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Are people that know they’re attractive more or less attractive
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I joke around in here a lot. For clarity, I’m not arrogant. I actually don’t think I’m ask that attractive so please don’t take my comments too seriously 
Anyway- I was watching a funny tik tok and it got me thinking about this question in a serious way. If someone is attractive/ sexy and they know it, is that attractive? Or does it put you off? I’m not talking about arrogant people. I’m talking about people that know they are attractive or aren’t insecure about their attraction.
And to add I think for this thread I’m not talking about people that say and think that they’re ‘alright’ or ‘average’. We’re talking about people that 80% of people find attractive.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"People that are overly confident about how attractive they are, often are trying to hide a deep insecurity about something else they are lacking "
Ok but are they more or less attractive to you because of that confidence |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To me, more attractive. Confidence is very attractive to me and faux modesty and low self worth very unattractive. "
I know I do it a lot and I must stress that it’s usually jokingly if it’s not part of a mental health wobble, but self deprecation is not hot at allll. Like  |
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I like people who are happy and confident in their own skin.
Confidence is beautiful.
The people I find most beautiful in my life it's a lot more about the personality they radiate than whether they fit any particular beauty standard.
If someone isn't happy with their body, but they're doing the work to get it the way they want it, and they don't let those negative thoughts about themselves overrule the chemistry and attraction I feel, that's great too  |
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"Confidence is sexy. Arrogance is not. "
I think it boils down to this. The NCs mentioned "faux modesty". I think it's hard to know if modesty is "real" or not. I know that some bits/aspects of me are attractive but I genuinely dislike other bits and am often worried that the crap bits outweigh the decent ones. That said, I try not "cover up" the crap bits rather than outwardly worry about them. |
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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I think everyone has that day where everything just seems to fall into place and they think "damn, Im hot AF today" and that's just natural.
If people have that attitude all the time then it's a bit of a turn off for me.
A bit of humility is a good quality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People that are overly confident about how attractive they are, often are trying to hide a deep insecurity about something else they are lacking
Ok but are they more or less attractive to you because of that confidence"
Less, because I suspect they are hiding a terrible trait behind it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Confidence is attractive. Looking hot isn’t what’s attractive in and of itself.
Have you ever met an aesthetically pleasant individual and once you’ve started chatting you’ve thought, in your head, “please shut up so that I can enjoy your outer beauty a bit longer because the more you talk the uglier you become”? I may be alone in having that thought but the point is someone who thinks they are stunning can put me off if that’s all they have to offer.
Equally, someone who obsesses about my own physical characteristics and can’t see further than that, bores me. I’ve met someone once who literally has as stunned and unable to have a simple conversation because all they could comment about was my body — and not in a crude manner — but their non stop compliments put me off them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"May I ask an additional question?
How do you feel about people you personally don't find physically attractive having attractive person type confidence?"
I feel happy for them. And low-key it makes them more attractive to me  |
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"To me, more attractive. Confidence is very attractive to me and faux modesty and low self worth very unattractive.
I know I do it a lot and I must stress that it’s usually jokingly if it’s not part of a mental health wobble, but self deprecation is not hot at allll. Like "
I think self deprecating humour is very different to genuine low self worth
I recall once waiting to have my id photo taken at work and larking about with mates about how ugly mine would be. A very well meaning and kind older woman took me to one side and reassured me that I wasn't 'bad looking'. Bless her heart. |
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People who are attractive to me are attractive whether they know it or not. I think confidence is sexy and tbh I’m a little turned off by people who are constantly hard on themselves on fab but that’s because I’m here to explore my sexuality and meet like minded friends, not to constantly have to reassure someone who demands a lot of validation from me |
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"May I ask an additional question?
How do you feel about people you personally don't find physically attractive having attractive person type confidence?
I feel happy for them. And low-key it makes them more attractive to me "
Same. I enjoy and encourage people who are confident in how they look  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a question
How do we know they're confidence is only in relation to their attractiveness "
So I’m talking about people that it is. I can’t explain it but I know them. I guess if you’ve met the person you just know. |
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If awareness of attractiveness veers into vanity / arrogance, then I find that unattractive. Likewise, low self esteem, false modesty are just draining.
The sweet spot for me, in terms of attractiveness, is people who are simply comfortable in their own skin and not the slightest bit bothered about whether others find them attractive or not. Now that’s cool! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me attraction is skin deep. The law of attraction to be with someone on a higher level mentally, their ability to pocess inner beauty of attraction of confidence to be just themselves. The body carries ourselves our minds think alike and it is that inner peace that eludes attraction for me op.
