FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is there ever a reason to have an affair?
Is there ever a reason to have an affair?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you find someone really hot then it's ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you get really d*unk and forget about it then it's also okay |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh I want to comment but I should just not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes there is and for some people it actually even protects their marriage.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe there is ... usually because of wanting to give the kids a stable home. It would still be best to do this after an adult and sensible discussion but in reality that rarely happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nah. I could say more but I don't want to get into trouble with what I would say regarding my opinions on cheaters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve had a few over the years.
My wife lost interest in sex in her late 30s, we’ve had the “intimacy “ conversation more times than I can count, but nothing ever changes.
She’s a wonderful person, just…
Affairs are really hard work, mentally exhausting, if you’re going to have one, be prepared. |
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Yeah it's fine. The wife is probably neck deep in dick on her single profile here anyway.
LvM |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh I want to comment but I should just not."
I'm curious but thank you for the restraint if it was going to be an assassination. I'm trying to start a difficult conversation. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's ok but we all have our own circumstances and reasons which vary from person to person.
For me I've not had sex at home for over 5 years and also separate beds but it's my life and I still think sex is an important factor as well as being made to feel somewhat special. |
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A hard question, but in this case, I'd defer to the morality that each person has.
I'm assuming this is explicitly about cases where the partner doesn't know? For me, that would be a no in answer to the question as posed, but again, I'm not in any place to judge others for their own moral code.
I could expand on my reasoning, but am mindful of the fact that this is a sensitive subject and don't want to hurt any feelings. Still want to emphasise that I'm not being absolutist or saying that my view is the only 'right' view. |
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I think there's always a reason, I suspect you mean is it justifiable? I can think of quite a few people whom have done so and I understand their reasoning.
I've had an emotional affair. In my head at the time - if we didn't have sex it wasn't an issue. I was wrong, I didn't do it consciously, but it was an affair. There's a whole host of reasons, causes and conseuqences.
My error wasn't in the affair itself, it was not being aware and talking openly with my partner about what was going on for me emotionally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless you've walked in someone's shoes, don't judge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
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No. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suspect ethically you can appreciate it’s not on. The real question; however, should be if your morals allow for you to quietly have an affair within your situation/circumstances or not. No one can decide that but you. At the end of the day, there will be many opinions about it but what’s right for you given your own views - in this situation - may or may not align with others views. Doesn’t make one better than the other. It’s simply a product of the human diversity that exists. |
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Nope never. Can't think of a single justifiable reason. |
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Answers will depend on experience and circumstances, each of which is indivual to that person.
I don't judge, people have their reasons and I'm not walking in their shoes so couldn't possibly comment on that.
You do what is 'right for you, your conscience is your own |
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"I suspect ethically you can appreciate it’s not on. The real question; however, should be if your morals allow for you to quietly have an affair within your situation/circumstances or not. No one can decide that but you. At the end of the day, there will be many opinions about it but what’s right for you given your own views - in this situation - may or may not align with others views. Doesn’t make one better than the other. It’s simply a product of the human diversity that exists. "
I'd like to report plagiarism for this comment!  I agree 100% though |
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I’m sure people have their reasons. I’ve never really been too bothered about how other people live their lives unless it affects me. As long as people are upfront with me I’m all good. Lie to me and then I become bothered. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"If you find someone really hot then it's ok. "
Fucks sake. I take a few days out and miss the return.
Welcome back.   |
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"If you find someone really hot then it's ok. "
•
If you find someone mediocre it's still perfectly okay. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you find someone really hot then it's ok. "
Will you marry me??  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you get really d*unk and forget about it then it's also okay "
And you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They are normally a catalyst for the next stage of your life, be that good or bad. Very rarely do they not send out ripples of change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am in with no's. Been cheated on so I know first hand how it feels. Whilst I was at work, he thought he was not going to get found out. In my bed. What goes through a mind of a married man or woman to take that trust away is beyond me.
There is no justification in my mind.
There will be no place for a cheater, not now not ever for me. Hence I will not meet married men regardless of sex or no sex. Betraying trust is too big for me op because of my treatment in my relationship years ago. I told him to leave. He did.
