FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What’s the hardest thing
What’s the hardest thing
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"The last year has been hard for me. Lost my brother and my beloved cat. Both were incredibly precious to me. In the wake of my brothers death I have cut my mother out of my life. He was the only reason I continued to have a relationship with her. I haven't had to cope as such as I have become emotionally numb as a result of all the trauma. Things that I would have "kicked off" over in the past are now just "meh" to me now. Obviously that can't be a good thing but it's serving as a temporary patch up for the moment. "  | |||
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"Probably after lockdown and kids returned to school. My youngest son is autistic and he really struggled to go back, it got to the point we’d get to the school gates and he’d cling on to them crying in complete sensory overload and myself or teachers couldn’t get him in. I’d sometimes be sitting on the ground with him for an hour. It got to the point where he wouldn’t leave the house and was out of school for over eight months I had to leave my midwifery course to become his full time carer and home school him which wasn’t always easy as school seemed to forget he existed. After eight months he got a place in a specialised provision but the application process and three appeals to get him there really took it’s toll on me The fight each parent of a special needs child faces to get the support needed can almost be soul destroying but you never give up He’s happy now and his school life is so fulfilling and enriched " I was tearful when I read that. Well done and great to see is now happy and I hope you are also feeling better for it, despite all the stress you have obviously been through | |||
Having troubles at home brought to the fore. Lockdown and again I sympathize with the previous lady with that, I was trying to teach 2 young ones with autism while still getting over the op. Thankfully I wasn't at work then. But THAT was hard.
Then this summer has not been great at all. Confusion, misunderstandings, not realising or knowing or being made aware caused tons of hurt. Plus I had a huge event that crushed me and makes me feel like such a terrible person. So here's to 2024…!! Whoop, onwards and upwards x | |||
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"No, not your morning glory! What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it? " Patience with documentation for my line of work. Just waited. After so long I called the police. Result was there in 24 hours. | |||
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"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol. Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years. Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself. Overshare? Probably soz ...... Em x" I’m sorry you had to go through that  | |||
"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol. Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years. Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself. Overshare? Probably soz ...... Em x" My mam was an alcoholic too, I pretty much brought my younger sister up. My part time job while studying was the only reason we had food on the table None of our family knew how bad it was until she passed away. Me and my sister kept it a secret as we were worried we’d be took into care and split up .. | |||
"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol. Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years. Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself. Overshare? Probably soz ...... Em x I’m sorry you had to go through that "I'm sorry you did too, no child should have to do what you did | |||
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"Just jumping in to say Jesus, some of you guys had it super tough. Big hugs to those people that want it!"  | |||
"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol. Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years. Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself. Overshare? Probably soz ...... Em x My mam was an alcoholic too, I pretty much brought my younger sister up. My part time job while studying was the only reason we had food on the table None of our family knew how bad it was until she passed away. Me and my sister kept it a secret as we were worried we’d be took into care and split up .. " It's a horrible thing to cope with and a massive burden when you keep it quiet. Well done you though for stepping in for your sister, you're the reason she ate and never had to face the horrors of care . I became parent to my younger brother and sister, fed them, looked after them and shielded them from as much as I could. I felt partly responsible I suppose. When I turned 17 I went to my Dad and got them out of there. The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow | |||
" I spent a huge amount of my later childhood, teens, 20s and early 30s severely depressed. I spent an inordinate amount of time silently crying in bathrooms; public and at home. With a lockable door and privacy there were often the only place I felt safe. I am also incredibly privileged though to be able to afford help. So through an absolute fuck tonne of therapy I recovered, came to accept myself and understand myself and my past. Though it did take a little time of feeling worse first. I am in a great place with my mental health now and though I have probably just had my most stressful weekend of the year I know I will be ok. " Sounds like you’ve had a real struggle but managed to work your way through it with support. Thank you for sharing | |||
"Just jumping in to say Jesus, some of you guys had it super tough. Big hugs to those people that want it!"  | |||
"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol. Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years. Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself. Overshare? Probably soz ...... Em x My mam was an alcoholic too, I pretty much brought my younger sister up. My part time job while studying was the only reason we had food on the table None of our family knew how bad it was until she passed away. Me and my sister kept it a secret as we were worried we’d be took into care and split up .. It's a horrible thing to cope with and a massive burden when you keep it quiet. Well done you though for stepping in for your sister, you're the reason she ate and never had to face the horrors of care . I became parent to my younger brother and sister, fed them, looked after them and shielded them from as much as I could. I felt partly responsible I suppose. When I turned 17 I went to my Dad and got them out of there. The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow " The fact she is going to rehab tomorrow is one hell of a journey for her in itself. Glad she's giving it a go em and well done for being so strong! X | |||
