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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you think it's limited to D/s subdrops and Dom drops?
What about after a meet when you've both been high on the sexual tension and energy of each other? Particularly if you've stayed overnight together perhaps?
Do you check in with the other person or expect them to come to you and tell you how they feel? What's your aftercare like it, is it strong and mindful?
When else do you think a level of aftercare is needed or good practice in the swinging world? And how many people do you think are actually mindful of it? Or do we just assume people know what they're getting into at all times and can handle themselves? Should they?
Considering people try new things, may have boundaries pushed or try something that's a bit more daring than usual should we practice aftercare more than we care to think?
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"Do you think it's limited to D/s subdrops and Dom drops?
What about after a meet when you've both been high on the sexual tension and energy of each other? Particularly if you've stayed overnight together perhaps?
Do you check in with the other person or expect them to come to you and tell you how they feel? What's your aftercare like it, is it strong and mindful?
When else do you think a level of aftercare is needed or good practice in the swinging world? And how many people do you think are actually mindful of it? Or do we just assume people know what they're getting into at all times and can handle themselves? Should they?
Considering people try new things, may have boundaries pushed or try something that's a bit more daring than usual should we practice aftercare more than we care to think?
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Communication is the key before and after care and consideration
But I belive in a meeting of minds
Before engaging in activity.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Depends on the person and how they want/like things but it's definitely not limited to D/s.
Some just like to be left the fuck alone to process and decompress. Others can be needy and require extreme amounts of attention and keep things comfortable.
Either way it's definitely important. The tricky part is, depending on the dynamic etc, when types of aftercare conflict - one person needs no attention and the other needs quite a bit. Remember those in the D role may need aftercare too. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
I look at this site from two perspectives, first it is fun and we play as equals in a fun way. Second if it is more than frivolous fun then after care is imperative because it is getting into peoples minds and that is a whole new level.
The second way is a whole new kettle of kippers which you take way from this site as others may not understand
Just my way.
Mr |
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No I don't think it's limited to D/s relationships. I just think it's more the norm in that lifestyle.
Sex can be full of endorphin rushes mixed with emotions. So it's not surprising you can drop from it. And I think people do aftercare in the vanilla lifestyle without labelling as such. Getting the other a cuppa or running a bath or just snuggling in bed together after. The messages the next day reminiscing about how good it was.
Anyway I'm waffling  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a measure of the dynamic with someone if you're checking in on someone afterwards. Kink or no kink (but kink makes the need for checking in more important). I find even online "play" can have after effects for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All there is to know about me is that I’m soft and emotional and I will check in and message and be all sweet because if we have sex I probably like you a lil bit. |
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If you've had a one off meet with someone, assuming no drama during the meet, I think it's unreasonable to assume or expect the other person to check in with you the next day.
If it was a very specific scenario, then there might be justification to expect it, but then I'd argue that anything you're doing which warrants any level of aftercare shouldn't be done with someone you're having a one off with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it depends on the connection, if it’s just sex and there’s not really been any other conversation involved then hard to expect any afterthought however personally I am quite a caring person and would always check in and say something even if it didn’t lead to more as it’s only respectful but it always comes down to the person - some will - some won’t |
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Aftercare is essential and just as essential as the chat before you meet up.
As a couple who tend to mainly meet singles we are fully aware that we have each other for support and to reminisce and so we provide as much after care as needed.
It’s important whatever the sex and the activity you’ve done together.
K
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I do expect to hear from my lovers in between meets or if feels like they just want you for sex but I'm not sure that's what you mean. I don't need to hear from them the day of except a quick home safely message. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I wouldn't do a full overnight meet with anyone that I wasn't already comfortable enough with to be happy to check in on them later. There would already have been plenty of chat before hand and some kind of social interaction, so why would there be none after?
If you're staying with them overnight, whether that's at a hotel, theirs or yours, then you have to wake up with them, do the whole 'who's using the bathroom first?' scenario. As well of course the 'who's putting the kettle on then?' conversation. 
Whether it's just wake up and leave, wake up and carry on enjoying eachothers company or whatever, if there's no afterthoughts and no care after the event, then that seems pretty cold to me and not something I'd enjoy. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I'm enjoying your threads a lot recently PW - it's good to read the candid replies.
