FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are we being unreasonable…?
Are we being unreasonable…?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….? |
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"This has happened to me several times. It’s at best unnerving, at worst entirely inappropriate. "
I've never been approached face to face, but I have had people try to work out where I am and send persistent messages begging me to come meet them at whatever place.
It's why my who's near is never on now. |
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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
I amabsolutely flabberghasted that there are people who are incapable of being discrete and respecting boundaries. You weren'tbeing unreasonable at all OP. They crossed a line.
I think if I were in your position, I'd be telling them that any chances they may have had are well and truly out of the window. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Usually I'm contacted on here from people who recognise me on the streets and every time there is the expectation that I'm going to fuck them. Even though the do not match what I'm looking for.
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I'd be furious is I was approached in a vanilla setting.
We've had the odd inbox when people are close trying to figure out where we live which is annoying enough, but outside of fab I'd be telling them to fuck right off.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you have every right to be pissed off mate I would block them on here as well! Completely inappropriate. Do people not think how that might make them feel in a public space?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is absolutely out of order. It makes me angry reading it.
Who are the people that think that kind of behaviour is acceptable? It’s totally weird. When you mentioned that one of them brought their drink over it made my skin crawl. That’s some extremely creepy behaviour |
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"It doesn't get much more inappropriate than that!
Honestly... I'm not sure what goes through their tiny little minds to think it's ok!"
Don't think they were thinking with their actual minds, but rather with their dicks  |
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"This is absolutely out of order. It makes me angry reading it.
Who are the people that think that kind of behaviour is acceptable? It’s totally weird. When you mentioned that one of them brought their drink over it made my skin crawl. That’s some extremely creepy behaviour "
This….. 100%. Nuf said! |
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What on earth were they thinking? Hardly going to improve their chances with you is it? You are definitely not being unreasonable. Hope Mel isn’t too disheartened, there’s a lot of lovely people on here who hopefully make up for utter twats like that. |
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"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?"
Not at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Completely inappropriate on both their parts. You shouldn't have to feel like you're looking over you shoulder all the time wondering who will approach you next. Definitely not an overeaction on your part OP!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks so much - to answer some of the points:
1. Both got told to fuck off immediately
2. Didn’t even ask for their names so can’t block them
3. We don’t have face pics for this very reason which is also why we don’t go to local clubs.
As with most on here discretion is a must for us. It took Mel a while to get used to the idea of an alternative way to have fun and I’m looking down the barrel of our last meet actually being our last meet. We do and have played separately as well as together and Mel said she’s cool if I continue to do so but for me that’s not what this adventure is about. Even playing separately we are playing together in a weird way, me on my own ruins the dynamic totally.
Wankers.
Thanks for the nice words, good to know we are not cranks. |
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"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?"
Nah totally reasonable, you really should have responded to their lazy winks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely inappropriate and very creepy. I think it should always stay online first until you clearly agree to take it offline. They crossed some very serious boundaries and intruded upon your privacy/personal lives
Completely understandable that this has upset you. Some people are just awful at respecting boundaries |
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"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?"
Myself and my wife are both faces out here, and we have had some level of interaction because of it but it’s definitely not cool to to approach someone in that manner. Unfortunately I think some people don’t understand that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sound like a pair of pricks tbh. I'd never do that, it's totally out of order, should have biffed them lol."
The first guy came really close to be honest. Had to then explain to my friends why I took someone aside in a nice bar and my mate heard me say “seriously mate, fuck off right now or you are getting knocked out”. Had to wait until Mel was close to hear my bullshit story so we both knew the same lie!!! I must’ve said “just give me a minute lads please” about 6/7 times whilst I waited for Mel to finish her conversation with the wives to have her in earshot lol |
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"both got mouthfull" - not the way to deal with it as it could have kicked off and I'm surpsied two guys took that.
Best way to avoid, turn off apps, never post/share face pics if you don't want to take the risl of them posted all over - Not sayig you did
just say 'no its not me' and when in a better position, tell them polity that they should have not put you in an akward spot |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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""both got mouthfull" - not the way to deal with it as it could have kicked off and I'm surpsied two guys took that.
