FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Red flags
Red flags
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep  )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When his Interest blows hot and cold like the wind, treating me as an option not a choice"
Ooh yes! I’ve just walked away from someone in real life for being like this  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact. "
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I guess it depends on who the contact is with.
With couples I get alarm bells ringing if there's any sense of it being a male led conversation, revolving around his agenda. Likewise any message that begins 'we don't normally contact single guys', because why then, I'm not that special?
With single women it's generally if there's any sense of urgency to meet or a sudden deluge of messages, as if I'm suddenly their sole focus of attention.
It's not as if I haven't made my approach to life on site as clear as daylight in my profile, so if they've missed that or haven't been bothered to read it, then that's a red flag in itself. |
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"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH "
Yes!
No it was a social. Did you kiss?
Arg. None of your business. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think the pushy behaviour is the worry. We agree take time chatter see if you get on - not a dating site I know but we value our marriage and more importantly our safety  "
As you should! Pushy behaviour is such a turn off isn’t it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The points you've mentioned fluffy. But pushiness is definitely top of the list. Also over keeness strangely! I've had a couple of stalkers who started being too into me, too early on in the interaction! I was flattered at the time, but I see it as mental instability now. |
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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH "
Questions like that and the associated jealousy make you wonder what they're doing on a swingers site in the first place |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"All of the ones you've listed OP are huge red flags to me.
"
Are you someone who finds it easy to recognise the signs? I often second guess myself and wonder if I’m reading it wrong |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I guess it depends on who the contact is with.
With couples I get alarm bells ringing if there's any sense of it being a male led conversation, revolving around his agenda. Likewise any message that begins 'we don't normally contact single guys', because why then, I'm not that special?
With single women it's generally if there's any sense of urgency to meet or a sudden deluge of messages, as if I'm suddenly their sole focus of attention.
It's not as if I haven't made my approach to life on site as clear as daylight in my profile, so if they've missed that or haven't been bothered to read it, then that's a red flag in itself. "
It’s like love bombing isn’t it, constant attention that almost becomes suffocating |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All of the ones you've listed OP are huge red flags to me.
Are you someone who finds it easy to recognise the signs? I often second guess myself and wonder if I’m reading it wrong "
Going with your gut instinct is usually a good rule of thumb for this sort of thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Yes!
No it was a social. Did you kiss?
Arg. None of your business. "
And when you say that they say ‘that obviously means you did then’  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All of the ones you've listed OP are huge red flags to me.
Are you someone who finds it easy to recognise the signs? I often second guess myself and wonder if I’m reading it wrong
Going with your gut instinct is usually a good rule of thumb for this sort of thing."
This probably works well for people who've not had a relationship with emotional abuse (gaslighting etc). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All of the ones you've listed OP are huge red flags to me.
Are you someone who finds it easy to recognise the signs? I often second guess myself and wonder if I’m reading it wrong
Going with your gut instinct is usually a good rule of thumb for this sort of thing.
This probably works well for people who've not had a relationship with emotional abuse (gaslighting etc). "
As I said, a rule of thumb. Not perfect. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The points you've mentioned fluffy. But pushiness is definitely top of the list. Also over keeness strangely! I've had a couple of stalkers who started being too into me, too early on in the interaction! I was flattered at the time, but I see it as mental instability now. "
It’s not normal is it to be so full on so early! |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Yes!
No it was a social. Did you kiss?
Arg. None of your business.
And when you say that they say ‘that obviously means you did then’ "
I may start leaving veris ripped from cheesy 80's romance novels full of heaving bosoms and thrusting manhoods, every time I meet someone for a Costa now.
May as well give them something to tug and get excited over instead of the reality that 'two people met and chatted over some coffee'.......   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Questions like that and the associated jealousy make you wonder what they're doing on a swingers site in the first place"
Trying to get a shag I guess |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Lefty views and unable to have a healthy discussion about opinions are red for me 
Plus the obvs ghosting or being forceful in a non sexy way  "
At least ghosting solves the problem |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"All of the ones you've listed OP are huge red flags to me.
Are you someone who finds it easy to recognise the signs? I often second guess myself and wonder if I’m reading it wrong
Going with your gut instinct is usually a good rule of thumb for this sort of thing."
