FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Married but looking for intimacy?
Married but looking for intimacy?
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"...Would prefer non judgemental responses" • It would be far easier to live with a case of crabs and herpes than 'that'. | |||
"I’ve noticed many people are here for different reasons. Curious to know how many married men or women there are on here playing away. Personally in a dead relationship, no communication, no intimacy or conversation but only staying in this situation for the sake of child. Are there any others in a similar situation on Fab? Would love to hear from others i perhaps in the same boat Would prefer non judgemental responses "Good luck with that. | |||
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"...Would prefer non judgemental responses • It would be far easier to live with a case of crabs and herpes than 'that'."  | |||
"What a horrible situation to be in op, for you and your partner. I think there are people on here looking for the same as you and there are definitely people in your situation. " Yes it’s not the best situation to be in but sometimes you feel there’s no other option but to be there for your child and not allow them to grow up in a ‘broken’ home. Not really spoken to many in a similar situation, or at least not many that care to admit it. | |||
"What a horrible situation to be in op, for you and your partner. I think there are people on here looking for the same as you and there are definitely people in your situation. Yes it’s not the best situation to be in but sometimes you feel there’s no other option but to be there for your child and not allow them to grow up in a ‘broken’ home. Not really spoken to many in a similar situation, or at least not many that care to admit it. " Only you know your with and the reasons behind your choices | |||
"Honest answer? A child just needs to know it is loved. Whether parents are together or not. I split with my daughter's mother when daughter was 5. She is now a well adjusted successful 19 year old. She has virtually no memories of when her parents were together. Had we stayed together her memories would have been of growing up in a family where the dynamic between her parents was all wrong. Staying for the sake of the children has the potential to do more harm than good. " Exactly this OP that's torturing each other and children are very smart a lot of their intelligence is under estimated which it shouldn't be. I hope for the sake of keeping your family healthy you and your partner will part but stay civil in a co parent situation and live your lives freely but of course with your child/children in mind | |||
"Honest answer? A child just needs to know it is loved. Whether parents are together or not. I split with my daughter's mother when daughter was 5. She is now a well adjusted successful 19 year old. She has virtually no memories of when her parents were together. Had we stayed together her memories would have been of growing up in a family where the dynamic between her parents was all wrong. Staying for the sake of the children has the potential to do more harm than good. " I really appreciate your honest answer. How did your daughter feel growing up with her parents not ‘together’? My fear is that my child will grow up with emotional damage or issues that’s the only reason why I’m still in this situation.. it’s not an easy situation to be in but a lot of people seem to judge rather than try to understand a persons predicament. I really appreciate your insightful and honest answer. Thanks you for sharing your personal experience with me | |||
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"What a horrible situation to be in op, for you and your partner. I think there are people on here looking for the same as you and there are definitely people in your situation. Yes it’s not the best situation to be in but sometimes you feel there’s no other option but to be there for your child and not allow them to grow up in a ‘broken’ home. Not really spoken to many in a similar situation, or at least not many that care to admit it. Only you know your with and the reasons behind your choices " I think being in this loveless situation for years tends to kill some of your confidence as it has mine | |||
"Pm me for chat " I was going to say that theee might be other guys in similar situation but filters may be stopping them from messaging. | |||
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"Honest answer? A child just needs to know it is loved. Whether parents are together or not. I split with my daughter's mother when daughter was 5. She is now a well adjusted successful 19 year old. She has virtually no memories of when her parents were together. Had we stayed together her memories would have been of growing up in a family where the dynamic between her parents was all wrong. Staying for the sake of the children has the potential to do more harm than good. I really appreciate your honest answer. How did your daughter feel growing up with her parents not ‘together’? My fear is that my child will grow up with emotional damage or issues that’s the only reason why I’m still in this situation.. it’s not an easy situation to be in but a lot of people seem to judge rather than try to understand a persons predicament. I really appreciate your insightful and honest answer. Thanks you for sharing your personal experience with me " My "emotional damage" was not because my parents split up, but that they did not remain civil. I became a go-between and mediator from about age 6. I've felt like the parent for as long as I can recall. Knowing how and when to separate is the key. When do you "give up" the relationship, what age would the child need to be? I ask because one of my friend's parents stayed together "for the kids" until my friend was about 19 and at uni. She did NOT take it well at all and finding out from her parents that all the apparently happy times from about age 12 onwards had been a performance, a show, lead her to lose trust in both her parents. She felt cheated. Kinda in the same way I felt cheated of the chance to be an actual child. My parents were like cat and dog fighting. Her parents existed in apparent harmony, but both scenarios put the children in harm's way on an emotional level. | |||
"What a horrible situation to be in op, for you and your partner. I think there are people on here looking for the same as you and there are definitely people in your situation. Yes it’s not the best situation to be in but sometimes you feel there’s no other option but to be there for your child and not allow them to grow up in a ‘broken’ home. Not really spoken to many in a similar situation, or at least not many that care to admit it. Only you know your with and the reasons behind your choices I think being in this loveless situation for years tends to kill some of your confidence as it has mine " I'm sure it must, for both of you. I'm not prepared to share details but from personal experience staying for the sake of the children gives them a skewed view of what relationships look like. Unfortunately so does badly managed separation. | |||
