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Funniest insult
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"I got called a tory chavy bastard earlier today for saying no thanks. That tickled me."
I’d be most insulted by the Tory element of that tbh. Good to see members of my sex are taking rejection with their usual maturity and good grace though. We’re classy animals |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remb I met a guy on here and he said to me I wouldn't be here with you if I was getting it at home .. i was like ya cheeky fucker and I went home  lol
Surprised you didn’t chin him first"
I'm only 5ft lol I should had kneed him in the balls  |
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"I remb I met a guy on here and he said to me I wouldn't be here with you if I was getting it at home .. i was like ya cheeky fucker and I went home lol
Surprised you didn’t chin him first
I'm only 5ft lol I should had kneed him in the balls "
Maybe give him a harsh wank using chilli oil as lube  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remb I met a guy on here and he said to me I wouldn't be here with you if I was getting it at home .. i was like ya cheeky fucker and I went home lol
Surprised you didn’t chin him first
I'm only 5ft lol I should had kneed him in the balls
Maybe give him a harsh wank using chilli oil as lube "
Lol love it .. don't chat to him anymore, but I'll keep that in mind  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My female airborne instructor asked us females before our first jump if we were wearing a tampon or a pad. We asked why. She stated so we don't whistle on the way down. |
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"My female airborne instructor asked us females before our first jump if we were wearing a tampon or a pad. We asked why. She stated so we don't whistle on the way down. "
Lol snortled at this one |
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You Cunting Fuckhole..
I seem to say it a lot..
Luckily it's only at NPC's on video games lol.
You festering tit.
Snaggletoothed witch.
Trawling Accident.
Son of a Donkeys bottom biter.
A few of the many. |
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As thick as a whale omelette.
What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. |
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My best mate gave me the best insult I've ever heard and I laughed harder than I've done in years. My daughter was there and it left her shocked and confused.
I'm a naturist and have a hot tub I use naked. My mate isn't open like me and it bothers him to see me naked. This particular night I was going to use the hot tub but my mate came over. My daughter sat with us and said, I thought you were using the tub tonight Dad. I said not yet, Paul doesn't like to see me clothed off. To which Paul shuck his head and sighed. There was a pause and a silence, and then, with a straight face my best friend in the world said, a though just thinking out loud, "who know, couple of year, if I let myself go, ...maybe I could look like that."
I nearly fell off my chair laughing, whilst my daughter, a woke millennial, sat there looking shocked.
|
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I'm now reminded of a lovely old guy I worked with,a gentle soul..another worker (blonde bombshell),but a bunny boiler, said 'you're undressing me with your eyes ',He replied 'f..k off, you're ugly enough with your clothes on '. |
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"I'm now reminded of a lovely old guy I worked with,a gentle soul..another worker (blonde bombshell),but a bunny boiler, said 'you're undressing me with your eyes ',He replied 'f..k off, you're ugly enough with your clothes on '."
Scorchio |
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"My best mate gave me the best insult I've ever heard and I laughed harder than I've done in years. My daughter was there and it left her shocked and confused.
I'm a naturist and have a hot tub I use naked. My mate isn't open like me and it bothers him to see me naked. This particular night I was going to use the hot tub but my mate came over. My daughter sat with us and said, I thought you were using the tub tonight Dad. I said not yet, Paul doesn't like to see me clothed off. To which Paul shuck his head and sighed. There was a pause and a silence, and then, with a straight face my best friend in the world said, a though just thinking out loud, "who know, couple of year, if I let myself go, ...maybe I could look like that."
I nearly fell off my chair laughing, whilst my daughter, a woke millennial, sat there looking shocked.
"
Lol that’s what best mates are for |
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"As thick as a whale omelette.
What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
Whale omelette lol.
Now I’m trying to remember where I heard the second one |
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"You Cunting Fuckhole..
I seem to say it a lot..
Luckily it's only at NPC's on video games lol.
You festering tit.
Snaggletoothed witch.
Trawling Accident.
Son of a Donkeys bottom biter.
A few of the many."
Quite a broad and impressive repertoire |
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"You Cunting Fuckhole..
I seem to say it a lot..
Luckily it's only at NPC's on video games lol.
You festering tit.
Snaggletoothed witch.
Trawling Accident.
Son of a Donkeys bottom biter.
A few of the many.
Quite a broad and impressive repertoire "
 |
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"Said to me as a fat reference after a "no thank you message" but did make me chuckle - "I thought you people were meant to be jolly"
Spiteful , and irrelevant from looking at your pics"
I chuckled... I'm really not going to get uptight about a comment like that. I didn't think it was the best insult but thought it amusing nonetheless. My profile picture is really old so perhaps not irrelevant! |
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I remember when I was basic training one of the lads reply when he was asked to get something by another lad:
"And why don't you get a spoon and eat my arse".
(Which I think he'd taken inspiration from the film American Pie if I'm not mistaken).
To which the reply came back sharp as anything in a thick Scottish accent:
"I'd need a fucking ladle you fat cunt, now go get it".
Just the timing, the accent and the wit (IMO) still makes me chuckle today and that was about 20 years ago.
Mr
|
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"I remember when I was basic training one of the lads reply when he was asked to get something by another lad:
"And why don't you get a spoon and eat my arse".
(Which I think he'd taken inspiration from the film American Pie if I'm not mistaken).
To which the reply came back sharp as anything in a thick Scottish accent:
"I'd need a fucking ladle you fat cunt, now go get it".
Just the timing, the accent and the wit (IMO) still makes me chuckle today and that was about 20 years ago.
Mr
"
Defo a good retort that one |
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"I was once told to, and I quote “fuck off you fucking fucker”… I forget the context, but I can only assume I had somehow upset a chap with a rather limited vocabulary"
He Defo sounds like a Mensa member to me lol |
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"If you're the answer
What's the fucking question lol
French teacher to me at school,for yet again disrupting his class, clowning around
Deep but funny lol"
I thought it was hilarious,I was I pieces when he said it, which then made the other 30 kids erupt into laughter,I fucking loved that lesson |
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"You dress like an E*cort so you deserve to be treated like one....  From a middle aged chip on shoulder excuse of a Man "
Best response to that.
And even.if you held up a bank, you couldn't afford a minute of my time. (Then knee to the groin) |
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"You dress like an E*cort so you deserve to be treated like one.... From a middle aged chip on shoulder excuse of a Man
Best response to that.
And even.if you held up a bank, you couldn't afford a minute of my time. (Then knee to the groin)"
Sounds good |
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My current favourites;
If we were on a plane about to crash and only had one parachute, I promise I'd give an amazing speech at your funeral.
If I lent you £50 and never saw you again, it was probably worth every penny.
A European neurosurgeon isn't coming for your job Kevin, they have a PhD. You have two GCSEs and an STI.
Common sense seems to be chasing you, but you appear to be too quick for it. |
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