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Young and old....
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
if you found yourself in a situation of choice over 1.) looking after elderly people eg your parents or in-laws or 2.) after children e.g. grandchildren or nieces/ nephews.... what would you prefer to do and why?
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"if you found yourself in a situation of choice over 1.) looking after elderly people eg your parents or in-laws or 2.) after children e.g. grandchildren or nieces/ nephews.... what would you prefer to do and why?
"
Difficult one - I was a carer for my mother for 8 years but I did not have to make such a choice as my daughter was grown. I think I would choose elderly as there can always be found babysitters/nurseries. Social services carers are often hard pressed to really care for their 'clients' as they are usually only allowed around 15 mins per visit. My mother was very very vulnerable - almost like a baby in the end - so it was completely necessary for me to be there every day and sometimes be called out in the wee hours if she was ill. |
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I wouldnt make the choice, if the children and the eldery parents all needed looking after then id look after them. Your parents are your parents and your children are your children i couldnt and wouldnt choose one over the other |
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dont mind either .. elderly people tend to appreciate companionship and reflection of times gone by .. looking back over old photos and regressing to happy events in the past whilst children prefer more mind stimulating activities or sports .. both can be enjoyable |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I wouldnt make the choice, if the children and the eldery parents all needed looking after then id look after them. Your parents are your parents and your children are your children i couldnt and wouldnt choose one over the other"
I quite agree with you and I would find it impossible to make a choice as I would try and find a compromise allowing me to do both.
I was really just wondering whether people had a preference of one over the other (for example if there are two sisters who could both take care of the old and the young so it could be arranged to accommodate everybody). |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Elderly. As a rule, I don't look after anybody shorter than myself, unless they have shrunk with natural age  "
That made me spill my green tea (Yes, green tea it is... not red wine this time of day).  |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"I wouldnt make the choice, if the children and the eldery parents all needed looking after then id look after them. Your parents are your parents and your children are your children i couldnt and wouldnt choose one over the otherI quite agree with you and I would find it impossible to make a choice as I would try and find a compromise allowing me to do both.
I was really just wondering whether people had a preference of one over the other (for example if there are two sisters who could both take care of the old and the young so it could be arranged to accommodate everybody)."
Given a choice I would go for young only because I know how exhausting it is to care for someone elderly - far more than a child - which I have also done. I tore all my back muscles lifting my mum (and then social services decided finally I needed a hoist) and still suffer with it now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've done both.. Was looking after my dad during my pregnancy then after my son was born. Trying to juggle my time between my father and my children almost killed me.
I find the emotional sides of looking after an adult much worse, the way one could loose a little dignity or feel.they want to do things themselves.
I wouldn't ever choose as ide always find a way to do both,. But my preference would be children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt make the choice, if the children and the eldery parents all needed looking after then id look after them. Your parents are your parents and your children are your children i couldnt and wouldnt choose one over the otherI quite agree with you and I would find it impossible to make a choice as I would try and find a compromise allowing me to do both.
I was really just wondering whether people had a preference of one over the other (for example if there are two sisters who could both take care of the old and the young so it could be arranged to accommodate everybody).
Given a choice I would go for young only because I know how exhausting it is to care for someone elderly - far more than a child - which I have also done. I tore all my back muscles lifting my mum (and then social services decided finally I needed a hoist) and still suffer with it now. "
My dad had a condition which caused lots of falls... I've pulled to many muscles lifting him up, he once fell on top of me whilst i was pregnant, thankfully not damage was caused. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt make the choice, if the children and the eldery parents all needed looking after then id look after them. Your parents are your parents and your children are your children i couldnt and wouldnt choose one over the other"
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"I wouldnt make the choice, if the children and the eldery parents all needed looking after then id look after them. Your parents are your parents and your children are your children i couldnt and wouldnt choose one over the otherI quite agree with you and I would find it impossible to make a choice as I would try and find a compromise allowing me to do both.
I was really just wondering whether people had a preference of one over the other (for example if there are two sisters who could both take care of the old and the young so it could be arranged to accommodate everybody)."
In that case it wouldnt bother me, if parents where really poorly they would be like children anyway not being able to do things for themselves |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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would prefer children
as i have in the past helped to look after an elderly relative. there is nothing worse than watching someone waste away. but in the end they find peace.
and kids are just starting out on this crazy roller coaster ride we call life
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt make the choice, if the children and the eldery parents all needed looking after then id look after them. Your parents are your parents and your children are your children i couldnt and wouldnt choose one over the otherI quite agree with you and I would find it impossible to make a choice as I would try and find a compromise allowing me to do both.
I was really just wondering whether people had a preference of one over the other (for example if there are two sisters who could both take care of the old and the young so it could be arranged to accommodate everybody).
In that case it wouldnt bother me, if parents where really poorly they would be like children anyway not being able to do things for themselves"
You wouldnt have to do it alone anyway, i do home care, i look after people in their own homes, lots of them live with their family but i still go in 4 times a day to do the jobs they dont want to, like changing theie pads etc now days looking after a eldesrly relative means making them a drink and chatting to them all the hard work and dirty jobs are done by the likes of me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It really depends on the person. Some older people can be very difficult. I know my father in his last years became very obstreperous. Getting him dressed in the morning or to eat his food was a nightmare. He would kick and punch you if he did not want to do something. Took a lot of time and patience. Playing football with the kids in the garden is much more fun. But you have do what you have to do for the ones you love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i like old people only it gets depressing looking after them because you know they are going to die soon.
i have got a grown up nephew who i have only met a few times when he was little
i wouldnt of minded looking after him as he would of been family. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you found yourself in a situation of choice over 1.) looking after elderly people eg your parents or in-laws or 2.) after children e.g. grandchildren or nieces/ nephews.... what would you prefer to do and why?