Best way to avoid, turn off apps, never post/share face pics if you don't want to take the risl of them posted all over - Not sayig you did
just say 'no its not me' and when in a better position, tell them polity that they should have not put you in an akward spot"
All well and good saying that but when you are asked in public places and with friends in a totally vanilla environment it’s not the easiest judgement call to make. Telling someone to switch off the apps is effectively apportioning some blame onto me because a pair of arseholes acted like arseholes.
One guy didn’t really take it well and you will see from my response above it got a little heated. The other just took his coffee and left. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""both got mouthfull" - not the way to deal with it as it could have kicked off and I'm surpsied two guys took that.
Best way to avoid, turn off apps, never post/share face pics if you don't want to take the risl of them posted all over - Not sayig you did
just say 'no its not me' and when in a better position, tell them polity that they should have not put you in an akward spot"
Nah I disagree. You can’t live in fear of others. People need to learn that there’s a consequence to their actions and that their behaviour is unacceptable.
If we just act timid because 0.1% of people might kick off, it just emboldens people to continue behaving badly without consequence. |
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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago
west midlands |
""both got mouthfull" - not the way to deal with it as it could have kicked off and I'm surpsied two guys took that.
Best way to avoid, turn off apps, never post/share face pics if you don't want to take the risl of them posted all over - Not sayig you did
just say 'no its not me' and when in a better position, tell them polity that they should have not put you in an akward spot
All well and good saying that but when you are asked in public places and with friends in a totally vanilla environment it’s not the easiest judgement call to make. Telling someone to switch off the apps is effectively apportioning some blame onto me because a pair of arseholes acted like arseholes.
One guy didn’t really take it well and you will see from my response above it got a little heated. The other just took his coffee and left. "
You did nothing wrong OP, if they had any common sense they could have msged you on fab and asked if it was you and if it was ok to approach, I would have been far from polite if I was approached in this way. |
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I've seen a mum and dad at work whispering and looking at me.
With that look and saying it to each other: "It's him, is it?"
They didn't approach me probably because of my celebrity status at work. In that situation I personally wouldn't mind. Still not shouting it out loud.
When I'm out playing with my son in the park would be a different matter.
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It's entirely reasonable to expect that if you're on a site that you MAY entertain contact via the site. It's unreasonable to expect to contact people outside of the site, unless club owners etc state that they welcome contact.
There are some people who appear socially inept and bankrupt of respect for others and their privacy. |
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I'm surprised anyone is surprised by this type of behaviour, and it isn't only 'single' males that carry on in such a manner..
Weird and creepy isn't the sole ownership of any dynamic, thankfully it's very much a minority..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nah I disagree. You can’t live in fear of others. People need to learn that there’s a consequence to their actions and that their behaviour is unacceptable.
If we just act timid because 0.1% of people might kick off, it just emboldens people to continue behaving badly without consequence."
Basically this. It's literally a form of stalking to try to figure out where someone is based on their online presence and approach them in person without their consent
OP felt threatened by that, and the response was completely understandable as they were caught completely off guard by it |
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Are they you're real names? That's one reason I don't have my actual name on here and don't tell anyone until we've met. At least it would look like they've got you confused with someone else if you're with other people. |
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I had this guy message and say ''I enjoyed meeting you on Saturday''
I met no one..Turned out he had served Me in a shop.He even told Me what I looked like, and what clothing I was wearing.
How the hell did he recognise Me !!!
Creepy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?"
Totally out of order , that sort of behaviour has no place on fab  |
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I'm surprised anyone is surprised by this type of behaviour, and it isn't only 'single' males that carry on in such a manner..
Weird and creepy isn't the sole ownership of any dynamic, thankfully it's very much a minority..
Ps, the more information out there the easier it is for such to occur..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are they you're real names? That's one reason I don't have my actual name on here and don't tell anyone until we've met. At least it would look like they've got you confused with someone else if you're with other people."
No (at least Mels isn’t) - which was why I was able to give my friends the brush off luckily. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had this guy message and say ''I enjoyed meeting you on Saturday''
I met no one..Turned out he had served Me in a shop.He even told Me what I looked like, and what clothing I was wearing.
How the hell did he recognise Me !!!
Creepy."
