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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In the news today:
"Experts have discovered that inhalation of bodily gases reduces illness by up to 25%; radically boosting natural immunity to just about everything".
"The gas produced from our bowels has considerable health-benefits", said Dr Brown; a noted fartologist. "My advice is not to waste any of this precious 'wonder-gas'. Dr Brown suggested some methods of inhaling one's own gas; including cupping one's hand to 'grab' the fart fresh from the hole. "Then just 'waft' it directly into your nostrils", he added. Brown also noted that the stronger the flavour - the more potential health benefits. "Don't run away from a smelly one", he said urgently... "Embrace it". Brown reiterated that the smelly farts that seem to 'follow' you are actually natures' way of telling you to 'enjoy' them. "The fart is saying: 'Hey get back here - I'm trying to save your life".
The science team studying this hot topic, made another breakthrough earlier this month when they found that breathing in another persons' 'fumes' reaped even further health-benefits. A local woman said: "I used to hate my boyfriend when he would fart in bed and waft it, but now I see him as a hero and look forward to nightly getting my health-dose direct from the source".
"The science is clear", said Brown... "That people who sniff farts are healthier than those who do not". Brown further added: "We all have an 'in-built' desire to sniff our own brand, but the time has come we embraced other's also".
Brown currently recommends people sniff every fart they produce on a daily basis and further recommends a good three 'doses' daily of anothers' 'brand' also.
However... Some experts also studying the subject have warned of the dangers concerning: 'fart-sniffing'. "It is extremely addictive", said Dr Ripper, and warned others to be wary of becoming 'notorious-crack-addicts'. "It starts off as a bit of fun... But before long you'll be bottling your eggs for when you need your next fix".
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