I never know what my gut is saying! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Yes!
No it was a social. Did you kiss?
Arg. None of your business.
And when you say that they say ‘that obviously means you did then’
I may start leaving veris ripped from cheesy 80's romance novels full of heaving bosoms and thrusting manhoods, every time I meet someone for a Costa now.
May as well give them something to tug and get excited over instead of the reality that 'two people met and chatted over some coffee'....... "
Tempted to meet you for a coffee just to put that to the test |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All of the ones you've listed OP are huge red flags to me.
Are you someone who finds it easy to recognise the signs? I often second guess myself and wonder if I’m reading it wrong
Going with your gut instinct is usually a good rule of thumb for this sort of thing.
I never know what my gut is saying!"
One gurgle for yes, two gurgles for no. |
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By *essaMayWoman
over a year ago
Fairytale Wood |
Depends on what your looking for i guess, will be different. Apart from some obvious ones.
People who change their opinion or viewpont depending on who started a thread or commented on.
Messages that start ok but then want sex talk pretending to be a woman.
Trying to sell their partners to others.
Messages, chat, comments that try to elevate themselves.
Just a few of mine,  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"All of the ones you've listed OP are huge red flags to me.
Are you someone who finds it easy to recognise the signs? I often second guess myself and wonder if I’m reading it wrong
Going with your gut instinct is usually a good rule of thumb for this sort of thing.
I never know what my gut is saying!
One gurgle for yes, two gurgles for no."
That usually means it’s hungry |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Depends on what your looking for i guess, will be different. Apart from some obvious ones.
People who change their opinion or viewpont depending on who started a thread or commented on.
Messages that start ok but then want sex talk pretending to be a woman.
Trying to sell their partners to others.
Messages, chat, comments that try to elevate themselves.
Just a few of mine, "
Oh yes, the old ‘I’ll agree with whatever you say if it gives me a chance’
And self elevation too, there’s a big difference between confidence and arrogance! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All of the ones you've listed OP are huge red flags to me.
Are you someone who finds it easy to recognise the signs? I often second guess myself and wonder if I’m reading it wrong "
I'm fairly quick at reading the signs. I tend to go in my gut instincts and they don't usually let me down. I've been here quite a while too and learned a lot and tk have faith in my gut instincts over my time here. |
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"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH "
Do people actuall ask these questions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When his Interest blows hot and cold like the wind, treating me as an option not a choice"
This, this, this!
I'm originally from a country where men are generally pushy so I can deal with this. Can come across quite blunt myself sometimes unfortunately but I'm learning |
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Our profile is very clear on what we want. I won't engage with someone who asks for more and then says "but I'm happy with this" if you were actually happy with that you'd not have asked.
Th phrase "happy to play by your rules" just makes me feel weird too. Some things don't need to be said and the fact they say that makes me question a lot of things about them. |
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"All you have mentioned plus, dodgy comments about other women "
This is a big one for me, I know some women like this kind of behaviour but I loathe it. It's distasteful and weird. Example "I like a real woman with curves" as if implying a slimmer lady isn't worthy. Just because I have curves (cake body in reality) doesn't mean I don't appreciate everyone's shape and want others put down.
Jealousy is another huge one, complaining how I spend my time or receiving new veris whilst I was talking to someone else.
Pushiness - have encountered a lot of manipulative people in messages that have zero boundaries and can't handle the word "no". |
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"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Do people actuall ask these questions "
They do |
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By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
"
I've had two bi men who talked about regular meets but who lost interest when they realised that I was meeting other men. One of them clearly stated that he was looking for an exclusive relationship. The impression I had was that eventually he would be reinforce his demands with his fist. Very weird. I try to trust my spider-sense. The slightest niggle and I'm done. Sometimes I say something but equally sometimes I don't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Forgetting that we are a couple or assuming Wolf is a cuckold which he definitely isn’t. Those start alarm bells ringing.
Red "
And a relationship dynamic should absolutely be respected and not ignored for one’s own urges  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Do people actuall ask these questions "
Yes they do, usually with a snarky undertone too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Our profile is very clear on what we want. I won't engage with someone who asks for more and then says "but I'm happy with this" if you were actually happy with that you'd not have asked.