Each to their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think no tbh. But does anyone’s opinion on this issue so people from cheating? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely NO. Lack of communication, confidence and trust, all at once, besides of also zero respect for the word given (and signed in many cases).
If you want to be Fuckering Hood and go here and there sticking it in the one you please, off you fuck.
In this instance I know I can speak for both of us, Saxon and me.
Mérida. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So if you are in a relationship where the male or female has totally gone off sex for whatever reason and the partner's sex drive is still high would this be a reason??
What else could the partner do other than leave him/her?!
Or should they not have sex for the rest of their lives?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The responses in here are telling  |
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My ex wife was an abuser. We had a sex less marriage. At a few points she told me I wasn't going to get it from her so I might as well get it somewhere else. I took her at her word.
Im in a much better relationship now and am not tempted to look elsewhere beyond what we do together. Luke |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex wife was an abuser. We had a sex less marriage. At a few points she told me I wasn't going to get it from her so I might as well get it somewhere else. I took her at her word.
Im in a much better relationship now and am not tempted to look elsewhere beyond what we do together. Luke "
Totally agree- sex is such an important part of a relationship.
Saying that, so is communication- say how you feel, if you're not on the same page there's a decision to be made.
Not the same as cheating I suppose! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids? |
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids? "
Children are rarely benefited by unhappy/incompatible people staying together. And they certainly aren't benefited by abuse or neglect being perpetuated around them. |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
"The responses in here are telling "
Says inspector pickle  |
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As far as I'm concerned, no there is not  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you find someone really hot then it's ok. "
seems fair and reasonable |
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Yes. As many reasons as there are people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The responses in here are telling
Says inspector pickle "
I’ve found the guilty parties.  |
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Yes, because you’re a spineless pussy who hasn’t got the bollocks to be honest.
The mr |
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Perhaps AI could give you an answer? |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
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Personally speaking I would say no....but I am sure many others would have plenty of reason they feel it's acceptable  |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
Of course! When you're bored and there's no snacks in the fridge you know |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
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You surely already know that everything is possible in such a complex and wide-ranging matter - including a positive response to your question - but whether than validates your own actions or not only you will know. It would be a bit pitiful if you asked it for some kind of conformation though I would say.
pt |
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If ypu are in another postcode and its yoir mates mum or your mums mate or susanna hoffs |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
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Nope never
People are human with feelings, some hide their feelings better than others but I will always be against people taking someone's feelings for granted and treating a person like they're at a leisure park.
Treat others how you would want to be treated and if they don't it's a reflection of them, it's disgusting to cheat on a person that's senseless and living with no conscious. I will always stand strong on that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your wife goes off sex immediately after the wedding!  |
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By *929Man
over a year ago
newcastle |
No it destroys peoples lives |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes. Sex is an important part of marriage. Sex that you want is an important part of a happy marriage. If you don't have either, what does your other half expect? You staying celibate? Or playing with yourself all the time?
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No, I don’t think there is ever a reason |
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"Yes. Sex is an important part of marriage. Sex that you want is an important part of a happy marriage. If you don't have either, what does your other half expect? You staying celibate? Or playing with yourself all the time?
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Why stay married if the marriage is not providing for the needs of both parties? If it is irreconcilable? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes. Sex is an important part of marriage. Sex that you want is an important part of a happy marriage. If you don't have either, what does your other half expect? You staying celibate? Or playing with yourself all the time?
Why stay married if the marriage is not providing for the needs of both parties? If it is irreconcilable?"
Oh you're going to hear lots of soppy stories as to why |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This makes a lot of sense! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids? "
Children never benefit from seeing abuse and neglect. And they do see, believe me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex is physically important to me.
It’s makes for a feeling of belonging and sensuality.
However, we don’t have sex.
We haven’t had for 2+ years now.
It’s difficult and although I’ve always tried to stay true, I know that I am becoming more and more willing to consider an affair |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree |
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"Sex is physically important to me.
It’s makes for a feeling of belonging and sensuality.
However, we don’t have sex.
We haven’t had for 2+ years now.
