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Back to the drawing board
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Whatever the reason, and I'm sure we've all been there with the classics, you find yourself back at the drawing board hunting for a partner to get naked with again.
Maybe you're ghosted, it just fizzles, they moved onto someone else, or maybe.....they start waving red flags like it's a carnival and you have to put a stop to it all.
Do you reassess your criteria in a potential partner, what you go for, what you're attracted to etc? Have you mastered it? Or do you replay the same process over and over and hope for the result you want?
Does it fill you with excitement looking for someone or just despondency?
Disclaimer, this is not a me asking for advice thread. It's a me asking you the questions thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It always feels a bit of a downer to be in that position again. But it should feel like a fresh start! I try and be objective and look at what I can tweak and do better/different next time! |
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I think every time something fizzles, I change up what I’m looking for slightly but that’s because I don’t want to be comparing anyone and if there are too many similarities then it can be harder to avoid that.
Sometimes I’m excited! I love getting to know someone and seeing how we slot together. I live the first kiss, the first touch, the first shit post-sex tea that you pretend to like because you’re being polite and they’ve just given you a lot of orgasms.
At the moment, I have no motivation at all and would love nothing more than for someone to say ‘here you go. This man/woman is a good egg and they’ll let you smash your genitals on theirs’ |
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"Whatever the reason, and I'm sure we've all been there with the classics, you find yourself back at the drawing board hunting for a partner to get naked with again.
Maybe you're ghosted, it just fizzles, they moved onto someone else, or maybe.....they start waving red flags like it's a carnival and you have to put a stop to it all.
Do you reassess your criteria in a potential partner, what you go for, what you're attracted to etc? Have you mastered it? Or do you replay the same process over and over and hope for the result you want?
Does it fill you with excitement looking for someone or just despondency?
Disclaimer, this is not a me asking for advice thread. It's a me asking you the questions thread."
The obvious question in these situations is to ask yourself what happened, why it happened, and what, if anything, can you do to stop it happening again. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Some people are fickle. The majority of what I look for doesn't mean that these people won't be, not will looking for something else stop them being fickle.
So I just keep focused on what I want and like. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Despondency.
Dating is hard work and (for me) not enjoyable. I don’t like having to be sociable.
So I have given up on “dating” and now I’ll just wait to see if any lightening bolt strikes whilst I’m going about my day to day life.
I anticipate that the chances of meeting a future Mr La Luna whilst I’m filling up the car with unleaded will be very slim, but whilst I have breath there is hope!!
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I definitely reassess, yes. These times are good, where you grow and get a chance to do it differently. Makes less mistakes rather than perfecting it.
I never look for anybody though. That’s probably a really I’m bad idea, I wait to be unexpectedly blown away |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Whatever the reason, and I'm sure we've all been there with the classics, you find yourself back at the drawing board hunting for a partner to get naked with again.
Maybe you're ghosted, it just fizzles, they moved onto someone else, or maybe.....they start waving red flags like it's a carnival and you have to put a stop to it all.
Do you reassess your criteria in a potential partner, what you go for, what you're attracted to etc? Have you mastered it? Or do you replay the same process over and over and hope for the result you want?
Does it fill you with excitement looking for someone or just despondency?
Disclaimer, this is not a me asking for advice thread. It's a me asking you the questions thread."
You know when you know  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Let's see.
I normally have a stage where I say nope, never again. I'm going to avoid x, y and z because it doesn't work. I decide I need to step away from it all and do some work on myself. I experience a mini jaded girl season if it's ended badly - like telling myself if someone's sick on NYE, never again am I believing it. Fuck that noise. I step up going to the gym. Learning. Spending time with those who really matter to me.
That temporary hardness softens. I remember I never want to become cynical and give myself a chance to just be. I find acceptance for bad behaviour and wish them the best. Start meeting people without any expectations, without looking for a particular thing, just enjoying being relatively young, going on dates and the extra stitches to the rich tapestry of my life. I'm excited again. Excited by life, by possibilities and potential.
