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Should I feel guilty for my feelings?
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Needed some advice on the forum if possible!
Basically been going through a bit of a battle in my head just lately, I’ve never cheated on my partner. And I love her very much and we’re very happy… however, especially lately I’ve been having serious thoughts that I wanted to sleep with another woman, no one in specific just really deep cravings for more. If that makes sense…
I really want to spend the rest of my life with her and I’m happy with her, I just don’t feel totally fulfilled sexually, I just really feel like I want more. I know this is terrible, and I feel terrible! I’ve never acted on it, but just of lately the thought becomes more and more tempting for me.
I’m not sure how to feel at the moment, was just after some advice from you guys! Should I feel guilt for these feelings, and is this something natural?
Thank you guys and girls, really appreciate it! |
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You say you've never acted on it but your here, sharing your cock with thousands behind her back, to me that's cheating.
Have you discussed this with her, can you come to some kind of solution together, you say you want to spend the rest of your life with her but your currently risking that by lying and cheating.
Have an actual conversation explaining what you want what you feel your missing and go from there.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know someone that would come and answer this and tell you not to do it.
Because they would tell you that'll lose everything. And they'd emphasize that as much as they possibly could.
I would back them up too.
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You shouldn't feel guilty for having feelings. Acting on them however is a different matter.
From what I read on here lots of men have overwhelming urges to either have sex with other women or see their partner have sex with other men. Unless their partner is willing to discuss the possibility the only option for the man is to leave the feelings as fantasy or act on them.
Have a chat with your partner, see if there are ways of making your mutual sex life more satisfying, maybe she's harbouring overwhelming desires too. |
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Thanks all.
All very valid points… think I’ve been quite immature and a bit impulsive and silly… I’ve had this profile for over a year as I had it a while ago before I met my partner while I was single. I’ve kept it running (possibly stupidly) but haven’t interacted really, and haven’t had any meets etc. just always been a part of me in the back of my head that can’t help feeling that way. I really appreciate the input though, and think I basically need to give my head a wobble and engage brain not cock basically… thank you all again!
I think I kind of answered my own question within the question tbh |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
You shouldn't feel guilty.
You should feel concerned.
People shouldn't use a feeling of guilt to stop them wanting to cheat on a partner.
You shouldn't want to cheat because you don't want to hurt them, not because you don't want to feel guilty. |
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Most of all you need to find a way to discuss it with your partner. There are loads of couples who have different sexual appetites.
Look for some books or podcasts on relationships for advice on how to approach the topic without causing hurt.
Hope you can work it out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Waiting for the inevitable double standards to arrive…. 
Interesting comment.
What double standards?"
The fabs double standards on cheating (whether emotional or physical), which depend heavily upon whether the guilty party is male or female. |
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"Thanks all.
All very valid points… think I’ve been quite immature and a bit impulsive and silly… I’ve had this profile for over a year as I had it a while ago before I met my partner while I was single. I’ve kept it running (possibly stupidly) but haven’t interacted really, and haven’t had any meets etc. just always been a part of me in the back of my head that can’t help feeling that way. I really appreciate the input though, and think I basically need to give my head a wobble and engage brain not cock basically… thank you all again!
I think I kind of answered my own question within the question tbh"
Ah, so the partnership is younger than the profile, that makes sense 
Have you tried introducing sexy fantasies into conversation, watching porn with threesomes etc, seeing how she reacts..... |
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"You shouldn't feel guilty.
You should feel concerned.
People shouldn't use a feeling of guilt to stop them wanting to cheat on a partner.
You shouldn't want to cheat because you don't want to hurt them, not because you don't want to feel guilty."
Sorry, this was my bad I didn’t word it correctly. It’s definitely because I don’t want to hurt her. Which is why I don’t think a conversation is something that can be had…
This is kind of the battle I’ve had within myself, I feel terrible for feeling that way, but I agree. Her feelings are the most important thing.