It’s difficult and although I’ve always tried to stay true, I know that I am becoming more and more willing to consider an affair"
Or just split up? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is always an underlying reason why people cheat. Doesn’t make it okay though. If you cheat just be prepared for the consequences of your choice if you get caught. The only person to blame will be you in the end. |
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids? "
As the child of one such situation, please don't fucking do it. No child will ever look back and thank you for it. - Xeno |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids?
As the child of one such situation, please don't fucking do it. No child will ever look back and thank you for it. - Xeno"
I can only imagine- got to think of the kids in this scenario & end it as amicably as possible if not happy. |
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids?
As the child of one such situation, please don't fucking do it. No child will ever look back and thank you for it. - Xeno
I can only imagine- got to think of the kids in this scenario & end it as amicably as possible if not happy."
100%  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I look at it this way: who the fuck am I to judge? We tend to always take feelings of the person who is being cheated on into consideration. How about feelings of a person who is constantly being rejected?
For me personally, it's simple, if you tried everything and it doesn't work, leave. For others, it's easier to just seek sex on the side. Again, who am I to judge? Ain't no one saint |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids?
As the child of one such situation, please don't fucking do it. No child will ever look back and thank you for it. - Xeno
I can only imagine- got to think of the kids in this scenario & end it as amicably as possible if not happy.
100% "
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the biggest debate in any forums; is that morally OK or not?
People love to judge each other which sounds quite normal to me, even here.
Anyway, there are tonnes of different reasons of having an affair. None of them can make it "doable" but it is the right choice when you "have to". If you are stuck in your personality and life, having young kids, sexless marriages, mind wise not matching with your wife, routine life....etc etc. In most these cases, having affair is an escape way and the last way out before a separation from your happy "normal" life.
that's why it is OK. Time and place? there is a time (especially if your WFH nowadays) and space (my dear hotels :D )
if you are able to keep this friendship in discretion and don't piss your wall by nearby connection, you are good to go
hope this helps a bit  |
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Yes if you don't care if your marriage implodes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it’s a no because I did cheat in an early relationship of mine (later teens). I was also cheated on a good decade later. I really did not like the way it made me feel either way and so I can’t justify it at all.
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
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I think the word you’re looking for is justified.
There are plenty of reasons. But is it OK, right or justified is the question you’re really asking.
I had a really flirty ex who used to go out and come back home d*unk after getting a lift home from strangers after a night out. I even once saw her kiss a guy goodbye when she got out of the car. But denied she did anything!!
As far as I’m concerned kissing alone is cheating. She would receive calls and go to another room to answer but would swear she wasn’t doing anything.
I thought what’s good for the goose….
When she found out about my cheating she was very upset but would only say she hadn’t done this and hadn’t done that. Not tell me what she had actually done. We had kids and I wasn’t planning on leaving until they were grown and raised.
I felt and still feel justified in that scenario.
If she had shown her true colours before getting pregnant I would have left. But I already had a child from a previous relationship and knew as a dad if you’re not with the partner you are very limited in their upbringing. So instead of leaving or being resentful I was slyly vengeful. Not good but the better option for me (and me kids) at the time. IMO |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
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If you love your partner and your partner loves you then no but if youve fallen out of love with your partner then no if your partner has fallen out of love with you then no, so i guess the answer is no  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sure there are plenty of reasons, as many reasons as there are people.
The world isn't black n white. |
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Only ever cheated twice with same man and I married him so definitely had a reason X |
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids? "
Staying for the kids is usually the excuse men like to give, but when the cheating is found out I have never once known the kids to be grateful for it.
It rips families apart a lot more than divorce does, and it's rare the cheater comes out in a good light for doing it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids?
It never ends well.. best intentions acknowledged… in reality all it does is delay the inevitable.
Situations always differ and are complex.. generally it always ends the same way tho x
Staying for the kids is usually the excuse men like to give, but when the cheating is found out I have never once known the kids to be grateful for it.
It rips families apart a lot more than divorce does, and it's rare the cheater comes out in a good light for doing it."