Th phrase "happy to play by your rules" just makes me feel weird too. Some things don't need to be said and the fact they say that makes me question a lot of things about them."
That’s a very good point, implies that their rules may be different to yours and that you’d end up owing them if your rules governed the first round |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"All you have mentioned plus, dodgy comments about other women
This is a big one for me, I know some women like this kind of behaviour but I loathe it. It's distasteful and weird. Example "I like a real woman with curves" as if implying a slimmer lady isn't worthy. Just because I have curves (cake body in reality) doesn't mean I don't appreciate everyone's shape and want others put down.
Jealousy is another huge one, complaining how I spend my time or receiving new veris whilst I was talking to someone else.
Pushiness - have encountered a lot of manipulative people in messages that have zero boundaries and can't handle the word "no"."
Absolutely agree, there’s nothing sexy about body shaming other women (or men) to try and get your end away! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
I've had two bi men who talked about regular meets but who lost interest when they realised that I was meeting other men. One of them clearly stated that he was looking for an exclusive relationship. The impression I had was that eventually he would be reinforce his demands with his fist. Very weird. I try to trust my spider-sense. The slightest niggle and I'm done. Sometimes I say something but equally sometimes I don't. "
Interesting that people would be looking for exclusivity on a swinging site |
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"Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
"
yes to all of the above and when they start telling me what I need it's soo annoying |
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"When his Interest blows hot and cold like the wind, treating me as an option not a choice"
This is a difficult one. I'd be naive to think I wasn't any more than an option. The hot and cold I don't mind. I guess It depends what you're looking for on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I like mutual interest and energy but I don't want to feel like you're my partner haha. Constant need for attention, the constant communication about nothing, honestly by all means talk to me but don't fill my day with boring crap.
I'm not answering questions about previous meets or who I met the weekend and were they a sexual friend etc.
I don't want to feel that you're pushing me in anyway when I've made it clear I don't want to. I don't like insecurity, I'm not going to stroke your ego. I'm finding it harder and harder not find people full of the above.
My tolerance just seems to be zero a lot of the time lately so I've not been engaging people. |
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By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
I've had two bi men who talked about regular meets but who lost interest when they realised that I was meeting other men. One of them clearly stated that he was looking for an exclusive relationship. The impression I had was that eventually he would be reinforce his demands with his fist. Very weird. I try to trust my spider-sense. The slightest niggle and I'm done. Sometimes I say something but equally sometimes I don't.
Interesting that people would be looking for exclusivity on a swinging site "
He didn't say but I'm guessing so he didn't have to use a condom! And he had a girlfriend! The mind boggles at the mental gymnastics. |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Just to put a spin on this Fluffy, what would you say YOUR red flags are that people see in you?
Like you, I've got a busy life and I get a lot of feedback that I'm not a big or regular messager, which is limiting apparently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"…..
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
"
Welcome to fab…
Also, those that don’t think of fab as fun. It’s not life and death, and real life is much more important than anything else. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
yes to all of the above and when they start telling me what I need it's soo annoying "
Or when you say no and they say ‘you need to do it with me babe, you’ll love it’ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I like mutual interest and energy but I don't want to feel like you're my partner haha. Constant need for attention, the constant communication about nothing, honestly by all means talk to me but don't fill my day with boring crap.
I'm not answering questions about previous meets or who I met the weekend and were they a sexual friend etc.
I don't want to feel that you're pushing me in anyway when I've made it clear I don't want to. I don't like insecurity, I'm not going to stroke your ego. I'm finding it harder and harder not find people full of the above.
My tolerance just seems to be zero a lot of the time lately so I've not been engaging people. "
Nail on head there! Ego stroking, go ask your mum not me |
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"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Do people actuall ask these questions
Yes they do, usually with a snarky undertone too "
None of their business good bye |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I try trust my gut instinct as its usually right, and when I don't listen it to it then says told you so lol
Red flag for me is a guy who says he only does safe sex, then photos and videos are of bareback. That and not be able to provide condoms for whatever reason. I do go prepared but to me them not been able to provide or been prepared means they want bb. I'll let this go if its a regular who usually has them but hasn't got them for some reason (like we used them all up having fun haha) xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Parent fixation/fantasies (as in lusting over one of theirs, or asking about mine).
