FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Spicing up our sex life advise
Spicing up our sex life advise
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.
So by boring I mean my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing.
I would like to introduce things like giving/receiving a massage, for her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again. Use some sex toys etc.
So nothing outlandish. My wifes response was to go mad at me, flatly refuse and she won't discuss it?
Any ideas? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A good start is sensory deprivation. A nice silk blindfold and then take your time to explore every inch of her body. Sometimes life makes us forget the simple pleasures and sensations and sex becomes another job to be done. Start softly and wake her inner sex kitten! From there it's onto mild restraint, tie and tease and once she feels comfortable then you can suggest a little role reversal. Some things take time but are well worth the effort. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *nitterWoman
over a year ago
the land of tall tales and yarn |
"A good start is sensory deprivation. A nice silk blindfold and then take your time to explore every inch of her body. Sometimes life makes us forget the simple pleasures and sensations and sex becomes another job to be done. Start softly and wake her inner sex kitten! From there it's onto mild restraint, tie and tease and once she feels comfortable then you can suggest a little role reversal. Some things take time but are well worth the effort."
^^ this is great advice OP |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think you are a few steps away from trying anything new.
The big C word is required here I sense - Conversation!
What is it your wife is looking for? What does she feel? Do she think there is a problem?
Gotta lay your feelings out as well.
Or yeah, tell your on here, blindfold her and use all manner of sensory aids, that’ll warm her up  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!"
Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!
Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie. "
Conversation is key tbh |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
" my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing."
This is actually a really good start! The best person to speak to is your Wife, explain you'd like to try different things. Also ask her if she'd like to try different things, she may also be bored. Work on it together, we're only hearing one side of a story here. Oh... and variety is the spice of life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.
So by boring I mean my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing.
I would like to introduce things like giving/receiving a massage, for her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again. Use some sex toys etc.
So nothing outlandish. My wifes response was to go mad at me, flatly refuse and she won't discuss it?
Any ideas?"
From the way your talking I've feeling you won't be even getting the kisses.
If you told her things are boring .senual massage and simple stroking batheing together drying each other.is a good start. Think you need to get stuff done around the house and earn back some brownie points. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Make her actually feel wanted outside the bedroom first. Do you help with domestic stuff? Are you affectionate without wanting sex? Or do you just show affection when you want a shag? Nothing worse for a woman living with a grown ass man child, kills the libido no end.
A conversation is needed with her, and you need to listen to what she's saying...there's always a reason for a woman going off boil. Do you go on date nights together? Sounds to me like you need to look at all aspects of your life together.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
The other side to the story is I do go into my shell and suffer in my own silence which she then says turns her off!
It does get me down a lot as in every other aspect of our lives together we are almost perfect!
I need to get her to open up and talk about it but she won't and I can't figure out why? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There is nothing to do in the house apart from our bedroom which is next.
I bought her flowers every week for two years, I help around the house, I've spoiled her rotten I've tried all sorts.
"
Fair enough but its all about what she needs no what you do . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"The other side to the story is I do go into my shell and suffer in my own silence which she then says turns her off!
It does get me down a lot as in every other aspect of our lives together we are almost perfect!
I need to get her to open up and talk about it but she won't and I can't figure out why?"
Do you think lingerie and toys will turn her on, or are they just for your benefit?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I mean she isn't wrong about the lingerie is she? Your wife, by the sounds of it just likes sex like probably a large portion of the public, without all the bells and whistles, she sounds old school.
You need to have a conversation with her above anything else and the go from there.
Danish x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does she know you've been cheating on her for at least the past 7 years?
Maybe she has her suspicions.
"
This!!
Probably thinks why should I bother when he's out banging others anyway. Or maybe she's getting her own fun time with his best mate lol  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
Yes it would turn me on, It all would turn me on.
Thats where the issue is. So if we made love 10 times over a period of time. We would get into bed naked and start kissing 8 of those times. The other two we would get into bed naked and watch some porn.
I would like something a little bit different some of the time.
