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Did I overreact?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My situationship ended a while back. We remained in contact, as best friends. I wanted more, but she was happy with her new life and new relationship. Except regularly (maybe once a week) she’d get really low, usually d*unk, tell me she loved me, she missed me, send me sad songs and photos of us together. It was gut-wrenching. Then when I later broached the subject (when she was sober) she’d not want to talk about it. We met up some months ago and she cheated on her fella with me. I thought she’d come back but she never did - we carried on as ‘normal’
Earlier this week she was at it again, reminiscing about times we had, telling me she missed me and how she wanted to meet up next month.
Well this morning she whatsapped me to tell me what an amazing night she’d had, camping on cliff tops and waiting for the sun to rise. It hit me right in the feels. I was jealous, lonely, and sad.
So I told her I loved her, wished her nothing but happiness in life, and blocked her. I can’t ride this rollercoaster anymore. It’s too painful.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think you did the right thing. Gotta put yourself first fella, sounds like she was enjoying having her cake and eating it. Gonna be a difficult time for you but you gotta do it for your own sake  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
You did the right thing. You can’t move forward with YOUR life when she is using you as a crutch for HER life.
Move on. Plenty of folk out there who will love you how you need to be loved, but hankering after her won’t help you find them. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
No, I don't think you did. At all.
You've got to do what's right for you and if it's hurting you and not bringing you joy, you're right to end it.
I was once in a similar position to you but add in more emotional flip-flopping and lying. I realised one day I couldn't do it any more. It was too confusing - being told they wanted me to have their baby and then a couple of days later being told they don't have headspace to see me. It was constant. Exhausting.
And then one day I realised how much it was affecting my mood, my self esteem and I was doubting myself to the point of considering cancelling dates.
So I sent a difficult message. Explaining it wasn't working but I wanted to be platonic friends in the future but we needed a lot of space.
It was hard to send. Poorly received.
But everyone deserves happiness. You'll both be okay, and happier in the long run. It will hurt a bit at first, I think you almost grieve the ending? Soon you'll be reminded of how much joy and adventures there are to be found out there.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seems to me OP she was enjoying doing those things to you but not actually wanting to be with you…. Basically using you and playing games with your head…. Been there myself and I also deleted everything and blocked and moved on…. It’s the best thing you can do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for the support, everyone. I feel numb. We’ve talked every day for the past 2 years and now I’m lost  "
Try to not just remember the good stuff or what could have been. She was using you - you deserve better. Your life and happiness is important too.
It will be tough for a while. Keep busy and you will be better off in the long run. |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
"She was actually being abusive.
Women like that are part of the reason the male suicide rate is so high.
Steady on now
Deny it's true. "
Research narcissistic abuse and especially covert narcissism. It’s classic discard and hoovering behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She was actually being abusive.
Women like that are part of the reason the male suicide rate is so high.
Steady on now
Deny it's true.
Research narcissistic abuse and especially covert narcissism. It’s classic discard and hoovering behaviour."
I know that, you know that, little miss steady on either doesn't or doesn't care. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"She was actually being abusive.
Women like that are part of the reason the male suicide rate is so high.
Steady on now
Deny it's true.
Research narcissistic abuse and especially covert narcissism. It’s classic discard and hoovering behaviour.
I know that, you know that, little miss steady on either doesn't or doesn't care. "
Now now guys, play nice as this isn’t fair on the OP  and no I won’t comment after you see this as I’m not getting into a debate  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's hard to cut contact when you know you love someone. It's the best thing you could do.
I've been riding a similar roller coaster for years and it breaks your spirit.
You've got to stay strong and try to move on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"She was actually being abusive.
Women like that are part of the reason the male suicide rate is so high.
Steady on now
Deny it's true.
Research narcissistic abuse and especially covert narcissism. It’s classic discard and hoovering behaviour.
I know that, you know that, little miss steady on either doesn't or doesn't care.