Use of the titles "mummy" and "daddy" applied to themselves or me.
Baby talk."
Would that not be more of a kink mismatch? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just to put a spin on this Fluffy, what would you say YOUR red flags are that people see in you?
Like you, I've got a busy life and I get a lot of feedback that I'm not a big or regular messager, which is limiting apparently. "
Ooh I like it!
Similar actually, doesn’t message back consistently (busy), won’t meet at the drop of a hat (busy), won’t accommodate (don’t want to), won’t do phone calls all day every day (busy) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We tend to like abit of a chat first, I think your better at gauging what a persons like after abit of a chat. If they tend to jump straight into sex talk then we kinda use this as a flag. Also if they haven't read our profile (which is 9/10 guys). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"…..
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
Welcome to fab…
Also, those that don’t think of fab as fun. It’s not life and death, and real life is much more important than anything else. "
Oh fuck yeah, it’s absolutely not the be all and end all! |
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"Parent fixation/fantasies (as in lusting over one of theirs, or asking about mine).
Use of the titles "mummy" and "daddy" applied to themselves or me.
Baby talk.
Would that not be more of a kink mismatch?"
It maybe, but red flags raise in all of us for different reasons.
|
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Just to put a spin on this Fluffy, what would you say YOUR red flags are that people see in you?
Like you, I've got a busy life and I get a lot of feedback that I'm not a big or regular messager, which is limiting apparently.
Ooh I like it!
Similar actually, doesn’t message back consistently (busy), won’t meet at the drop of a hat (busy), won’t accommodate (don’t want to), won’t do phone calls all day every day (busy) "
Those flags are about as red as my underwear.
And I'm not wearing any....... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I try trust my gut instinct as its usually right, and when I don't listen it to it then says told you so lol
Red flag for me is a guy who says he only does safe sex, then photos and videos are of bareback. That and not be able to provide condoms for whatever reason. I do go prepared but to me them not been able to provide or been prepared means they want bb. I'll let this go if its a regular who usually has them but hasn't got them for some reason (like we used them all up having fun haha) xx"
So not taking their (or uour) sexual health seriously? Very good point! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We tend to like abit of a chat first, I think your better at gauging what a persons like after abit of a chat. If they tend to jump straight into sex talk then we kinda use this as a flag. Also if they haven't read our profile (which is 9/10 guys). "
Ah yes, the sex talk… then finish the wank and bugger off |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Parent fixation/fantasies (as in lusting over one of theirs, or asking about mine).
Use of the titles "mummy" and "daddy" applied to themselves or me.
Baby talk.
Would that not be more of a kink mismatch?
It maybe, but red flags raise in all of us for different reasons.
"
Fair point  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just to put a spin on this Fluffy, what would you say YOUR red flags are that people see in you?
Like you, I've got a busy life and I get a lot of feedback that I'm not a big or regular messager, which is limiting apparently.
Ooh I like it!
Similar actually, doesn’t message back consistently (busy), won’t meet at the drop of a hat (busy), won’t accommodate (don’t want to), won’t do phone calls all day every day (busy)
Those flags are about as red as my underwear.
And I'm not wearing any......."
I can’t think of anything else |
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"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Do people actuall ask these questions "
Yes!! I have had to tell people that it’s not fair to share details of what went on during a meet, social or otherwise, with another person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
So not taking their (or uour) sexual health seriously? Very good point!"
Exactly. Some want bareback, and I get that, but don't pretend to want something you don't just because you think it will make me fuck you, it won't. I state on my profile safe sex only, then get messages saying they want to fill me full of cum, erm no thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some of you ladies can be walking red flags too, just saying
What are the red flags you look out for in women? "
Simlar things tbh. Neediness (lots of messages withing a short period)
Jelousy is a big one........ And blowing hot and cold is a constant. I guess theres A LOT of choice for ladies on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Jealousy. One of my verifications is 'cam' (face timing a friend), but the person who provided the 'in person' verification wanted to know why I'd been on cam in the chat rooms (I haven't ever) and then what the veri said. When I said I was not displaying it she demanded I take hers down.