Thats my issue. She says she is happy with that so where do we compromise? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The other side to the story is I do go into my shell and suffer in my own silence which she then says turns her off!
It does get me down a lot as in every other aspect of our lives together we are almost perfect!
I need to get her to open up and talk about it but she won't and I can't figure out why?"
Does she know you are on here?
Has she ever liked sex with you? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes it would turn me on, It all would turn me on.
Thats where the issue is. So if we made love 10 times over a period of time. We would get into bed naked and start kissing 8 of those times. The other two we would get into bed naked and watch some porn.
I would like something a little bit different some of the time.
Thats my issue. She says she is happy with that so where do we compromise?"
Like a poster said above, maybe she has her suspicions about your other life away from her (speaking from experience being there person who had an affair, the other half generally had an idea, no matter how well you cover your tracks) so she maybe feeling like why bother?
Even though we are on here, doughnut sometimes gets the hump with me as I never really make the first move when it comes to sex with each other, very rarely dress up for him unless going to a club, which obviously I feel bad about about it but the way I see it, we have our swinging life and "normal life", maybe I'm a bit weird but maybe your wife just wants normal and not toys r us coupled with ann summers entering the bedroom?
Danish x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The other side to the story is I do go into my shell and suffer in my own silence which she then says turns her off!
It does get me down a lot as in every other aspect of our lives together we are almost perfect!
I need to get her to open up and talk about it but she won't and I can't figure out why?"
It's a difficult one, I mean if she told you you were boring in bed you'd maybe feel a little put out.
A proper conversation is needed, what does she want, what does she feel could make things better, does she have any fantasies?
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.
So by boring I mean my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing.
I would like to introduce things like giving/receiving a massage, for her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again. Use some sex toys etc.
So nothing outlandish. My wifes response was to go mad at me, flatly refuse and she won't discuss it?
Any ideas?"
You need to talk to her op.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
"I've tried very carefully not to say she isn't boring in bed.
If you had beans on toast every Friday, maybe once in a while you would put some Worcestershire sauce on it to spice it up? "
Not necessarily - and that's the point.
Some people might like beans on toast exactly the way they have it.
Some might try varying things a little, only to find that they prefer it the way they've been having it.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sorry that was glib. Not an easy issue to address. In my experience you can talk about things a lot and never reach a solution that satisfies you both, in which case you’ve expended a lot of effort for nothing, but you can’t know the outcome in advance. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and in your case that might be accepting a sex life that you find uninteresting. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?"
Pressing quote and reply button when responding to certain people helps enormously for us to us to identify who you are replying too x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?
Pressing quote and reply button when responding to certain people helps enormously for us to us to identify who you are replying too x"
Got it, sorry |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"Sorry that was glib. Not an easy issue to address. In my experience you can talk about things a lot and never reach a solution that satisfies you both, in which case you’ve expended a lot of effort for nothing, but you can’t know the outcome in advance. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and in your case that might be accepting a sex life that you find uninteresting."
That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
You clearly need to have the conversation, and if she won't have it then you need to decide what course to take.
If you having more "interesting" sex is that important to you and it isn't to her, it may be that you need to have a long and hard think about what your priorities are for the rest of your life.
If the rest of your life together is perfect, is it really that big of a deal or are you just focusing on what you see as lacking? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"You might need some marriage counselling to improve both of your communication. This shouldn't be that hard of a conversation to have with your life partner."
I agree, thats what is confusing. Why is it so hard to talk about? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!
Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie. "
Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.
My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!
Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.
Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.
My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each. "
Teasing, sexting thats on a different level. Need to talk first |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"You clearly need to have the conversation, and if she won't have it then you need to decide what course to take.
If you having more "interesting" sex is that important to you and it isn't to her, it may be that you need to have a long and hard think about what your priorities are for the rest of your life.
If the rest of your life together is perfect, is it really that big of a deal or are you just focusing on what you see as lacking?"
I'm not sure, am I asking too much? She has admitted she is selfish. To me it is a small tweak thats needed |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?"