"She goes into rehab tomorrow." And the simple hope in that last sentence is beautiful. | |||
"Abuse at a very young age which sent a parent into a spin and turn to alcohol. Watching her struggle with an alcohol addiction for the last 20 years. Seeing and experiencing things I never should have had to in that time and having to become the 'adult' when I was only a child myself. Overshare? Probably soz ...... Em x My mam was an alcoholic too, I pretty much brought my younger sister up. My part time job while studying was the only reason we had food on the table None of our family knew how bad it was until she passed away. Me and my sister kept it a secret as we were worried we’d be took into care and split up .. It's a horrible thing to cope with and a massive burden when you keep it quiet. Well done you though for stepping in for your sister, you're the reason she ate and never had to face the horrors of care . I became parent to my younger brother and sister, fed them, looked after them and shielded them from as much as I could. I felt partly responsible I suppose. When I turned 17 I went to my Dad and got them out of there. The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow The fact she is going to rehab tomorrow is one hell of a journey for her in itself. Glad she's giving it a go em and well done for being so strong! X" Thanks Brucey x | |||
"The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow " Admitting they have a problem is a huge step in the right direction. I really hope rehab helps your mum get better | |||
"I’m in awe of the strength on this thread. . She goes into rehab tomorrow. And the simple hope in that last sentence is beautiful. " So many strong people | |||
"The only silver lining,if you could call it that is she has finally admitted to this problem and asked for help. She goes into rehab tomorrow Admitting they have a problem is a huge step in the right direction. I really hope rehab helps your mum get better "Me too Mrs Shiv, me too | |||
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"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." Oh wow, it's not often something on here makes me cry. It takes a lot of inner strength to keep going. | |||
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"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." I have no words...I'm so sorry... I don't even know you begin to heal from this. Xx | |||
"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." powerful. That is a hard read. My sympathies for you and your family | |||
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"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x" That really doesn't sound like a walk in the park to be honest. Or your parks are wicked dangerous. What breaks one person might be easily overcome by another. Sometimes feeling sympathy and empathy for ourselves is the hardest thing | |||
"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." This is heartbreaking | |||
"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x That really doesn't sound like a walk in the park to be honest. Or your parks are wicked dangerous. What breaks one person might be easily overcome by another. Sometimes feeling sympathy and empathy for ourselves is the hardest thing " I'm great at empathising with other people, with myself not so much... | |||
"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x" Thats a lot more than a shitty childhood,I'm glad you got through it | |||
"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." This is truly heartbreaking  | |||
"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x Thats a lot more than a shitty childhood,I'm glad you got through it "Thank you | |||
"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x That really doesn't sound like a walk in the park to be honest. Or your parks are wicked dangerous. What breaks one person might be easily overcome by another. Sometimes feeling sympathy and empathy for ourselves is the hardest thing I'm great at empathising with other people, with myself not so much..." I don't think that's a walk in the park. I've got a few kids out of abusive homes or got the help they needed. And a lot of my work now is with adult survivors of child abuse and CSA. As you say they are often deeply empathetic people, but struggle to do the same for themselves. Their courage and resilience is often what inspires me to keep going. | |||
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"Reading peoplee stories breaks my heart, makes my shitty childhood look like a walk in the park... alcoholic father, a family member doing things they've no business doing to a 10 year old, bullying, and starting to have suicidal thoughts at 13.... everyone who has survived this far is amazing x That really doesn't sound like a walk in the park to be honest. Or your parks are wicked dangerous. What breaks one person might be easily overcome by another. Sometimes feeling sympathy and empathy for ourselves is the hardest thing I'm great at empathising with other people, with myself not so much... I don't think that's a walk in the park. I've got a few kids out of abusive homes or got the help they needed. And a lot of my work now is with adult survivors of child abuse and CSA. As you say they are often deeply empathetic people, but struggle to do the same for themselves. Their courage and resilience is often what inspires me to keep going. " | |||
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"No, not your morning glory! What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it? " Seen a few threads like this in past few days, the toughest thing I've ever faced is 20 years of heroin and crack addiction, what I did to myself family and others was truly horrendous. Thank God its not like that today, and as a human I have the capability to change, when the pain becomes great enough, which takes patience And tenacity | |||
"No, not your morning glory! What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it? Seen a few threads like this in past few days, the toughest thing I've ever faced is 20 years of heroin and crack addiction, what I did to myself family and others was truly horrendous. Thank God its not like that today, and as a human I have the capability to change, when the pain becomes great enough, which takes patience And tenacity " | |||