Now I prefer not to have verifications. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Some of you ladies can be walking red flags too, just saying
What are the red flags you look out for in women?
Simlar things tbh. Neediness (lots of messages withing a short period)
Jelousy is a big one........ And blowing hot and cold is a constant. I guess theres A LOT of choice for ladies on here"
I guess it’s a gender wide thing then, jealousy and constant communication! |
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*This is not a White Knight post*
Repeat above 3 times!
Personally I have not had any bad messages or messaging from females on here whatsoever. In fact I have had and continue to have great chats. There are no red flags to report.
Men know the ratio on here. It's competitive. I generally put the effort into messages and sometimes receive a simple 'lol' or emoji. I am generally happy enough with that as I appreciate you will be writing to a dozen or so (perhaps more) other guys. Guys better looking, wittier, more local and more to offer in many ways.
However, many men won't be happy with this and will push to compete, which is fine. But there is a line and it's when they move into 'pester mode' and become agitated and jealous as you naturally shift your priorities is when it becomes a problem. Until you block of course.It's rejection and some don't like it.
I would say that if loads of men write about red flags from single females on here they are either talking horse shit, they are the problem or very unlucky.
I am not a White Knight and I certainly don't ride with a red flag. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I look for quite a few red flags, but I don't want to list them and teach people how to play me.
I do also make allowances on some things as what one person could call a red flag another may see differently.
I think our life experiences and our insecurities will have has see red flags when in actual fact people are just human or we are jaded by a current mindset or emotion.
Though some right flags are downright obvious others are not always what they seem.
Do we not end up trying to find the perfect partner and end discarding perfectly good people at times in a question for perfection we don't really realise? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Jealousy. One of my verifications is 'cam' (face timing a friend), but the person who provided the 'in person' verification wanted to know why I'd been on cam in the chat rooms (I haven't ever) and then what the veri said. When I said I was not displaying it she demanded I take hers down.
Now I prefer not to have verifications."
Veris do seem to cause problems for some don’t they |
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"Jealousy. One of my verifications is 'cam' (face timing a friend), but the person who provided the 'in person' verification wanted to know why I'd been on cam in the chat rooms (I haven't ever) and then what the veri said. When I said I was not displaying it she demanded I take hers down.
Now I prefer not to have verifications."
That must be a nice predicament to have |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"*This is not a White Knight post*
Repeat above 3 times!
Personally I have not had any bad messages or messaging from females on here whatsoever. In fact I have had and continue to have great chats. There are no red flags to report.
Men know the ratio on here. It's competitive. I generally put the effort into messages and sometimes receive a simple 'lol' or emoji. I am generally happy enough with that as I appreciate you will be writing to a dozen or so (perhaps more) other guys. Guys better looking, wittier, more local and more to offer in many ways.
However, many men won't be happy with this and will push to compete, which is fine. But there is a line and it's when they move into 'pester mode' and become agitated and jealous as you naturally shift your priorities is when it becomes a problem. Until you block of course.It's rejection and some don't like it.
I would say that if loads of men write about red flags from single females on here they are either talking horse shit, they are the problem or very unlucky.
I am not a White Knight and I certainly don't ride with a red flag."
That’s an interesting perspective, so could these pushy men maybe not be so in real life because there’s less perceived competition in the pub or Tesco’s say? |
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"Very similar FC.
Jealousy or pushing to know what happened on other meets/club visits.
Saying I’ve not heard from you if I am busy and can’t message, ringing to chase up contact.
And asking about veris… ‘I see you met so and so yesterday, did you shag him?’ SMH
Do people actuall ask these questions
Yes!! I have had to tell people that it’s not fair to share details of what went on during a meet, social or otherwise, with another person. "
For me that’s just so bad |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I look for quite a few red flags, but I don't want to list them and teach people how to play me.
I do also make allowances on some things as what one person could call a red flag another may see differently.
I think our life experiences and our insecurities will have has see red flags when in actual fact people are just human or we are jaded by a current mindset or emotion.
Though some right flags are downright obvious others are not always what they seem.
Do we not end up trying to find the perfect partner and end discarding perfectly good people at times in a question for perfection we don't really realise?"
