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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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over do you have a right to your hurt/anger?
I'm borrowing the subject from a post because it made me think. Do people have a right to it? How do you behave when angry or hurt? It could be in any setting, work or personal life.
Would you/have you ever been abusive? Whether it's on the forum or in real life? Are you able to own your negative behaviour? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we always own our feelings and often the best way to heal from them is to feel them.
I was hurting a lot over the last few months and even through I know I don't really have a right to be as I allowed it and knew it would happen, it doesn't make it hurt less
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Bad behaviour is bad behaviour. Hurt/anger needs an outlet but it should never be at someone else’s expense. When I’m really hurt/angry I want my own company so I’ll go for a swim in the sea or violently scrub my flat from top to bottom. Rage cleaning is underrated. Once I’ve calmed down slightly I’ll vent to loved ones.
I’m really lucky that I have good friends and family who hold me accountable. Last time I went to my mums I was in a bad mood. She made me walk out and back in again to ‘try that again shall we’  |
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Of course you have the right to feel hurt and angry.
How you express that is a slightly different matter.
I had a thing a little while back where someone was perfectly right to feel hurt and angry about something that involved me, despite me not knowingly doing any of it with the knowledge they'd be upset by it. They lashed out, and I completely understand and forgive the reaction once we both understood the situation.
They were hurting, and it's just human to do that. Was it right to lash out at me? Probably not. But they had every right to feel hurt and angry. |
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When I was younger I was luck I played rugby as that's a perfect way to release some pent up anger, now I can just take it out on some wood (no pun intended) I've have had a fight or raised a hand to anyone and it's very rare I'll even raise my voice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A right to feel hurt and angry, yeah of course.
In normal everyday life very few things do as I know to stay away from situations and certain people.
On here though things can get a bit.....eeeeekkkk. Its all to obvious when people get together and it's all lovely and crap and then the inevitable happens and the fall out ensues and it's a tad cringe. Yeah I'm guilty of it in the past aswell, something's are just better kept in our heads than on threads though. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I think we always own our feelings and often the best way to heal from them is to feel them.
I was hurting a lot over the last few months and even through I know I don't really have a right to be as I allowed it and knew it would happen, it doesn't make it hurt less
"
I'm not sure we always do. No, I can definitely say we don't.
Not our feelings nor how we weaponise/use them. I do think it's something that should be felt and also acknowledged internally (and to those who end up affected by them). |
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"Of course you have the right to feel hurt and angry. How you express that is a slightly different matter."
I agree wholeheartedly.
We all have the ‘right’ to our feelings. That’s such a no-brainer it almost feels redundant to say it. But we also have the ability (and maybe responsibility) to not always act on them. Or to act on the responsibly. Proportionately. Sensibly. I dunno, something like that anyway. I’m stumbling over the right word to use there.
.
"Some things are just better kept in our heads than on threads though. "
I really like this. Heads not threads. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think we always own our feelings and often the best way to heal from them is to feel them.
I was hurting a lot over the last few months and even through I know I don't really have a right to be as I allowed it and knew it would happen, it doesn't make it hurt less
I'm not sure we always do. No, I can definitely say we don't.
Not our feelings nor how we weaponise/use them. I do think it's something that should be felt and also acknowledged internally (and to those who end up affected by them)."
I think you can own them and feel them but you do have a responsibility to not hurt others in how you feel them or express them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you have a right to be hurt or angry and I have been guilty of lashing out at people who have upset me rather than expressing how I feel properly. It’s not the best way to deal with it and it’s something I’m trying to work on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just assume everything’s my fault.
Either it’s something I did (or didn’t do) or it’s something I gave someone else an opportunity to do to me.
Either way, my own dumb fault."
I can see your penis. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Bad behaviour is bad behaviour. Hurt/anger needs an outlet but it should never be at someone else’s expense. When I’m really hurt/angry I want my own company so I’ll go for a swim in the sea or violently scrub my flat from top to bottom. Rage cleaning is underrated. Once I’ve calmed down slightly I’ll vent to loved ones.
I’m really lucky that I have good friends and family who hold me accountable. Last time I went to my mums I was in a bad mood. She made me walk out and back in again to ‘try that again shall we’ "
Will you ever get so annoyed you wash that dressing gown? 'Cause I'll happily annoy you then.
Hurt/anger is an outlet and should never be an expense. Such wisdom. I like that.
Your mum? Fantastic.  A person has quite a blunt way of handling me. It's very similar. I quite like that. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"A right to feel hurt and angry, yeah of course.
In normal everyday life very few things do as I know to stay away from situations and certain people.
On here though things can get a bit.....eeeeekkkk. Its all to obvious when people get together and it's all lovely and crap and then the inevitable happens and the fall out ensues and it's a tad cringe. Yeah I'm guilty of it in the past aswell, something's are just better kept in our heads than on threads though. "
Eeeeek is a good way of describing it. You're able to own being guilty of it in the past. I do think you're right, somethings are better in our heads than on threads though.
I don't think I could ever do again a public thread abusing someone - it's not a good way of handling my anger and hurt. I did once start a thread about a comment a person made to me about me being the sort of person someone isn't immediately attracted to. I did ask for it to be removed once I'd calmed down from my hurt less than a hour later.
The fallout is a bit cringe. But then again, people are human and can use it to vent or share their emotions. It's how it's handled/discussed isn't it? You could say "Oh X is an absolute dick, utter trash, the worst" or you could say "I was hurt by this experience (when relevant to a thread".
Feelings can get the better of us sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"over do you have a right to your hurt/anger?
I'm borrowing the subject from a post because it made me think. Do people have a right to it? How do you behave when angry or hurt? It could be in any setting, work or personal life.
Would you/have you ever been abusive? Whether it's on the forum or in real life? Are you able to own your negative behaviour?"
Hi Op. Hope you feeling better?
Yes, we do need to feel emotions. How we cope with them is vital. Suppression of anger is not healthy. Venting off to a friend, getting it off chest and not dwelling would be my way of coping. Shout at the wall it does not answer back haha.
We all have different coping mechanisms to cope with hurt or anger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cry.. It helps to release that hornmoan. Haha.
I have done a conflict management course. Did it help no not really it was more for helping others. At the time I had to teach ohers how to cope how to talk about it.
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"When I was younger I was luck I played rugby as that's a perfect way to release some pent up anger, now I can just take it out on some wood (no pun intended) I've have had a fight or raised a hand to anyone and it's very rare I'll even raise my voice. "
Ah rugby! Yes. It's a good outlet to have for the sort of pent up feelings. Having those safe spaces where you can direct that erm energy without causing harm. Like cleaning. Playing an instrument. Going for a long walk. If you're able to handle your emotions better you end up far happier. |
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We have a right to feel whatever we feel. As others have said, it's how we deal with those feelings that is the difficult part.
A lot of the time when I see those threads on here, it seems to me, from my external perspective, that it's more about misaligned expectations than whatever the thread is labelled as.
Would I air my dirty laundry in a thread? Nah, I'm not in need/want of attention or validation, and I can deal with my own crap privately. |
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It's down to self control really, some have it mastered more than others. It's very important for people to accept that it's never a good thing to act on emotions if it's involving a negative situation
Best to not do something that you will not be able to undo and seeking revenge is very heartless. Karma is definitely a real thing wether or not you see what the universe serves to those who don't practice acts of kindness |
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