And then, one day, you meet someone. There's that chemistry, the intoxicating, undeniable way you soften under another's gaze. They light up some indescribable part of your very being. That first kiss is unexpectedly everything you didn't know you were looking for. You're filled with hope. Your libido is suddenly reawakened, every message fills you with desire and you find them creeping into your thoughts at the most unexpected of times. You might never master it, might never get it quite right. But this person? They give you hope that this could be something, for however long it lasts. Maybe this time you'll get it right. And even if you don't? The adventure with them is worth it.
Fuck I'm such a pumpkin spice melt.
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"Despondency.
Dating is hard work and (for me) not enjoyable. I don’t like having to be sociable.
So I have given up on “dating” and now I’ll just wait to see if any lightening bolt strikes whilst I’m going about my day to day life.
I anticipate that the chances of meeting a future Mr La Luna whilst I’m filling up the car with unleaded will be very slim, but whilst I have breath there is hope!!
"
Why not treat it s as a marketing exercise?
I did exactly that some 20 years ago, when Internet Dating was in its infancy and something of a joke to most.
It worked out perfectly.
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Im a believer that the more you have on your ‘requirements list’ the further away a partner gets - i believe nature and the universe know better about making things align than i ever will so trust to them and when you’re not looking - you will find what you’re looking for without looking xx  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whatever the reason, and I'm sure we've all been there with the classics, you find yourself back at the drawing board hunting for a partner to get naked with again.
Maybe you're ghosted, it just fizzles, they moved onto someone else, or maybe.....they start waving red flags like it's a carnival and you have to put a stop to it all.
Do you reassess your criteria in a potential partner, what you go for, what you're attracted to etc? Have you mastered it? Or do you replay the same process over and over and hope for the result you want?
Does it fill you with excitement looking for someone or just despondency?
Disclaimer, this is not a me asking for advice thread. It's a me asking you the questions thread."
For me…. Yes is disappointing but I always remember my worth and that as
Long as put yourself out there and you’re happy you’ll find someone ….. nothing better than knowing each others bodies.. after something ends … you learn from it and it makes you better for your next relationship… we will always make mistakes and we will learn .. that’s life xxx |
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By *essaMayWoman
over a year ago
Fairytale Wood |
It is very difficult because i think, despite what we tell ourselves we do not know until it actually happens. Two major situations changed my life, neither planed for or expected and completely so far detached from what thought i was looking for, completely blew out any preconceived ideas.
Trial and error is not really the answer. Sure there are many here who wouldn't care if they were simple trial  . Chances won't find what we are looking for anyway.
So we are stuck in this sort of limbo where we want to define criteria but dont want to restrict ourselves. Further dont want continual dissapointments
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it interesting that I always fall in with the same sort of character of a person, so I have decided that is obviously what I like, but it does make it tricky to hold onto them. I dont think I could change the sort of person I like though, otherwise I wouldn't like them, so, I just keep going until someone sticks, or I become a despondant lonely poet  |
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I've been very lucky in love on here and managed to find two very stable fwb's, 4 years so far If our relationships ever end, then I think I'd wipe the slate clean and start again with my wants and desires. Before starting the hunt  |
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"Do you reassess your criteria in a potential partner, what you go for, what you're attracted to etc? Have you mastered it? Or do you replay the same process over and over and hope for the result you want?
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Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will.
Hopefulness is ever helpful. Delightful laughter and good conversation are useful aids to a kindling of new interest. As are hints of curves and glimpses of underlying character and lingerie. |
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By *ex LutherMan
over a year ago
Closer than you think |
I came out of a long term relationship with a lady on here earlier this year and at the time it hurt but if I’m honest it ran on longer than it should have.
Rather than feeling down I booked myself a holiday and focused on that and now I am back here and enjoying the interaction again and I am certainly looking forward not back now |
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