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By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
"
No. I don't think what goes on here could be classed as affairs, although I am sure there are the occasional moments. Having said that, my wife died a few years ago, but it never crossed my mind to even only have sex with someone else, man or woman. Quite apart from not wanting to, she would probably have killed me in my sleep. |
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There is a huge difference between having an affair and a one night mutual dalliance ,, Being open within a marriage, with mutual respect and consent , is far far better for all ( no broken hearts or false romances ) |
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This subject always brings 'if you don't like it leave, if only life was that simple', genuinely.
There's much much more nuance to a relationship than just sex, in fact, I'd say if the relationship is built around sex then it wouldn't be a very strong relationship. |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
Thats it though isn't it? An affair is not necessarily just about sex. It's more a connection with that other person that may be lacking in their own marriage. I know a few friends that are in that similar situation and yes it gets very complicated and unfortunately to say, more or less someone is bound to get hurt I'm afraid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I believe it’s ok I’m married and no sex at home so looking for someone as long as there’s no feelings then it’s just sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This subject always brings 'if you don't like it leave, if only life was that simple', genuinely.
There's much much more nuance to a relationship than just sex, in fact, I'd say if the relationship is built around sex then it wouldn't be a very strong relationship. "
Yes it should be built around honesty and trust. |
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By *archelCouple
over a year ago
A field somewhere |
No, never, if the relationship is so far gone as to consider an affair then its time to cut ties as amicably as possible (there's no room for acrimony in anyone's life) and move on. |
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Reason for affairs are clear lack of respect and communication forgeting what attracted you to the person in the first place leading to the dis atifaction of both parties. |
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"Unless you've walked in someone's shoes, don't judge"
Really? So only another kiddie fiddler can judge Gary Glitter  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You see it on here all the time, men (it is mainly men) trying to justify fucking about.
Oh my wife doesn't give me sex blah blah blah. It's just an excuse to fuck who you want. Have the balls and own it at least.
It's the worse thing you can do to some, and you're doing it to the person you're meant to love most in the world. Don't make out it's their fault for not giving you sex.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless you've walked in someone's shoes, don't judge
Really? So only another kiddie fiddler can judge Gary Glitter "
Exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You see it on here all the time, men (it is mainly men) trying to justify fucking about.
Oh my wife doesn't give me sex blah blah blah. It's just an excuse to fuck who you want. Have the balls and own it at least.
It's the worse thing you can do to some, and you're doing it to the person you're meant to love most in the world. Don't make out it's their fault for not giving you sex.
Couldn’t agree more
"
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I can meet with my husband knowing. So why do I need to have an affair?x |
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No, I cannot see any justification for cheating on a loved one. But since many actually dislike their partner, but don't want to leave the family home, it's a choice for them. I just ask that they be honest to me, from the start, I can choose whether I want to risk their drama, for a fuck then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I would never do that again a harsh lesson learnt. |
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It is not for anyone else to pass judgement in my opinion. Nobody knows the circumstances other people live in. It is certainly not for me to judge others unless I or my family and friends are personally involved or affected and I have more knowledge of the circumstances. It is the people involved that always have to live with the consequences of their actions surely. |
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Everyone is talking about an unhappy marriage not being good for the kids but what about when it is a happy marriage but someone isn’t fulfilled sexually. In every other way things could be great.
A lot of us are in the lucky position of being in a relationship where we have partners on the same wavelength and have varied sex lives which sometimes also involves bringing other people into as well. But what if you don’t have that? What if your partner is not open to any kind of sexual relationship, no matter how much you talk about it.
I don’t think I am the kind of person that could ever cheat as I couldn’t live with the guilt however I do see that it isn’t as black and white as it is sometimes made out to be. I try not to judge people as I don’t live their life. I don’t knowingly meet people having affairs though.
Kx |
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Some of the answers on here and not only this thread but over time other threads too .... really point to what some people think marriage is for. They seem to think that it's so you have a person who provides very regular sex as and when demanded.
The number that want to leave the relationship because they don't get sex at all or often enough stopped amazing me long ago.
I really must have not listened to marriage vows over the years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think people marry the wrong people. I know I certainly did |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't make out it's their fault for not giving you sex."
