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The direct approach.
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense? |
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"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?"
I told someone once how I felt... never again... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think talk is cheap, actions matter
I’ve had women say they fancy me then make zero effort
I’ve had women seem uninterested for years before finally saying they’ve fancied me for ages
Words are cheap. If I fancy you, you’ll know through my actions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love feelings and talking about feelings.
Whaaaaat? No. Really? You?
But
but
but, you're so stoic and reserved.  "
Redefining Black Masculinity. That’s the title of my memoirs |
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Um.
I think I just vomit it out like every other thing on the surface of my brain.
Sometimes I'll overthink myself out of saying something for a bit, but it'll be out within a few days tops. If I let a moment pass without feeling able to act on it, then I figure if I can at least express afterwards how I felt and why I struggled to get the words out, they'll understand better the next time without having to blind guess why I'm freezing up.
I like people to be open and honest with me. If a little panic sets in in a moment and they have to tell me later, that's okay too. But I'd rather know than not |
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By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?"
Find it really hard (unless I am clearly the boss). Only done it in earnest once and she married me. |
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By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?
I told someone once how I felt... never again... "
Sorry to hear that. Wrong person! |
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"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?
I told someone once how I felt... never again...
Sorry to hear that. Wrong person!"
Well not to me he wasn't.... |
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"Generally middling to bad.
Rarely.
Yes. Much easier.
What do you do if you meet a middling to bad person at it? Just wait it out or cock it up simultaneously?"
Pretty much, yup. If I really like them it’ll bring out the middling side of me so it only takes months instead of decades. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
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"I don’t think it’s ever easy for fear of rejection but tomorrow’s never promised so if you fancy someone say something or risk a life of thinking what if "
I think fear of rejection is a big thing, especially on here. I do think people should say fuck it far more. I don't think no's are necessarily the end of the world. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If its strong feelings I'm like a pressure cooker and can't keep my mouth shut! I do wonder if this is a good way to be though! Let's face it, it's nice to hear the person you like also likes you. But hearing it from someone who doesn't feel the same, just tends to make them feel uncomfortable! So maybe I should learn more self control?
Ps Happy birthday lovely Meli (saw your status update) xxx |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I only like hearing about their feelings if I feel the same.
Otherwise it just feels awkward and uncomfortable (to me).
I don’t really do talking about my feelings. I’m shy, introverted and it makes me clam up. That said, I can happily express my feelings in text. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to be really scared about having those sorts of conversations. But that just made my anxiety rocket. So now I have that chat when it needs to happen. I also make the person know from thr beginning that I don't do guess work, I want them to be honest and upfront with me.
But also agree with the others who have said actions speak louder than words. So a combo matters to me. Tell me you like me and then follow through with actions that prove it. |
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"I think talk is cheap, actions matter
I’ve had women say they fancy me then make zero effort
I’ve had women seem uninterested for years before finally saying they’ve fancied me for ages
Words are cheap. If I fancy you, you’ll know through my actions "
I'm a fan of this approach |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't really trust words anymore not after the amount of false hope came by them. I'd rather a lady be very obvious action wise. Plus I struggle to read body language so even better for me.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It really depends. I've been pretty open with people in the past but often it's just been used as a tool to get what they want from me.
I'd like to think I am selective enough with people now that if I was to have those conversations they would respond with kindness.
I'd likely talk myself out of it many times though first and probably say something at the wrong moment completely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It really depends. I've been pretty open with people in the past but often it's just been used as a tool to get what they want from me.
I'd like to think I am selective enough with people now that if I was to have those conversations they would respond with kindness.
I'd likely talk myself out of it many times though first and probably say something at the wrong moment completely. "
Me. But I can't dig myself out of my hole... so lucky u xD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I absolutely love when people speak directly to me! I can then reciprocate.
Speaking about feelings? Never. Only with husband. Otherwise, it's like getting blood out of a stone.
Started to think about making first move recently... |
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Sometimes there's the fear of being accused of Harassment, 'Me Too', etc.