Her sacrifice is your lack of fidelity. As you are on here you're not fully immersed in your relationship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!
Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.
Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.
My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.
Teasing, sexting thats on a different level. Need to talk first"
Do you ever initiate sex anywhere outside the bedroom? I know it's difficult if you have kids. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?
Her sacrifice is your lack of fidelity. As you are on here you're not fully immersed in your relationship. "
I find myself here to fulfil something that is missing.
I would suspect alot of people on here are here for the buzz, excitement and thrill that they are craving |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!
Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.
Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.
My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.
Teasing, sexting thats on a different level. Need to talk first
Do you ever initiate sex anywhere outside the bedroom? I know it's difficult if you have kids. "
No, that is difficult.
Maybe a night away once every month or two |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"You clearly need to have the conversation, and if she won't have it then you need to decide what course to take.
If you having more "interesting" sex is that important to you and it isn't to her, it may be that you need to have a long and hard think about what your priorities are for the rest of your life.
If the rest of your life together is perfect, is it really that big of a deal or are you just focusing on what you see as lacking?
I'm not sure, am I asking too much? She has admitted she is selfish. To me it is a small tweak thats needed"
But that is you looking at it from your point of view, through your own lense. If you look at it from hers, everything is just fine as it is... better than fine even, so it isnt a small tweak and isnt needed. Only the two of you can decide if you are asking too much. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"You clearly need to have the conversation, and if she won't have it then you need to decide what course to take.
If you having more "interesting" sex is that important to you and it isn't to her, it may be that you need to have a long and hard think about what your priorities are for the rest of your life.
If the rest of your life together is perfect, is it really that big of a deal or are you just focusing on what you see as lacking?
I'm not sure, am I asking too much? She has admitted she is selfish. To me it is a small tweak thats needed
But that is you looking at it from your point of view, through your own lense. If you look at it from hers, everything is just fine as it is... better than fine even, so it isnt a small tweak and isnt needed. Only the two of you can decide if you are asking too much."
I like you, very good, honest replies.
I totally get that. On occasion we will start off as we always do but it just doesn't do anything for me and I don't want her thinking she doesn't turn me on.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Talk to her op and ask if she'll let you explore elsewhere ,for the things you don't get from her.
You say she's selfish ,but you are too being on a swinger site and meeting others behind her back.
If she found that out I doubt you'd even get the kissing and sex you find Boring.
Have a frank conversation and explain things to her from your side.If it's that important to you to spice things up ,it's worth an open and honest conversation. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"Talk to her op and ask if she'll let you explore elsewhere ,for the things you don't get from her.
You say she's selfish ,but you are too being on a swinger site and meeting others behind her back.
If she found that out I doubt you'd even get the kissing and sex you find Boring.
Have a frank conversation and explain things to her from your side.If it's that important to you to spice things up ,it's worth an open and honest conversation."
Maybe getting opinions from other women will help me  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No she doesn't. She says she really enjoys sex"
Is this a reply to my questions?
Perhaps she does know you're on here, or fucking around somewhere.
I hated sex with my ex but loved it with other people.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.
So by boring I mean my wifes idea of sex is getting in to bed and start kissing.
I would like to introduce things like giving/receiving a massage, for her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again. Use some sex toys etc.
So nothing outlandish. My wifes response was to go mad at me, flatly refuse and she won't discuss it?
Any ideas?"
Does she know your here?
Or are you just making up a scenario to get wank material from people?? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sorry that was glib. Not an easy issue to address. In my experience you can talk about things a lot and never reach a solution that satisfies you both, in which case you’ve expended a lot of effort for nothing, but you can’t know the outcome in advance. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and in your case that might be accepting a sex life that you find uninteresting.
That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?"
That’s not quite how it works in my view. You have to decide whether the compromise of having an uninteresting sex life but an otherwise happy marriage is what you want. It’s not about trying to balance up the sacrifices you each have to make. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ornster OP Man
over a year ago
Southport |
"Sorry that was glib. Not an easy issue to address. In my experience you can talk about things a lot and never reach a solution that satisfies you both, in which case you’ve expended a lot of effort for nothing, but you can’t know the outcome in advance. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and in your case that might be accepting a sex life that you find uninteresting.