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"Honest answer? A child just needs to know it is loved. Whether parents are together or not. I split with my daughter's mother when daughter was 5. She is now a well adjusted successful 19 year old. She has virtually no memories of when her parents were together. Had we stayed together her memories would have been of growing up in a family where the dynamic between her parents was all wrong. Staying for the sake of the children has the potential to do more harm than good. " This is my experience too. Kids know when their parents are unhappy. My 3 kids are adults and all say there was no trauma from the split. Just work hard at building a great relationship with the ex and try not to get lawyers involved. So so much better than cheating or being deprived of intimacy for years. | |||
"I'm married like a lot on here, I've been in a sexless marriage for many years, One of the main reasons I've stayed is for my children, I've had opportunity's to move in with another woman but that didn't work out, And please don't say you should sit down and talk, I've tried, Or I get is, Oh here we go again, But I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot she would want to know why, " I totally understand and I’ve been in the same situation not just sexless but lack of intimacy, love, companionship and just being able to talk about things.. all the things that make a marriage/relationship work I think when children are involved it’s harder to leave them, some people have no issues to walk away from their children and responsibilities whilst others feel too much love and obligated to do right by them.. we’ll at least that’s the case in my head. Once it’s gets so far ahead it’s beyond anything that can be repaired by talking, i understand where you are and I guess only someone going thru the same or been thru the same can really understand without being judgemental. | |||
"Honest answer? A child just needs to know it is loved. Whether parents are together or not. I split with my daughter's mother when daughter was 5. She is now a well adjusted successful 19 year old. She has virtually no memories of when her parents were together. Had we stayed together her memories would have been of growing up in a family where the dynamic between her parents was all wrong. Staying for the sake of the children has the potential to do more harm than good. This is my experience too. Kids know when their parents are unhappy. My 3 kids are adults and all say there was no trauma from the split. Just work hard at building a great relationship with the ex and try not to get lawyers involved. So so much better than cheating or being deprived of intimacy for years. " How old were your kids when they we able to discuss the split with you? How did it make them feel growling up? Sometimes more than just finding someone to cheat with all you want is to find love and affection with someone, esp when you’ve had years of not feeling any kind of love or affection. Not just sexually I mean physical and mental solace.. it’s what everyone really craves in life is it not..!? | |||
"I'm married like a lot on here, I've been in a sexless marriage for many years, One of the main reasons I've stayed is for my children, I've had opportunity's to move in with another woman but that didn't work out, And please don't say you should sit down and talk, I've tried, Or I get is, Oh here we go again, But I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot she would want to know why, I totally understand and I’ve been in the same situation not just sexless but lack of intimacy, love, companionship and just being able to talk about things.. all the things that make a marriage/relationship work I think when children are involved it’s harder to leave them, some people have no issues to walk away from their children and responsibilities whilst others feel too much love and obligated to do right by them.. we’ll at least that’s the case in my head. Once it’s gets so far ahead it’s beyond anything that can be repaired by talking, i understand where you are and I guess only someone going thru the same or been thru the same can really understand without being judgemental. " It's been like this for years, She doesn't even bother to ask how my day was or where I was working, But I get to hear everything about her work day, I work a lot of nights which suits me, I'm working at the moment, I've laid many a night just looking at the ceiling thinking what have I done wrong, What's wrong with me, I work a lot of hours now to avoid the crap feeling of laying there thinking it's my fault, I've been on this site many years, I have long breaks from it but always come back, It's an addictive site, | |||
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"I'm married like a lot on here, I've been in a sexless marriage for many years, One of the main reasons I've stayed is for my children, I've had opportunity's to move in with another woman but that didn't work out, And please don't say you should sit down and talk, I've tried, Or I get is, Oh here we go again, But I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot she would want to know why, I totally understand and I’ve been in the same situation not just sexless but lack of intimacy, love, companionship and just being able to talk about things.. all the things that make a marriage/relationship work I think when children are involved it’s harder to leave them, some people have no issues to walk away from their children and responsibilities whilst others feel too much love and obligated to do right by them.. we’ll at least that’s the case in my head. Once it’s gets so far ahead it’s beyond anything that can be repaired by talking, i understand where you are and I guess only someone going thru the same or been thru the same can really understand without being judgemental. It's been like this for years, She doesn't even bother to ask how my day was or where I was working, But I get to hear everything about her work day, I work a lot of nights which suits me, I'm working at the moment, I've laid many a night just looking at the ceiling thinking what have I done wrong, What's wrong with me, I work a lot of hours now to avoid the crap feeling of laying there thinking it's my fault, I've been on this site many years, I have long breaks from it but always come back, It's an addictive site, " I hear you brother. I’m in the same boat, I tend to try working as much as I can’t often working 7 days just so I can have better interaction or not feel like crap when at home. I’ve been sleeping separately for about 2 years now, pretty much do everything for myself only time we really talk it’s related to our child or who’s doing the schools run etc I have had a few nasty message from people on here spewing all sorts of judgements and opinions. We don’t choose to be in this situation some people forget men also have hearts and need love | |||