Now now guys, play nice as this isn’t fair on the OP and no I won’t comment after you see this as I’m not getting into a debate "
Haha! It’s alright, the distraction is welcome  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"She was actually being abusive.
Women like that are part of the reason the male suicide rate is so high.
Steady on now
Deny it's true.
Research narcissistic abuse and especially covert narcissism. It’s classic discard and hoovering behaviour.
I know that, you know that, little miss steady on either doesn't or doesn't care.
Now now guys, play nice as this isn’t fair on the OP and no I won’t comment after you see this as I’m not getting into a debate
Haha! It’s alright, the distraction is welcome "
I just can’t be arsed with it this early in a Saturday morning |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"She was actually being abusive.
Women like that are part of the reason the male suicide rate is so high.
Steady on now
Deny it's true.
Research narcissistic abuse and especially covert narcissism. It’s classic discard and hoovering behaviour.
I know that, you know that, little miss steady on either doesn't or doesn't care.
Now now guys, play nice as this isn’t fair on the OP and no I won’t comment after you see this as I’m not getting into a debate
Haha! It’s alright, the distraction is welcome "
Well it's one way of letting you know, I think you did the right thing and could probably benefit from quality time with a right filthy mare.....
This is the opertunity for right filthy mares to step in, probably in high heals, shirt skirts and stockings. And offer to help  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"She was actually being abusive.
Women like that are part of the reason the male suicide rate is so high.
Steady on now
Deny it's true.
Research narcissistic abuse and especially covert narcissism. It’s classic discard and hoovering behaviour.
I know that, you know that, little miss steady on either doesn't or doesn't care.
Now now guys, play nice as this isn’t fair on the OP and no I won’t comment after you see this as I’m not getting into a debate
Haha! It’s alright, the distraction is welcome
Well it's one way of letting you know, I think you did the right thing and could probably benefit from quality time with a right filthy mare.....
This is the opertunity for right filthy mares to step in, probably in high heals, shirt skirts and stockings. And offer to help "
Well that would be a welcome distraction. PVC preferred. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"She was actually being abusive.
Women like that are part of the reason the male suicide rate is so high.
Steady on now
Deny it's true.
Research narcissistic abuse and especially covert narcissism. It’s classic discard and hoovering behaviour."
It's not uncommon behaviour but in mitigation I think sometimes the person doing it isn't always fully aware of the full impact of their actions.
I was on the receiving end of it a few years back. Makes it hard to move on when someone gives your emotional leash an occasional tug checking if you'll still respond.
I'm not getting into the specific impact on men's mental health. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My situationship ended a while back. We remained in contact, as best friends. I wanted more, but she was happy with her new life and new relationship. Except regularly (maybe once a week) she’d get really low, usually d*unk, tell me she loved me, she missed me, send me sad songs and photos of us together. It was gut-wrenching. Then when I later broached the subject (when she was sober) she’d not want to talk about it. We met up some months ago and she cheated on her fella with me. I thought she’d come back but she never did - we carried on as ‘normal’
Earlier this week she was at it again, reminiscing about times we had, telling me she missed me and how she wanted to meet up next month.
Well this morning she whatsapped me to tell me what an amazing night she’d had, camping on cliff tops and waiting for the sun to rise. It hit me right in the feels. I was jealous, lonely, and sad.
So I told her I loved her, wished her nothing but happiness in life, and blocked her. I can’t ride this rollercoaster anymore. It’s too painful.
"
You done the right thing. People that play with peoples emotions are dangerous. That’s a broken individual right there that could do with therapy to sort her head out as that behaviour isn’t normal. Sorry your hurting OP but grieve what it was and move on with your life. You deserve so much better than crumbs off her table x |
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Well done for taking the first steps to ensuring you have more control over your life.
It’s the hardest thing to let go of someone you thought of so much but they are using you - they are messaging you when with him and probably vice versa - they will never be happy until they stop using others as a crutch.