I’m usually pretty level headed ?? just think I needed a bit of clarity to pull me out of the fantasy world a lot of us guys have… |
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"Thanks all.
All very valid points… think I’ve been quite immature and a bit impulsive and silly… I’ve had this profile for over a year as I had it a while ago before I met my partner while I was single. I’ve kept it running (possibly stupidly) but haven’t interacted really, and haven’t had any meets etc. just always been a part of me in the back of my head that can’t help feeling that way. I really appreciate the input though, and think I basically need to give my head a wobble and engage brain not cock basically… thank you all again!
I think I kind of answered my own question within the question tbh
Ah, so the partnership is younger than the profile, that makes sense
Have you tried introducing sexy fantasies into conversation, watching porn with threesomes etc, seeing how she reacts....."
I’ve danced over the idea of a few things, but without sounding too harsh it’s just not something she’s into. She’s not as sexual with things like that as I am. Which is in no way her fault at all, I just don’t really see it as an option… but I do really appreciate the suggestion! |
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"Most of all you need to find a way to discuss it with your partner. There are loads of couples who have different sexual appetites.
Look for some books or podcasts on relationships for advice on how to approach the topic without causing hurt.
Hope you can work it out. "
This could be a good route to go down….
Thank you |
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You need to talk to her op
If you've only been together a couple of years and you're already feeling unfulfilled,it's not ideal.
Ask her if she has any fantasies she wants to try or if she'd consider attending a club maybe.
Be prepared that she might not want to do more ,so then you need to decide if you should stay with her ,because if the chance to cheat arose would you really turn it down.
Miss |
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I've said this many times to friends and probably on forums here. People massively undervalue the importance of sexual compatibility when forming a relationship. Would you date someone who had fundamentally different political views, or someone who insisted you turn vegan, or someone who insisted you didn't go to the pub because "alcohol was bad".
The reality is, if you're not sexually compatible, then they aren't the partner for you.
Society generally shames us for feeling like this. If you told your friends and family you didn't progress a relationship with someone you dated because they wanted you to turn vegan or wanted you to stop drinking alcohol, no one would batter an eyelid. Suggest to vanilla people you didn't progress a relationship because they weren't open minded and kinky in bed and you'd probably be told you were shallow and sex should be a bonus in a relationship and love is the most important thing, or other bullshit.
Sorry to say, but saying you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't make you feel sexually content is not someone you should be considering spending the rest of your life with.
You'll either be miserable, cheat or eventually break up, or most likely, a 3.
Cut your losses now and find someone who makes you happy and who you make happy as I'm pretty sure your partner wouldn't be happy you having an account on here. |
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"If a woman or a couple said they were up for fun with you, what would you do ?"
I think I’d definitely have an urge and a ‘want’ to, which I think I identify as the horny side of my brain.
The normal and more sensible side of my brain I don’t think I’d be able to actually go through with it, I think maybe I enjoy the thought of it more…
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So you’re only about a year into the relationship and you’ve got thoughts of having sex with others.
Regardless of anything else, that doesn’t sound like compatibility there at all.
Sex, to many, is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Incompatibility in this area from the start, will mean those thoughts will be hard to ever go away.
I’d be having a conversation with your partner first and seeing where this takes you but I sounds like you are just trying to convince yourself, currently.
K |
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"Needed some advice on the forum if possible!
Basically been going through a bit of a battle in my head just lately, I’ve never cheated on my partner. And I love her very much and we’re very happy… however, especially lately I’ve been having serious thoughts that I wanted to sleep with another woman, no one in specific just really deep cravings for more. If that makes sense…
I really want to spend the rest of my life with her and I’m happy with her, I just don’t feel totally fulfilled sexually, I just really feel like I want more. I know this is terrible, and I feel terrible! I’ve never acted on it, but just of lately the thought becomes more and more tempting for me.
I’m not sure how to feel at the moment, was just after some advice from you guys! Should I feel guilt for these feelings, and is this something natural?