I have every right to make out it's her fault. She only wanted sex when d*unk which was like making love to a brewery, so I gave her the ultimatum stop drinking or no sex. She chose the bottle. I behaved myself for a whole year and then I chose fab.
If I want a sex life I'm entitled to a sex life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't make out it's their fault for not giving you sex.
I have every right to make out it's her fault. She only wanted sex when d*unk which was like making love to a brewery, so I gave her the ultimatum stop drinking or no sex. She chose the bottle. I behaved myself for a whole year and then I chose fab.
If I want a sex life I'm entitled to a sex life "
Entitled.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't make out it's their fault for not giving you sex.
I have every right to make out it's her fault. She only wanted sex when d*unk which was like making love to a brewery, so I gave her the ultimatum stop drinking or no sex. She chose the bottle. I behaved myself for a whole year and then I chose fab.
If I want a sex life I'm entitled to a sex life "
This is doing you no favours at all |
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"I think people marry the wrong people. I know I certainly did "
Absofuckinlutely agree with this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 08/10/23 08:38:42] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We’re not talking about a one time thing we’re talking about an affair. A deliberate consistent choice over time. ** |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We’re not talking about a one time thing we’re talking about an affair. A deliberate consistent choice over time. **"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's no yes or no answer everyone has their reasons , most of them boil down to ..if you're not getting fed at home then you got to go out and eat |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
"This subject always brings 'if you don't like it leave, if only life was that simple', genuinely.
There's much much more nuance to a relationship than just sex, in fact, I'd say if the relationship is built around sex then it wouldn't be a very strong relationship. "
Surely a good relationship is built around love, trust, respect, understanding, communication and honesty - cheating goes against every one of those values. Seems pretty simple to me, and those that like to complicate it are just trying to shroud it in order to justify it.
K
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Remember the first rule of Fab:
The men cheating on here (of which there are LOADS) are c*nts.
The women cheating on here (of which there are LOADS) are clearly doing it because their men are c*nts.
The key difference between the two groups is that the ladies do it much more stealthily and don’t blab about it on the forums!
That hot *single* lass on here? Most likely cheating.. (trust me on this based on around 8 or 8 years on Fab!) |
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Maybe ask if there is ever a time and a place for your OH to have an affair. |
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Personally I think if someone wants to cheat they can come up with a dozen reasons to justify it.
But struggle to come up with one reason why not cheat.
As a child of a broken home caused by cheating I can tell you as am sure many can.
Inevitably the children are the ones who suffer the most when the shit hits the fan.
I can't understand how someone can say they love their partners yet will happily cheat on them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's hundreds of reasons to have an affair but none of them will ever be validated. |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
"Remember the first rule of Fab:
The men cheating on here (of which there are LOADS) are c*nts.
The women cheating on here (of which there are LOADS) are clearly doing it because their men are c*nts.
The key difference between the two groups is that the ladies do it much more stealthily and don’t blab about it on the forums!
That hot *single* lass on here? Most likely cheating.. (trust me on this based on around 8 or 8 years on Fab!)"
I've had one or two admit it to me too.
I honestly just don't care about other people's drama. Animals, of which we are, are shitty. Ever seen how savage gorillas get when they get food?
I think most people here are going to have experienced being cheated on whether they know it or not. It's just one of life's unfortunate things that not matter how much you talk about, will never change. Hell, you know in world war 2 many many women were fucking the boys just too young to go to war while their husbands were away right?
At least that's how my grandad lost his virginity. |
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If your s woman and you partner up with a cuckold you can have as many open affairs as you want |
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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago
Lives in Preston, Eng |
"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
"
Very rarely. I understand how it happens often but I think it is rare that the reasons are justifiable.
I really wish people felt able to communicate well with the people in their lives. I also wish people would talk about scenarios that may come up in a relationship in the future too. Talk about how you will cope if someone gets sick or loses a job or how to talk to each other when someone is struggling day to day. Not just about sex but about support, finances, needs, the kids, the house, etc. However so many don't want or feel able to have those conversations. It is why communication is a top priority in a relationship for me.
If you can't communicate in the good times how on earth can you communicate in the difficult times? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
"
It’s quite common is some cultures and nations. Brits are on the whole less liberated than some of our European counterparts. |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
"
There's always a reason for an affair.
