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What is the etiquette?
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
What is the normal for maintaining contact once you’ve arranged to meet?
Made arrangements to meet someone Wednesday evening just gone for this evening. Just messaged them this morning and they are saying they hadn’t heard from me so made other arrangements?
It’s worth noting I’d not heard from them either.
However we had arranged when and where and what time?
Do you message those you’ve arranged to meet daily u til the meet ? What is your usual approach? I’m asking as I’m very confused.
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I'm not one for daily chit chat if I've nothing to say, small talk bores me.
If you'd arranged a date I'd expect to meet on that date unless I'd had a message to cancel, regardless of the lead up chat.
Mrs |
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That seems a little odd to me unless you haven't spoken to them at all for two weeks  I think some casual messaging every day or two is fine if you already have something arranged, and a check in on the day, you don't want to run out of things to say before you get there
LvM |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tricky situation, communication is important
For me if I say I’m gonna meet, I’m gonna meet, even if we haven’t texted in a few days
However, lots of people ghost these days so you can’t assume everyone’s like that
I had a woman cancel on me just last week because I wasn’t texting her enough.
Be an adult and discuss these things with each other. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
That would seem like a firm arrangement, but on our experience it’s always best to check in at least the day before.
Although if we were planning to meet someone soon we’d usually have switched to phone messaging anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If we'd made arrangements weeks/months in advance I would expect a small bit of chat before meeting.
But a few days.. No. I'd maybe contact the evening before or the morning of and confirm everything is still as planned.
F |
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"If you’ve got to the point of details, day, time, place, it’s happening as far as I’m concerned. I’d be writing that one off. "
Yes I thought it was happening too seen as arrangements were made. |
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"That would seem like a firm arrangement, but on our experience it’s always best to check in at least the day before.
Although if we were planning to meet someone soon we’d usually have switched to phone messaging anyway."
We’d switched to phone messaging? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a tricky one. I like a bit of flirty chat on the build up to a meet. It shows they're still interested and keen to meet. I get that not everyone does though and if definite arrangements had been made I'd expect the meet to be going ahead unless I hear otherwise. |
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Sorry to hear it, it's happened to me also. I'm like you, if date&time is set for me it's on unless it's specifically cancelled. But apparently it's so common for people to flake out that some will jump the gun and make other arrangements. I don't understand why they couldn't check if you were still on before making other plans tho.
Anyway it's not exactly etiquette but reconfirming plans as you go along is very useful - and when the other person is proactive about this it's a reassurance that they're on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is no etiquette. Therein lies the problem "
The problem with most relationships
Expecting your partner to be a mind reader for your needs and getting upset when they aren’t
Communication fixes 99# of problems |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Speaking Weds to arrange for Sun and then cancel on Sun is a pretty short notice.
If you/they were interested you'd message and ask if they were still good to meet if nothing was heard from. Either one could have messaged quick say Fri, to check if they are still good.
I suppose it depends how long you'd been messaging - a few days or a couple of weeks. It shouldn't really matter as last minute does mean people know if they are free or not but I'd be more pissed off if they'd been messaging for a while. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"That would seem like a firm arrangement, but on our experience it’s always best to check in at least the day before.
Although if we were planning to meet someone soon we’d usually have switched to phone messaging anyway.
We’d switched to phone messaging? "
In that case we’d definitely check in both day before and on the day. Things happen, people change their minds…to save wasting time it can help.
A lady we met sent us a picture of herself 45 minutes before we were due to meet once so we knew what she was wearing…not what we would do but she obviously wanted to be sure we were still due to meet, and we’d had lots of communication beforehand.
As said above, there is no etiquette, just whatever works and makes it comfortable for all involved. |
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"Speaking Weds to arrange for Sun and then cancel on Sun is a pretty short notice.
If you/they were interested you'd message and ask if they were still good to meet if nothing was heard from. Either one could have messaged quick say Fri, to check if they are still good.
I suppose it depends how long you'd been messaging - a few days or a couple of weeks. It shouldn't really matter as last minute does mean people know if they are free or not but I'd be more pissed off if they'd been messaging for a while. "
I did message this morning to co firm the plans we’d made? |
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As part of the meeting fixing, I agree a communication plan that we both will engage in, with them. It's bespoke, as negotiated but includes each party actively doing something.
It can prevent nasty surprises, as if they don't fulfill the agreed advanced communication arrangements, you get a prior warning of the potential unreliability.
It invariably includes texts earlier on the meet day. This followed by texts prior to travel.