Thank you guys and girls, really appreciate it!"
DNA it's coding in us men. |
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If you're here without her knowing then you're already being unfaithful.
If you aren't getting what you need from your relationship then you need to end it before coming to a site like this etc
You say you want to be with her but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't feel the same if finds out you're on fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Waiting for the inevitable double standards to arrive….
Interesting comment.
What double standards?
The fabs double standards on cheating (whether emotional or physical), which depend heavily upon whether the guilty party is male or female. "
Absolutely no double standards over here, both are as bad as each other in our eyes. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"You shouldn't feel guilty.
You should feel concerned.
People shouldn't use a feeling of guilt to stop them wanting to cheat on a partner.
You shouldn't want to cheat because you don't want to hurt them, not because you don't want to feel guilty.
Sorry, this was my bad I didn’t word it correctly. It’s definitely because I don’t want to hurt her. Which is why I don’t think a conversation is something that can be had…
This is kind of the battle I’ve had within myself, I feel terrible for feeling that way, but I agree. Her feelings are the most important thing.
I’m usually pretty level headed ?? just think I needed a bit of clarity to pull me out of the fantasy world a lot of us guys have…"
You're not alone, and it's quite common to feel how you do.
Many people feel the same way as you do, for many reasons.
Some have one off sex with strangers, some have friends with benefits, some have full blown affairs.
Some get it out of their system and carry on as if nothing happened.
Some leave and find someone they're happier with.
Some have a chat and go swinging.
You have to find out which one you are.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Needed some advice on the forum if possible!
Basically been going through a bit of a battle in my head just lately, I’ve never cheated on my partner. And I love her very much and we’re very happy… however, especially lately I’ve been having serious thoughts that I wanted to sleep with another woman, no one in specific just really deep cravings for more. If that makes sense…
I really want to spend the rest of my life with her and I’m happy with her, I just don’t feel totally fulfilled sexually, I just really feel like I want more. I know this is terrible, and I feel terrible! I’ve never acted on it, but just of lately the thought becomes more and more tempting for me.
I’m not sure how to feel at the moment, was just after some advice from you guys! Should I feel guilt for these feelings, and is this something natural?
Thank you guys and girls, really appreciate it!
DNA it's coding in us men."
Women feel the same way too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Here is my pov op.
You love her very much, keep your love with her. Infidelity in a relationship is not good.
Talk to her, tell her everything you are feeling. Wanting sex with others has to be mutual understanding in a relationship. Talk about your sex life to your gp if you feel comfortable talking to them but tell your partner you seeking further advice. |
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Perfect. Thanks again everyone for input…
All really valid and taken on board.
Think sometimes the horny in me gets the better of me and I run away with fantasy thoughts…
I think even if I found a partner who meets my sexual needs completely I’d feel the same.
I agree not to act on impulse and what I have with her is worth much more. I think maybe a chat is in order for sure… how to approach it I’m not sure, but thank you again all!
Think maybe a bit of post nut clarity may help me too lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk to her about it and explain how you feel. This can be scary but, if she means this much to you, you will want to and need to be honest with her. You never know she may surprise you and have some ideas herself to spice things up a bit, whatever they may be.
Just be honest, it saves a world of hurt. No one wants to be lied to, be it outright lies or lies of omission. But top tip of the day....if do play separately with each others knowledge or even introduce someone else to the bedroom together, show her through your actions AND words that she still has so much importance to you. It saves a LOT of hurt and misconceptions. |
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If that were me in that situation. I would ask myself a simple question.
Do I fell guilty because she would be upset if she knew?
I think a lot of people, no I know a lot of people convince themselves they avoid the conversation because they 'don't want to hurt' their partner. When in reality they are protecting their own interests as they don't want to lose that partner.
I would ask myself the tough questions and then talk openly with my partner. Don't take it to her as a jumbled mess though, it's not fair to drop a bomb and then ask her to pick it apart and help you work your mind out for you.