Whether people outside the relationship deem it valid is another thing entirely.
I've never had one, but my view is quite simple.
Here's my shoes, put them on and go for a wander...... |
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Throw another hat into the ring, is paying for sex more acceptable than an affair? |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
Very rarely. I understand how it happens often but I think it is rare that the reasons are justifiable.
I really wish people felt able to communicate well with the people in their lives. I also wish people would talk about scenarios that may come up in a relationship in the future too. Talk about how you will cope if someone gets sick or loses a job or how to talk to each other when someone is struggling day to day. Not just about sex but about support, finances, needs, the kids, the house, etc. However so many don't want or feel able to have those conversations. It is why communication is a top priority in a relationship for me.
If you can't communicate in the good times how on earth can you communicate in the difficult times? "
That's where the rot usually begins. What goes unspoken, grows into a lie and then an affair.
A muddle of nervous words
Could never amount to betrayal
The sentence is all my own
The price is to watch it fail |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes there is and for some people it actually even protects their marriage.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes there is and for some people it actually even protects their marriage.
"
Totally agree, my marriage got a lot more intimate after my brief fling and we progressed to swinging and an open relationship. Marriage ended for other reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't make out it's their fault for not giving you sex.
I have every right to make out it's her fault. She only wanted sex when d*unk which was like making love to a brewery, so I gave her the ultimatum stop drinking or no sex. She chose the bottle. I behaved myself for a whole year and then I chose fab.
If I want a sex life I'm entitled to a sex life "
|
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
If the trust is there you never need to have an affair because the lines of communication are always open! |
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We both got talking and neither of us wanted to cheat , we have met plenty people who are cheating .we decided we would not want to do it to each other , yes we do have solo meets every now and again , but we will always inform each other , before or after , sometimes during , we have even planned the meets together , it adds to the fun , think if either of us had cheated we would split up , as had it with previous partners |
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By *yreGuy99Man
over a year ago
Somewhere in Moria |
It's nice to see a post separate the respectable from the scum. Affairs/ cheating is never ok. You deserve the worst pain imaginable |
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"Yes there is and for some people it actually even protects their marriage.
Do you think their partners would feel protected?
I say anyone who thinks having their cake and eat it “protects” their relationship is probably a narcissist.
"
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"It's nice to see a post separate the respectable from the scum. Affairs/ cheating is never ok. You deserve the worst pain imaginable "
Imagine the uproar if you’re a Tory having an affair! . You’d get doubly slated on here |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
"
Don't bring others into it, what there doing is none of your business. Smacks to me your justifying your behaviour to yourself, because others are doing it. Is that conscious of yours telling you something there Op.... |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
There's always a reason for an affair.
Whether people outside the relationship deem it valid is another thing entirely.
I've never had one, but my view is quite simple.
Here's my shoes, put them on and go for a wander......"
What brand are they? |
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"I think people marry the wrong people. I know I certainly did "
Yes they probably do. Still no justification for having an affair. |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
"
Yes |
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By *yreGuy99Man
over a year ago
Somewhere in Moria |
I really couldnt care less what anyone on here thinks of my comment. That's my view on it. I hate cheats. I class them as scum |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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While I have experienced the other side being cheated on. I agree if it’s discussed before with the other half in your relationship then it’s ok. You need to have an element of morality with it. But then I suppose if you discuss, then it’s not an affair.  . If kids involved then a stable home life is important and if it keeps that for them until old enough then it’s greatly. The other party well that’s upto them. It’s whether they can control aspects on their end.
I know people where as others said it saved their marriage and made it stronger.
Each to their own I suppose. |
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"I really couldnt care less what anyone on here thinks of my comment. That's my view on it. I hate cheats. I class them as scum"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely
Imagine if your some rich guy that’s married but in a dead bedroom relationship
You know what divorce will cost you? The house, a big percentage of your earnings
It might not be your fault the bedroom is dead and when divorce is that expensive I say fuck it. Go have an affair. Get yours |
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By *emma200Woman
over a year ago
Warwickshire |
I think it just depends on circumstances..