"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." Your story made me cry. Internet stranger here, wishing only good things for you and your family from here on out. | |||
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"Jesus Christ…..hats off and heartfelt feelings to so many on this thread, there’s been some absolute hell endured it seems. Makes having a mentally unstable ex who left me on anti-depressants in my early 20s and almost losing my business and going bankrupt during the GFC in 2008 seem like nothing." That's really not nothing | |||
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"I just want to express my respect and admiration for everyone who has shared their story on this thread. I’m feeling too fragile to share my own stories, but I empathise with many of the stories I’m reading here, and while I’m having a rough time of my own right now, this thread brings some much needed perspective. " I second this entirely. I’m going through a big change and perspective helps. I hope you’re doing ok. Hugs for all who need/want them. | |||
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"No, not your morning glory! What’s the toughest time you’ve been through where you had to develop or use patience or tenacity and how did you get through it? " Change of career in my 40s to something completely different | |||
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"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." Sending you so much love , thank you for sharing your story xx | |||
" Your story made me cry. Internet stranger here, wishing only good things for you and your family from here on out. " Thank you and thank you to all who have offered words of support and empathy. It is deeply appreciated. I 'overshare'. But I am not apologising. I do it because I know what it feels like to remain silent, to be afraid to speak up. I do it because everything is statistics, but statistics don't make it real. The qualitative, the anecdotal does. I consider myself fortunate. I may be beaten and broken, but I have two wonderful daughters. I had many beautiful years of love. All love ends in tragedy it's just when, how and who gets left carrying the can. I'd do it all again. Nothing is more worthwhile. | |||
" Your story made me cry. Internet stranger here, wishing only good things for you and your family from here on out. Thank you and thank you to all who have offered words of support and empathy. It is deeply appreciated. I 'overshare'. But I am not apologising. I do it because I know what it feels like to remain silent, to be afraid to speak up. I do it because everything is statistics, but statistics don't make it real. The qualitative, the anecdotal does. I consider myself fortunate. I may be beaten and broken, but I have two wonderful daughters. I had many beautiful years of love. All love ends in tragedy it's just when, how and who gets left carrying the can. I'd do it all again. Nothing is more worthwhile." | |||
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"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." Heartbreaking and inspirational at the same time | |||
"When my daughter passed away at 2 days old. I have no idea how I manged to get through it (to be honest, I don't think I ever will) That led me on the career path I'm on now which at times I have to deal with death but somehow I find it quite calming to be there in someone's final moments x" So sorry to hear and glad you can find a little bit of solace im what you do. These are not easy stuff to get over at all as you say but hope you continue to manage | |||
"When my daughter passed away at 2 days old. I have no idea how I manged to get through it (to be honest, I don't think I ever will) That led me on the career path I'm on now which at times I have to deal with death but somehow I find it quite calming to be there in someone's final moments x" A close family member has been through this recently. Lots of respect and positive vibes for what you’ve channeled some of that into ?? | |||
"I don't know how to shorten this more, I apologise. We'd just had kids. Then after our second daughter. She changed. They said it PND. But things just got worse and worse. A cycle of drinking, anorexia and self-harm. I used to stay up all night I was too worried something would happen if I fell asleep. I'd read a lot, I taught myself Psychology trying to work out how to help her. And philosophy trying to find a reason to keep going. I was at crisis, breaking point for I'd say 5 years. A revolving door, of booting bathroom doors in, carrying her to a&e. It's a blur of memories now, that haunt me as PTSD flashbacks. Watching them perform CPR on her, the glow of the heat blanket, crash trolleys, 3am calls because they thought she would die. One of my flashbacks, is a doctor screaming at me in A&E how I dared to allow my wife to get into such an emaciated state. And then telling him they had discharged her 24 hours ago. Then one day, I was broken utterly spent. I just wanted to die I was so exhausted. I went to see her there'd been that many admissions, they decided they wanted to declare her terminally ill and put her in a hospice. I couldn't speak, I had nothing left in me. I got home, and my two little girls were either side of me on the bed. They were upset, asking me when I was bringing mummy home again. I don't quite know how I didn't melt down, but I calmed them and got them to sleep, like it was any other night. Then I went downstairs and I began writing a suicide note trying to work out how to apologise to them, for failing to save their mummy. And I got a call from her gp at 10pm. He said I can block this, I can refuse. If you have any fight left in you I will do it. And I did, I got MPs involved, took on the PCT trust. Got her into an ED clinic. She got diagnosed and treated. And 2 years later my daughters had their mummy back. I became that good at fighting the system that the carers charity who helped me asked me to become an advocate for young carers. And so I did. And I volunteered with them for 7 years, until the day she died. She was fully recovered, perfectly healthy and she died out of the blue, brain aneurysm. And then I had to do it all over again, and fight for my daughter and father-in-law, through COVID to get them the help they needed." How you have the inner strength to cope and carry on with all you have had to deal with is absolutely remarkable. No one goes through life without problems but mine are nothing by comparison to your story and the other contributors on this thread. My thoughts and best wishes to you all. | |||