Arrange as much as seems necessary, depending on their perceived reliability scale. If they start to show disagreement or resistance, they can be red flags. Everyone is busy but when you are important, we make the efforts
Lacklustre engagement can also be a highlight of what's to come  |
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"What is the normal for maintaining contact once you’ve arranged to meet?
Made arrangements to meet someone Wednesday evening just gone for this evening. Just messaged them this morning and they are saying they hadn’t heard from me so made other arrangements?
It’s worth noting I’d not heard from them either.
However we had arranged when and where and what time?
Do you message those you’ve arranged to meet daily u til the meet ? What is your usual approach? I’m asking as I’m very confused.
"
In this fickle world of sex yes i think you should maintain contact right up to meet otherwise they might think you've found someone better and let them down, theirs a fine line between whats right and wrong  |
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"There is no etiquette. Therein lies the problem
The problem with most relationships
Expecting your partner to be a mind reader for your needs and getting upset when they aren’t
Communication fixes 99# of problems "
Yep |
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I have no issues about messaging daily where there is a mutual interest and a heightened anticipation and excitement to an arranged meet.
It's about the momentum of chat as opposed to long missives (although those who know me know that I take relish in correspondence).
However, if I haven't heard a whisper from the other person 24 hours before the actual meet/date/social then I assume it's not happening. I won't tolerate radio silence and there are no second chances. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
To be honest, they could have communicated with you too if they wanted to be sure you still wanted to meet. It just sounds like they found what they decided was a better option and were too inconsiderate to let you know that they weren’t going to meet you.
A disappointing experience, but perhaps it worked out for the best anyway.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had two blowouts this weekend, got a sorry from one Friday and no contact for my Sunday night one. Would like to give either a second chance but why bother? |
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By *rettyflamingo OP Woman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"To be honest, they could have communicated with you too if they wanted to be sure you still wanted to meet. It just sounds like they found what they decided was a better option and were too inconsiderate to let you know that they weren’t going to meet you.
A disappointing experience, but perhaps it worked out for the best anyway. "
My thoughts too they could have communicated too. I did message this morning to confirm arrangements and we’d agreed to meet and made the arrangements only on Wednesday. Next time I shall what communication and contact is agreeable to all parties . |
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This was a frustration I experience myself as a single guy online dating and on fab. In my mind once a time and date is set its set. I will reliably be there to my best capacity. If for some reason I can't I will flag this up at the earliest opportunity. I kind of expected others to be the same and thus no requirement to keep checking in only to notify if there is a change in plans. Also in my mind there's no point kicking the arse out endless back an forth messages before you physically meet someone for the first time. For once you've established a time and date there's not much more to said. Because it's only when you really meet in person you get a proper feel for vibe and chemistry.
So here's the approach I started to go with and what we now go with. Once we've have established a rapport and arrange a meet we are open and just say we don't want to chat loads before we meet. It doesn't mean we're not intrested we just want to wait and see how we vibe in person. No-one has yet been offended and most people respond very positively to that and say actually they want the same. But I totally understand people's fears of being let down. It's happens a lot and I can understand how disconcerting silence can be. So after establishing that you'll saving the chat to in person it's still OK to check in now and then. Just a simple are we OK for Saturday or something like that for example. Just a quick check in purely about the arrangements and leaving no room for deviation or a conversation to break out. That seems to work best for me/us. |
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I try to only arrange a meet within two weeks of initial talking. Longer than that it fizzles out mostly.
If I were day today arranging to meet someone next weekend. I would expect to have a quick video chat the day before just to confirm still all ok |
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"There is no etiquette. Therein lies the problem
The problem with most relationships
Expecting your partner to be a mind reader for your needs and getting upset when they aren’t
Communication fixes 99# of problems "
Only if the other person is honest as well as communicative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is the normal for maintaining contact once you’ve arranged to meet?
Made arrangements to meet someone Wednesday evening just gone for this evening. Just messaged them this morning and they are saying they hadn’t heard from me so made other arrangements?
It’s worth noting I’d not heard from them either.
However we had arranged when and where and what time?
Do you message those you’ve arranged to meet daily u til the meet ? What is your usual approach? I’m asking as I’m very confused.
"
I spoke to someone on this last week as we were meeting Friday for a social. I said I’ll message Friday morning to confirm arrangements. We hadn’t spoke in the gap between and I messaged Friday morning as agreed and it all went to plan.
I think as long as expectations and communication levels are agreed it should be fine but he was maybe “expecting” communication with you on the days in between but you aren’t a mind reader darling so this is not your fault. If you like him maybe try again but explain you don’t feel the need to message daily x |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I think they should have messaged you before making other arrangements.
