nature, prioritising one person so very far above yourself seems detrimental.
Plenty of people would argue that being single isn't easy. Plenty of people in happy relationships would say that being in a relationship isn't harder than being alone."
I never said prioritise them at all I only said become more selfless and less selfish and think about the other persons needs as well as your own. Key phrase there ‘as well as your own’ |
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"Love is not enough
As in you needed more than love or you never got enough?
As in love doesn't make up for base incompatibility. It doesn't matter how much someone's soul sings to you if you can't ever be together without at least one of you compromising too much of themselves to be the person that causes that song any more."
Learnt that the hard hard way last year unfortunately.  |
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"I never said prioritise them at all I only said become more selfless and less selfish and think about the other persons needs as well as your own. Key phrase there ‘as well as your own’ "
I just don't see it as sacrifice. But my therapist does tell me I have oddly strict interpretations of terms. Selfless sounds completely lacking in self, rather than just not completely self centric. But again, words are weird, and my odd little brain has odd little processes.
Not so much trying to argue, just explain why my point isn't like your point on it is all |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never said prioritise them at all I only said become more selfless and less selfish and think about the other persons needs as well as your own. Key phrase there ‘as well as your own’
I just don't see it as sacrifice. But my therapist does tell me I have oddly strict interpretations of terms. Selfless sounds completely lacking in self, rather than just not completely self centric. But again, words are weird, and my odd little brain has odd little processes.
Not so much trying to argue, just explain why my point isn't like your point on it is all "
I know you’re not trying to argue either I am I’m just trying to clarify any misunderstanding. I get it a lot because I take things quite literally sometimes and can be quite pedantic but I completely respect your point, we all look at things from a different perspective to me something could look like a 6 but from your point of view it could be a 9 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In love and death, we don't decide.
Well said 
Reminds me of.
"The brain may take advice, but not the heart"- Truman Capote"
Story of my life especially being stubborn  |
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The hardest lesson I learned was that after being a loyal and faithful husband of 22 years, running a property business together, dealing with challenging situations with our drug dealing and transgendering teenagers and getting through all that and getting to a situation where my ex and I got our life's back and whooped it up at Ocean Beach Club in Ibiza was when COVID arrived and my ex jumped back against a wall if I walked into the same room as her and made me sleep in the spare room!
I left after five days and joined FAB! |
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"So the anxiety of Covid basically diminished the relationship? Shit… sorry to hear that mate "
.
It's not too bad!
I made a St. Andrews cross out of two planks of wood and the tow rope from her car and joined Fab!
I've not looked back ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Last year, I learned that I need to be more assertive. Got into a bad situation with someone and it messed me up for a while
Now, I'm not afraid to be assertive but still a bit self-conscious about how I do that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Last year, I learned that I need to be more assertive. Got into a bad situation with someone and it messed me up for a while
Now, I'm not afraid to be assertive but still a bit self-conscious about how I do that"
Well done! Sometimes it takes going through a bit of shit to realise what you’re boundaries are. Had the same thing when I was younger I use to attract narcissists a lot because I had poor boundaries, couple backstabbings later I learned to say the most powerful word in in the dictionary.. ‘No’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well done! Sometimes it takes going through a bit of shit to realise what you’re boundaries are. Had the same thing when I was younger I use to attract narcissists a lot because I had poor boundaries, couple backstabbings later I learned to say the most powerful word in in the dictionary.. ‘No’"
Cheers 
So true. Boundaries are very important. Not nice how you had to go through that but it really does make you stronger once you work through it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love is not enough
As in you needed more than love or you never got enough?
As in love doesn't make up for base incompatibility. It doesn't matter how much someone's soul sings to you if you can't ever be together without at least one of you compromising too much of themselves to be the person that causes that song any more."
Yes. It's not giving up if can take no more. Try a relationship, yes. But compatibility is sooooo important. If you don't share the same core values, no matter how much you feel for a person and vice versa, it just leaves the door wide open to a world of hurt and misunderstanding if those core values are not shared. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To not forget to empty the piss bucket before driving off in the van…"
Its the piss bottles that have been fermenting for a week.. those things are worse than a pipe bomb  |
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"Love is not enough
As in you needed more than love or you never got enough?
As in love doesn't make up for base incompatibility. It doesn't matter how much someone's soul sings to you if you can't ever be together without at least one of you compromising too much of themselves to be the person that causes that song any more.
Yes. It's not giving up if can take no more. Try a relationship, yes. But compatibility is sooooo important. If you don't share the same core values, no matter how much you feel for a person and vice versa, it just leaves the door wide open to a world of hurt and misunderstanding if those core values are not shared."
I think that's spot on. I can have quite diverse views, interests etc with a partner. But there's core values that have to be aligned. |
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By *929Man
over a year ago
newcastle |
"To not forget to empty the piss bucket before driving off in the van…
Its the piss bottles that have been fermenting for a week.. those things are worse than a pipe bomb "
Haha we learned that lesson the hard way when deciding to use an empty sbr tub |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
I spent years and years of my life in education only to find that I was taught a mostly irrelevant load of bollocks and very little about what it actually is to be a human on planet earth and how to be resourced for that.
Also, that nothing is permanent.. Although this can be a good thing too.
Also also.. Suffering is a part of life and some people suffer way way more than anybody ever should.
Also also also.. Love is sometimes not all you need.
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Human beings, as a species, are utter cunts to each other. Most will happily ruin their own lives as long as it will make someone else even more unhappy. If there was enough food and "stuff" to go round so that everyone in the world had everything they could ever need, absolutely free, there would always be some that had to take more and deny others, purely so that they could be "better" than the rest.
Human beings in general will rather die than be good to each other and to the world around them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To learn to let people go. Whether its because of death, circumstances, disagreements etc. Sometimes you just have to let go no matter how much you love them. |
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