I don't know how many people are mindful about aftercare in all honesty. I'd like to think people are.
I don't think it's limited to D/s dynamics, I think it's whenever there's a heightened experience, it's dependent on the relationship you have with someone. Everyone can experience drops and recognising and understanding the myriad of ways we do that is important.
So... time for some oversharing from me.
Personally I think if things have been intense, you're in a dynamic or a romantic relationship there should be some effort of aftercare made. I've been in a relationship before where there was absolutely none. And it was kind of shitty.
No I had a brilliant time messages. No asking how I was doing. No checking in with how I was feeling after certain things. I do understand we experience drops in different ways but I also believe we should be able to make some sort of effort to reach out to another. Whether it's saying thanks, sending a care package, leaving a voice note, long cuddles, making breakfast etc
After I sent the standard "let's be friends" message, I started meeting people again.
And I was thrilled beyond compare when I experienced proper aftercare for the first time in months. I didn't ask for anything. I was actually surprised if anything and sent a very excitable message to a friend because I couldn't believe someone wanted to actually check in on me. No prompting. Nothing. And he proceeded to message and see how I was doing over the next few days.
I think now? I couldn't do anything remotely kinky without knowing there'd be at least some form of it. It's about knowing what I want and need and finding people who are compatible with me. And they do exist. Delightfully so. |
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I think everyone should practice it.
I like a kiss, cuddle and chat before going our separate ways. I really don't like it if I've gone to the bathroom right after and the guys up and dressed by the time I get back. I want to wind down slowly... feels kind of cold when they do that. |
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Whether it's a scene or sex, all types of aftercare are important for those who need it, but people should be mindful that not everyone is equipped to deliver it. It's a step too far for many and unless they are already in a dynamic/relationship or it's been agreed beforehand, many simply don't think about the other person needing it. Not from malice, but from themselves not needing it, so the generalisation assumption is made. Clear Concise Communication is the only way to avoid, miscommunication of people's wants  |
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I think some people care about their sexual partners and others see them as sex toys. Obviously it depends on what’s wanted and this needs to be discussed beforehand. I like your answer and your green pic intriguing- so I find your pictures fantastic and wonder who chooses the scene ?? and whether you both choose the pose? Your photography is exceptional and if wanted you could take it further. |
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"Whether it's a scene or sex, all types of aftercare are important for those who need it, but people should be mindful that not everyone is equipped to deliver it. It's a step too far for many and unless they are already in a dynamic/relationship or it's been agreed beforehand, many simply don't think about the other person needing it. Not from malice, but from themselves not needing it, so the generalisation assumption is made. Clear Concise Communication is the only way to avoid, miscommunication of people's wants "
I couldn't agree more!
It depends on their emotional intelligence and if they developed empathy . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's absolutely not just limited to the D/S dynamic.
Its actually quite common to have a bit of a drop after a such a high. Particularly if you've had some really intense orgasms or you've got d*unk on oxytocin! (It's my favourite tipple) Sometimes I've really struggled with that day or two after feeling. It's the bump back down to earth or reality. It's hormones, it's a come down, it's a sign that it was really lovely.
I need the after communication, just as much as the before. Not hours and hours but I need the reassurance that they had a great time and are thinking of me. I love sharing a few memories etc too.
I used to think it made me incredibly needy but it's actually just important so I feel like a person rather than an object.
Some people experience it differently and the extremes of post coital regret can take over and sadly I've seen that happen. They run, go silent and ghost you. You're left feeling even worse!
I suppose some expectation management is important. |
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"Depends on the person and how they want/like things but it's definitely not limited to D/s.
Some just like to be left the fuck alone to process and decompress. Others can be needy and require extreme amounts of attention and keep things comfortable.
Either way it's definitely important. The tricky part is, depending on the dynamic etc, when types of aftercare conflict - one person needs no attention and the other needs quite a bit. Remember those in the D role may need aftercare too. "
This .. yes dommes need aftercare too especially if it's been a physical session like caning/spanking etc.. can take it out of you |
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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago
Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston |
Aftercare is vitally important. If we’ve been in a club and Wolf has watched me with someone else. The first thing I want is cuddles, kisses and back strokes with Wolf. It’s a mental and physical need. It’s partly to come down safely, it’s also about us reassuring each other and showing our love.
Red |
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