My thoughts are they can't be that enthusiastic about meeting me if they didn't check we're still on before making other arrangements.
I do like to keep up contact between arranging to meet and the day we're meeting up though, and if they don't I might not be feeling it on the day.
I need a bit of cerebral lubricant to make me wet.
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"i would say hes full of bs
and he bottled it "
Sunday meet?? You have to have your ready-brek for a Sunday meet, and if no one is talking it's pretty easy to think, its been a hard week, I'm putting feet up, especially if there's been no communication to keep things going. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
If I agree to meet someone usually we have been chatting for a while and fairly regularly.It happened once that a meet was arranged and the other person suddenly went quiet leading up to it so I did cancel it as I wasn't wasting my time travelling for someone who wasn't interested enough to keep in contact. And I was right to as they had arranged to meet someone else at the same time who ghosted them and then they thought I could be their back up plan.
I suppose it all depends too and how much communication you had beforehand and if it suddenly quietened down after you arranged to meet. If that's the case then I wouldn't blame them for making other plans and thinking that it wasn't going ahead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i would say hes full of bs
and he bottled it
It was a lady "
Women are often entitled and expect the other person to do all the running. It was never going to work with 2 women meeting..  |
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Ideally we’d be keep chatting to someone if we were meeting them.
For a social we’d check in to ensure everything good.
We’d want to chat leading up to a meet as we like to build up the tension.
If he didn’t check in and ask if still meeting before trying to arrange something else, then it sounds like he’s flaky anyway - bullet dodged.
K
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"What is the normal for maintaining contact once you’ve arranged to meet?
Made arrangements to meet someone Wednesday evening just gone for this evening. Just messaged them this morning and they are saying they hadn’t heard from me so made other arrangements?
It’s worth noting I’d not heard from them either.
However we had arranged when and where and what time?
Do you message those you’ve arranged to meet daily u til the meet ? What is your usual approach? I’m asking as I’m very confused.
"
My normal way of communication pre meet is simple actually, if we agree to meet, three days before will exchange nos. And confirm the meet is still happening. Then day of the meet we will confirm again and some naughty texts to set the scene. And just before I leave home I will verify with naughty texts again. Hate my time wasted so I try to take measures to prevent it. |
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"I have said to people who weren't particularly chatty,or very busy, if I don't hear from you by X time on X day I'll assume you're no longer interested.
"
I do similar to this. For me if there’s no chatting in the lead up to a meet (social or otherwise) then what’s the conversation going to be like on the day? But then I’m quite a chatty Cathy |
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"I have said to people who weren't particularly chatty,or very busy, if I don't hear from you by X time on X day I'll assume you're no longer interested.
I do similar to this. For me if there’s no chatting in the lead up to a meet (social or otherwise) then what’s the conversation going to be like on the day? But then I’m quite a chatty Cathy "
Hey up Kathy |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
If an arrangement was made ,I'd expect one of us to confirm it nearer the time.
Seems strange they didn't message you and yet made other arrangements without giving you a chance to get in touch.
It sounds a bit like a get out clause to me op . |
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"I would expect a quick message every day or two or I would think they just arranged a meet when they were horny."
Yes I agree. I’d agreed a time and a place to meet someone tonight and once they didn’t log in for two days I started to assume it wasn’t going to happen. Then I get the message this morning confirming it won’t! If they’re too busy to be interested it’s not going to happen. I nearly always arrange twice as many meets as I want becuase of the cancellation rate on here, but then the week before last I ended up with four meets in five days because none cancelled. Oops.  |
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"
Do you message those you’ve arranged to meet daily u til the meet ? What is your usual approach? I’m asking as I’m very confused.
"
Not daily, unless we're already in a conversation about something else but maybe once every couple of days. I think it's extremely rude behaviour to cancel without informing, so the person you were going to meet is 100% in the wrong. Once the meeting details are finalised, it should be taken as happening imo - the reason I check-in is so they know I haven't forgotten about them! That's one of the reasons I don't like it when there's a long time between the 2 (meeting details confirmed and the actual meet). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would expect a quick message every day or two or I would think they just arranged a meet when they were horny."
I wouldn't wait for them to message though. I'd keep in touch every other day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like someone's wasting your time Annie.
If you're going to meet with someone, and you've arranged a time and place to meet, then that's a go.
Unless something happens in the interim, and then obviously you can communicate that with the other party and rearrange if necessary.
But, sounds like in this case... they are just fantasising, unfortunately.
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