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Can't help falling...
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In love with you...
Despite setting your boundaries, saying you don't want any kind of relationship, have you ever had someone fall in love with you?
And on how many occasions.
If so, why do you think that is?
How did you respond to the "I love you"?
Reciprocate? Or cut and run if you don't feel the same way.
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I try to be kind. To understand. And to talk it through.
Sometimes though, it’s not a big deal. Some people just love easily. It’s who they are. And it shouldn’t mean something to be afraid of or to run away from. |
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I just don't know how you can set boundaries that curtail someone else's feelings towards you
Sure, you can tell someone that you absolutely don't want things to get ' heavy' between you, but if you're seeing each other regularly there's a chance that like will grow |
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1,501,774 views Oct 4, 2022 #aliciakeys #fallin #lyrics
"Fallin'"
I keep on falling in and outta love with you
Sometimes I love ya, sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good, at times I feel used
Loving you, darling, makes me so confused
I keep on falling in and out
Of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyway I’ve had a handful of women fall in love with me and actually mean it. I think 3 including my fiancé. I’ve reciprocated every time. One person said she loved me but turns out she realised she didn’t. I did Love her though. That sucked. But charge it to the game |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I've not said I don't want a relationship before. Well not to those who have fallen in love with me. I have been very clear that there are different types of love and I can't say I love you fully. The people I love? If you have my address and know my full name I love you.
I've had it said to me quite a few times with people from here. I don't know why people do fall in love with me.
I think it's the ideal of me. The woman they want me to be. Without flaws. The woman I can see myself becoming but I'm not going to beat myself up about not being just yet.
I've never cut and run. I've either said I don't quite see you in the same way but I care about you. Or I tell them I kind of love them because I kind of do but something always stops me saying "I love you". The only man I've ever loved from here and said I love you to? Well I'm wearing his ring.
I don't want to try and control others feelings because I think if you have that intimacy and closeness they'll grow and happen.
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Yes, and it was someone from Fab about a year after I joined. It was hard not to reciprocate those feelings and the emotions, and we both sampled the romanticism that evolved. However the clear boundary - for me - was the concept of having a relationship. I wasn't seeking a relationship, nor was I ready for one. She was strongly amenable to it.
I'm not averse to love. It's a wonderful 'feeling' isn't it? I don't run from it; I'll discuss it openly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I keep
On falling
In and out
Of love
With you
Just read up and great minds
It's not the right lyrics though Pickle X
Anyways, answer the question!"
I was thinking of the Alicia keys song. I didn’t actually realise your OP was a song?  |
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I don't think I set a boundary of 'no kind of relationship'. FWB is a kind of relationship and you can love a friend?
I wouldn't simply cut and run if I didn't feel the same way. There's a spectrum in love really? From wanting to nest: all the way down to being friends. My scale of course, I am sure even that will differ for other people.
Open conversation, share you feelings with each other, see if it can work. Doing it at the moment, in it's infancy no one has said love yet that would freak me out a bit. |
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"I've not said I don't want a relationship before. Well not to those who have fallen in love with me. I have been very clear that there are different types of love and I can't say I love you fully. The people I love? If you have my address and know my full name I love you.
I've had it said to me quite a few times with people from here. I don't know why people do fall in love with me.
I think it's the ideal of me. The woman they want me to be. Without flaws. The woman I can see myself becoming but I'm not going to beat myself up about not being just yet.
I've never cut and run. I've either said I don't quite see you in the same way but I care about you. Or I tell them I kind of love them because I kind of do but something always stops me saying "I love you". The only man I've ever loved from here and said I love you to? Well I'm wearing his ring.
I don't want to try and control others feelings because I think if you have that intimacy and closeness they'll grow and happen.
"
Great answer as always x |
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"Yes, and it was someone from Fab about a year after I joined. It was hard not to reciprocate those feelings and the emotions, and we both sampled the romanticism that evolved. However the clear boundary - for me - was the concept of having a relationship. I wasn't seeking a relationship, nor was I ready for one. She was strongly amenable to it.
I'm not averse to love. It's a wonderful 'feeling' isn't it? I don't run from it; I'll discuss it openly."
I'm curious to know... how did it pan out? |
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I’m happy to love the bones of people. My friends 
Falling in love though? It’s not my thing at all. I’m not sure it ever will be again. But hey? Who knows what might happen.
To me there is a clear distinction  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love people and tell them so daily. My best friend of over twenty years, a man, is someone that I had romantic love for at some point. He didn’t reciprocate those feelings. When I would tell him I loved him, he was excellent at responding, “I agape you, Bella.”, to make it clear he loved me but not romantically.
That’s something that’s always left an impression on me. You can’t tell someone not to love you but you can set expectations clear that your love for them isn’t similar.