Very good points! Maybe we need to introduce pink flags, things that aren’t a problem to some but are to others, or things we’re willing to overlook at times? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I look for quite a few red flags, but I don't want to list them and teach people how to play me.
I do also make allowances on some things as what one person could call a red flag another may see differently.
I think our life experiences and our insecurities will have has see red flags when in actual fact people are just human or we are jaded by a current mindset or emotion.
Though some right flags are downright obvious others are not always what they seem.
Do we not end up trying to find the perfect partner and end discarding perfectly good people at times in a question for perfection we don't really realise?
Very good points! Maybe we need to introduce pink flags, things that aren’t a problem to some but are to others, or things we’re willing to overlook at times?"
Can I have a pink flag please?
With sequins?
|
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"*This is not a White Knight post*
Repeat above 3 times!
Personally I have not had any bad messages or messaging from females on here whatsoever. In fact I have had and continue to have great chats. There are no red flags to report.
Men know the ratio on here. It's competitive. I generally put the effort into messages and sometimes receive a simple 'lol' or emoji. I am generally happy enough with that as I appreciate you will be writing to a dozen or so (perhaps more) other guys. Guys better looking, wittier, more local and more to offer in many ways.
However, many men won't be happy with this and will push to compete, which is fine. But there is a line and it's when they move into 'pester mode' and become agitated and jealous as you naturally shift your priorities is when it becomes a problem. Until you block of course.It's rejection and some don't like it.
I would say that if loads of men write about red flags from single females on here they are either talking horse shit, they are the problem or very unlucky.
I am not a White Knight and I certainly don't ride with a red flag.
That’s an interesting perspective, so could these pushy men maybe not be so in real life because there’s less perceived competition in the pub or Tesco’s say?"
Yeah I tend to agree. In some cases probably nice enough guys in RL but can't come across as exceptional online due to competition. You can see the frustrations in the almost weekly posts of 'help needed meeting' etc.
Some of these guys are probably not in a position where they want to be or indeed have ever been and find it hard to deal with. In a pub or in Tesco's you can catch the eye, you can wear nice clothes, smell nice, offer to buy a drink, be seen to be laughing in a group, be tactile, generally appealing. Here you are a picture of silhouette and words. Some people cannot string words together and are disadvantaged slightly from the off.
A simple scan on the forums and you can generally tell the men who come across well, are happy, a safe pair of hands and women feel 'safe' with. Others try very hard and get nowhere. In RL they probably do well and feel a little entitled on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Love bombing.
50 Shades opened my eyes.....
Asking for exclusivity while racking up meets with others.
Emotional instability followed by this is not how I usually am... for the third time that week. |
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I generally chat to someone on text for a while before I even consider a social (mostly this is because my free time is crazy limited), always keep the chat PG because I don’t want to set expectations. I follow my gut a lot during those chats and get a general sense of whether or not we’d get on in person.
The rare time I’ve ignored a gut feeling it’s bitten me as I’m usually spot on. Anyway, to answer your question OP some of my red flags are:
Only able to message at certain times of day or specific days - attached or married
Wants to go straight to sex chat - wank bank
Constantly trying to call me rather than text - it’s just too much and sometimes feels like an invasion of my privacy
Being regularly aired or left on read - I’m an option not a choice (as Compy said)
|
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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
People who manage to contradict themselves on their profile.
For example, declaring oneself as a non-smoker and won't meet smokers and then posting a picture on your profile with a fag in your hand.
Or claiming to be 'laid back' and having a demanding, shouty profile.
I guess we all spot signs where something isn't quite right. Almost like a sixth sense |
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What we've found works for us is that we assume we're going to meet everyone who messages us.
Let's say they start at 100%, then let them show their true colours and drop down.
We don't tend to meet anyone who isn't 100%. We're not actually very fussy at all as long as they don't give us any bad vibes, but because we have so many decent guys who message us, there's no need for us to pick someone who isn't perfect.
|
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I like this question. I had a few green flags this morning which was nice. I try to consider positive signs too.
I don't think MH can always be completely separated from personality traits. Personality disorder being the most obvious example.