You say there's nursery for children, but there is supported living and nursing homes for the elderly too. Atleast the elderly would understand why they were there
Difficult one - I was a carer for my mother for 8 years but I did not have to make such a choice as my daughter was grown. I think I would choose elderly as there can always be found babysitters/nurseries. Social services carers are often hard pressed to really care for their 'clients' as they are usually only allowed around 15 mins per visit. My mother was very very vulnerable - almost like a baby in the end - so it was completely necessary for me to be there every day and sometimes be called out in the wee hours if she was ill."
U say there is nurseries, but for the elderly there is support living and nursing homes. Atleast an older person would have some understanding of the situation they are in |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Thanks everybody - so intereesting to read the different contributions. It is a subject that is close to my heart, I hope that I would never be in a situation having to choose between either parents or children and that I could accommodate both if necessary.
Either way I have grown up believing that we have a responsibility towards our parents and children - although as some say it is not as easy in reality and illness such as Alzheimers and other forms of dementia can make it almost impossible to care for an elderly relative at home. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"if you found yourself in a situation of choice over 1.) looking after elderly people eg your parents or in-laws or 2.) after children e.g. grandchildren or nieces/ nephews.... what would you prefer to do and why?
You say there's nursery for children, but there is supported living and nursing homes for the elderly too. Atleast the elderly would understand why they were there
Difficult one - I was a carer for my mother for 8 years but I did not have to make such a choice as my daughter was grown. I think I would choose elderly as there can always be found babysitters/nurseries. Social services carers are often hard pressed to really care for their 'clients' as they are usually only allowed around 15 mins per visit. My mother was very very vulnerable - almost like a baby in the end - so it was completely necessary for me to be there every day and sometimes be called out in the wee hours if she was ill.
U say there is nurseries, but for the elderly there is support living and nursing homes. Atleast an older person would have some understanding of the situation they are in"
In my mother's case it was better for her to stay in her own home - and why should she not? I arranged for her to go in to a care home for two weeks respite care - the care was so bad that she had deteriorated rapidly. Were she in there much longer I doubt she would have survived. She paid for all the care she had, the adaptation of her bathroom, stairlift, ramps, mobility van, etc.
She had a longer and better quality of life being enabled to stay in the home she had been in for 40 years. The very idea of packing her off to a home just went against the grain and would have seen her off very quickly.
I do recognise that, in some cases, this is the only option. But that was not the case for my mother. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you found yourself in a situation of choice over 1.) looking after elderly people eg your parents or in-laws or 2.) after children e.g. grandchildren or nieces/ nephews.... what would you prefer to do and why?
You say there's nursery for children, but there is supported living and nursing homes for the elderly too. Atleast the elderly would understand why they were there
Difficult one - I was a carer for my mother for 8 years but I did not have to make such a choice as my daughter was grown. I think I would choose elderly as there can always be found babysitters/nurseries. Social services carers are often hard pressed to really care for their 'clients' as they are usually only allowed around 15 mins per visit. My mother was very very vulnerable - almost like a baby in the end - so it was completely necessary for me to be there every day and sometimes be called out in the wee hours if she was ill.
U say there is nurseries, but for the elderly there is support living and nursing homes. Atleast an older person would have some understanding of the situation they are in
In my mother's case it was better for her to stay in her own home - and why should she not? I arranged for her to go in to a care home for two weeks respite care - the care was so bad that she had deteriorated rapidly. Were she in there much longer I doubt she would have survived. She paid for all the care she had, the adaptation of her bathroom, stairlift, ramps, mobility van, etc.
She had a longer and better quality of life being enabled to stay in the home she had been in for 40 years. The very idea of packing her off to a home just went against the grain and would have seen her off very quickly.
I do recognise that, in some cases, this is the only option. But that was not the case for my mother."
I was just poointing out that there are the equivilants for the elderly as there is for the young. Also day centres, age concern etc..
Putting a child into a nursery isn't always the best option as a child needs their parents and I have seen many parents who work long hours and the children crying out for attention and also I've seen bad care in nurseries..
The answer to the op is very dependant on each situation really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Elderly... They are grateful say thank you and are fascinating to chat too. I do it for a living but wud never do childcare. Once i had to do a morning at an infants school. Longest morning of my life lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everybody - so intereesting to read the different contributions. It is a subject that is close to my heart, I hope that I would never be in a situation having to choose between either parents or children and that I could accommodate both if necessary.
Either way I have grown up believing that we have a responsibility towards our parents and children - although as some say it is not as easy in reality and illness such as Alzheimers and other forms of dementia can make it almost impossible to care for an elderly relative at home."
I work with the elderly and if the time ever comes its best to look at every option available.. There are many places that can offer so much for an elderly person and let them have so much more freedom and life than they ever could in their house.. Such as events and social interaction, wet rooms for bathing and showering when they can't at home any longer. Safety and someone overlooking their health and hygeine when they become forgetful, and they still have privacy and independance. A lot of old folks who stay in their home end up just sitting in front the tv day in day out just waiting for life to end |
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If it was my family I would do both. As a job I wouldn't do either as have done it before. I found a lot of the elderly moaned as some paid for the service,which then made them feel they should receive their care before the people who were funded by social services. The rows it used to call. I will stick to my job supporting people with learning disabilities. |
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By *aris23Woman
over a year ago
France |
I already have care of my grandson full time and would like to hope that I would be able to care for any member of my family regardless of age. That's what family is for isn't it? (Exceptional circumstances apart). |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I already have care of my grandson full time and would like to hope that I would be able to care for any member of my family regardless of age. That's what family is for isn't it? (Exceptional circumstances apart)."
In my world yes, absolutely ! |
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