I have had long term relationships outside of my primary partner, where romantic love was shared but never expressed with the exchange of “I love you”, but the romantic love we shared was palpable.
Nowadays, I tell myself I allow myself the human experience of experiencing emotions, intermingling feelings, sensations, and experiences. If that means I share romantic love with someone at an unexpected point, then so be it. It never hurts to have someone else to love and be loved by.
The words alone mean absolutely nothing to me. They can be full of emptiness, or they can carry a heavy load when the words match the actions of the person who utters them.
Love, and love aren’t so bad to be honest. The only time I’d run, and fast, is if it’s limerance or infatuation that is being presented as love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I set a boundary of 'no kind of relationship'. FWB is a kind of relationship and you can love a friend?
I wouldn't simply cut and run if I didn't feel the same way. There's a spectrum in love really? From wanting to nest: all the way down to being friends. My scale of course, I am sure even that will differ for other people.
Open conversation, share you feelings with each other, see if it can work. Doing it at the moment, in it's infancy no one has said love yet that would freak me out a bit."
Your posts always come across very logical but with depth. Intriguing and thought provoking too. Bravo! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m the type to love people easily. For me, love is a complex thing and there are many different ways to love someone. The feelings of love I have for my fiancé, my friends, my family, and any partners, are all different but all come from the same place.
I’ve had a situation where I fell for a guy and we exchanged the love words, but then he ended things and froze me out. That sucked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had this happen three times now. And one of them I ended up in a relationship with.
One of the others tried to be very controlling and I ended up seeing it as yet another angle or trick to try and get me to be exclusive with him. And I've wondered if this happens a lot so a man can lay claims on a woman and vice versa. It's like a guilt trip in effect, you're left feeling bad when you don't reciprocate like you're emotionally unavailable when you should be, but instead you're cold, heartless when all they do is love you and you should be being swept off your feet by them, only have eyes for them and be more devoted to them, give them all your time and attention.
I've also had someone say and I quote... 'that maybe the head fuck thing is definitely possible too, wanting to see if you are as independent as you seem but secretly hoping that inside you’re just a needy woman who actually can’t function without a man so they can feel as though their world view is still true.'
But do people confuse good feelings with love? Infatuation, lust, in the moments filled with the horn and lustful excitement do they say it to express how much they enjoy the feelings they get when they're with you, when in actual fact it's not love at all they've just got a little confused and caught up in it all? And once it's said they can't take it back, right?
I struggle with it. Yes these people get me on my best behaviour and my most intimate ways, my undivided attention for a few hours etc, but can they actually really fall for me when they haven't seen me in my own natural habitat with my small people and daily life? I find it hard to believe from a handful, if that, of meets.
I've stated I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm still healing, I'm working on myself, and yet I still seem to attract exactly what I'm not after and all I do is end up looking at what I do that mean this happens like it's my doing.
I can accept someone loving me, but what I can't accept is the expectation that I should feel the same back and behave as if I love them by giving exclusivity, all my time and attention as if I were in love with them. That's where it all goes wrong or has done in the past cases. That is where I get to a point where I want to cut and run. Love me, fine, but don't clip my wings and make me feel bad. The two don't fit together in my eyes. |
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Excellent response PW. I definitely think it can be a test in some ways and a guilt trip in others.
You're right about the fraction of you that they see... the uncomplicated fun part, not the every day life part. And the minimum actual real time spent with someone over a long period.
I also agree with Demi and others about having different types of love for people.
Complicated isn't it?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah there was one time when I just wasn’t ready for any commitment after a bad break up and I was seeing this girl and made it clear that I couldn’t give her anymore than friends with benefits, she ended up saying she fell in love with me and honestly if I was in the right place I would have probably been more open as she was amazing.
I basically just said I’m sorry I wish I could give you more but I just can’t and it’s probably a good idea that we stop what we’re doing cause I don’t wanna hurt you.
She wanted to continue and after a few conversations said she could deal with not having more and her feelings weren’t that strong
I carried on with the situation
Long story short… I was out with another girl which I was clear that we weren’t exclusive… she walked into the bar and broke down crying came over to me and the girl and pulled me for a chat and well let’s say it just got messy and we went out seperate ways and sadly didn’t go back to being friends ( which we were really great friends originally) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excellent response PW. I definitely think it can be a test in some ways and a guilt trip in others.
You're right about the fraction of you that they see... the uncomplicated fun part, not the every day life part. And the minimum actual real time spent with someone over a long period.
I also agree with Demi and others about having different types of love for people.
Complicated isn't it?
"
Very complicated!
A total minefield you don't expect to have to cross on a swinging site!! |
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Yep, has happened about 5 times, including my Husband. 
When we first met, we were both adamant we wanted a sexual relationship only and were completely single and free to date/see other people...13 years and 2 kids later, I still can't get rid of the bugger! Lol.  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep, has happened about 5 times, including my Husband.