My marriage was controlling and abusive .. I didn’t until the end.. and if it wasn’t for the person I had the affair with.. I could have still very well been in my marriage.. X |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
There's always a reason for an affair.
Whether people outside the relationship deem it valid is another thing entirely.
I've never had one, but my view is quite simple.
Here's my shoes, put them on and go for a wander......
What brand are they?"
Crocs |
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Having been on the receiving end & having my life destroyed I would say no |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Ok can the ones who want to banter about other things go on another thread. It spoils a good debate otherwise
Can we also keep it civil on here please
Ta |
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When I see these threads I always think that if you need validation and justification from others about what you’re doing or not doing then you’re probably not comfortable doing it. Why does it matter what strangers think? We’re grown ups. Do what you do. If it goes pear shaped be willing to take the consequences. I don’t see everything as black or white like a lot do but I certainly don’t need or want other people’s views or opinions on anything I do whether what I do is deemed right or wrong. If you throw yourself out there with these threads you have to expect a slating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most definitely not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Revenge...possibly get it in first. Most people have played around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Affairs will always happen. You can debate morality but monogamy isn’t actually hardwired into us it’s just a social construct. |
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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
No, they should work on their marriage instead |
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"This subject always brings 'if you don't like it leave, if only life was that simple', genuinely.
There's much much more nuance to a relationship than just sex, in fact, I'd say if the relationship is built around sex then it wouldn't be a very strong relationship. "
I agree |
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People would probably have slightly more respect for people cheating if they didn’t use the usual bullshit to justify it.
..Not everyone is in a sexless marriage and all the other usual clichés some people are just selfish and want it all ..
I’m not sure why people need to seek validation from a bunch of strangers on the internet anyway .As long as you can sleep at night and look yourself in the mirror and like what you see then carry on ..Hopefully karma will bite you on the ass one day. |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
There's always a reason for an affair.
Whether people outside the relationship deem it valid is another thing entirely.
I've never had one, but my view is quite simple.
Here's my shoes, put them on and go for a wander......
What brand are they?"
Hand made at Loakes. Very comfortable. |
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
There's always a reason for an affair.
Whether people outside the relationship deem it valid is another thing entirely.
I've never had one, but my view is quite simple.
Here's my shoes, put them on and go for a wander......
What brand are they?
Crocs"
You know what the holes in Crocs are for? They're where your self respect seeps out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Affairs will always happen. You can debate morality but monogamy isn’t actually hardwired into us it’s just a social construct."
This
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok can the ones who want to banter about other things go on another thread. It spoils a good debate otherwise
Can we also keep it civil on here please
Ta"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair. |
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair."
unless you are the partner of either party and unaware.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair."
Yeah if everyone knows about it then it’s not |
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair."
If a significant partner is not aware, then yes it is, I'd suggest you redefine your definition of 'affair' |
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair."
Tell my children that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair.
Tell my children that"
Why would you want older men talking to your children about sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, they should work on their marriage instead "
Hi Shag
My ex lost my trust. Once trust lost nothing to repair it was over.
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair.
Tell my children that
Why would you want older men talking to your children about sex? "
They didn't mean that and you know it..... |
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Of course there is. If there wasn’t nobody would ever do it. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"I believe there is ... usually because of wanting to give the kids a stable home. It would still be best to do this after an adult and sensible discussion but in reality that rarely happens."
I always hear the “giving the kids a stable home “ argument…. But here is a newsflash
Kids… a lot smarter than you actually think…. They know if something is not right between the parents.. they might not know the exacts.. but they pick up if something is off….
Better to be in a single parent happy environment…. Than a miserable couples one! |
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"I believe there is ... usually because of wanting to give the kids a stable home. It would still be best to do this after an adult and sensible discussion but in reality that rarely happens.
I always hear the “giving the kids a stable home “ argument…. But here is a newsflash
Kids… a lot smarter than you actually think…. They know if something is not right between the parents.. they might not know the exacts.. but they pick up if something is off….