Tough conversations are often the important ones to have. |
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My partner and I are so in love that we let each other, do anything we want.
It wasn’t always like this, but this swinging life is definitely part of us now.
As much as it might hurt you that feeling won’t go away and you need to talk to your partner and be honest.
You could try to spice up your own relationship I know that can work.
Otherwise, you will only end up cheating anyway 
I hope it turns out okay for you, and I hope you both have a cheeky side. If not, I can promise you now your relationship will struggle with your feelings.
Good luck and just be honest. Dont be afraid to lose her be more afraid to hurt her feelings by cheating. Im sure she deserves honesty xx |
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"Ps.
I completely forgot my profile picture was on display… my bad totally ?????????
Made myself look the right hypocrite there didn’t I! "
I'm pleased your seeing sense especially if this is the person you want to spend your life with.
Rather than think about engaging with someone else why not try engage in more stuff with her, explain you want to keep it exciting and sex is a large part of that for you, sex doesn't need to become mundane, switch things up, discuss fantasies, have nights just for foreplay and nothing more.
The grass isn't always greener, a quick usually bad fuck isn't worth loosing the person you want to spend your life with.
Mrs |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Do you feel totally fulfilled in every other aspect of your life apart from sex with your partner ? And to resolve those other areas do you become disloyal to friends, colleagues and family
I would advise to pause, leave here.
Take time to understand what’s going on ,
Then figure why it’s going on,
Then decide what to do , maybe come back here then
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's fairly normal to have small crushes and fleeting thoughts even if you're in a relationship. But deep desires that you obsess over? I don't think that's natural. And I think it would mean there's something you need to figure out within your relationship. Have you even tried finding a solution with your partner? Maybe seeing what else you could both explore sexually? You need to have a serious think about why you feel like this. Are you just being greedy and unrealistic or is something missing from your relationship? It's good to remember the grass isn't always greener. I know you say you've never cheated on your partner, but even being on here without her knowledge would be a huge betrayal. I would speak to her as openly as possible to see if that gives you any kind of answers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Waiting for the inevitable double standards to arrive….
Interesting comment.
What double standards?
The fabs double standards on cheating (whether emotional or physical), which depend heavily upon whether the guilty party is male or female.
Absolutely no double standards over here, both are as bad as each other in our eyes."
That’s why I said ‘the fabs double standards’ and not anyone specific |
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"Take her away somewhere and have a frank and open talk....it will be painful for both of you but she and you need to know whats happening "
Taking a partner away to have a conversation you know they may not like and want to walk away from is very toxic. You're literally saying, take her away so it's more difficult for her to walk away because that's what you expect she might want.  |
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Some people would consider putting on cam shows for other people cheating in their relationships.
Do you know your partner wouldn't be hurt to know that had been happening? Or that you were thinking about actually physically acting on it?
Informed, enthusiastic consent is important. If you keep things from your partner because you know it would hurt then, you're preventing them from making informed decisions on their own life and future. |
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"Take her away somewhere and have a frank and open talk....it will be painful for both of you but she and you need to know whats happening
Taking a partner away to have a conversation you know they may not like and want to walk away from is very toxic. You're literally saying, take her away so it's more difficult for her to walk away because that's what you expect she might want. "
We quite often take ourselves out of our domestic environment to have difficult of frank conversations it can help to be somewhere neutral but I understand your point of view |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How long have you been feeling like this OP? Is it just a thought that crept into your mind or something long term?
While I agree some can live a normal life without having "their needs met" (I don't mean that the way it reads) I am a true believer in you only have one life and if this is a thought that had crossed your mind for a while and it's not going away you maybe might need to re-evaluate your relationship with your partner.
While sex isn't everything and for some people it isn't, for the most part having that connection with the person you want to spend the rest of your life, is quite huge and ultimately might become a problem further on.
Follow the advice from others above about maybe introducing sexy chat etc and go from there
Danish x |
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"Think sometimes the horny in me gets the better of me and I run away with fantasy thoughts… "
You’d do well to take responsibility for your urges. There is no separate entity inside you driving you to do anything. It’s all YOU.