To be humble is attractive.
Beauty surrounds on fab. How we carry our inner selves is attractive or not attractive as we all feel differently, accepting people for whom they are if you are going to shag them. Or not |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I like people who are comfortable in themselves. I don't think you have to be out and out confident, that can easily lend itself to arrogance. I guess I like a quiet confidence? Not needing to show constantly that they're hot etc. And on the other hand, not needing to have constant validation.
I find people attractive regardless of how they view themselves, all that being typed. I don't mind if people are a bit insecure/unsure about some parts of themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I like people who are comfortable in themselves. I don't think you have to be out and out confident, that can easily lend itself to arrogance. I guess I like a quiet confidence? Not needing to show constantly that they're hot etc. And on the other hand, not needing to have constant validation.
I find people attractive regardless of how they view themselves, all that being typed. I don't mind if people are a bit insecure/unsure about some parts of themselves. "
I feel confident that I’m an attractive man but my love language is still words of affirmation
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"I think everyone has that day where everything just seems to fall into place and they think "damn, Im hot AF today" and that's just natural.
If people have that attitude all the time then it's a bit of a turn off for me.
A bit of humility is a good quality."
I agree with this. Confidence is great, of course, and an attractive quality. But so is humility.Like everything, it's a bit of light and shade.
I like attractive people who carry their attractiveness lightly... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've have never felt attractive or pretty.
I have always felt sexy & confident.
I do admire textbook "beauty" in others and wholeheartedly want them to embrace it. I think the turn off can sometimes come if an attractive person has an entitled attitude. However, I have only ever witnessed examples of such behaviour in movies.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I think over or under confidence physically or too much focus on physical characteristics , needing to know what people think of you, talking about it, and being upset if it’s not nice etc its all a big turn off.
I’m not having a hot at the question OP , I just think when how you look / are perceived physically consumes a person positively it negatively there’s a problem underneath
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like confidence in a person but also do enjoy helping bring the confidence out in others that maybe have had theirs knocked."
I could do with a person helping me lol |
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I like people who can let go of thinking about the issue.
And the dance it can take to get to that place of comfort with each other.
I don't consider myself attractive or unattractive. I don't consider the figures or ratios, because no depth of knowledge will change what is, so I see it as wasted energy.
I suppose I could do more self-improvement but I don't think that would make much difference to the process of developing a connection with someone. It may get me more attention, but disproportionately not the attention I seek. |
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"I don't consider myself attractive or unattractive. I don't consider the figures or ratios, because no depth of knowledge will change what is, so I see it as wasted energy.
"
Genuine question, how does that work? I've never met anyone that didn't think *something* about their attractiveness? You're completely neutral about (physical) things you like or don't like about yourself?
More power to you if so, I've just never come across that before. |
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"May I ask an additional question?
How do you feel about people you personally don't find physically attractive having attractive person type confidence?"
Actually when i think about this I probably see them as more attractive but in an objective way rather than me wanting them if that makes sense.
If i think of people that are not my type but completely comfortable in their own skin i can always appreciate they have beauty that appeals to someone elses tastes and its probably because of that confidence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jeez, pickle. Tricky. I think if I were more confident about my attractiveness men would find me more attractive, yes.
Do I find other people more attractive if they're confident about their attractiveness? Not really. |
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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I think people's confidence about their attractiveness can vary massively depending on where they are and who they are around though.
It's all relative.
I feel like the top team in the third division. Put me in the third division and I'm up at the top, but in relation to the first division I'm a nobody. |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"I think people's confidence about their attractiveness can vary massively depending on where they are and who they are around though.
It's all relative.
I feel like the top team in the third division. Put me in the third division and I'm up at the top, but in relation to the first division I'm a nobody."
Totally this too  |
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"I don't consider myself attractive or unattractive. I don't consider the figures or ratios, because no depth of knowledge will change what is, so I see it as wasted energy.
Genuine question, how does that work? I've never met anyone that didn't think *something* about their attractiveness? You're completely neutral about (physical) things you like or don't like about yourself?
More power to you if so, I've just never come across that before."
Happy to try and expand for you, hey maybe I will learn something. It's not like I am always neutral on the issue of my physical appearance it's just not something I think about a great deal. How much can I realistically do about it? If there's not much that I can do I have to accept it? Liking or disliking is dissolved by acceptance.