This can be really off-putting when wanting to make the first move and say how you feel.
"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I absolutely love when people speak directly to me! I can then reciprocate.
Speaking about feelings? Never. Only with husband. Otherwise, it's like getting blood out of a stone.
Started to think about making first move recently..."
Go FOR It! From a shy ish guy like me who's only just getting used to opening up and being risky. It's a confidence booster and moral booster every so all haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell them. Balls in their court now, no longer my problem. It's out there. Can't put it back in the box.
Did that once ...made a complete idiot of myself....  "
Same. Get over it after about a year or 2 xD |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Tell them. Balls in their court now, no longer my problem. It's out there. Can't put it back in the box.
Did that once ...made a complete idiot of myself.... "
Do it anyway. Say it then walk away. They either feel the same, in which case it's on them for the next move, or they don't and nothing changes - fallout is generally on their part.
If they make fun of or have you feeling silly then it's just reinforcement that they are a shitty person and better off not with them. |
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"Tell them. Balls in their court now, no longer my problem. It's out there. Can't put it back in the box.
Did that once ...made a complete idiot of myself....
Do it anyway. Say it then walk away. They either feel the same, in which case it's on them for the next move, or they don't and nothing changes - fallout is generally on their part.
If they make fun of or have you feeling silly then it's just reinforcement that they are a shitty person and better off not with them. "
Let's just the mental toll making a fool of myself had on me was very very bad... went on a very sharp downward spiral... |
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"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?
I told someone once how I felt... never again... "
In that case .. FAF ?  |
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"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?"
On here? I find the "I fancy you" easy.
I am much less good at the deeper relationship stuff and in a dating situation will likely wait until I'm *really* sure before making a move. I'm not a natural talker about feelings.
I like direct people! I may react like a clutz, but I still appreciate it. |
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"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?
I told someone once how I felt... never again...
In that case .. FAF ? "
Yeah why not lol |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I tend towards the "keep it in until it spews out by accident" approach. I'm a believer that good and nice feelings should be shared, and I'm always aware, especially on anniversaries of loss, that you should speak out as tomorrow isn't guaranteed. On a very difficult recent anniversary I took that bull by the horns in a really awkward and word vomity way... and I'm so blessed that the recipient of the vomit took it as a good thing rather than terrifying 
I've also got the fear that my feelings will be used to control me or take advantage of me, though, so I do try not to have the accidental vomit.
Hypocritically though, I'm terrified of being given the gift of someone else's feelings, and it takes me a long while to deal with that if and when it happens. That's partly because other people's feelings have usually come with dangerous, threatening and painful strings attached, and so I tend to become closed off and insular until I've worked through my reaction. Very, very few people stick it out through that, but I am lucky enough to have one.
Friends, where there is no romantic or sexual factor... I'm absolutely happy to share loving feelings both ways with.
Thank you for attending my TED talk |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Tell them. Balls in their court now, no longer my problem. It's out there. Can't put it back in the box.
Did that once ...made a complete idiot of myself....
Do it anyway. Say it then walk away. They either feel the same, in which case it's on them for the next move, or they don't and nothing changes - fallout is generally on their part.
If they make fun of or have you feeling silly then it's just reinforcement that they are a shitty person and better off not with them.
Let's just the mental toll making a fool of myself had on me was very very bad... went on a very sharp downward spiral..."
I get that, and have been there though I can't say to that extreme.
However having, in the past, missed out on things because I said nothing to those I felt strongly about I'll never not tell somebody I like them again. Especially when it doesn't really happen all that often anyway. |
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"Tell them. Balls in their court now, no longer my problem. It's out there. Can't put it back in the box.
Did that once ...made a complete idiot of myself....
Do it anyway. Say it then walk away. They either feel the same, in which case it's on them for the next move, or they don't and nothing changes - fallout is generally on their part.
If they make fun of or have you feeling silly then it's just reinforcement that they are a shitty person and better off not with them.
Let's just the mental toll making a fool of myself had on me was very very bad... went on a very sharp downward spiral...