Better to be in a single parent happy environment…. Than a miserable couples one! "
Couldn’t agree more!! |
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By *wing2meCouple
over a year ago
Coventry |
To me, the answer is no. If you can't commit to one person for whatever reason, whether that be a difference in sex drive, a breakdown in the relationship, or falling out of love with them, you don't resort to having an affair, as it only creates more problems and masks the issues. You owe it to each other to communicate your issues and try to resolve them; if, for whatever reason, you can't, then you should separate. I can't imagine how hard that could be in certain situations, as the relationship may appear absolutely perfect when in fact it's not, but separating gives you both the chance to start a healthy relationship with somebody else who suits you better. Having an affair and possibly being caught is only going to leave the other half with more emotional damage to deal with later on when, in reality, they're absolutely perfect, it's just not with you.
my opinion, please don't take offence |
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"I believe there is ... usually because of wanting to give the kids a stable home. It would still be best to do this after an adult and sensible discussion but in reality that rarely happens.
I always hear the “giving the kids a stable home “ argument…. But here is a newsflash
Kids… a lot smarter than you actually think…. They know if something is not right between the parents.. they might not know the exacts.. but they pick up if something is off….
Better to be in a single parent happy environment…. Than a miserable couples one! "
^^^This. Also lots of people who, in their late teens or early 20s, discover that their parents are separating and it's all actually been over for years, feel that their childhood has been a lie. All the happy faces faked for the "show" of unity. They then struggle to trust their parents. I have seen this in friends of mine, whose parents "stayed together for the kids" and then separated when they were at uni. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This site is notorious for people playing behind their partners back.
Yes I'm the black pot but, I'm curious if anyone ever thinks there is a time and place for an affair? Xx
"
Always. If the other person won't fuck when asked, what is the point of them? Use them to pay half the bills and just fuck around with other people. |
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair.
Tell my children that
Why would you want older men talking to your children about sex? "
You know full well what I mean. And our children are now adults. But will never forgive their father for what he did |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair.
Tell my children that
Why would you want older men talking to your children about sex? "
you’re funny! |
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair.
Tell my children that
Why would you want older men talking to your children about sex? you’re funny!"
He's actually not. At all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair.
Tell my children that
Why would you want older men talking to your children about sex? you’re funny!
He's actually not. At all."
Yes he is  |
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair.
Tell my children that
Why would you want older men talking to your children about sex? you’re funny!
He's actually not. At all.Yes he is "
If you have a warped sense of humour |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meeting on here for horny sex is not an affair.
Tell my children that
Why would you want older men talking to your children about sex? you’re funny!
He's actually not. At all.Yes he is
If you have a warped sense of humour "
- |
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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
"No, they should work on their marriage instead
Hi Shag
My ex lost my trust. Once trust lost nothing to repair it was over.
"
Hi becs, you are right there too, if it is lost one cant do it, it depends on the relationship as well |
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I had long term affair when with ex . She was a alcoholic tried my best to help learned cannot help unless they want help. I had step child that I loved as my own I stayed till he left home. Now in his 30s we text chat several times a week.sometimes work together sees little of his mother. He comes to any family get together we have. No sure if he know I had affair. The affair ended when I became single she kept putting off leaving husband.
I not saying I was right to have affair but kept me sain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Looks like having an affair isn’t the problem
Getting caught is
Stay secret kings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not my thing this is why were on this site we can both play with no regret. Karen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am surprised noone else has mentioned the need to stay together, despite neglect or abuse by a partner, for the benefit of the children.
Does noone else here consider the needs of the kids? "
My sperm donor decided that it was a good thing to do having double life and double family and cheating on my mother besides the mental abuse. That wrecked the whole family mentally for years. So there’s no benefit at all on sticking to a cheating cunt when you talk about children’s needs, sorry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had long term affair when with ex . She was a alcoholic tried my best to help learned cannot help unless they want help. I had step child that I loved as my own I stayed till he left home. Now in his 30s we text chat several times a week.sometimes work together sees little of his mother. He comes to any family get together we have. No sure if he know I had affair. The affair ended when I became single she kept putting off leaving husband.
I not saying I was right to have affair but kept me sain."
A very good example of when it's ok. Hope you are ok. |
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Here endeth the discussion..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This weirdly opened up again. So this is a post to choose it again. |
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