E.g. my legs need work, and my shoulder. I can do something about that though and there's a functional benefit to me to do so. Get the pain levels down and get doing more. So there's a little gestalt cycle of dude your leg: come on get on the exercise bike. Stop being lazy. When I am content I will stop niggling at myself. I let my body self-regulate if you like.
When I am eating too much I realise because my belt buckle moves up a notch. I stop eating crap.
Whether someone else finds me attractive is subjective anyway? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I like people who are comfortable in themselves. I don't think you have to be out and out confident, that can easily lend itself to arrogance. I guess I like a quiet confidence? Not needing to show constantly that they're hot etc. And on the other hand, not needing to have constant validation.
I find people attractive regardless of how they view themselves, all that being typed. I don't mind if people are a bit insecure/unsure about some parts of themselves.
I feel confident that I’m an attractive man but my love language is still words of affirmation
"
You can be confident and still like words of affirmation - I don't think they're opposing forces.
Something that's not been touched on yet and because I have time whilst I wait for body oil to dry...
Perception. We can perceive someone to be confident. Arrogant. Needy. Based on our own biases and then our confirmation bias kicks in and bam... that's that person forever labelled as being a particular way. The reality might be different but when we choose to see someone as being x, y and z, we're reducing them down to being that sole characteristic. Removing the nuances of the human condition. I'm not quite sure I've worded that well but fuck editing it today.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"May I ask an additional question?
How do you feel about people you personally don't find physically attractive having attractive person type confidence?
I feel happy for them. And low-key it makes them more attractive to me "
Even you know who? 
It doesn't put me off. Confidence is cool.
However some may see confidence or humour, and other people will see arrogance and cuntishness.
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"I like people who are comfortable in themselves. I don't think you have to be out and out confident, that can easily lend itself to arrogance. I guess I like a quiet confidence? Not needing to show constantly that they're hot etc. And on the other hand, not needing to have constant validation.
I find people attractive regardless of how they view themselves, all that being typed. I don't mind if people are a bit insecure/unsure about some parts of themselves.
I feel confident that I’m an attractive man but my love language is still words of affirmation
You can be confident and still like words of affirmation - I don't think they're opposing forces.
Something that's not been touched on yet and because I have time whilst I wait for body oil to dry...
Perception. We can perceive someone to be confident. Arrogant. Needy. Based on our own biases and then our confirmation bias kicks in and bam... that's that person forever labelled as being a particular way. The reality might be different but when we choose to see someone as being x, y and z, we're reducing them down to being that sole characteristic. Removing the nuances of the human condition. I'm not quite sure I've worded that well but fuck editing it today.
"
Oh yes that's happens a lot. It's one of the reasons I don't like groups of people, the echo-chamber effect.
And exactly that. I've said it so many times: Nobody is one particular thing. It's dehumanising.
Worded wonderfully, as ever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I joke around in here a lot. For clarity, I’m not arrogant. I actually don’t think I’m ask that attractive so please don’t take my comments too seriously
Anyway- I was watching a funny tik tok and it got me thinking about this question in a serious way. If someone is attractive/ sexy and they know it, is that attractive? Or does it put you off? I’m not talking about arrogant people. I’m talking about people that know they are attractive or aren’t insecure about their attraction.
And to add I think for this thread I’m not talking about people that say and think that they’re ‘alright’ or ‘average’. We’re talking about people that 80% of people find attractive. "
I like confidence
And I find the lack of it very very very unattractive, I've stopped speaking to play mates who lack confidence because of it (harsh? Probably)
However I don't have a type and I'm generally not attracted to people who are 'conventially' attractive but I do enjoy being in the company of someone who knows that I think they're good looking and doesn't necessarily have any majors hang ups about their body. |
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"I find people that are confident in their own skin to have a aura about them that is extremely attractive…"
I think maybe that confidence or being comfortable in your own skin is situational:
Eg off for a picnic to the beach with friends, appears completely confident and unconcerned with how they look, happily strutting about and having fun.
Off to beach on their own or with one other they don't know so well and they might feel more self conscious.
Is that not how it is for many people? Sometimes you are happily content in your body and at some other times, you feel a bit unsure?
MrsAbz |
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Confidence is attractive, being vain isn't.
It does put me off when some profiles describe themselves as "extremely good looking" wanting to attract "couples who know they are sexy"
Someone with those words messaged us to meet, I politely declined stating we don't think we are sexy so not a good fit.
It was more off-putting than anything.
Mrs |
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"I like people being comfortable in their own skin. Confidence in the way someone carries themselves is appealing to me. "
Yeah. This is true self-confidence. The good kind.
.