You’ll grow stronger and it’ll allow you the headspace to respect yourself more…that’s the first step to a happier life…
K |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My situationship ended a while back. We remained in contact, as best friends. I wanted more, but she was happy with her new life and new relationship. Except regularly (maybe once a week) she’d get really low, usually d*unk, tell me she loved me, she missed me, send me sad songs and photos of us together. It was gut-wrenching. Then when I later broached the subject (when she was sober) she’d not want to talk about it. We met up some months ago and she cheated on her fella with me. I thought she’d come back but she never did - we carried on as ‘normal’
Earlier this week she was at it again, reminiscing about times we had, telling me she missed me and how she wanted to meet up next month.
Well this morning she whatsapped me to tell me what an amazing night she’d had, camping on cliff tops and waiting for the sun to rise. It hit me right in the feels. I was jealous, lonely, and sad.
So I told her I loved her, wished her nothing but happiness in life, and blocked her. I can’t ride this rollercoaster anymore. It’s too painful.
You done the right thing. People that play with peoples emotions are dangerous. That’s a broken individual right there that could do with therapy to sort her head out as that behaviour isn’t normal. Sorry your hurting OP but grieve what it was and move on with your life. You deserve so much better than crumbs off her table x"
Yeah she is broken. I am too. I have a theory that broken people always manage to find each other. |
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"My situationship ended a while back. We remained in contact, as best friends. I wanted more, but she was happy with her new life and new relationship. Except regularly (maybe once a week) she’d get really low, usually d*unk, tell me she loved me, she missed me, send me sad songs and photos of us together. It was gut-wrenching. Then when I later broached the subject (when she was sober) she’d not want to talk about it. We met up some months ago and she cheated on her fella with me. I thought she’d come back but she never did - we carried on as ‘normal’
Earlier this week she was at it again, reminiscing about times we had, telling me she missed me and how she wanted to meet up next month.
Well this morning she whatsapped me to tell me what an amazing night she’d had, camping on cliff tops and waiting for the sun to rise. It hit me right in the feels. I was jealous, lonely, and sad.
So I told her I loved her, wished her nothing but happiness in life, and blocked her. I can’t ride this rollercoaster anymore. It’s too painful.
"
That took strength, you've stayed true to yourself and while it hurts you will feel better in the long run. And just think of the people you will potentially meet, it's exciting who knows who is out there waiting to be discovered |
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"My situationship ended a while back. We remained in contact, as best friends. I wanted more, but she was happy with her new life and new relationship. Except regularly (maybe once a week) she’d get really low, usually d*unk, tell me she loved me, she missed me, send me sad songs and photos of us together. It was gut-wrenching. Then when I later broached the subject (when she was sober) she’d not want to talk about it. We met up some months ago and she cheated on her fella with me. I thought she’d come back but she never did - we carried on as ‘normal’
Earlier this week she was at it again, reminiscing about times we had, telling me she missed me and how she wanted to meet up next month.
Well this morning she whatsapped me to tell me what an amazing night she’d had, camping on cliff tops and waiting for the sun to rise. It hit me right in the feels. I was jealous, lonely, and sad.
So I told her I loved her, wished her nothing but happiness in life, and blocked her. I can’t ride this rollercoaster anymore. It’s too painful.
You done the right thing. People that play with peoples emotions are dangerous. That’s a broken individual right there that could do with therapy to sort her head out as that behaviour isn’t normal. Sorry your hurting OP but grieve what it was and move on with your life. You deserve so much better than crumbs off her table x
Yeah she is broken. I am too. I have a theory that broken people always manage to find each other. "
They do and it's not always of benefit to either person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of advice.
Op
Good luck with it all. Hope it helps and you can de-clutter. New chapters and beginnings.
Time to let go of heartbreak. Give yourself space. |
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People become addicted to other people the same way they become addicted to nicotine, alcohol etc.
If a sober alcoholic starts to dabble with alcohol, it's pretty much guaranteed to end badly.
You have to cut yourself off from the negative addiction in order to move on. That means at times you have to be selfish. You have to put yourself first. You'll probably tell yourself that you need to be there for her, you're her friend and you'll do anything for her, but all you're really doing is hurting both of you.