I get that, and have been there though I can't say to that extreme.
However having, in the past, missed out on things because I said nothing to those I felt strongly about I'll never not tell somebody I like them again. Especially when it doesn't really happen all that often anyway."
Fair enough... get back on the horse so to speak lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I absolutely love when people speak directly to me! I can then reciprocate.
Speaking about feelings? Never. Only with husband. Otherwise, it's like getting blood out of a stone.
Started to think about making first move recently...
Go FOR It! From a shy ish guy like me who's only just getting used to opening up and being risky. It's a confidence booster and moral booster every so all haha"
Haha I'll get there, in a few weeks  |
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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago
Lives in Preston, Eng |
"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it? "
Pretty decent. Though I don't always do it for fear of making the other person uncomfortable.
I rarely feel like I dread feelings
.it doesn't always work out by feelings are fun.
"Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?"
Yes again I might hesitate if I think that they won't be able to say no if they are not interested or if I think they will feel uncomfortable.
"Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?"
Fuck yes. Love it. Honesty doesn't feel intense. If it feels like they are trying to persuade me then I find that intense. But just saying how you feel? Bring it on! |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
I don't really want to talk about feelings until it's definitely actually a friendship that's passing the test of some time and lots of time spent together in different situations. Any feelings chat before that point is just going to make me run/distance myself.
Then I'm probably still a bit reluctant.
But I'm very caring and giving so I hope that shows my feelings more than words could anyway. |
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"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?
I told someone once how I felt... never again...
In that case .. FAF ?
Yeah why not lol "
I'm glad you agree |
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"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?
I told someone once how I felt... never again...
In that case .. FAF ?
Yeah why not lol
I'm glad you agree "
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Telling people I fancy them? Easy. What's to lose by saying it directly? The worst that can happen is they don't fancy you back. But at least you know.
Sharing feelings? It's not very often that my icy heart thaws enough to actually have them. When it does, I often wait until I'm positive that's what they are, and not just indigestion or the effects of a dodgy takeaway. But if they are real feelings, then, again, I'm very direct about it.
It frustrates me when people can't talk about things beyond the superficial. I'm not a mind reader, and I'm going to form my own conclusions based on your behaviour unless you spit it out. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"Tell them. Balls in their court now, no longer my problem. It's out there. Can't put it back in the box.
Did that once ...made a complete idiot of myself....
Do it anyway. Say it then walk away. They either feel the same, in which case it's on them for the next move, or they don't and nothing changes - fallout is generally on their part.
If they make fun of or have you feeling silly then it's just reinforcement that they are a shitty person and better off not with them.
Let's just the mental toll making a fool of myself had on me was very very bad... went on a very sharp downward spiral...
I get that, and have been there though I can't say to that extreme.
However having, in the past, missed out on things because I said nothing to those I felt strongly about I'll never not tell somebody I like them again. Especially when it doesn't really happen all that often anyway.
Fair enough... get back on the horse so to speak lol"
Sort of! Bit more too it but yes |
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"Tell them. Balls in their court now, no longer my problem. It's out there. Can't put it back in the box.
Did that once ...made a complete idiot of myself....
Do it anyway. Say it then walk away. They either feel the same, in which case it's on them for the next move, or they don't and nothing changes - fallout is generally on their part.
If they make fun of or have you feeling silly then it's just reinforcement that they are a shitty person and better off not with them.
Let's just the mental toll making a fool of myself had on me was very very bad... went on a very sharp downward spiral...
I get that, and have been there though I can't say to that extreme.
However having, in the past, missed out on things because I said nothing to those I felt strongly about I'll never not tell somebody I like them again. Especially when it doesn't really happen all that often anyway.
Fair enough... get back on the horse so to speak lol
Sort of! Bit more too it but yes "
Lol |
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"When it comes to telling someone how you feel about them, whether it's fancying them, growing/having the dreaded "feelings" for them etc; how good are you at it?
Do you feel comfortable making that first move? Speaking up about your feelings?
Do you prefer people to be direct with you or do you ever find it a bit intense?"