"I have a question. How do we know their confidence is only in relation to their attractiveness?"
The attractive kind, the kind both me and Ms Twisted were describing there, isn’t only in relation to their physical beauty. Far from it.
.
"You’re fit but my gosh don’t you just know it "
And that’s the other kind. The arrogance.
And it’s also a MASSIVE earworm. Thanks Fluffy. Dammit.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Confidence is attractive, being vain isn't.
It does put me off when some profiles describe themselves as "extremely good looking" wanting to attract "couples who know they are sexy"
Someone with those words messaged us to meet, I politely declined stating we don't think we are sexy so not a good fit.
It was more off-putting than anything.
Mrs "
I'm the same, I'm confident however very insecure about my weight
I don't feel sexy at all during the bedroom but understand that the person I am with finds me sexy so that helps to drive my confidence
If that makes any sense |
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"I don't feel sexy at all during the bedroom but understand that the person I am with finds me sexy so that helps to drive my confidence
If that makes any sense "
That absolutely makes sense. Confidence can be a gift freely given. And it can be shared, too. Ever walked taller because of the person walking beside you? |
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"Confidence is attractive, being vain isn't.
It does put me off when some profiles describe themselves as "extremely good looking" wanting to attract "couples who know they are sexy"
Someone with those words messaged us to meet, I politely declined stating we don't think we are sexy so not a good fit.
It was more off-putting than anything.
Mrs
I'm the same, I'm confident however very insecure about my weight
I don't feel sexy at all during the bedroom but understand that the person I am with finds me sexy so that helps to drive my confidence
If that makes any sense "
Yes it does, I'm exactly the same, I don't think I'm sexy I have some body configuration issues but knowing others find me sexy does give me that bit of confidence in the bedroom.
Mrs |
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"I don't consider myself attractive or unattractive. I don't consider the figures or ratios, because no depth of knowledge will change what is, so I see it as wasted energy.
Genuine question, how does that work? I've never met anyone that didn't think *something* about their attractiveness? You're completely neutral about (physical) things you like or don't like about yourself?
More power to you if so, I've just never come across that before.
Happy to try and expand for you, hey maybe I will learn something. It's not like I am always neutral on the issue of my physical appearance it's just not something I think about a great deal. How much can I realistically do about it? If there's not much that I can do I have to accept it? Liking or disliking is dissolved by acceptance.
E.g. my legs need work, and my shoulder. I can do something about that though and there's a functional benefit to me to do so. Get the pain levels down and get doing more. So there's a little gestalt cycle of dude your leg: come on get on the exercise bike. Stop being lazy. When I am content I will stop niggling at myself. I let my body self-regulate if you like.
When I am eating too much I realise because my belt buckle moves up a notch. I stop eating crap.
Whether someone else finds me attractive is subjective anyway? "
Yep, that all makes sense. And you're right, who and why people find you attractive is entirely in their eyes. Not thinking about it makes sense - I wasn't criticising, I was just surprised to find someone who made no judgement on their own attractiveness (but refreshingly so). I have a very objective system of rating myself! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's a difference between confidence and arrogance. And it's whether I want to bang you or not 
LvM"
Tbf, I know it was a long OP but I did say that I’m not talking about arrogance. Because we all agree that’s not attractive probably |
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"To me, more attractive. Confidence is very attractive to me and faux modesty and low self worth very unattractive.
I know I do it a lot and I must stress that it’s usually jokingly if it’s not part of a mental health wobble, but self deprecation is not hot at allll. Like "
Oh damnit self deprecation is what I do best  lol... am working on the self confidence though |
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"There's a difference between confidence and arrogance. And it's whether I want to bang you or not
LvM
Tbf, I know it was a long OP but I did say that I’m not talking about arrogance. Because we all agree that’s not attractive probably"
Surely that's the only discernable difference if we're talking about people who are sexy and they know it though
LvM |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Confidence is attractive. Looking hot isn’t what’s attractive in and of itself.
Have you ever met an aesthetically pleasant individual and once you’ve started chatting you’ve thought, in your head, “please shut up so that I can enjoy your outer beauty a bit longer because the more you talk the uglier you become”? I may be alone in having that thought but the point is someone who thinks they are stunning can put me off if that’s all they have to offer.
Equally, someone who obsesses about my own physical characteristics and can’t see further than that, bores me. I’ve met someone once who literally has as stunned and unable to have a simple conversation because all they could comment about was my body — and not in a crude manner — but their non stop compliments put me off them. "
This |
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Being confident in your own skin I find attractive. However, I struggle with posers, I find this very unattractive. The ones who think they're in the middle of a photo shoot in somewhere busy.