When we first met, we were both adamant we wanted a sexual relationship only and were completely single and free to date/see other people...13 years and 2 kids later, I still can't get rid of the bugger! Lol. x"
Haha love that though! |
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"Excellent response PW. I definitely think it can be a test in some ways and a guilt trip in others.
You're right about the fraction of you that they see... the uncomplicated fun part, not the every day life part. And the minimum actual real time spent with someone over a long period.
I also agree with Demi and others about having different types of love for people.
Complicated isn't it?
"
It is and yet there are moments when you both know and know each other knows and then it is so very simple. I think of that as when trust in each other becomes faith in the relationship. I got no smart book stuff to back it up, it's just how it felt for 18 years. |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
In love? A few. Infatuation? A fair few more. I've found people put me on a pedestal which I find ridiculous. I recently ended one such burgeoning relationship before it went too far in that direction.
I'm just nice. And relaxing to be around. I think people that don't have that in their life much grasp at it. That's my assumption anyway. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
People say I love you too easily.
Some meant they love fucking me, but they don't want an actual relationship.
I'd rather not have anyone say they love me if it's just to make sex better for them.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Some people need to hear the words I love you while they are fucking me.
I don't know the reason why-perhaps it makes them feel wanted, but I find it difficult to say to someone if I'm not actually in love with them.
Real love that is, not friendship or familial love. |
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By *mf123Man
over a year ago
with one foot out the door |
Yes and i fell in love with her too it was the last thing i wanted or expected at the time i didnt think i was capable really but as usual with these things it went to pot
The lies parents tell kids sicken me theres rarely a happy ending in this world |
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"Excellent response PW. I definitely think it can be a test in some ways and a guilt trip in others.
You're right about the fraction of you that they see... the uncomplicated fun part, not the every day life part. And the minimum actual real time spent with someone over a long period.
I also agree with Demi and others about having different types of love for people.
Complicated isn't it?
Very complicated!
A total minefield you don't expect to have to cross on a swinging site!!"
Honestly the last thing I ever expected when I joined Fab! I thought people would be pretty avoidant of "love". |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
I've had mutual both ways big soft spots where even when you piss each other off it's easy to be laughing again in no time.
But no, very clear when it's not about love and if either starts to feel it, it's time to abort |
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I've had this happen before with a fwb. It's a tough one as it wasn't reciprocated. I enjoyed their company very much but seen no future with them.
The trouble is they only ever see you at your best. It's never a true representation of yourself. |
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"Excellent response PW. I definitely think it can be a test in some ways and a guilt trip in others.
You're right about the fraction of you that they see... the uncomplicated fun part, not the every day life part. And the minimum actual real time spent with someone over a long period.
I also agree with Demi and others about having different types of love for people.
Complicated isn't it?
Very complicated!
A total minefield you don't expect to have to cross on a swinging site!!
Honestly the last thing I ever expected when I joined Fab! I thought people would be pretty avoidant of "love"."
Why would be people be avoidant of love? That would suggest that we have any power over love, we don't choose love, love chooses us I guess, that my sum experience of love. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"In love with you...
Despite setting your boundaries, saying you don't want any kind of relationship, have you ever had someone fall in love with you?
And on how many occasions.
If so, why do you think that is?
How did you respond to the "I love you"?
Reciprocate? Or cut and run if you don't feel the same way.
"
not yet but I'm open to a relationship |
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"
Honestly the last thing I ever expected when I joined Fab! I thought people would be pretty avoidant of "love".
Why would be people be avoidant of love? That would suggest that we have any power over love, we don't choose love, love chooses us I guess, that my sum experience of love."
I thought it would be more about just having a good time, living in the moment, scratching that itch, fulfilling a need. A break from every day life. As opposed to people looking for love like on a regular dating site.
Obviously after some time in the forums I've seen numerous love stories/ltr/weddings! |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"
Honestly the last thing I ever expected when I joined Fab! I thought people would be pretty avoidant of "love".
Why would be people be avoidant of love? That would suggest that we have any power over love, we don't choose love, love chooses us I guess, that my sum experience of love.
I thought it would be more about just having a good time, living in the moment, scratching that itch, fulfilling a need. A break from every day life. As opposed to people looking for love like on a regular dating site.
Obviously after some time in the forums I've seen numerous love stories/ltr/weddings!"
I don't think people are actively looking for it for the most part. They're open to it, sure but not necessarily treating it like a regular dating site.
I've never been looking for love. I am open to it, well to feelings in general. You can be living in the moment and open to more if it happens can't you?
I don't want to restrict and put boundaries on feelings, intimacy. I'm happy enjoying it for what it is and love being present in the moment. If that includes feelings so be it.
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