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""Personally in a dead relationship, no communication, no intimacy or conversation but only staying in this situation for the sake of child." Dude, I'm a stranger on the Internet so I'd advise against taking any of our advice...but...does that seem good for your wee one(s)? My parents had a terrible relationship, stayed together for us and it really did noone any favours! " I have started looking for my own place and hopefully plan to move out soon as I cannot carry on living like this, when you have given years of your life it’s not an easy step to take esp when you know you will have to start again from scratch, i wouldn’t want to fight for this house or car or anything as i wouldn’t want my child to be disrupted in the home so the best option is to move on and start afresh I’m sorry to hear you went thru what you may have growing up. | |||
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"I'm married like a lot on here, I've been in a sexless marriage for many years, One of the main reasons I've stayed is for my children, I've had opportunity's to move in with another woman but that didn't work out, And please don't say you should sit down and talk, I've tried, Or I get is, Oh here we go again, But I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot she would want to know why, I totally understand and I’ve been in the same situation not just sexless but lack of intimacy, love, companionship and just being able to talk about things.. all the things that make a marriage/relationship work I think when children are involved it’s harder to leave them, some people have no issues to walk away from their children and responsibilities whilst others feel too much love and obligated to do right by them.. we’ll at least that’s the case in my head. Once it’s gets so far ahead it’s beyond anything that can be repaired by talking, i understand where you are and I guess only someone going thru the same or been thru the same can really understand without being judgemental. It's been like this for years, She doesn't even bother to ask how my day was or where I was working, But I get to hear everything about her work day, I work a lot of nights which suits me, I'm working at the moment, I've laid many a night just looking at the ceiling thinking what have I done wrong, What's wrong with me, I work a lot of hours now to avoid the crap feeling of laying there thinking it's my fault, I've been on this site many years, I have long breaks from it but always come back, It's an addictive site, I hear you brother. I’m in the same boat, I tend to try working as much as I can’t often working 7 days just so I can have better interaction or not feel like crap when at home. I’ve been sleeping separately for about 2 years now, pretty much do everything for myself only time we really talk it’s related to our child or who’s doing the schools run etc I have had a few nasty message from people on here spewing all sorts of judgements and opinions. We don’t choose to be in this situation some people forget men also have hearts and need love " Sadly there are a lot of men out there in the same boat as us, We are not in separate beds, The dogs sleep between us which suits me, thankfully I've not had any horrible messages, but it wouldn't bother me, Delete and block, we sort out when the school holidays come about who's doing what and if I'm on nights, | |||
"The green arrow is very interesting your post 'Muslim and Love Trans People' 22 weeks ago makes for an interesting read " What was interesting about it? | |||
"Be honest but also appreciate that alot of women won't want a married man, because 1 they don't want to risk getting involved in drama and 2 they don't want the karma to come back on them " I do understand this, and don’t blame them. That’s why I’ve decided to start looking for my own place and to finally start thinking about moving on with my life. However I will always be honest with anyone I meet about my situation and hope that some day I can find someone whom I can love my life with and find abit of happiness | |||
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"At the end of the day, this site is a sex site so no one should be judged for using this site, " You would think so.. I have had a few nasty messages off a few people | |||
"Honest answer? A child just needs to know it is loved. Whether parents are together or not. I split with my daughter's mother when daughter was 5. She is now a well adjusted successful 19 year old. She has virtually no memories of when her parents were together. Had we stayed together her memories would have been of growing up in a family where the dynamic between her parents was all wrong. Staying for the sake of the children has the potential to do more harm than good. " | |||
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"At the end of the day, this site is a sex site so no one should be judged for using this site, " It's not a sex site, it's a swingers site. Everyone knows there is a moral code amongst swingers particularly couples/those in relationships that they are honest with their partners So yes people will have opinions and will judge those who are being deceitful | |||
"Block them, My block list has over 100 people in it, Some rude and arrogant people out there, " Yes I’ve started doing that. No need for it really if you don’t agree no need to start getting nasty with anyone as far as I’m concerned | |||
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"The green arrow is very interesting your post 'Muslim and Love Trans People' 22 weeks ago makes for an interesting read What was interesting about it?" The OP said that he has ended his marriage in that post. | |||
"..,,, Would prefer non judgemental responses "Well. My hands are tied here then aren’t they.  | |||
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"I’ve noticed many people are here for different reasons. Curious to know how many married men or women there are on here playing away. Personally in a dead relationship, no communication, no intimacy or conversation but only staying in this situation for the sake of child. Are there any others in a similar situation on Fab? Would love to hear from others i perhaps in the same boat Would prefer non judgemental responses "Divorce can be hard for both parties and the kids A dead bedroom isn’t nice either I don’t think cheating is nice, but I think the financial outcome of a divorce and the effect it can have on the kids can sometimes justify it Not everything’s black and white Plenty of people have perfectly good marriages but just dead bedrooms for a number of reasons. | |||