Not quite your question with regards to arrogance, but we all like to joke about how hot we are. I think this is always harder for the one's who most would consider hot. It can come across more as arrogance than tongue in cheek. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Being confident in your own skin I find attractive. However, I struggle with posers, I find this very unattractive. The ones who think they're in the middle of a photo shoot in somewhere busy.
Not quite your question with regards to arrogance, but we all like to joke about how hot we are. I think this is always harder for the one's who most would consider hot. It can come across more as arrogance than tongue in cheek."
Happy birthday by the way  |
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"Being confident in your own skin I find attractive. However, I struggle with posers, I find this very unattractive. The ones who think they're in the middle of a photo shoot in somewhere busy.
Not quite your question with regards to arrogance, but we all like to joke about how hot we are. I think this is always harder for the one's who most would consider hot. It can come across more as arrogance than tongue in cheek.
Happy birthday by the way "
Thank you Mr Pickle |
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"May I ask an additional question?
How do you feel about people you personally don't find physically attractive having attractive person type confidence?
I feel happy for them. And low-key it makes them more attractive to me "
I love this question, and the answer which is kinda away from what I was thinking! I think there's been a shift in attitudes concerning looks and how everyone assesses themselves. This kinda explains for me all the tiktoks of everyone effortlessly declaring they're a ten! |
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As well as confidence v arrogance there’s also what they’re demonstrating outwardly v what they’re thinking inside themselves.
If you’re an extremely rare guy who’s arrogant enough to genuinely think to yourself, I’m undoubtedly flawlessly attractive, you’re not reading this now as you’re not a FAB member.
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"Being confident in your own skin I find attractive. However, I struggle with posers, I find this very unattractive. The ones who think they're in the middle of a photo shoot in somewhere busy.
Not quite your question with regards to arrogance, but we all like to joke about how hot we are. I think this is always harder for the one's who most would consider hot. It can come across more as arrogance than tongue in cheek.
Happy birthday by the way
Thank you Mr Pickle "
Happy birthday! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If looks is the first thing you're trading on - not attractive to me beyond admiring the aesthetic. We are all worth more than our looks. Even in fab world.
Mrs TMN x"
Bullshit. My looks are my favourite thing about me. An a lot of other people’s too. I’m ok with it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think even these days from my own experiences, i feel to many, a confident woman is a turn off especially guys. "
Men are insecure. Threatened by confident women. A story as old as time |
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"I think even these days from my own experiences, i feel to many, a confident woman is a turn off especially guys.
Men are insecure. Threatened by confident women. A story as old as time
"
It's an old story for sure, but how many men does it need to hold true for?? Men (people frankly) get threatened by anything, and we are all animals after all.
I can honestly say that I am both 1) occasionally insecure (usually due to self-doubt or low-energy) and 2) that I don't instinctively feel threatened by confident women! (or find them a turn-off!)
I tend to get threatened by people who are threatening, and a lot of the time I'm pretty good at dealing with it. Occasionally they get the better of me. It's how life is structured ('institutionalisation' especially) that makes things particularly awkward in this area (being threatened) for a lot of people I think.
pt |
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"Depends how they act
Self confidence is fine
But thinking you are better than others because you have a nice figure is not
Nice person nice. Figure "
I have noticed that it's more likely that people project their insecurities on to those they perceive to have better physical attributes than them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think even these days from my own experiences, i feel to many, a confident woman is a turn off especially guys. "
Depends what you mean by confidence
I see a lot of women claiming their confidence scares men, but it only takes a few mins of talking to them to realise they’re just not very pleasant be around |
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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I think even these days from my own experiences, i feel to many, a confident woman is a turn off especially guys.
Depends what you mean by confidence
I see a lot of women claiming their confidence scares men, but it only takes a few mins of talking to them to realise they’re just not very pleasant be around "
This! Totally agree.
People also say that attractiveness doesn't matter but in my experience there has to be at least something there in the first place for you to speak/message/approach them to find out about their personality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was at school with someone who became a big Hollywood star
He was clearly talented and very beautiful, but boy did he know it, not an ounce of humility
He went through girlfriends like a knife through butter, so I guess on the one hand it’s true, although the sheer turnover might have meant either he got bored of them, or they realised he was actually a bit of a prick
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There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance.
Although not about attractiveness there's a saying that sort of sums this up, well at least I think.
'It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice'.
Mrs x |
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