That’s not great to say the least. Proper creepy. |
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If anyhting, this thread just proves that the way we keep our profile and what we share is good. The less info you give the better if you dont want to be picked on like this
We are even relucatant to meet people at our place or show them our car as its a a massive Range Rover with memorable plate on it, so we park this around the corner
Nor do we ever share our main mobile number with anyone or the exact makeup of our family etc
You just cant be too careful
Years ago we were niaive as a lot younger as we were cuks in our 20's up until late 30's and did invite men to our place - surprised we did not get caught out.
We the advent of smart phones etc, we wotn watss app etc as calls can be recorded
always think about the info you share, can it link to in real life is the question
Havig stated the above, if i recognised anyone, the closest i's come talkig to them if they interested me was via this site intially |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The creepy thing for me is that in our friend group (approximate stats)
Couple 1 - him 6’5” her 5’7” both 40’s
Couple 2 - him 5’10 her 5’5” both 40’s she’s a size 14/16 so curvy I guess on the site (sorry if I’m off with that) but the photo of Mels bum is obviously not her
Couple 3 - him 6’ (mixed race) her 5’2” and both mid 30’s and both from Bristol so no way the accent thing was them.
He’d worked out from hearing us speak and then what limited accessible photos we have and our description who we were before being a dick.
The more I think about it and read the comments the more pissed off I’m getting!!
I’m going to stop banging on now. Thanks so much for all your comments and to those that have messaged off the forum. Means a lot.
It’s happened just this twice in the year or so we’ve been on here, just so happens it was in a relatively short space of time.
We don’t think all single guys are bellends. Just these two particular single guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh, they're lucky. If they had done that with someone else they may have ended up on the floor missing a few teeth at best.
But, yeah HIGHLY inappropriate and downright rude / selfish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nah I disagree. You can’t live in fear of others. People need to learn that there’s a consequence to their actions and that their behaviour is unacceptable.
If we just act timid because 0.1% of people might kick off, it just emboldens people to continue behaving badly without consequence.
Basically this. It's literally a form of stalking to try to figure out where someone is based on their online presence and approach them in person without their consent
OP felt threatened by that, and the response was completely understandable as they were caught completely off guard by it"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've seen a couple of people out in public that I recognise from here, I didn't say anything and walked on by.
I understand that there are some weirdos that would recognise you and say things out in public. That's what I don't have obvious pictures of me on my public photos... |
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"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?"
I would be livid. Only once we had this and Mr pulled the person one side and lost it with him. Why the fuck don't people realise most people don't live this lifestyle 24/7 |
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It's definitely not on OP. I have had someone message saying they'd seen me in the village I live. Don't know if I was with my kids or what, so it totally unnerved me, so changed post code etc. I don't have whose near on ever, it scares me too much in all honesty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear this happened to you - totally out of line! What happens on Fab should stay on Fab unless mutually agreed in advance.
I’ve had 2 people from my small town recognise me in the street and message me after saying they nearly stopped me to chat - I made it very clear I’d not have welcomed that and I blocked them! |
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Absolutely ridiculous and in no way is any blame on you. Even if you were more blasé like face pics it still doesn't give people the right to approach.
Super super creepy , listening to accents wtaf I hope these 2 bell ends are reading this thread.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well as I said Mel is taking a break FAB appears to have changed my profile to “man”. Great stuff. I guess it saves me a job!
Need to change the name now I guess too!
Oh well.
Thanks to those dickheads (and maybe me moaning) or someone flagging this it looks like the adventure is over.
Might see some of you in the clubs.
Take care and thanks for the comments. Mel and I appreciated the kind words.
Absolute joke. Two people act like knobheads and we seem to get punished. Can’t now speak to anyone that doesn’t want to hear from guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well as I said Mel is taking a break FAB appears to have changed my profile to “man”. Great stuff. I guess it saves me a job!
Need to change the name now I guess too!
Oh well.
Thanks to those dickheads (and maybe me moaning) or someone flagging this it looks like the adventure is over.
Might see some of you in the clubs.
Take care and thanks for the comments. Mel and I appreciated the kind words.
Absolute joke. Two people act like knobheads and we seem to get punished. Can’t now speak to anyone that doesn’t want to hear from guys. "
Appeal my friend. It’s clearly still a couples account, so hopefully it will be reinstated. I’m sure Mel will be able to verify to admin she is still part of the profile .. good luck hope it works out
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"Well as I said Mel is taking a break FAB appears to have changed my profile to “man”. Great stuff. I guess it saves me a job!