I don't make the first move, and I don't have words to talk about feelings. When I'm asked about them the best I've got is "fine".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I'm good at telling people I enjoy them, enjoy their company and what it is about them I like or enjoy the most. I'm good at those kind of feelings, I'm good at compliments.
But feelings, I'm always cautious. I'm not very good with the L word. Love. If that gets said to me I'll clam up and run. And I sure as hell am not going to say it first.
When it's my friends and kids, I'll say it first regardless and won't think twice. But to a man, it's not something I even want to go near for a while myriad of reasons. And I clearly state that from the get though,that I am quite dire t about, maybe even a bit aggressive on.
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don't really want to talk about feelings until it's definitely actually a friendship that's passing the test of some time and lots of time spent together in different situations. Any feelings chat before that point is just going to make me run/distance myself.
Then I'm probably still a bit reluctant.
But I'm very caring and giving so I hope that shows my feelings more than words could anyway. "
This. 
I'm very relationship averse at the moment and probably will be for a long while.
But good friends? Yep. Bring it on.
And as for being direct about fancying someone? No. I'm shit at that. To the extent I'll carry on as if it was purely a social meeting even when someone is lying stark naked next to me....  |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I'm pretty crap at all of it to be honest
And if people aren't direct with me I'll just assume they are being friendly. To be fair even if they are being direct I'll still assume they are just being nice.
I may be a lost cause |
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I've got much better at it over the years. Now I positively embrace it. I can't be arsed with hints and reading between the lines. Does that sometimes make me vulnerable? Yes. But I'd rather that then squash my emotions down or live with "what ifs".
Mrs TMN x |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Please excuse my typos. It's been a real problem today. My CFS is a bitch."
Ah don't worry about typos! Honestly, I couldn't give a fuck as long as I can understand/be understood so you shouldn't worry about it either. I hope the CFS is more manageable today for you, x |
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I require a direct approach, I do not want to speculate or assume what someone meant. A lot of the time my intuition is right.
I'm a bit of a closed door once someone has made me do their adulting for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah say it how it is.
I’m a man who likes to know where he stands, people who pussyfoot about drive me insane.
What’s the worst that can happen ? They say no, oh no end of the world .
The mr "
You have the security of knowing that someone loves you. That surely makes a "rejection" of any kind somewhat easier to take. But it's not a position everyone is in. |
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"Yeah say it how it is.
I’m a man who likes to know where he stands, people who pussyfoot about drive me insane.
What’s the worst that can happen ? They say no, oh no end of the world .
The mr
You have the security of knowing that someone loves you. That surely makes a "rejection" of any kind somewhat easier to take. But it's not a position everyone is in."
I’d be the exact same if I was single, if you don’t ask you’ll never know. I’d rather know than do my own head thinking about it.
The mr |
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By *ovicasusMan
over a year ago
Lytham St Annes |
I’m trying but after a lifetime of being shy/backward/terrible it’s not easy. These days my conversations are pretty much limited to people I see out walking the dog and Facetime with my children, but I’m trying to be more open.
I’ve only approached someone twice to ask for a date (in the 80s!), knocked back both times.
The small number of relationships I’ve had, including marriage to my late wife, only happened because someone approached me. I live in hope!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah say it how it is.
I’m a man who likes to know where he stands, people who pussyfoot about drive me insane.
What’s the worst that can happen ? They say no, oh no end of the world .
The mr
You have the security of knowing that someone loves you. That surely makes a "rejection" of any kind somewhat easier to take. But it's not a position everyone is in.
I’d be the exact same if I was single, if you don’t ask you’ll never know. I’d rather know than do my own head thinking about it.
The mr "
Maybe  |
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"Yeah say it how it is.
I’m a man who likes to know where he stands, people who pussyfoot about drive me insane.
What’s the worst that can happen ? They say no, oh no end of the world .
The mr
You have the security of knowing that someone loves you. That surely makes a "rejection" of any kind somewhat easier to take. But it's not a position everyone is in."
It really doesn't |
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