And remember: choices + actions = consequences
You are free to make any choice you like, but you are not free to avoid the consequences of those choices. |
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"Think sometimes the horny in me gets the better of me and I run away with fantasy thoughts…
You’d do well to take responsibility for your urges. There is no separate entity inside you driving you to do anything. It’s all YOU.
And remember: choices + actions = consequences
You are free to make any choice you like, but you are not free to avoid the consequences of those choices. "
I very much agree with this |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
The grass isn’t always greener you know. And it’s all fun and games until the partner finds out.
I guess it depends on how much you have to lose and whether meaningless sex with others is more important to you than your feelings for your partner. If the sex is more important then maybe try being single for a bit. |
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"Take her away somewhere and have a frank and open talk....it will be painful for both of you but she and you need to know whats happening
Taking a partner away to have a conversation you know they may not like and want to walk away from is very toxic. You're literally saying, take her away so it's more difficult for her to walk away because that's what you expect she might want.
We quite often take ourselves out of our domestic environment to have difficult of frank conversations it can help to be somewhere neutral but I understand your point of view "
Absolutely, but that, I presume, is with both of your full knowledge why you're going away. Very different to what I feel the PP suggested of offering a nice weekend away and then springing this on her. |
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"Some people would consider putting on cam shows for other people cheating in their relationships.
Do you know your partner wouldn't be hurt to know that had been happening? Or that you were thinking about actually physically acting on it?
Informed, enthusiastic consent is important. If you keep things from your partner because you know it would hurt then, you're preventing them from making informed decisions on their own life and future."
This ^^
Hiding something that may affect the other persons choices, especially whether to be with me. It's not for me, it's a matter of self-respect as much as it is respect for my partner. |
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"Take her away somewhere and have a frank and open talk....it will be painful for both of you but she and you need to know whats happening
Taking a partner away to have a conversation you know they may not like and want to walk away from is very toxic. You're literally saying, take her away so it's more difficult for her to walk away because that's what you expect she might want.
We quite often take ourselves out of our domestic environment to have difficult of frank conversations it can help to be somewhere neutral but I understand your point of view
Absolutely, but that, I presume, is with both of your full knowledge why you're going away. Very different to what I feel the PP suggested of offering a nice weekend away and then springing this on her."
I think you probably need to be at a stage in your relationship where difficult conversations aren't a threat. |
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"Waiting for the inevitable double standards to arrive….
Interesting comment.
What double standards?
The fabs double standards on cheating (whether emotional or physical), which depend heavily upon whether the guilty party is male or female.
Absolutely no double standards over here, both are as bad as each other in our eyes.
That’s why I said ‘the fabs double standards’ and not anyone specific"
It's not about gender, it's about the person themselves and their posts.
OP here is being honest, calm, recognises there is a problem and as a result is getting good advice and not really much condemnation.
Many people don't do that, they just want to have cheating condoned and get angry when it isn't. |
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you should probably be honest with her
I read somewhere that men are, by nature, aparently unable to stay with the same partner all their life... spreading ones seed far and wide ensures mankind will go on and so fourth... but Im not sure its true of all men
but if you value your relationship then no secrets no lies is the only way to go |
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"Take her away somewhere and have a frank and open talk....it will be painful for both of you but she and you need to know whats happening
Taking a partner away to have a conversation you know they may not like and want to walk away from is very toxic. You're literally saying, take her away so it's more difficult for her to walk away because that's what you expect she might want.
We quite often take ourselves out of our domestic environment to have difficult of frank conversations it can help to be somewhere neutral but I understand your point of view
Absolutely, but that, I presume, is with both of your full knowledge why you're going away. Very different to what I feel the PP suggested of offering a nice weekend away and then springing this on her.
I think you probably need to be at a stage in your relationship where difficult conversations aren't a threat. "
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