Personally, I don't mind if there's lots of contact. If the quality is there it's open communication then great. Quality is more important than quantity though.
My concern is when there's an unexplained qualitative shift in the relationship, which contradicts the boundaries you have agreed mutually.
I challenge it, you tell me we never had that agreement to begin with. Not cool with that.
If you own it, we have an open conversation then that's fine. Things change. We can potentially make that work. We won't be shacking up together though.
Quite simple with me. Open, honest communication. If there's a decision that affects me don't keep me in the dark about it. I will do the same.
I don't mind if people get jealous or a bit insecure, as long as they own it and can talk it out rather than play games. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I look for quite a few red flags, but I don't want to list them and teach people how to play me.
I do also make allowances on some things as what one person could call a red flag another may see differently.
I think our life experiences and our insecurities will have has see red flags when in actual fact people are just human or we are jaded by a current mindset or emotion.
Though some right flags are downright obvious others are not always what they seem.
Do we not end up trying to find the perfect partner and end discarding perfectly good people at times in a question for perfection we don't really realise?
Very good points! Maybe we need to introduce pink flags, things that aren’t a problem to some but are to others, or things we’re willing to overlook at times?
Can I have a pink flag please?
With sequins?
"
Tart |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've remembered that someone who wanted to meet me for a social indicated that I should have no lady garden. Actually a few men have been bossy about that before. They can get in the bin. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
"
If any of those happened to us on fab the block button would be pressed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Love bombing.
50 Shades opened my eyes.....
Asking for exclusivity while racking up meets with others.
Emotional instability followed by this is not how I usually am... for the third time that week."
Huge red flag that last one!! |
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Blowing hot and cold or going quiet then reappearing and thinking they can start where they left off.
Not wanting to meet for a social ,or saying I'm getting it all my way .I actually cancelled a meet for this year's ago on my single profile.
Agreeing to a social,then constantly trying to push for more.
Being derogatory about other women or telling me all about past meets in detail ,cos clearly they'd do same to me if they had chance.
Miss |
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"I think the pushy behaviour is the worry. We agree take time chatter see if you get on - not a dating site I know but we value our marriage and more importantly our safety
As you should! Pushy behaviour is such a turn off isn’t it "
For sure laughing comedy and sillies is well sexy haha - great post OP  |
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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago
London |
"Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
"
How many of these do I have? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Following on from Single Pringles thread about stability and my answer that mental stability is important to me when hunting victims on here, it made me think about red flags.
I’m not talking about mental illness or conditions here, I’m talking about personality traits that you’d pick up on and see as a red flag to going any further with someone.
For me personally, the reason I don’t rush into meets and jump onto penises is because I like to chat for a bit first and see if you’re a safe person to do things with.
So, what are your red flags behaviourally that would make you stop and think?
Mine are:
Jealousy (I see you’re talking to so and so, are you shagging them then?)
Badmouthing (such and such is a right dick, you know they’re doing xyz and everyone thinks they’re nasty?)
Constant contact (eleventy billion messages per day, some of us have jobs and need sleep )
Pushing for meets and getting arsy if you can’t/don’t want to
Pestering for phone calls/FaceTime (again, am not answering the phone when I’m busy and if I wanna be FaceTiming it’ll be when I’m prepared!)
How many of these do I have? "
Actually none. Weirdly |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I generally chat to someone on text for a while before I even consider a social (mostly this is because my free time is crazy limited), always keep the chat PG because I don’t want to set expectations. I follow my gut a lot during those chats and get a general sense of whether or not we’d get on in person.
The rare time I’ve ignored a gut feeling it’s bitten me as I’m usually spot on. Anyway, to answer your question OP some of my red flags are:
Only able to message at certain times of day or specific days - attached or married
Wants to go straight to sex chat - wank bank
Constantly trying to call me rather than text - it’s just too much and sometimes feels like an invasion of my privacy
Being regularly aired or left on read - I’m an option not a choice (as Compy said)
"
Absolutely get the invasion of privacy bit! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m really bad at noticing red flags
But I’d say one of the ones I notice is when people reduce you down to just a trait. Like I received a message yesterday saying that fucking a BBW was on his bucket list.. like hello, I’m an actual person and not just that. |
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