That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?
That’s not quite how it works in my view. You have to decide whether the compromise of having an uninteresting sex life but an otherwise happy marriage is what you want. It’s not about trying to balance up the sacrifices you each have to make."
Fair point |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
I like you, very good, honest replies.
I totally get that. On occasion we will start off as we always do but it just doesn't do anything for me and I don't want her thinking she doesn't turn me on.
"
Thanks. I just say what I think.
If you arent being turned on then you should be honest about that. There are ways to make the point without being cruel, and while she believes that you enjoy whenever you start as you always do, she will not know there is a problem. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maybe you need an affair ?
Not a chance
You have 2 verifications
Thats not an affair"
Might not be an affair but the fact you are in here, I assume without her knowledge and have met someone for sex isn't really inkeeping with "staying faithful is it" different if she knows and you just come on here to look and chat but actually meeting someone, while not ongoing, you've already cheated and like I said earlier, she is probably suspicious.
Danish x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, I have asked my wife about spicing up our sex life as I am finding it quite boring at the moment.
…."
Be careful what you wish for op.
*single male. Once married. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've tried very carefully not to say she isn't boring in bed.
If you had beans on toast every Friday, maybe once in a while you would put some Worcestershire sauce on it to spice it up? "
Of course but we do spice things up, we have a chat and go from there just saying be careful how you word it, for us sex isn't the be all and end all, some nights I just give him oral, sometimes him just me, sometimes both just oral, other times he'll wank over my tits/arse/face while I masterbate the sex we probably have the least out of all the other stuff to be honest - but again that comes with conversation.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"That is my argument for compromise. If I sacrifice and have an uninteresting sex life, what does my wife sacrifice?
Her sacrifice is your lack of fidelity. As you are on here you're not fully immersed in your relationship.
I find myself here to fulfil something that is missing.
I would suspect alot of people on here are here for the buzz, excitement and thrill that they are craving "
That's very true and down to you if you think it will fulfill your desires, with no guilt or chance of getting found out.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Not going to bother with you're on here does she know etc You know why you're here,
If you don't already do it have some "date nights" Go out for a meal have a few drinks when you get home watch a softcore movie in bed, Something that's got a decent storyline with sex scenes, I'm sure there has been loads of forum threads about movies to watch on here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There is nothing to do in the house apart from our bedroom which is next.
I bought her flowers every week for two years, I help around the house, I've spoiled her rotten I've tried all sorts.
"
Maybe she finds your attitude of entitlement and desperation off-putting. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If my husband the person who supposedly loved me was on a sex site asking advice on our marriage instead of having a adult conversation with me then his sex life would be the least of his worries .. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"If I ask her to wear some sexy lingerie her response is whats the point I only take it off anyway!
Tell her she looks very sexy when she wares it and it's a turn on more for you to see her in some nice lingerie.
Perhaps ask her to wear it all day rather than preparing for sex.
My partner and I used to have stocking days so we could tease each.
Teasing, sexting thats on a different level. Need to talk first
Do you ever initiate sex anywhere outside the bedroom? I know it's difficult if you have kids.
No, that is difficult.
Maybe a night away once every month or two"
Why is it difficult? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
"If my husband the person who supposedly loved me was on a sex site asking advice on our marriage instead of having a adult conversation with me then his sex life would be the least of his worries .."
Exactly |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
All in reading is a lot of "I do this" and "I do that" and that you're expecting some form of payment for that...as some one who has been divorced 3 times, I can tell you from experience, that's not how relationships work.
I see you've now hidden your profile, so other comments that you've already cheated have obviously hit the guilt button.
You need to ask yourself why you've been on here for at least a year (based on your forum activity) and only now asking why your wife isn't performing to your expectations.
Also, as many others have said, sit down and talk to her. If you are serious about your relationship with her (as you are cheating I have doubts) perhaps go for marriage guidance. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