Learn from this my man. Mourn her the way you need to mourn her. Go straight through the middle of this and when you get to the otherside you'll be stronger than you ever were and you'll find something way more fulfilling. |
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I have a friend who used to do a similar thing to men. She'd break up with them but give them just enough hope to prevent them from moving on. You've done the right thing, as much as it hurts she was never going to come back to you and was deliberately rubbing salt in the wound.
One of the men my friend did this to got married and *she* was angry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My situationship ended a while back. We remained in contact, as best friends. I wanted more, but she was happy with her new life and new relationship. Except regularly (maybe once a week) she’d get really low, usually d*unk, tell me she loved me, she missed me, send me sad songs and photos of us together. It was gut-wrenching. Then when I later broached the subject (when she was sober) she’d not want to talk about it. We met up some months ago and she cheated on her fella with me. I thought she’d come back but she never did - we carried on as ‘normal’
Earlier this week she was at it again, reminiscing about times we had, telling me she missed me and how she wanted to meet up next month.
Well this morning she whatsapped me to tell me what an amazing night she’d had, camping on cliff tops and waiting for the sun to rise. It hit me right in the feels. I was jealous, lonely, and sad.
So I told her I loved her, wished her nothing but happiness in life, and blocked her. I can’t ride this rollercoaster anymore. It’s too painful.
"
Oh fella, I feel for you. She knew exactly what she was doing (just because she was able to - cruel as that sounds!). You've done the right thing as in blocking her etc. You may even doubt yourself at sime point which is natural. You just need to appreciate YOU are worth and deserve so much more. Huge hugs OP |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have a friend who used to do a similar thing to men. She'd break up with them but give them just enough hope to prevent them from moving on. You've done the right thing, as much as it hurts she was never going to come back to you and was deliberately rubbing salt in the wound.
One of the men my friend did this to got married and *she* was angry "
I think that’s part of the problem - we never really ‘broke up’ - we drifted away, hooked up, chatted, hooked up, she got with someone new, we hooked up, chatted.
When we met up in feb it was with the intention of having a big row and ending things once and for all (my plan) and of course we hooked up instead.
I feel ok-ish. The advice here has helped, I know I’ve done the right thing. I also know she’ll turn up at some point (she knows how to find me) |
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"I have a friend who used to do a similar thing to men. She'd break up with them but give them just enough hope to prevent them from moving on. You've done the right thing, as much as it hurts she was never going to come back to you and was deliberately rubbing salt in the wound.
One of the men my friend did this to got married and *she* was angry
I think that’s part of the problem - we never really ‘broke up’ - we drifted away, hooked up, chatted, hooked up, she got with someone new, we hooked up, chatted.
When we met up in feb it was with the intention of having a big row and ending things once and for all (my plan) and of course we hooked up instead.
I feel ok-ish. The advice here has helped, I know I’ve done the right thing. I also know she’ll turn up at some point (she knows how to find me) "
Then you have 2 options. Accept this cycle for what it is and make peace with it. Or break the cycle and tell her to go fuck herself. It's on you pal. Whatever you decide, own that decision. |
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"I have a friend who used to do a similar thing to men. She'd break up with them but give them just enough hope to prevent them from moving on. You've done the right thing, as much as it hurts she was never going to come back to you and was deliberately rubbing salt in the wound.
One of the men my friend did this to got married and *she* was angry
I think that’s part of the problem - we never really ‘broke up’ - we drifted away, hooked up, chatted, hooked up, she got with someone new, we hooked up, chatted.
When we met up in feb it was with the intention of having a big row and ending things once and for all (my plan) and of course we hooked up instead.
I feel ok-ish. The advice here has helped, I know I’ve done the right thing. I also know she’ll turn up at some point (she knows how to find me) "
That's exactly why you haven't been able to move forward. She gave you hope that you hadn't really broken up while clearly in her mind you had. I hate to see people do this and in my limited experience it's often women. I'm sorry it's happened to you. |
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