Need to change the name now I guess too!
Oh well.
Thanks to those dickheads (and maybe me moaning) or someone flagging this it looks like the adventure is over.
Might see some of you in the clubs.
Take care and thanks for the comments. Mel and I appreciated the kind words.
Absolute joke. Two people act like knobheads and we seem to get punished. Can’t now speak to anyone that doesn’t want to hear from guys.
Appeal my friend. It’s clearly still a couples account, so hopefully it will be reinstated. I’m sure Mel will be able to verify to admin she is still part of the profile .. good luck hope it works out
"
This. Don’t let those idiots ruin everything for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well as I said Mel is taking a break FAB appears to have changed my profile to “man”. Great stuff. I guess it saves me a job!
Need to change the name now I guess too!
Oh well.
Thanks to those dickheads (and maybe me moaning) or someone flagging this it looks like the adventure is over.
Might see some of you in the clubs.
Take care and thanks for the comments. Mel and I appreciated the kind words.
Absolute joke. Two people act like knobheads and we seem to get punished. Can’t now speak to anyone that doesn’t want to hear from guys. "
Why not message admin, photo verify your account as a couple then hopefully they'll change it back to a couples profile.
Failing that, open a new couples profile and ensure you photo verify it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has happened to me several times. It’s at best unnerving, at worst entirely inappropriate.
I've never been approached face to face, but I have had people try to work out where I am and send persistent messages begging me to come meet them at whatever place.
It's why my who's near is never on now. "
Stopped at your message and just turned mine off too.
Totally out of line. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?"
This is unreasonable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am I the only one who's never heard of the 'who's near' facility?
Something like the Tinder thing that tells you when someone's in the same room as you?
In these guys' defence - finding yourself in the same shop as other Fabbers would be tempting - but they would have to be very discreet about an approach at the very least! |
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"Tbh, they're lucky. If they had done that with someone else they may have ended up on the floor missing a few teeth at best.
"
Seriously? Being approached in public is not in anyway a reasonable excuse to hitting someone. |
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If anything, they could have sent a message. Something like "hi. Hope you don't mind the message, but we've just seen you in Costa. We don't want to intrude. But would love to chat if you're happy to"
Then left it at that.
If you see the message straight away you have the chance to say no, or yes without being bothered.
But if you don't, then maybe later when you do, you can respond perhaps. Even if it's to say no or to arrange another Costa meet with them.
To be actually approached is inappropriate. They have no idea, or seemingly don't care who you might be with.. |
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"Am I the only one who's never heard of the 'who's near' facility?
Something like the Tinder thing that tells you when someone's in the same room as you?
In these guys' defence - finding yourself in the same shop as other Fabbers would be tempting - but they would have to be very discreet about an approach at the very least!"
They’re not kids at Christmas. They’re adults who should be capable of impulse control.
There’s no justification for intruding on someone’s privacy like that. |
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"Am I the only one who's never heard of the 'who's near' facility?
Something like the Tinder thing that tells you when someone's in the same room as you?
In these guys' defence - finding yourself in the same shop as other Fabbers would be tempting - but they would have to be very discreet about an approach at the very least!"
Bollocks what a load of bollocks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I the only one who's never heard of the 'who's near' facility?
Something like the Tinder thing that tells you when someone's in the same room as you?
In these guys' defence - finding yourself in the same shop as other Fabbers would be tempting - but they would have to be very discreet about an approach at the very least!"
Sweet baby Jesus, seriously?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If anything, they could have sent a message. Something like "hi. Hope you don't mind the message, but we've just seen you in Costa. We don't want to intrude. But would love to chat if you're happy to"
Then left it at that.
If you see the message straight away you have the chance to say no, or yes without being bothered.
"
This is perfect |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely not- this whole thing is based on discretion.
That sort of behaviour is not on- who knows what company they could have been in and the consequences of people finding out when that may be something they don’t want certain people to know.
Just can’t go around doing that |
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"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?"
Absolutely you’re correct, this is awful when people do it, and it’s happened to me (though thankfully not in person on the spot)… the worst offender was when someone who worked in a garage I used to bring my car to wrote that he recognised me from his job! I can’t fathom anyone thinking this is acceptable behaviour. Good on you for telling them off. |
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"Happened to us quite a few times but only at Swinging clubs. If it happened in public we'd just ask 'what's Fab'? And shut them straight down. "
I like this approach. Hopefully it’s never needed but if so, it’s a classy way to deal with this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Happened to us quite a few times but only at Swinging clubs. If it happened in public we'd just ask 'what's Fab'? And shut them straight down.
"
I'd be worried that they would then go into some detail explaining about Fab and then go on to describe what it was about your profile (pictures/interests...) that they liked.
I have once run in to a Fab friend in a Tesco car park and we were both startled and then dashed past each other with no acknowledgement at all. |
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"Happened to us quite a few times but only at Swinging clubs. If it happened in public we'd just ask 'what's Fab'? And shut them straight down.
I'd be worried that they would then go into some detail explaining about Fab and then go on to describe what it was about your profile (pictures/interests...) that they liked.
I have once run in to a Fab friend in a Tesco car park and we were both startled and then dashed past each other with no acknowledgement at all."
And if they did that I’d stare at them like they’re from another planet and walk away. |
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Nahh, you're entirely justified in your reaction. It's inappropriate.
We've had it too, I always laugh it off and follow up by saying "no you've got the wrong people, I do porn, you probably recognise me from (insert random and maybe icky porn genre)"... they get flustered at that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I the only one who's never heard of the 'who's near' facility?
Something like the Tinder thing that tells you when someone's in the same room as you?
In these guys' defence - finding yourself in the same shop as other Fabbers would be tempting - but they would have to be very discreet about an approach at the very least!"
What!? No. Just because you’re in close proximity doesn’t give you permission to approach someone, not matter how you do it.
It’s probably good that you don’t know about the nearby functionality. |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?"
I'm not sure of the function of the near by as I never use it. Do people use it like a secret come find me? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nahh, you're entirely justified in your reaction. It's inappropriate.
We've had it too, I always laugh it off and follow up by saying "no you've got the wrong people, I do porn, you probably recognise me from (insert random and maybe icky porn genre)"... they get flustered at that. "
Excellent |
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"It smells iffy to me. The story I mean , not the behaviour.
Were you wearing name badges ?"
The OP said he didn’t have their details to block them, yet he said in his initial post that they’d both winked him before they approached? Sounds legit… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So twice in last two weeks (bar in another town in the early evening and Costa in the day) we have been approached (we were with friends in the bar) and asked if we are Tom and Mel from FAB. I shut the guy down in the bar quickly - he had seen our profile, heard my accent and worked it out from “who is nearby” - I had left app running from the hotel room on my phone. We were alone in Costa and only other people in there, he actually brought his coffee over with him, we were planning a meet at the time so were online for that reason.
Both fellas got a bit of a mouthful off me, Mel was mortified, our friends were baffled and she’s questioning everything about this now.
Am I wrong in saying no one should ever approach someone but should do it via the app? Both had sent winks but then waited less than 5 minutes before nearly “outing us” and also interrupting our personal time and space (our “real lives” effectively) or does being on here entitle people to act this way….?
I'm not sure of the function of the near by as I never use it. Do people use it like a secret come find me?"
No. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So for the doubters I’m sorry that your default setting is to question someone’s integrity rather than the inappropriate behaviour of others.
That’s on you.
But in order to answer your questions if you read the thread it’s quite apparent how they surmised who we were. He told us. The guy in Costa just got told to go away the second he used Mels name because no one would know it unless you are on FAB.
As for the winks 1. We just bulk delete winks generally and 2. do you have any idea how many winks a couple that are online in a busy city centre on a Saturday will get?
Believe us or not I do not care. This started with us questioning if we are being a tad precious. This thread actually mirrors the behaviours and attitude of FAB. 95% decent folk and 5% of people who are probably just not that nice generally.
We are over it.
FAB adventure is over, probably, as I understand it due to some faceless knob hiding behind a keyboard. But we will continue to enjoy our adventures in the clubs and away from what can be a pretty toxic site due to the odd prick.
I want to leave this on a positive note so - Thanks to the good souls x x |
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